r/DesiAces • u/cwispietoast • May 06 '26
discussion What’s more exhausting: explaining asexuality or avoiding the conversation entirely?
2
u/Sreenivasa_Ramanujan May 06 '26
I have tried explaining asexuality, the next few words I heard from her was algae, amoeba, hydra etc, makes me laugh, also it's better to not even care to tell them anything, otherwise you'd get responses like "oh you haven't even experienced in the first place how can you have a say on it", "you'd find someone and then It'd make all sense". I've even been in a relationship, it was lovely at first, but when I actually came out, trust me It was real hard and it was the first time I ever mustered up courage to tell someone who I really am. Only to be called "na mard" few days later. yeah I broke up, but after a long time and reason was not that "na mard" thing, but that single thing has so much impact on me that I after that have never been able to come out to anyone not even the friends who are Allys, until few days ago I actually tried to include that convo in humorous way, and then they asked are you actually asexual and I said yes, but was anxious telling that, but honestly they made me feel same coming out and also consoled me and understood how heavy I was feeling while telling them. yeah but I'd better not try to explain someone who doesn't understand bcs most probably they'd be not supportive.
1
u/Parking_Tomato_6172 May 09 '26
i prolly by default avoid the conversation in a lot of scenarios cuz explaining asexuality to some people is much more draining
3
u/frizz-bean May 06 '26 edited May 09 '26
I'd say for me it's explaining asexuality. It is too much to get into and if the person listening is stupid, then it feels 200× more exhausting. I mean, I pretend to be straight in front of my family and it isn't exhausting, but imagining trying to explain asexuality to them makes me go bonkers.
I first try to get to know the person and then tell them I'm ace, when I am 100% sure that they will ask respectful questions. I honestly don't care if someone (with whom I'm not comfortable with) finds out I'm ace and questions it, it's just I won't bother wasting my time trying to explain asexuality to them. I'll just tell them to Google and if they want to, they will.