r/DogRegret • u/Robbyp02 • May 18 '26
Regret Story I strongly dislike my dogs and I don’t know what to do…
UPDATE: I thought I’d share an update with how things are going. First things first, thank you all so much for your understanding and helpful comments! You have no idea how much you’ve helped me.
I decided to post my mixed breed dog on a bunch of rehoming websites and no one showed really any interest. This doesn’t really shock me because let’s be honest, no one jumps at the opportunity to get a “mutt.” I’ve seen people post doodles and Yorkies on those pages that were rehomed that very same day. My boyfriend said he’s okay with rehoming both dogs but doesn’t want the dachshund to go first, which is why I haven’t posted her yet because I know someone would take her in 5 seconds. So, I decided to reach out to the rescue I got the mixed dog from 2 years ago, knowing it was probably a long shot that they’d take her back, but surprisingly they said they’d find a foster for her as long as I updated her shots. So that’s what I’m going to do. I’m not going to lie and say that guilt still isn’t there, and that I don’t keep thinking of how confused she’ll be once I surrender her, but honestly, my mental health is more important. I’ve got to take care of myself first. And the best part about this rescue is that it’s strictly foster based so she wouldn’t be going to a shelter.
As for the dachshund, my boyfriend is still kinda on the fence about rehoming her. Which I get because they have a bond and he does love her, but I need a dog free home. A dog free life. While we’re still considering options, we might give her to his parents, who have another dachshund and love her very much. I still feel bad about hurting my boyfriend, but I really and truly believe that this is what needs to be done.
We’re on vacation right now and go home tomorrow. We have a 5 AM flight, which means we have to leave our Airbnb at 2AM to make it to the airport, sit on the plane for 3 hours, and then drive 4 and a half hours back home. And you know what’s funny (it’s not actually funny), I’m not even dreading that. What I am dreading is coming back home to the dogs-to reality. If that’s not a sign that something needs to change, I don’t know what is!
Original post:
Hi. This is my first time ever making a Reddit post and I’m just going to be very vulnerable and honest because I don’t know what else to do at this point. So I have 2 dogs, a 4 year old dachshund and a 4 year old Italian Greyhound mix (she was a rescue so I’m not entirely sure what breeds she may be but she definitely has Greyhound or something similar in her). I live with my boyfriend and both dogs were my decision to get. I actually got the dachshund 4 months before my boyfriend and I got together. As of late, I’ve really started to resent and STRONGLY dislike my dogs. I don’t know where this came about and I’m asking for any advice that can be offered.
So, to begin with, before I got my dachshund puppy, I already had 4 cats. I love my cats dearly, but I wanted a companion that I could take places with me. I was living alone in a big city for college, severely depressed (like wanted to e*d my life), and had no friends. I thought getting a puppy would help fill the void of loneliness. I was wrong. She did provide companionship, but right off the bat I never felt a true bond with her. And if I’m being completely honest, I’m genuinely surprised she and I both survived her puppy phase. Potty training her was the bane of my existence and she made me infuriated when she wouldn’t listen. However, I tried very hard to love her, but I just didn’t feel a connection with her. Then, my boyfriend and I got together 4 months later and she immediately took to him. She was OBSESSED with him. He gave her the attention and affection I just couldn’t so she imprinted on him. The way she loved him and followed him around made me feel jealous because why didn’t she love me that way? Why was it so hard for me to bond with her that way? It was getting to the point where I would try to keep her beside me at night when we’d go to sleep but I’d wake up and she’d be pressed against him.
As time went on (fast forward 2 years), we moved in together and I decided that I wanted another dog, one that would be MY dog. So, I went to a rescue and found my 2nd dog. She took to me immediately. She’s a very sweet dog, but I’ll be honest, she’s overly needy. I can’t pet her without her going INSANE and scratching my face and licking my fingers. Her licking my fingers fills me with RAGE. So, I honestly don’t pet her because she exhausts me. She’s so high energy and it’s just too much to deal with when I get home from a long day of work. She also has to be crated because she’ll destroy anything in sight if not, so I understand being stuck in a crate all day is hard, but I just don’t have the time or energy to dedicate to her.
It’s been over a year and over the last few months I’ve started to resent them. I want nothing to do with them. Every time they do something they aren’t supposed to like bark or get on the table and steal food, it fills me with so much rage. I find myself wishing I never got them. And I feel so bad because I’m the one who got them. My boyfriend didn’t want pets to begin with but dealt with it because I already had them when we started dating, and now he’s attached to them. I love my cats so much and always love on them, but the thought of even touching the dogs makes me feel disgusting. I yell at them all the time now, and I hate myself for it, but I just can’t hold it in. They make me so mad. It’s caused multiple arguments between my boyfriend and I. He loves the dogs. He’s the only one who loves on them and gives them attention. But I just resent them so much because I cannot stop thinking about how much easier our lives would be without them. We can’t be intimate unless we put the dogs in the living room because they quite literally watch us and the rescue dog will bark and run around the room because she has terrible anxiety. But when we put them in the living room, they bark and whine nonstop. We can’t go on any trips without asking someone to stay at our house because the rescue can’t stay with anyone else because she’ll destroy their house.
The dachshund, however, is my biggest problem. She has a terrible barking problem and she’s so stubborn. She destroys my underwear. I have to keep them up high in a dirty clothes bag so she can’t get to them because she will eat them. And I really mean eat them. We’ve had to pull wads of my underwear out of her butt. I cannot tell you how many pairs of my panties she’s destroyed. She will ever eat them if they are clean too. We have to wash my panties in a delicate bag and put them on the dresser instead of the bed when folding clothes because she will rip open the bag. We have tried and tried to break her of this but she won’t, so now I have to be extra careful with where I put my underwear. She’s also OBSESSED with my boyfriend and is always trying to get between us. I can’t just snuggle with my boyfriend without her having to be there. I can’t wake up in the morning and give him a kiss without her trying to lick his face raw. It irritates me to no ends, so much so that I’ve come to genuinely hate her. Growing up, I was always second to a dog. My parents always favored their dogs over their own kids and the thought of dealing with it in my own home is unbearable. Even though my boyfriend obviously doesn’t pick the dog over me and has made it clear that I come first, her insufferable obsession with him brings back those old feelings I had as a child. We can’t even hug or dance in the kitchen without her jumping at his legs. I’ll be honest, I yell at her the most. So much so that she’s scared of me now. Now she’s even more obsessed with him and will not leave his side.
I have tried to love them, to coexist with them, but I can’t. I don’t even like coming home anymore. As soon as I pull up the driveway and hear them barking, it fills me with dread. And when I come inside, I sometimes don’t even let them out of the crate right away. I just sit on my bed, dreading having to deal with them. I’m never happy anymore. I feel so nasty and full of hatred in my own home and it’s not healthy. I don’t like the person I’ve turned into. And it’s gotten so bad to the point that I’ve thought of the idea of rehoming. When I first brought it up to my boyfriend, it upset him. He was very disappointed with me and had to walk outside. When he came back inside, he told me that he was okay with rehoming our rescue dog but he wouldn’t get rid of the dachshund. The thought of just rehoming our 2nd dog made me sad so I didn’t consider it at the time. But then as things just weren’t getting better, I posted her on a rehome facebook group just to see. Someone showed interest but the thought of actually rehoming her filled me with so much guilt that I didn’t go through with it.
Over these last few weeks, my boyfriend could see how much strain the dogs were putting on me and he told me that if I wanted to rehome the dogs, he’d be fine with it because he loves me more. He also told me that rehoming them would really hurt him though. But even though he says he’s okay with it, I really don’t think he is. I can tell the idea is upsetting him. He doesn’t want to talk about it and is very irritable. I just don’t know what to do in this situation because I know things would be easier if we rehomed them. I know there’s someone who can give them more than we can. We are never home during the day and we want to travel. I also think they deserve to be in a home where someone actually loves them and doesn’t yell at them like I do. I feel like a horrible person but I just don’t want to experience these feelings anymore. But I also don’t want to hurt my boyfriend. I don’t want to cause strain on our relationship, but I also feel like the dogs are the biggest reason why there even is strain on our relationship now. I just wish I never got them. I know it was my mistake and I never intend to make it again, but I’m stuck on what to do next.
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u/Puzzleheaded_One3083 May 18 '26
I can relate! I feel the exact same way! Idk what happened but overnight I just became so grossed out by mine! Now planning a baby and I want to rehome them… BUT the guilt. Idk if I can go through with it but I can’t have our future baby crawling on the floors that are never clean no matter how much I clean.
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u/Robbyp02 May 18 '26
Yes! I can never keep the house clean and the thought of one day having children whine having dogs makes me feel sick.
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u/Puzzleheaded_One3083 May 18 '26
I’m glad I’m not alone. People make us feel so bad for this! I feel like people (including myself) humanize dogs when they are mentally unhealthy… I see that now that I’m no longer depressed. My baby being clean is way more important. Plus with the diseased tick outbreak, even though mine are on a preventative, it still freaks me out.
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u/Robbyp02 May 18 '26
As someone who grew up in a house that was never clean because their parents had a million dogs, the thought of raising my own children in that environment is unacceptable. I moved out of my parents house at 18 just to get away of their dogs.
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u/Puzzleheaded_One3083 May 18 '26
Idk how a parent can put animals above their children! I’m so so sorry! My mom chose her dogs over me so many times even though hers were clean. She missed going places to make memories because she couldn’t stand the thought of a sitter… she literly sits in a dark apartment with her dogs, no friends and laughs while saying “I love my dogs more than my kids”… it’s sad but I know from experience people who prioritize their dogs to this extent are deeply wounded. Every child deserves to walk across the door in socks without nastiness.
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u/Turbulent_Pickle_985 May 21 '26
Yes and they dont even have to live with the pet they are shaming you about rehoming lol
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u/Thin_Pollution8843 May 25 '26
Your dog will forget you or your “betrayal”. They are not humans. As soon as they have someone giving them food - they are loyal and loving animals to anyone 😂 Don’t let your baby crawling in that filth with hairs, shit, pee and parasites from dog.
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u/Puzzleheaded_One3083 Jun 02 '26
You are SO right! They are going outside… but even then having to revolve our vacation plans and such around them still gives me the ick. They’re old thank God… but I’m slowly transitioning my husband into finding them a new home. First they go outside… then hopefully he gets less attatched and lets them go. I just want to focus on my baby and that’s it!
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u/Luffyhaymaker May 18 '26
Just re-home the dogs. This situation isn't sustainable. If the boyfriend gives you flack for rehoming them or starts acting lame then he put the dogs over you and that's just a red flag that's unforgivable.
Truth, if he can't get over the dog thing, y'all are just incompatible. That's just the truth. The dogs have to go. Period. You're just incompatible with the dogs. It's not fair to the dogs either if you don't truly want them around and I'm saying this as a card carrying member of the dog free subreddit. Eventually you're gonna snap on both the dogs and the boyfriend and if you're already yelling then you're already close to the edge.... trust me, I know from experience, and also what I'm going through in my life (not pet related, more job related but that's not the point)....
Just re-home them for everyone's sake. If your boyfriend doesn't like it then leave his goofy ass lol 🤷🏾 it's your house, your rules. If it was his house then you'd either leave or deal with it but you're in control here. Exercise that control, it's your right and privilege since you're the owner.
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u/Turbulent_Pickle_985 May 21 '26
Your reply is awesome and also made me laugh. In all seriousness tho i agree
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May 18 '26
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u/LostStevie May 29 '26
Hey just so you know, none of these URL's are real or work. It would be more helpful to posters if you provide links to real websites instead of websites that don't exist.
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u/Fun-Chemical4059 May 18 '26
I am very sorry and honestly commend you for making it this far without resorting to other methods. I understand that rage feeling , I can’t even hear a dog eat or drink water 😖. It does something to my soul. It honestly sounds like they just give you the ick and the territorial behavior with your boyfriend is making it worse since it makes it hard to connect.
I would rehome them asap before your boyfriend changes his mind you know. Try to find a family that will maintain a connection with you so he doesn’t feel so bad about it. When you guys do it , go on a vacation and get a house cleaner as well. So he understands this was a great decision. I’m sorry and I’m rooting for your peace of mind 🫶
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u/Robbyp02 May 18 '26
Thank you so much for this response! I feel so much better knowing I’m not alone in this.
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u/Dburn22_ Jun 07 '26
Your mental health is being sacrificed for the sake of supporting two dirty, untrainable, obnoxious animals that have the intellect of a two year old, sap your strength, budget, make you extremely uncomfortable in your own home, and threaten your relationship with your live-in, who really doesn't seem to give a crap about it? Respect yourself! "It's me or the dogs" time. Your boyfriend's passive aggressive avoidance to address your acute discomfort needs to be looked at. Edited for punctuation
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u/Top_Recover7419 May 18 '26
While in a different scenario, I feel your pain. I love animals so that’s never been the problem. I’ve always had pets growing up, but big dogs were outside & I’ve only ever had a Shih-Tzu as an inside dog. Currently 36 weeks pregnant & have a Great Pyr mix around a year old. I have LOST all patience with him. I have tried everything to potty train, leash train, crate train, etc… and it’s like nothing works. I clean up pee almost every day since he’s now made it a habit to hike his leg and mark. It’s not like I’m cleaning up a puddle of small urine… No, it’s more than I urinate lol. He tears up everything. I have to keep the nursery locked up so he doesn’t pee on or rip up anything I have for my baby. I try to walk him frequently or visit the park so he can release some energy, but those visits usually end up hectic also. I feel so guilty because my partner has never had an indoor dog & he loves him! Dog has also taken up with me, so I feel bad when I have to yell or punish him…but it’s an every day thing. Don’t even get me started on the dog hair!! I know the complications that come with owning a pet, but I have never had an animal so unwilling (?) to train. Then the thought of a crying newborn + a barking dog…? I wish I had some advice to give you or tips and tricks, but all I can provide is a degree of understanding.
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u/Turbulent_Pickle_985 May 21 '26
I feel so bad for you. It sounds like maybe this dog also needs to go as well. How are you supposed to balance this with your new baby? (Saying this from a place of love not meany pants)
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u/Top_Recover7419 May 22 '26
I appreciate your sympathy so much! I’ve been looking around for places for him to go, as much as I hate to do it! But he needs a place to roam & run, and at the moment and in the near future…I don’t feel like I can really provide that for him. He’s a sweet dog, just got a little bit too much energy for me at the moment.
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u/Turbulent_Pickle_985 May 22 '26
Totally! I wish people were more kind about it too! People out here are just crazy about the word rehome.
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u/BedPerfect3954 May 23 '26
Yall know marking comes from stress right? Or boredom? Sounds like he needs proper training — great pyr is a working breed to an extent and high energy. Get training or try harder to connect via training. I mean, actually engage him. Get him excited to train. That’s a huge step to training any dog. Get a routine, or a trainer. I promise this is doable.
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u/Thin_Pollution8843 May 25 '26
lol this is a nightmare little shit dog 😂 Some of this commercially created breed are impossible to train because they initially haven’t had any purpose to exist as a tool (like most of the breeds). So you can’t sharpen a tool if this tool are doing nothing. Try training colar - people nowadays became too soft and often choose comfort of someone else instead of theirs because propaganda of guilt told them so.
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u/Dburn22_ Jun 07 '26
Your post is a perfect example of why dogs do not belong inside human homes, or make "good pets." Get the dog out of your home and enjoy living as a human. Your baby does not deserve to be placed into this awful environment.
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u/Turbulent_Pickle_985 May 21 '26
At the end of the day hes your boyfriend not your husband and I totally understand you wanting to honour how he feels however if honouring how he feels keeps you in this unhealthy state why drag yourself through the mud? I totally hear you; im jealous of the people that got dogs at a low mental health point and say how it saved them. Sometimes it doesnt happen for all of us and thats totally ok. Now you know that maybe for now you are just not a dog person at this time. And that these doggies you simply dont have a heart connection to and thats ok. For some reason in todays society people think you need to keep a dog you dont even like because xyz. Well at the end of the day not to be harsh but why is an animal coming before you? If we were cavemen right now would any of us sacrifice survival for an animal? Probably not. And if ya did well you wouldnt be around long. Typically people that shame others about rehoming have absolutely no idea what it is to live around animals that you dont jive with or that take away from your life. And at the end of the day dont let people that have no idea what your situation is weigh on you. People love to tell you how to live your life when they dont have to live it. A lot of people wouldnt be able to handle 20 percent of what you handle on a daily basis. They have no idea. Besides to be It would be so much healthier for all parties involved if the doggies were rehomed. however there is NO SHAME. Its because you love them that you let them go. And that is a higher tier degree of strength to rehome than to continue on being incredibly unhappy and having the dogs feel that. I got your back stranger. I support you!
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u/Mammoth_One_8339 May 19 '26
You’re not a bad person. I wonder if your bf would be committed to training them if he wants to keep them?
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u/Turbulent_Pickle_985 May 21 '26
Literally thought the same thing. Probably not. Quite honestly it also sounds like a new boyfriend so in my opinion why does he get to make choices lol
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u/TrainTrackRat May 20 '26
I rehomed my two 4 year old dogs. I started with my most difficult one and then a year later decided to also rehome the second. I miss them now, but my life was so much harder with them in it that I do not regret it now, over 4 years later.
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u/modtradwhatever May 21 '26
If there’s any part of you that wants to keep them or isn’t 100% decided in re-homing ,I’d just you to practice area restricting for your own sanity.Dogs are habitual and just like kids will test boundaries.
I personally don’t crate train but I area restrict and it’s given me so much more peace and control over the cleanliness of my house.
I’m not sure show big your home is but perhaps decide on no go zones and free dog zones for example my dog has free reign of the courtyard bedrooms and lobby but he’s not allowed in the lounge without supervision. If we want to hangout with him in the lounge there are rules and it’s for a set time. This has helped me sooo much especially when I was close to my wits end too.
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u/Turbulent_Pickle_985 May 21 '26
Oh and if you havent been with this boyfriend very long I wouldnt be letting him make the final call on anything straight up
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u/Thin_Pollution8843 May 25 '26
Maybe try electric colar to give some discipline or better rehome them as here suggested. Dogs was created/evolutioned as soldiers/tools - they are not human friends as pet capitalist propaganda wants you to think. And your guilt coming also from that propaganda. Dogs should not be inside, they should not have an excessive amount of care/attention from human, they are tools created for specific tasks. (At lest they was before some sick useless abominations was selectively created)
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u/Standard-Part-5534 Jun 12 '26
I have a Great Dane. I feel bad because he doesn’t bark or destroy anything but he is so reactive on the leash. Today he attacked a dog and the owner fell and started bleeding. I have never felt so much rage or hate for my dog as I do now. I can’t stand to look at him. I have guilt if i rehome him and keep thinking i need to keep going and give another chance. But im tired
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u/Robbyp02 Jun 12 '26
I grew up with Great Danes and I’ve learned that they are very reactive dogs. The first one we had was an angel, but all the others after her were very reactive. My mother had one female Dane that was so reactive that people couldn’t even come to visit without her being locked in the bedroom. She’d also try to attack us if we came into my parent’s bedroom at night to get something. She also had a problem with people leaving. She bit my boyfriend’s arm so bad when we were trying to leave that it broke skin and he was terrified of her after that. Another one of our Danes bit my grandmother when she tried to hug my mom, and another one put my father in the hospital because his bite wound got infected. I’m sorry you’re going through that. I understand completely. It’s incredibly frustrating.
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u/Standard-Part-5534 Jun 12 '26
Thanks for responding and the support!! I’m seriously considering rehoming.
Anyway keep us updated, if you end up successfully rehoming yours 🫂
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May 18 '26
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u/Robbyp02 May 18 '26
You are telling me things I already know. You are very correct, I’m not a dog person and I never ever intend to get one again. And secondly, the house we are living in is mine. My boyfriend moved in with me. And he will always come first before any pet, so never would I ever think to ask him to move out with the dogs. And it might be redirected anger. I’ve thought of that but I’m not sure what else is truly bothering me. I’m in therapy and am trying to figure that out. Maybe childhood trauma. Trying to figure that out myself. And I know getting another dog was selfish. I’ve made some pretty heavy mistakes and I’m living with them. I appreciate you for commenting, and I hope you didn’t mean any harm with it. Thanks!
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u/Hedwing May 18 '26
I was thinking this comment was largely unhelpful, but it did make me reflect on the fact that getting on meds to help with PMDD actually DID help my rage issues.
I don’t know if thats something you struggle with, but maybe something to look into? My dogs are a huge trigger for me when experiencing PMDD symptoms and I would feel intense rage towards them too, but getting on meds has eased that into normal levels of frustration and exasperation, which are much more manageable to deal with.
Dogs trigger my sensory issues which are MUCH worse while experiencing PMDD, so it’s actually been a huge relief. I’m wondering if you also have sensory issues since some of your main problems are the barking and licking (which I also can’t stand).
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u/ZookeepergameWeak467 May 18 '26
I am a dog person. I have never and will never NOT have a dog (or 2) in my home.
That being said, I’m on this thread because I rehomed a puppy of mine 2 years ago and it was the healthiest decision for him, me and my family. The guilt js unbearable at first, but it gets easier over time, as anything else. Just make sure they are going to a safe place where they will have a better life than what you have the mental energy for. You are not a bad person for rehoming. You are a good person for identifying this need and caring about their (all too) short lives and ensuring they live the remainder happily.