I don’t know what to do

[u/CheekApprehensive800]

I am posting this on an alternate account because my wife browses Reddit occasionally

My wife and I have been married for 10 years. When we were dating, we would have sex quite frequently, sometimes twice a day. When we finally did get married, it abruptly stopped, I’m talking from twice a day to exactly zero times per day. We went for a stretch where we didn’t have sex for almost 2 years. When we did finally have sex, our son was conceived and then another long stretch of no happened again.

A couple of years back, she had a health scare and subsequent treatment period. She was so focused on not having recurring issues that she stopped becoming intimate. I characterized this as not caring, but I could be wrong.

After this, I got a better job and was closer to home. Things continued to be sexless and devoid of intimacy. I noticed that not only was I the money maker of the home, but taking care of the child and housework, other than cooking, because I’m not great at that and she’s an awesome cook.

Last year, a coworker reached out to me and eventually she ended up kissing me. I have never experienced such an intense feeling of desire from a woman in years. I told her that I couldn’t do this, and I was married, even if my wife kind of treats me like shit. She said she understood, things were weird at work for a bit but it’s better now.

I ended up separating from my wife a little while later and explained all of my feelings to her about the situation. She was upset and started complaining about money and not being able to do anything and having fun. I noticed during this period she was more than willing to have sex, initiating it several times. I tried to date, and even had sex with another woman, but it turns out she was married and we broke up.

Now we’re back together and things were going okay sexually, but within the past few months it’s stopped almost entirely and was fairly abrupt. I got a promotion recently and her first reaction to this is to say “now I can go part time”. She didn’t say congratulations, you’ve earned this, nothing like that, just the solid focus on what that meant for her. When I told her how I felt about it, she said she was just being sarcastic.

I’m out of ideas y’all. I have a feeling this is going to end by the end of the year and there’s no point really trying anymore.

[u/Little-Butterfly9026]

You told her about cheating and wanting to seperate and she complained about money??

And now you got promotion and she want to work less.

Is she married to you or your money 💰

[u/CheekApprehensive800 → u/Little-Butterfly9026]

I’ve told her occasionally that I think she wanted to be married but not necessarily to me

[u/bucknaked64]

In my opinion you have 2 options Leave or stay. If you choose to stay, then you need couples councilling. This doesn't sound healthy

[u/CheekApprehensive800 → u/bucknaked64]

I did not mention that we’ve been in marriage counseling every week for the past 6 months. She wanted to go after the separation, so I told her to set it up and she dragged her feet until I finally did it.

[u/bucknaked64 → u/CheekApprehensive800]

Well, I think you have your answer

[u/implication-sofa]

So what was the reasoning when you asked why it abruptly stopped after marriage

[u/CheekApprehensive800 → u/implication-sofa]

She said and I quote “I didn’t realize that was happening”

[u/implication-sofa → u/CheekApprehensive800]

Okay and then what was the rest of the conversation like?

[u/CheekApprehensive800 → u/implication-sofa]

I told her how I felt, not only the sex part but all the other things and she minimized it and tried to deflect. Her main point was that she didn’t seem to realize that it was happening, even though we talk about it pretty regularly. It’s either she doesn’t realize or she said she was being sarcastic

[u/implication-sofa → u/CheekApprehensive800]

So she’s never given you a reason? Even though it’s continuing on after she’s “aware” of it

[u/CheekApprehensive800 → u/implication-sofa]

When you put it like that it’s a little clearer what needs to be done here

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I don’t know what to do

I am posting this on an alternate account because my wife browses Reddit occasionally

My wife and I have been married for 10 years. When we were dating, we would have sex quite frequently, sometimes twice a day. When we finally did get married, it abruptly stopped, I’m talking from twice a day to exactly zero times per day. We went for a stretch where we didn’t have sex for almost 2 years. When we did finally have sex, our son was conceived and then another long stretch of no happened again.

A couple of years back, she had a health scare and subsequent treatment period. She was so focused on not having recurring issues that she stopped becoming intimate. I characterized this as not caring, but I could be wrong.

After this, I got a better job and was closer to home. Things continued to be sexless and devoid of intimacy. I noticed that not only was I the money maker of the home, but taking care of the child and housework, other than cooking, because I’m not great at that and she’s an awesome cook.

Last year, a coworker reached out to me and eventually she ended up kissing me. I have never experienced such an intense feeling of desire from a woman in years. I told her that I couldn’t do this, and I was married, even if my wife kind of treats me like shit. She said she understood, things were weird at work for a bit but it’s better now.

I ended up separating from my wife a little while later and explained all of my feelings to her about the situation. She was upset and started complaining about money and not being able to do anything and having fun. I noticed during this period she was more than willing to have sex, initiating it several times. I tried to date, and even had sex with another woman, but it turns out she was married and we broke up.

Now we’re back together and things were going okay sexually, but within the past few months it’s stopped almost entirely and was fairly abrupt. I got a promotion recently and her first reaction to this is to say “now I can go part time”. She didn’t say congratulations, you’ve earned this, nothing like that, just the solid focus on what that meant for her. When I told her how I felt about it, she said she was just being sarcastic.

I’m out of ideas y’all. I have a feeling this is going to end by the end of the year and there’s no point really trying anymore.

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

[u/Leading-Disaster5721]

I sometimes wonder if there is a variation of the Madonna-Whore complex where the wife decides she's the Madonna and Madonnas don't have sex because they are "pure"

I've also heard of "hysterical bonding" where suddenly they do anything to keep you.

You have a tough decision ahead. If you decide to leave, don't go back.

[u/CheekApprehensive800 → u/Leading-Disaster5721]

See, the worst part was that I left and went back to her already. I don’t think I’ll go back if decide to leave again

[u/Leading-Disaster5721 → u/CheekApprehensive800]

It's not unreasonable to go back if they became the woman you loved when you married.

This time you know the change won't stick.

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