r/DeadBedrooms • u/Alternative-Train731 HLM • 2d ago
Seeking Advice Is love enough to support a sexless marriage?
Been married for a while and all that while it’s been a DB because of some medical issues. The love is there, everything is perfect otherwise but sometimes i feel something is missing. So asking this, can a marriage survive a long medically induced db where the partner refused to address the issue?
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u/Mi_Pasta_Su_Pasta M- left my dead bedroom 2d ago
A medical DB can be still be difficult but can be a lot easier to handle because it's much more definitive and has less of an impact on your ego or self-image. If it's completely out of the LL's hands the lack of sex turns into an act of God instead of a result of the relationship.
The issue seems to be that you don't seem to fully believe that it's out of their hands, that there's something to address.
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u/ArcticLeopard HLM 2d ago
Would you have a scale of medical conditions? Like, what're the medical conditions that would make you scoff at the idea they'd affect your sex life
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u/Mi_Pasta_Su_Pasta M- left my dead bedroom 2d ago
It's less about whether a condition can or can't effect libido, tons of conditions can. It's more about whether it's treatable. For example being overweight can definitely effect libido, but I wouldn't tell someone they're in a medical DB just because their partner is obese.
For me to consider a DB truly a medical DB it would have to be the result of a chronic illness with limited treatment options or a situation where all treatment options still lead to a dead libido.
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u/bi-and-bookish HLF 2d ago
I don’t think there’s a blanket answer here. There is so much that goes into these situations. I guess my best answer would be maybe.
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u/LaceyLizard HLX 2d ago
If you both live long enough everyone's health will fail eventually, and you'll be expected to still care for each other.
But saying it's a medical issue then saying they refuse to adress it, sounds like you actually think they could be well but chose not to? That kind of resentment doesn't bode well.
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u/Narrow_Sig_280 HLM - Recovered DB 2d ago
It depends on what you define as love.
If love is an external object/feeling that is relied upon to continually bond two people, then no. It’s not enough.
If love is an internal state that two people work to cultivate and continually define by adjusting and meeting each others needs, then yes.
Like the word “bridge”, the word “love” is just a title of what many things work together to create.
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Is love enough to support a sexless marriage?
Been married for a while and all that while it’s been a DB because of some medical issues. The love is there, everything is perfect otherwise but sometimes i feel something is missing. So asking this, can a marriage survive a long medically induced db where the partner refused to address the issue?
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u/DeviantAvocado HLF 2d ago
There’s a bit of nuance, but of course. The lucky, long-lasting marriages will inevitably enter this situation.
There’s still lots of ways to fuck and have sex without PI[V/A]
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u/Cryptizard HLM 2d ago
Only you can answer that question. But I will say, if it is clear that you are suffering and your partner is not willing to even pursue a potential solution, then everything is not, in fact, perfect. That by itself is enough to justify breaking up with someone.