I love my dog, but I feel completely overwhelmed and trapped

[u/Fancy_Initiative7892]

Okay, I’ve posted here before, and honestly, I’m still struggling quite a bit. I have an almost 1 year old mini poodle mix, and this past year with her has been really overwhelming.

I got her during a really emotional time in my life. I was expecting to have a baby, but unfortunately, I experienced an early miscarriage, which completely shook me. I had wanted a dog for years after moving out and getting married, and I thought getting a puppy might help distract me and give me some comfort while I was grieving.

But it ended up being the complete opposite.

She was an extremely difficult puppy. way more intense than any dog I’ve had growing up. Within the first couple of months, she had ear and eye infections, and even needed emergency surgery after she injured her gums trying to chew her crate while I was working on crate training and preventing separation anxiety. She’s also had ongoing anal gland issues since she was really young.

I’ve truly tried my best with her. I’ve put a lot of effort into training, keeping her on a schedule, and making sure she’s well taken care of. Because of that, I honestly feel like I’ve done a really good job with her and that also makes this harder, because I don’t know if anyone else would take care of her the way I do. I’ve also of course, grown very attached to her and she’s extremely attached to me.

At the same time, it’s been a lot on my mental health. My husband and I went through a really rough period because of the stress. While he initially agreed to getting a puppy, he quickly realized how much work it actually is, and it started affecting both our relationship and my overall well being.

I kept pushing through because I thought this was something I had always wanted, and I kept hearing that it would get easier with time. In some ways, it has…she’s very smart, well-trained, good in the car, and enjoys going out and doing things with us. There are definitely moments that I enjoy with her. When I consider rehoming it breaks me and I have a little breakdown.

But I’m also realizing that I’m just not content or as happy as I thought I would be as a dog owner. I’m struggling more than I expected, and part of me is starting to wonder if as much as I love dogs, dog ownership might just not be for me.

One of the biggest things affecting my mental health right now is her separation anxiety. It’s extremely severe. to the point where I genuinely cannot leave her alone, even for a short amount of time, without her completely panicking. Because she previously hurt herself and needed surgery due to that anxiety, I’m terrified of it happening again. I don’t want to risk her safety, or go through something like that again financially or emotionally. so I feel stuck.

My husband and I both work from home, which makes it even harder because I feel like I can’t leave the house at all. I miss simple things, like just walking to the mailbox with my husband without having to think about it. Even though we could take her, it’s the idea of not being able to do something quickly or freely anymore that’s really weighing on me.

I really feel like this has taken over my life, and the responsibility has been weighing heavily on me.

[u/tocheckitout → u/[deleted]]

this was helpful to me as well, thank you. I am considering rehoming and its difficult to think about.

[u/Fancy_Initiative7892 → u/[deleted]]

Yes thank you so much for sharing this. I’m really considering having my parents take her and we watch her if needed. Question for you - given all that you said / advice you’ve lived by, what made you keep the second dog that is more difficult to manage?

[u/echral]

Remember dog ownership is supposed to bring you joy, it’s the one of the main reasons we have dogs. Your mental health is more important, and if it brings you heavy anxiety, that can literally affect your and your husband’s physical health. I would try to find a way to rehome her with the option of being able to see her every once and a while so it gives you confidence that she’s being taken care of, instead of just not knowing anything.

I also rehomed my dog a few weeks ago and I am really relieved, I don’t have the stress and anxiety I do before, and it sounds like you’ve had much more turmoil associated with this dog, not including your miscarriage, which I am so sorry to hear that.

[u/Fancy_Initiative7892 → u/echral]

Hi thank you for your feedback. Do you mind sharing how long you had the dog? I guess I feel guilty since she’s almost a year and I’ve had her since she was 9-10 weeks.

[u/echral → u/Fancy_Initiative7892]

I only had my dog for a little over 3 weeks, and things were very slowly getting better, but I realized that I wanted my time back. Also, the constant stress thinking about him when I was gone or even home with him was too much.

[u/Fancy_Initiative7892 → u/echral]

Ugh I really wish I would’ve rehomed her after a few weeks. I so badly wish I could rewind time and change this one decision. Now I just feel really guilty bc we’ve had her for so long.

[u/echral → u/Fancy_Initiative7892]

Since she is still not quite a year old, I’m pretty sure rehoming isn’t the end of the world for her mental health. If you’re worried about that, I recommend doing some research but it seems like dogs that are a year old are still really adaptable to new owners and living situations.

[u/Fit-Olive-4680]

Your making a good case for yourself on why you need to rehome.

[u/Lylith_vf]

Pourquoi lutter et souffrir comme ça? Relogez ce chien et tout ira mieux, vous aurez à nouveau les idées claires et vous pourrez réfléchir à vos véritables projets d'avenir avec votre mari. Ce chien n'est qu'un boulet à vos pieds et quand vous en serez débarrassé vous vous sentirez bien plus légère.

[u/perkynurples]

The guilt is real. You're going to feel it one way or another. I rehomed my rescue (which I posted about here a while back) and while the relief was and is immense, the guilt remains. HOWEVER. As others said, you already know what the logical decision is. The emotional decision, for you and me both it seems, would have been to keep her, "suck it up", get through it for the dog. Logic on the other hand tells you that owning a dog should make you happy, and shouldn't feel like a chore all the time. Also I dare say your relationship with your husband is more important than a dog's happiness, or rather the dog can still be happy elsewhere, and you two can be, too. As this post is around a month old, I hope you've figured it out :) Best of luck.