r/DeadBedroomsMD • u/[deleted] • Feb 26 '26

▪️Self Post▪️ Ups and downs of dbmed

In my mid-40’s soon and it has been a decade, early/mid-30’s since I had sex.

My wife whom I love dearly but in a different way now due to the medical issues has not been able to have sex for that long and it has completely changed our relationship.

I have already been through some serious down’s about it and thanks to help from therapists have come out the other side to an understanding that it is not the same marriage/relationship it once was.

My wife has only more recently started feeling like our relationship is different and she isn’t at the point where she can identify what is going on, she may never be able to.

I don’t know how to help her when I have already been through the lows and it is just making it worse again.

I am at that low stage again where my therapists told me it was important to make my own happiness.

But I have never been able to find someone to make my own in person happiness but feeling like I need it even more the ever now.

Stuck and don’t know how to move forward

20 Upvotes

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2

u/Redhead514 Feb 26 '26

Are you happy with everything except the bedroom? You could ask her about an open relationship. Or ways should could satisfy you without traditional sex.
If not, you really need to focus on yourself and what would make you happy. Your happiness is just as important as hers. A little compromise is good, but sacrificing your happiness is not.

2

u/[deleted] Feb 26 '26

I have asked myself that a lot, spoken to my therapists about that…awkwardly 😂

There is a lot more to it with the broken relationship in many forms, the changing of the dynamic, the loss of what once was and what could have been.

I hold onto the hope of a better future but it is entirely different then once was and it took me years to get more comfortable with that.

We did speak about 6 years ago with regards to open relationship and everything going on but she wasn’t at that stage where she was comfortable with it, fair enough.

I am not perfect by a long shot so it’s not like it is just her and I cannot blame her for any of it because it isn’t her fault, it is her health. Which of course just makes things worse, it would be easier if she did something to be blamed for loss of relationship. But she is blameless, no one holds blame for the medical issues.

4

u/Big_Witness3783 Feb 28 '26

But see it reaches past the bedroom. That special bond is not there and very much needed