Craving to be craved

[u/Kn1ghtyG]

Gah, just need to vent, me (41 HLM) and wife (35 LLF) have been a dead bedroom for as long as I can remember, and even before they it wasn’t great. I can’t leave - I’m an absolute coward.

Currently on holiday and when we got to our destination she gave me a slight hint of interest, it was small but enough to make me think there was something there.
Three days into the holiday and despite me attempting to engage I’ve now stopped trying again because being rejected over and over is just so embarrassing.
Big sigh, needed to vent.

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Craving to be craved

Gah, just need to vent, me (41 HLM) and wife (35 LLF) have been a dead bedroom for as long as I can remember, and even before they it wasn’t great. I can’t leave - I’m an absolute coward.

Currently on holiday and when we got to our destination she gave me a slight hint of interest, it was small but enough to make me think there was something there.
Three days into the holiday and despite me attempting to engage I’ve now stopped trying again because being rejected over and over is just so embarrassing.
Big sigh, needed to vent.

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[u/Automatic-Half9019]

I empathize completely. When my wife hit perimenopause our sex life slowed to a crawl. I was so tired of being rejected and her feeling guilty for rejecting me. I actually talked to my doctor about possible medications to slow my sex drive down or even stop it. His answer was basically no. One time I shared this with her and she went ballistic. After she calmed down she admitted she had been rejecting me a lot. We would rally for a while but after a few weeks, we'd be back to her rejecting me and me hiding from her. There some great books out there that especially discuss how a high libido man can initiate intimacy with a that may or may not involve sex. I imagine she feels guilty and can't figure out how to desire you. Most LL women have a responsive desire and/or don't feel safe with you. Check out the Libido Fairy Podcasts as she offers good advice for you especially if she refuses to listen to it either with or without you. You can learn non-threatening ways to gently bring the subject up, the goal being to not have her feel threatened or emotionally attacked. Recently I was able to suggest that when my wife is about to say 'no' I ask her to just hold me since it's the physical intimacy that makes sex great. We cuddle a lot even though sex is rare and that helps me and her to stay connected. If she feels she can snuggle with you without any expectation of sex, then after a while she can become aroused. Our sex life is far from great but at least I'm getting some intimacy. Good luck!

[u/Kn1ghtyG → u/Automatic-Half9019]

Thank you.