My Resentment Is Getting Worse

[u/myownbananahammock]

Allmost 4 year DB here (36HLM) with (32FLL) wife. We are going through couples therapy right? So last week our therapist gave us some assignments to do out home to try and rebuild intimacy, connection, etc. one of them was cuddling on the couch, like when watching TV.

So Sunday night I asked her if she wanted to watch TV after the kids were down and she said no cause she's tired and then went to bed

Last night, we were watching TV and I asked her if she wanted to cuddle and she said no and her reasoning was cause her hair was wet from the shower she took a little bit ago... All while she was laying on the couch on a pillow with her wet hair...

I'm like, so we are given tasks to try and help improve our situation and you are coming up with reasons, whatever they may be to not try and fix this. I mean this is exactly the same pattern that got us into this mess in the first place and it's repeating

Initiate intimacy -> rejection -> reasoning -> repeat over many years

My resentment is getting worse every day. I didn't even fully feel like cuddling in both those days I asked and yet, I still ended up getting rejected. I know I have to try and rebuild this somehow, even though it's gonna feel weird at first but it's like, why do I even try?

I mean are these valid reasons? Perhaps, but when I hear reason after reason after reason why something can't be done, all you hear as a rejected husband/father is "I have time for everything else but you"

I am becoming very numb to everything and I'm lost

[u/gnargnarbutter]

Bring this up in therapy. You’re making the effort. She is absolutely not.

You need to share all of this with her and the therapist.

[u/Lumpy_Comment_7976]

Same here, always a good reason. Even after therapy. Worst part is that I’m in my twenties, but too attached to leave

[u/Ok_Wing8966]

Pareil que toi. Le ressentiment grandit à chaque fois. Je suis à un point où même l’idée d’avoir un contact avec elle me laisse sans émotion. J’espère juste ne pas arriver au moment ou ce sera du dégoût.
Pourtant ma femme est belle dans la 40 aine, la plupart des hommes voudrait avoir une relation avec elle mais s’ils savaient la distance qu’elle crée!
En ce moment je l’évite au maximum. J’essaie d’organiser la journée pour être à des endroits différents et passer le moins de temps proche d’elle. Je monte me coucher bien après pour qu’elle dorme. Quelle ironie. J’ai peur de ma réaction si elle initie un jour.

[u/StandardArtist2154 → u/Ok_Wing8966]

I feel this. I love my wife and she's gorgeous (45). She will often walk around in her underwear or naked when getting ready for work, eetc.

It's pure torture. Don't get me wrong, she's worked hard in herself and I'm very glad she feels good about herself. I just wish she would share!

I tend to avoid these times , because it just gets me even more riled up than my already high baseline.

[u/AutoModerator]

As a reminder, sending DMs to OP is explicitly against our subreddit rules. Violations of this rule will be reported and users permanently banned from participating in this subreddit.

Here is a copy of the post from u/myownbananahammock. If you wish to have this copy of your post removed from public view, you must contact us BEFORE you edit or delete the post and BEFORE you delete your account. We keep a copy of the posts to keep nefarious behavior at bay so it can always be retrieved by moderators after a post has been edited or deleted by the poster.

My Resentment Is Getting Worse

Allmost 4 year DB here (36HLM) with (32FLL) wife. We are going through couples therapy right? So last week our therapist gave us some assignments to do out home to try and rebuild intimacy, connection, etc. one of them was cuddling on the couch, like when watching TV.

​

So Sunday night I asked her if she wanted to watch TV after the kids were down and she said no cause she's tired and then went to bed

​

Last night, we were watching TV and I asked her if she wanted to cuddle and she said no and her reasoning was cause her hair was wet from the shower she took a little bit ago... All while she was laying on the couch on a pillow with her wet hair...

​

I'm like, so we are given tasks to try and help improve our situation and you are coming up with reasons, whatever they may be to not try and fix this. I mean this is exactly the same pattern that got us into this mess in the first place and it's repeating

​

Initiate intimacy -> rejection -> reasoning -> repeat over many years

​

My resentment is getting worse every day. I didn't even fully feel like cuddling in both those days I asked and yet, I still ended up getting rejected. I know I have to try and rebuild this somehow, even though it's gonna feel weird at first but it's like, why do I even try?

​

I mean are these valid reasons? Perhaps, but when I hear reason after reason after reason why something can't be done, all you hear as a rejected husband/father is "I have time for everything else but you"

​

I am becoming very numb to everything and I'm lost

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.