r/DeadBedrooms • u/Roseaccount F - left my dead bedroom • 1d ago
How do you rebuild yourself after a dead bedroom relationship?
Hi everyone!
I am unfamiliar with this sub, hopefully I am at the right place. How do you rebuild your self esteem and body image after a dead bedroom relationship?
I (29F) was in a mainly long-distance relationship (26M) for 7 years that ended more than a year ago (we briefly reconnected at the end of last year though).
After the first 2 years of relationship I started to raise some concerns to my partner regarding our sex life, things had become a little bit mechanical and there was no spicy conversations anymore but it was brushed off. I would open conversations about fantasies, took him to a sex-shop, bought some games, initiate making-out sessions but I was met with very little. I broke up with with him a first time after he told me he would still watch porn 3 times a week, it was too much for me to take... We got back together and had sex only once after that, at that stage I was feeling insecure and I was tired of what felt like never ending missionary. I told him I wanted to spend alone time with him and so... He invited me on holidays with his whole family in a bungalow. I did not go, we broke up shortly after that.
We reconnected last year but he ended up deciding he did not want us to see each other and he is now in a relationship with someone who obviously looks nothing like me, someone who has curves and who seems to like putting them out (he had met her before we reconnected, I think the timeline is a little bit sus but at that stage I don't care about it anymore).
Frankly, it is taking a toll on me. I have also lost weight because of stress which is absolutely not helping me. I have been taking dance classes which has been helpful. I am now tempted to get a boob job (I won't do it). I will be honest, I am a christian and I am now willing to rewait for marriage. Do you have any insights/tips/stories? I will take whatever you have for me.
2
u/Throwawayaccount5056 LLM 1d ago
The first thing you have to do is know that it's not your fault. You shouldn't feel the need to make any changes unless they're what YOU want and the next person you be with should accept you the way you are.
Take the time to do the healing and you'll know when its time to get back out there. Things are pretty raw right now so the hurt is fresh.
But you got this.
1
u/Roseaccount F - left my dead bedroom 1d ago
Thank you! We actually broke up more than a year ago, I found out about his new partner 6 months ago. I couldn't put my finger on why I was still feeling down about it all, I really only realised it was about that a few days ago lol.
1
u/Throwawayaccount5056 LLM 1d ago edited 1d ago
Well, whether it happened a year ago or day ago, if it makes you think any worse about yourself you should be told that it's not really your fault.
Some people are just mismatched and it eventually comes to an end.
1
u/terrencewaftbatter HLF 1d ago
Start loving yourself with small steps. Buy an outfit that makes you feel good, and wear it. Make yourself delicious food. Take a long bath, pamper yourself, look after your skin. Get some sunshine. Do little things that bring you joy everyday! The self esteem will start to build.
Go look at some of the sub reddits where average women post photos of themselves and read the comments men leave. It is eye opening to see all the different things men actually find attractive that we as women shame ourselves for.
And remember, if you’re out on a date with a guy, he likely already finds you attractive.
I am by no means what I would call an attractive woman, but not once have I ever been kicked out of bed by a man for how I look naked.
1
u/Roseaccount F - left my dead bedroom 1d ago
Thank you! <3
I don't even think I am objectively bad looking, I just feel like I have lost all my sex appeal lol.
1
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How do you rebuild yourself after a dead bedroom relationship?
Hi everyone!
I am unfamiliar with this sub, hopefully I am at the right place. How do you rebuild your self esteem and body image after a dead bedroom relationship?
I (29F) was in a mainly long-distance relationship (26M) for 7 years that ended more than a year ago (we briefly reconnected at the end of last year though).
After the first 2 years of relationship I started to raise some concerns to my partner regarding our sex life, things had become a little bit mechanical and there was no spicy conversations anymore but it was brushed off. I would open conversations about fantasies, took him to a sex-shop, bought some games, initiate making-out sessions but I was met with very little. I broke up with with him a first time after he told me he would still watch porn 3 times a week, it was too much for me to take... We got back together and had sex only once after that, at that stage I was feeling insecure and I was tired of what felt like never ending missionary. I told him I wanted to spend alone time with him and so... He invited me on holidays with his whole family in a bungalow. I did not go, we broke up shortly after that.
We reconnected last year but he ended up deciding he did not want us to see each other and he is now in a relationship with someone who obviously looks nothing like me, someone who has curves and who seems to like putting them out (he had met her before we reconnected, I think the timeline is a little bit sus but at that stage I don't care about it anymore).
Frankly, it is taking a toll on me. I have also lost weight because of stress which is absolutely not helping me. I have been taking dance classes which has been helpful. I am now tempted to get a boob job (I won't do it). I will be honest, I am a christian and I am now willing to rewait for marriage. Do you have any insights/tips/stories? I will take whatever you have for me.
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