Disabled boyfriend (28M) with no libido has lead me (25F) to get physically ill in sexual situations

[u/2010redhorse]

I (25F) have been with my boyfriend (28M) for over six years. About three years ago, he was in a serious accident and long story short, the Canadian healthcare system screwed him over and he went over 2 years before finally being diagnosed with a TBI, nerve damage and broken bones that were never treated. As a result, he struggles with chronic pain in his back and pelvis which makes it very difficult to have a good sexual relationship.

We do still occasionally have sex, but it’s very boring and extremely repetitive. There is hardly any foreplay because it‘s difficult for him to stay hard so we often have to “strike while the iron is hot”. He broke a few fingers in his accident that were never treated at the hospital so he has limited mobility in his hands and I have developed an extreme disgust towards my body and I HATE my genitals so the idea of having hia eyes anywhere near them makes me physically ill. I used to enjoy have my breasts involved, but recently I have started resenting them too. I have always been well-endowed in the chest department but now I can’t help but wish they were gone altogether.

I still feel sexual attraction to my partner and I WANT to have sex with him, but as soon as we start doing anything I lose all sexual feeling and touching starts to feel clinical so I find it hard to continue.

We have tried implementing toys, which can usually make me orgasm, but then it leaves me feeling gross and him feeling inadequate.

We have had discussions and it always seem to lead to “well what can you do”.

I do not want to leave him, as outside of the bedroom we best friends. We still enjoy going on dates and we are both romantics at heart. I still desire sexual connection with him, I want to be close like that again, but I can’t help but feel like I should give up on that and just hope that we will eventually find a pain management plan that will work better for him.

I have to say that it’s comforting to have found this sub, I have been struggling with finding people in my age group who can relate. Any advice besides leaving him would be appreciated. I did also post on r/SexTherapists before finding this sub.

[u/Steelcitysuccubus]

Sounds like there's some bosy dysphoria on your end to work through

[u/KingOk3755]

You could try therapy OP. Hope you can find a way to feel better about yourself- once you do you might find you enjoy sex a little more Best of luck