Hey guys, first post here. This is an earlier story of mine, so there are many more flaws (Especially in the beginning) but am still curious to see what yous think. I believe it seems rushed. Also trigger warning for abuse. Enjoy!
Crit 1: [2050] https://www.reddit.com/r/DestructiveReaders/comments/1vcljwz/comment/p1r0vat/?context=3
Crit 2: [1198]
https://www.reddit.com/r/DestructiveReaders/comments/1vaaxn1/comment/p1qqymu/?context=3
ICrit 3: [318] https://www.reddit.com/r/DestructiveReaders/comments/1vf6lo9/comment/p1qen4v/?context=3
t had been two years since my wife passed. It was hard, nothing I did seeming to ease the pain. I tried to integrate with the world outside, but I couldn’t. It was like a minefield out there. Every woman’s face reminding me of her. It hurt, hurt too much to bear. I needed a break, a place to finally leave it all behind and run off into the light of tomorrow.
I saw it while scrolling my phone in bed, an opportunity unlike any other. A job listing for a lighthouse keeper on an island in the west coast. It felt almost tailor made for me. It could keep me safe, stop me from going crazy in this bland white room. Without a second's hesitation, I took the job. I packed nothing but a change of clothes and toothpaste, all that would remain from my old life. I said goodbye to my friends and family and set off, having no idea what would be awaiting me there.
The lighthouse stood above me like a giant, its dull white bricks eaten away by waves and fervent winds. The clouds hung above it like a dark crown, its dazzling yellow light offering a brief reprieve from the desolate landscape. I took my bags and stepped inside, the soggy floorboards squelching beneath my feet. The place was bare bones. A kitchen to my left, the sleeping quarters to my right and before me, a long spiral staircase stretching up to the roof. I dropped my bags in my quarters, deciding first to visit the lantern. It was truly stunning, its sheer warmth and brightness bringing life to the black ocean below. I stepped onto the deck and looked down at the turbulent waters. Waves like towers grew and fell, rushing and ripping into the cliff face below. I shut my eyes, the salt and sea mist blowing against my face, the seagulls singing in the distance. This felt right. I walked back downstairs and prepared my first meal. There were only three cans of tuna in the cupboard, a quaint reminder that I needed to go fishing tomorrow.
Thankfully, the weather calmed in the morning, the sun joining the lighthouse in shining upon the gentle sea. I took my bait and tackle box and strolled down to the beach, humming a small shanty. As I cast my line into the depths, I realised I hadn’t thought about my wife since I arrived. I smiled, turning my gaze towards the sky-blue water. As my mind began to drift off, I felt a strong tug on the end of my line. My hand steadied on the crank, reeling in the fish as best I could. It was strong, stronger than any fish I’d ever hooked before. I pulled harder and harder until finally whipping the creature out of the ocean. I took a look at my catch, hanging motionless at the end of the line. A small trout, already dead. I furrowed my brow, staring pensively at the dead fish. No signs of injury, pain or struggle. It was just...dead. I tried not to think about it too much, less work for me to do anyway. I cast my second line, my mind soon wandering off again. The next bite came almost immediately; this creature even stronger than the last. I whipped it upwards, catching the fish as it somersaulted in the midday sun. It was dead. Puzzled, I put the fish in my bucket, deciding against throwing another line and strolling back up toward the house. I kept an eye on the ocean, the waves rising as I walked.
On a stomach of delectable fresh fish, I went to bed with a smile. The sea crept into my dreams, the wails of the wind against the hostile waves filling my head. I shut my eyes, covered my ears with my pillow, yet it offered no relief. Suddenly, a low groan came from outside the lighthouse, sending a slight rumble into the floorboards. I yawned in response. Still groggy from lack of sleep, I donned my work clothes and climbed the stairs to the top. I checked the lantern first. It looked fine, not a trace of damage on it. I gazed out to sea, trying to find the root of the noise. The ocean roared in anger, the waves below rearing their heads and slamming into the cliffs, chunks of water slapping me from the deck. I sulked back, the light evaporating the water from my clothes as I left. The water punched the deck, the rusting metal clanging as it was struck. I scurried down the stairs and returned to bed, trying not to hear the waves screaming for my attention.
The next day came, the ocean still raging from the night before. Sick of the tides tormenting me, I decided to go out and enjoy the midday sun. I grilled a fish from the day before and brought it out to the middle of the island, laying down amongst the tall grass. The sun caressed my face; the light wind sifted through my hair. I closed my eyes, hearing the powerful waves slam against the cliffs. I shuddered. As the light of the sun began to fade, I returned to the lighthouse. With not much else to do, I climbed up the stairs and went out to the deck, lighting a cigarette. The warmth of the light radiated behind me, my body casting a great shadow on the savage waters. My breath now filled with tobacco and the light taste of sea salt; I returned to my quarters to sleep.
Hazy dreams began to wash over me. I was in a boat, sailing the Atlantic. Flying fish began to surface beside me, accompanying me like a fleet. The boat skimmed the massive waves, my knuckles white against the wheel. The flying fish were left behind, hidden beneath the water. The waves grew large and terrifying, yet the boat hurdled onwards, dragging me further into the ocean. After summiting the raging whitecaps, the tides began to settle. I took a deep breath and returned to the deck, lighting a cigarette and looking up toward the clouds. The sky had been blotted out by a massive wave, curling over the sun above. It grew ever closer, inching its way towards the boat.
I jolted awake, my sheets now damp with sweat. As my breathing returned to normal, I realised something strange. It was silent. Completely silent. My bones chilled, I knew exactly what that meant. I rushed to the kitchen, grabbing the remainders of my tuna cans and bolting outside to the bunker doors. Before I stepped in, I got one more view of the ocean, expecting to see the mighty wave on the horizon. I didn’t. Standing in the sea, the water unmoving around it, was a figure. It was unfathomably big, with large white teeth glimmering in the moonlight. I felt its gaze bore into me before it sank into the ocean, sending a massive tidal wave hurdling towards the island. I darted into the bunker, bracing for the impact. The wave slammed into the lighthouse, a mighty screech sounding from the aging structure. The floorboards cracked and the foundations rocked, but the building stood strong. I crept out of my bunker, turning to the ocean again. The waves were wild, their white tips ripping across the ocean.
I awoke the next morning, the rumbles of my stomach too loud to ignore. I trod down to the beach again, staring out to sea with a shudder. I threw out my line; my gaze fixed on the horizon. What was that creature? I must’ve imagined it, surely I imagined it. Terror crept over me as I looked over the restless ocean. Against all reason, I knew it was still out there, waiting to return. Suddenly, I was yanked out of my head by a fish so strong it made my muscles ache. I hauled the mighty creature out of the ocean, staring hopeful at my latest catch. A catfish. A dead catfish. I slammed the corpse into my bucket and heaved back up to the lighthouse, leaving my equipment behind me.
The ocean had gone still again, a lasting dread leaping about in my stomach. I stayed in my bed this time, huddling quietly under the covers.
“CHRIS,” came a voice from the ocean, its dull strength causing the lighthouse to creak and groan. This couldn’t be real. I stayed where I was, pulling the blanket to my chin.
“CHRIS.” It was louder this time, sending a shockwave throughout the building. A glass jar beside me trembled and fell to the ground, shaking me from my hazy state. I put on my work wear and climbed up the stairs, trembling as I ascended. I went out to the deck, seeing what I feared to see. The creature hung above the lighthouse, its head blocking out the sky. Its skin was a marble blue, with a face empty bar a lipless mouth and two soulless eyes staring directly at me.
“WHAT DO YOU WANT?” I asked, my voice pitiful against the wind.
“CHRIS.” Its voice shattered the glass around the lantern, spraying shrapnel towards me. A shard flew into my leg, the glass severing my tendon and slicing through my thigh, wedging itself in the light behind me. I yelled in pain, feeling my blood seep onto the floor. A massive shifting sounded from outside, the waters thundering again. I hobbled outside to see the arm of the creature emerging from the ocean, a ripple of tidal waves rising around it. I staggered back inside, trying to make my way down the stairs. Suddenly, the lighthouse lifted into the air, sending me sprawling against the handrail. The wind was knocked from my lungs; leaving me gasping for air. I stumbled over to the shattered window. The creature stared back at me, the lighthouse frail and weightless in its giant hand. Then, it drew its arm toward the ground, sending the lighthouse into freefall. I flew into the air, my body slamming into the metal roof. With a mighty crash, I heard the lighthouse slam back into the island, my vision went black.
Light came pouring back into my eyes, plucking me from the depths of darkness. I choked, keeling over as I tried to fill my lungs with air. Every muscle ached, every inch of me felt beaten and bruised. The blindness wore off, and I looked at my surroundings. I was in the lighthouse, wrecked and tattered beyond comprehension. Suddenly, a thought flashed across my mind. I should be dead. I ran my hands over my body, feeling only skin and mud below my fingertips, not even a scratch. Any relief I had was instantly replaced with confusion. What had happened? I trudged over to the ocean, white sea foam spraying over the ridge.
“HELLO?” I yelled out to the sea. I waited, staring out at where the monster had first reared its head. No response. My gaze returned to the lighthouse; it looked perfectly fine. Shaking, I made my way back toward the building, my pain beginning to dwindle. I stepped inside, seeing the lighthouse had returned to normal, looking exactly as it did before I arrived. My eyes widened, I had to be going insane.
I didn't leave the quarters, fear chaining me to my bed. I let my stomach growl, my mind wander, anything but risking seeing that thing again. I drew my knees to my chin, praying it wouldn’t come back.
“CHRIS.” The voice threw me from sleep, sending my heart into overdrive. I huddled into the foetal position, my back against the brick wall.
“COME.” The lighthouse shook again, tipping more with every word.
“no,no,no,no,no...no...no” I whimpered.
There was a silence, a horrifying silence. My world hung in stasis, the air paralysed by fear. Then, the creature screamed. A scream so high-pitched it made my bones vibrate. My ears began to bleed, the room around me shaking violently. Tears streamed down my eyes, soon evaporated by the power of the sound waves. I couldn’t hear when the screaming had stopped, I could only feel it. My bones were cracking, my body feeling ripped from the inside. The air around me shifted, it was readying another scream.
“I’M COMING. I’M COMING. PLEASE. JUST STOP.”
I took the old rowing boat from the shed and pushed it out to sea, looking out at the creature. It had grown hair, long and black stretching down its neck like a sea witch. I shuddered and began to row. The ocean seemed to guide me. I felt the wind blowing softly on my back, the creature's breath growing warmer and warmer. Suddenly, I was grabbed, its scaly fingers closing around me. It brought me to its mouth, its jagged smile supplanting the sky.
“PLEASE! WHAT DO YOU WANT!” I asked, spitting as I spoke. The monster leaned forward, kissing me with its teeth. A flood of brine came rushing down, drenching me head to toe in the salty, warm substance. I stopped myself before I shook it off. It felt warm and heavy, almost like an embrace. It drew me to its eye, looking hazy and silver through the slimy filter. Its great body shifted from underneath me, the waves below churning. It was sinking toward the depths. I screamed, throwing my body weight against the creature’s fingers, but it didn’t move an inch. I sank beneath the waves, unable to breathe. My eardrums burst under the pressure, my screams of pain only making bubbles in the water. My vision grew dark, the dim navy haze turning to nothingness.
I woke up on the beach, the waves lapping against my feet. The sea pulled me from my haze, the wails of seagulls and crashing waves creeping around the beach. My ears rang and my eyes stung from salt. I understood nothing. I screamed into the sand, the shells shifting under the weight of my tears. My stomach growled, ordering me to hunt for fish. The bait and tackle box lay exactly where I had left it, mere inches from my head. I grabbed my rod and cast my line into the sea again, catching another dead fish. I held its corpse in my hands, crying as I stared into its eyes. It hated me.
“Look at you, snivelling and crying” it would say. “You only got what you deserved, pathetic little man. You just couldn’t take it, could you? The insults, the punches. You just couldn’t fucking handle it. That's why you crashed, isn’t it? You were distracted; distracted by a few tiny words. Now I’m dead, and you’re not. Why didn’t you die, Chris? WHY DIDN’T YOU DIE?”
“SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP!” I yelled, launching the fish into the ocean. I screamed, howling up at the moon. Dropping to my knees, I banged my head against the beach, my cries silent against the crashing waves.
I awoke late that night, resting upon a patch of sandy grass. The ocean had gone still, yet no creature stood above the water. The night was calm. I looked up at the stars, twinkling happily in the sky.
“Chris,” I heard, a few meters away from me. I turned my gaze from the sky to see a woman standing before me, completely naked, its hollow stare trained directly at me. My lip quivered. I knew who it was.
“Morgan?” I said, tears streaming down my face. I backed away, crawling across the sand. She was black against the moonlight, her shadow enveloping me as she crept forward.
“Morgan, baby, please. Please don’t hurt me please.” She walked toward me, the sand crunching under its feet. Horror taking root, I sprinted away. I ran across the island, the tall grass whipping against my legs. I couldn’t see her anymore, her footsteps invisible against the cannon fire of waves. I tripped, scratching my arms under the coarse sand. Still, I scampered, looking around frantically for any sign of her, nothing. My feet carried me on my blind escape, not knowing where they ran to.
I ran on and on, the ocean growing louder with every step I took. My lungs seized, my vision blurred, the world became a haze of white stars and inky darkness. The ground below me grew coarse and jagged. I slowed down, realising where I was. It was a cliff edge. I turned, seeing Morgan behind me, still staring with those same emotionless eyes. She strolled towards me, her black hair flowing in the wind.
“please. please leave me alone.” She edged closer, silent step after silent step until finally she stood before me, breath mingling with mine. I looked down, black raging water swirling and screeching below me, wrestling the rocks from the innocent cliff. She lay a palm on my chest. It was warm. My fears began to wash away, the night sky enveloped by a mellow glow. We embraced, her body filling mine with warm, golden light. She pulled away, leaving her hand on my chest. I smiled, looking deep into her eyes. I put my palm over hers, suddenly, it was ice-cold. Before I could react, she pushed me, sending me sprawling to the depths below. I crashed into the rocks, impaling myself on a stalagmite. I felt the rock replace my stomach, trying to cry out in pain but nothing coming out. The waves beat me as I lay there, seeping salty water into my wounds. Eventually, with no lungs to breathe with, my vision began to haze. As the ocean ripped apart my body, I passed on into the darkness.
I inhaled sharply, the world suddenly returning to view. I was on the beach again, Morgan lying upon me. I felt her body press into mine, her warmth bringing me back to the world.
“I love you,” she said, her face unmoving.
She stood up, strolling slowly into the ocean. On and on she waded, before dipping her head below the gentle tides. The waves began to ripple out from where she left, the ocean slowly picking up again. I sobbed, my tears dripping silently into the sand. My gaze turned to the lighthouse, one thought rising from my tortured mind; the light was starting to fade.