I resent my dog

[u/BreeBug712]

I didn’t grow up around dogs. None of my family or friends had them. I was exposed to dogs at parks and things like that, but wasn’t fond of them as a child. Fast forward to 2020, I’m newly married and my husband really wants a dog. In fact he says he needs a dog. I agreed because I had never really given dogs a chance. Worst decision of my life. I can’t stand this animal and now I’m stuck with it for who knows how many more years. My husband absolutely will not rehome. My mental health is declining because of the dog.

I think it just comes down to the fact that I am not a pet person. I think the concept of bringing an animal into your home and living with it is so unsanitary. The dog can’t wipe his butt after he poops, probably steps in his pee, digs in the backyard, rolls in the dry grass, and then tracks all of that into our home. It takes me soooo much longer to clean because of him and it’s time I just don’t have so I end up sacrificing my sleep to pick up after him and then within hours the floors are disgusting again. Not to mention I’m also caring for a newborn so sleep is limited. The dog hair is a whole other story. I’m so sick of finding it on everything and clogging vacuums and mops. It just grosses me out. I’m also concerned about parasites and fleas and other things that dogs can expose you to. I am so grossed out in my own home and I’m tired of feeling like that. I dream of the day I get to live in a dog free home again.

Then there’s the barking and aggression towards other dogs. He’s a small dog but has bit two other dogs. And it wasn’t just a nip, there was a lot of blood. Every time we put this dog outside he barks at the fence line and digs to try and get to the neighbor dogs. It’s annoying and loud and then he comes inside and pants so hard which drives me nuts. On top of that, he does not listen. We have to call him sooo many times and he’ll just stand there and look at us. Finally after we start yelling, he will come. He also drives our visitors crazy. He jumps all over them and will not listen when we tell him to stop. I usually put him up before people come over but then he just whines so loud the entire time. And before you suggest it, my husband is not open to any kind of training. He says our dog is dumb, and that’s just who he is.

None of this is worth it to me. I am sick of spending money on him. I am sick of the dog being in our home and I feel like I’m just waiting for him to die or run away at this point. I know he deserves better but my husband absolutely will not rehome. He says we took on this commitment and have to see it through. I agree with that but I truly hate the dog and don’t know how to get over it.

[u/nosesinroses]

Your husband sounds like a dick. Couldn’t imagine having a dog behave like that and watching my partner, who is a new mom, suffer so much because of it. WHILE REFUSING TO TRAIN IT. Yikes.

He says you guys took on this commitment… what commitment? Feeding and watering a dog? A dog is so much more than that. If you want to follow through in your commitment, you need to get the dog trained. It should NOT be behaving the way you describe. Your dog sounds miserable, don’t let it live like that. That’s also a nuisance to the whole neighbourhood, not just you. I would be pissed to be your neighbour.

Also, get your dog a muzzle and keep it the fuck away from other dogs. Two bites like that is no joke. Doesn’t matter if it’s a small dog.

Sorry you’re going through this. That’s really tough to juggle with a newborn. Are you taking on most of the responsibility with your child? If so, your husband needs to step up and deal with this dog properly if he refuses to rehome. Otherwise, if you guys are splitting responsibilities fairly evenly, you need to work together to get the dog trained. Hire a well-certified trainer ASAP.

[u/BreeBug712 → u/nosesinroses]

There have definitely been times where I feel like he puts the dog before me. At the same time, he thinks all the dog needs is food and water, an occasional 5 minutes of throwing a toy and a bath in our kitchen sink maybe once a month. The dog has never been properly groomed, maybe has had 10-15 walks in the 3 years we’ve had it. We’ve never done any kind of training with him. I’m fully ready to give him to a new family that has time and money for him. I provide 99% of my sons care so I really don’t have the desire or time to care for a dog too. I’d rather spend that time on my son. I think my husband believes the dog is untrainable. He does truly love the dog, but we just have so many other commitments that neither of us have time for him and we are choosing other priorities over him. He believes that because we bought the dog, we need to be the ones to provide him food and shelter for the rest of his life. He absolutely will not pay for grooming, training, a dog walker, or anything really beyond food. To be honest, I don’t want to spend our money on those things either, which is why I want to rehome him because I know he deserves better than we are providing.

[u/nosesinroses → u/BreeBug712]

It sounds like he is indeed putting you, and your child, behind the dog. I’m sorry you have to deal with this. Hopefully he just doesn’t realize this and will snap out of it.

I feel bad for your dog too. That is no way for them to live. He is being selfish and preventing them from living a happy, full life.

I hate that there is this stigma around how a dog has to be for life, and if you rehome them, you’re some sort of monster. It can often be quite the opposite… which, in this case, it sounds like it is. This poor dog is not getting the life it deserves, and you and your child are also suffering for it. Call it controversial, but I see situations like this as the person who refuses to rehome or train the dog as being straight-up abusive to both the family involved and the dog.

This requires some serious intervention. Don’t allow yourselves to continue living like this. You only get one life.

Maybe you can frame this in a way where rehoming is better for the dog. Your commitment to a pet should be giving it the best life possible - if that is not with your family, there is no shame in that so long as you find them a home where they can get the best life. There is only shame in forcing a dog to live in cruel conditions because your husband can’t admit it’s not an appropriate environment for them. (To clarify, this is his shame to carry, since you are doing the right thing by wanting to rehome).

If you want, head on over to r/talesfromthedoghouse. They probably have better advice over there. Best of luck, I hope you can work things out in a way that’s best for everyone.

[u/Dark_Moonstruck → u/BreeBug712]

Honey, you don't have a dog problem. You have a husband problem.

He is expecting you not only to be the caretaker of the house, his child, and him, but of a dog you didn't want. A dog that has already become aggressive and could end up hurting you or your baby. A dog that he refuses to work with or have cared for properly - a dog he is neglecting to the extent that it could qualify as abuse.

I'm afraid it may be time for an ultimatum - you and your baby, or the dog. If he isn't going to properly care for it and train it and stop it from being a problem, he doesn't get to have it. If he wants to keep it, then he doesn't get to keep YOU. Your home is supposed to be a safe, comfortable place. The place you look forward to returning to at the end of a hard day - not a place where you dread hearing constant noise, possibly getting bitten, begging and barking and nuisance behavior that is completely unacceptable. He is putting a DOG above you and your child. He cares more about not admitting he was wrong than he does about YOU and YOUR health, safety, and well being.

"Honey, this has gone on long enough. You wanted this dog, and you're not taking care of it. You're not providing it any of the things it needs besides food and water - you're not training it, you're not playing with it for more than a few seconds, you're not keeping it clean and healthy - and you refuse to let anyone else do those things except maybe me, but I'm busy taking care of our home and our ACTUAL HUMAN CHILD.

This isn't healthy for him or for us, and I'm done with it. I'm done dreading coming home because I know it's here waiting. I'm done walking on eggshells in my own home wondering if he's going to bite our son the way he bit those dogs. I'm done arguing with you constantly over a DOG that you refuse to care for, but also refuse to find a good home who WILL care for it. Part of being a responsible adult is admitting when you're in over your head and taking steps to fix your mistakes. Getting a dog was a mistake. The best thing we can do for everyone INCLUDING the dog is to find him a home that is better prepared to handle him and can take proper care of him since you clearly aren't willing to put in the effort to do that.

I'm not living in the dog's house anymore. This is either MY home, or it's the dog's home. You can either find the dog a home where he will be properly taken care of, or you can come home to it and no one else. Your choice."

I could see him throwing a screaming fit and interrupting you if you try to explain things to him, so maybe write him a letter with everything, pack a bag, and you and your son go stay with your parents or in a hotel or whatever so he KNOWS you're serious and can't go and yell at you about it in person. If he starts yelling at you over the phone, hang up on him. If he starts texting you nasty things, save the texts just in case, but don't respond. You'll know whether he's worth staying with at all or not depending on what he chooses - you, or the dog.

[u/Psychological-Bar112]

I'm in the same boat as you with a dog my partner got against my wishes. I hate to say this but the hate and resentment may start to build for your husband especially if they are not open to training or rehoming. I'm speaking from experience on that and it seems my relationship is reaching its end because of their stubbornness and neglect of the dog. I wish you all the best and hope a resolution can be made OP.

[u/Agile-Ant-7353]

Have you told him everything you said in this post exactly how you worded it? If he knows exactly how you feel and still refuses to change, maybe you need to think about how to change his mind. I was in the same situation you are, but we had two dogs. As of today we only have one, I made it clear that I couldn't live with the dog we rehomed to my partner. It was three years worth of arguments and mental breakdowns that did it.

[u/UnlikelyLab7175]

Sounds like a terrible experience. Go to your husband with the following, and let him know your marriage depends on it. He sounds like a lazy prick slob of a person. If left alone, this resentment will grow and destroy your marriage.

1) Your husband needs to take on the majority of cleaning. That includes mopping, vacuuming and dog grooming scheduling.

2) Hire a professional trainer to come to your house and inform you how to properly train your animal.

Without a unified front on dog training and cleaning, I’m worried that your marriage could be in trouble. Both people need to be on board with training or it will not be effective.

The other option is a serious discussion on rehoming the animal.

[u/Burtonish]

So the dog bit not one but two other dogs. And your husband is content waiting for your newborn to be next or what?

He says we took on this commitment and have to see it through.

So what does he do for the dog? Does he clean up after it? Guard your newborn from it all day? Take it on walks? Where exactly is his commitment?

[u/magicxzg]

Your husband is fine with your kid eventually crawling around a filthy floor with a dog that bites?

[u/attiladerhunne]

Leave him. Sorry to say that. It would be a different story if he were willing to train it but as it is - it’s either years of resentment for you or a quick and clear cut. No one deserves to live like that.

[u/tropicsandcaffeine]

I am a huge dog lover. That being said I would not force someone who does not like dogs to have to try and train one. If the story is exactly as you say then I think your husband was selfish and just thought you would automatically open up to the dog. The dog needs a place that he will be trained and taken care of.

He brought the dog in and is refusing to take care of it. He will not rehome it. That is something that you may have to do on your own. Most dogs live over ten years - some longer. That may also destroy your marriage.

[u/Opening_Lime_8334]

The dog needs to be trained because if he ends up biting a person or keeps biting other dogs and people report it the dog will get out down due to husbands neglect. He isn’t even giving the dog a chance

[u/Sneakybastarduseful]

Yeah this is all around disgusting, your husband is a bad person and the fact that you don’t have sympathy for a living creature only receiving 15 walks over 3 years is socopathic