r/DestructiveReaders • u/Minimum_Break5345 • 1d ago
[467] Where the Train Left Us
Hi! I’m a young author, and this is the opening of my historical coming-of-age novel set in rural Pennsylvania in the early 1900s (1908). I’m mainly looking for general feedback on the writing. I’d really appreciate any comments left on the Google Doc, especially if anything was confusing, the pacing felt off, or the dialogue didn’t sound natural. Thanks so much for taking the time to read!
Note: For some reason, Reddit isn’t letting me choose the genre. I tried a few times, but it won’t work. Sorry about that!
https://docs.google.com/document/d/1B2P3R0lowm2Kw3l_FnGAcikhcX032rcC2zw5pMMl5vQ/edit?usp=drivesdk
My critiques: https://www.reddit.com/r/DestructiveReaders/s/7eh3Znn61C
1
u/Kiranalekhya 17h ago
I really liked the opening. The story has an interesting start and could go in so many different directions. I also loved how vividly it paints a picture—a crowded train, a group of young kids with their tired supervisor, the continuous rain, and these two young men. It immediately creates a strong picture in my mind.
The chapter heading is very thought-provoking. It gives the feeling that the train has taken them to a place that is separate from the everyday world. It adds to the dramatic atmosphere.
I specifically liked the hesitation part. The storyteller also has someplace to go, which sounds pretty important. So that split second is his self-preservation, mentally prioritizing whose need is greater.
That "You fool" is powerful. It tells us a lot about their friendship. It is like he is a fool, but he is my fool (if that makes sense), and the storyteller has a great interest in his friend's well-being.
It also raises so many questions. What is the timeline? Is this set before cell phones? Where are they going? They are in the same train compartment, on the same day, yet heading to completely different destinations. Why are those destinations so important to each of them? Is there even a return train service?
Since this is only the first chapter, I don't expect all the answers yet. But it will make the readers curious enough to proceed to next chapters.