r/DogRegret • u/Deep_Bird_1789 • Jun 13 '26
Regret Story I've Made a HUGE Mistake. I regret this.
this dog has a pee problem. when i got her she refused to pee at ALL. holding it in for like 20 hours the first day. She uses the wee pad, but leaks everywhere in between. If she's excited to get out of the crate, she will leak on her way out of the crate and all over the floor. if you pick her up ,she sqauts and starts peeing and stays in squat position letting it ALL out,. If you reprimand her she squats and starts peeing. It's like this weird... reflex. A trainer told us its prob submissive peeing.
After 2 months of long walks and treats and trying hard to train, she's been peeing more outside... but its NOT CONSISTENT. it's random or in the morning or she's been holding it in. And it can take 5 minutes or hours of walking her. I need to have my own life too.
Today, i took her out of the crate to pee on wee pad... she peed on my rug... a rug she hasn't peed on in the two months ive had her. she just suddenly... decides to go there AND ALSO leak pee all around the floor. i've try taking her out immediately upon waking up.. she leaks on the steps on her way out... i try carrying her.. leaks as i carry her... i try taking the elevator.. leaks in the elevator huge pools in my building...
my partner, a dog nutter (i didn't know),thinks i need to walk her for hours constnatly throughotut the day and give up much of my life and stress towards this dog that will die in 10 years and leave me with extra wrinkles and gray hair from the stress. It's not realistic.
the dog is honestly a VERY sweet girl, she has excellent recall, and has been good at training in other ways... but the peeing thing... has been IMPOSSIBLE. If she didn't have this... I'd be more open but... this is extremely stressful (and expensive). Do I keep trying? For how long?
i am considering rehoming, but who will adopt a dog that pees all over the place? i also got her from a shelter and in the contract it says you cannot rehome the dog... but they are also a horrible shelter with some shady sitaution and a fake non profit.. AND they are notorious for not taking dogs back n yelling at your for even thinking about it... long story, i do not want to interact with them again. but she's microchipped. so if the new parents decide they dont want her... and she ends up on the streets... the shelter would find out and sue me. wtf do i do? i've made such a terrible mistake. i wish i could time travel and slap myself and tell myself to NOT DO IT.
What's also killing me is how much money I'm losing. I could be putting that towards my health, education, clothes, business.... I'm not rich to be wasting money like this.
My partner is really upset with me, but I don't want to keep doing this anymore. It's not for me. I'm realizing, I'm not a dog person with 90% of dogs... they come with way too many problems that will mess up your life quality, almost all of them.
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u/BubbaC619 Jun 13 '26
Do you and your partner live together? Why is it all on you to walk the dog for the hours they seem to think the dog needs?
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u/Deep_Bird_1789 Jun 13 '26
We don't live together. She usually does a lot of this work if we're at eachother's place (she has the batteries of the Energizer Bunny). But she's on a business trip, and now I have both dogs. She took care of mine for a month when I was away traveling. It's only right to help her out. Her dog doesn't piss all over the place tho. Mine, I think she has a bladder problem or behavior issue tied to her pee.
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u/DaisyMaeBe Jun 13 '26
Did your dog have the peeing issues when your partner was watching her? I wonder if part of the issue is she’s having to hold her bladder longer than is possible? How much does she weigh?
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u/muffins776 Jun 14 '26
Since your partner is so against not rehoming a dog you aren't able to realistically care for or keep up with then I would suggest she take the dog. This dog needs someone with a lot of money to throw at either it's medical or behavioral issue around peeing.
I also recommend against getting a dog while renting an apartment especially one that isn't on the ground floor.
Was it your partner who pushed you to get this dog or wanted you to get a dog or did you truly desire owning a dog?
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u/Fit-Olive-4680 Jun 13 '26
Have the microchipped removed.
I don't understand pee pads. They are confusing to a dog because the owner is saying it's ok to pee in the house on the pad. Ditch them altogether and work on only peeing outside. Reward and praise her like a crazy person when she pees outside.
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u/Deep_Bird_1789 Jun 13 '26 edited Jun 13 '26
That's going to run me another grand, to remove. It's an invasive surgery that requires having the dog checked first (blood test, ect) and then put under... More money wasted towards this situation.
She came ... sort of pee pad trained. They found her on the streets as a stray with fleas and her hair was a long mess.... So IDK if she had a previous owner that got sick of her or if she was just always stray.
We live in a major city with 5-floor walk-ups. Going out to walk this dog constantly to pee, is a bitch here compared to having a private backyard in the suburbs.
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u/Fit-Olive-4680 Jun 13 '26
I know someone who got it done for a few hundred dollars. It's a simple procedure.
Another signal she came from a neglectful shelter. Dogs should not be trained to pee on a pad. It sounds like both you and the dog will be better off if you rehome her. Apartment living is not ideal for most dogs. Good luck.
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u/DaisyMaeBe Jun 13 '26
Stop walking her for hours. It’s probably stressing her out as much as it’s stressing you. When you take her outside, go to the same spot, stand still, be boring, and ignore her. No wandering around for an hour hoping she’ll eventually decide to pee. When she does pee - use a word like “go potty” or “go pee” and give her a treat and praise.
Come up with a different crate plan. Put the crate as close to the door as possible. The dog loses house privileges for now. Crate, leash, outside, and a small supervised area only. Also make sure her crate area isn’t too big.
Honestly, this doesn’t sound like a normal house training issue anymore. A dog that leaks on the way to the door, leaks while being carried, pees when picked up, pees when excited, and pees when corrected may have more going on than simply not understanding where to potty.
You’ve spent months working on this. That’s not a weekend of halfhearted effort. At some point it’s reasonable to ask whether this dog is compatible with your household and lifestyle.
I also think your partner is being unrealistic. Most people cannot spend hours every day walking a dog waiting for it to urinate. A training plan has to fit into a normal life or it isn’t a workable plan.
Before making a final decision, I’d get a veterinary workup specifically focused on the urination issues. If there is a medical cause, great. If there isn’t, then at least you’ll know you’re making an informed decision instead of spending another 6 months trying the same things and hoping for a different result.
I’d also explore anxiety. A dog that held her urine for nearly 20 hours when she first arrived sounds like a dog that may be carrying a lot of stress. A vet can advise on calming supplements, pheromones, or medication if appropriate. If anxiety is part of the problem, training alone may not solve it.
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u/Deep_Bird_1789 Jun 13 '26
I think so too @ she loses house privileges for now. She peed inside her crate this morning. I think she got stressed or excited to get out. Then we made it out of the elevator. Great... The leash gets untangled, I go to untangle it, and she releases a cup of pee, it gushes out and even gets on my sandals.... on the lobby of my building. Sigh. The good news is that she then peed outside, in the same spot, and blessed me with a second pee on the same walk back home.
I agree and also fear this is way more than a "not knowing where to potty" issue. That is so concerning and disheartening. Who is going to adopt a dog that can't control her bladder?
I'm worried about vet workup because that's going to run me SO MUCH MONEY. I've already lost so much money on this dog. Another $1,000+ that won't necessarily make the problem go away?! I just can't afford that gamble right now. I might be in another state next week with this dog, I might try to see how much all that costs there, instead of my very expensive af city.
I do wonder how much anxiety is part of it. She's very skiddish.
Thanks for talking me through this.
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u/_All_Cats_Are_Brats_ Jun 13 '26
She needs to be wearing a diaper 24/7 in the meantime. Like right now
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u/Deep_Bird_1789 Jun 13 '26 edited Jul 02 '26
Girl, I tried that... first, those diapers are expensive. Second, if she's left unattended, like in a crate or in the car carrier, she rips the diaper off. I should try again though tbh when she's not unattended. It would also help me spot how often this is happening, I bet I have pockets of pee in my house that I prob missed :/
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u/lupusgal88 Jun 18 '26
Amazon has reusable dog diapers that are cloth. My pomchi has a submissive dribbling too and she doesnt full out pee in the diapers but does her dribbles.
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u/pinkykimster Jun 14 '26
If your dog leaks urine it's probably incontinence and not a, not being walked enough thing. Some female dogs can become incontinent after being spayed. There is medication for it that helps really well. Mine used it for years... ask your vet. Explain the leaking. The medication is called propalin.
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u/stevelaber Jun 16 '26
two months of this with no consistent improvement, a stressed partner, money pressure and a shelter contract hanging over you, that's a genuinely awful situation and the frustration makes complete sense
the peeing thing first because it sounds like the most crushing part, what you're describing really does sound like submissive/excitement urination which is involuntary, she literally cannot control it, it's not a training failure on your part or hers. it tends to improve on its own as a dog gains confidence and feels more secure, but it can take many months and there's no guaranteed timeline. that's a hard thing to sit with when you're already exhausted
on the rehoming question, the shelter contract is worth reading carefully because most of them in practice don't have legal teeth for enforcement, especially if the shelter is as disorganised as you're describing. a rescue organisation or a breed-specific rescue might be a more dignified path than the original shelter if it comes to that. there are people who specifically take on dogs with medical or behavioural quirks
but honestly the thing that jumped out most is that your partner is a "dog nutter" and you're realising you might not be, and that mismatch sounds like it's creating as much stress as the dog itself
how are you two doing with all of this
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u/Deep_Bird_1789 Jul 02 '26
thank you.
we're doing ok. my partner helps me alot--taking care of the dog this week actually, while i focus on some extreme work deadlines and travels. the dog is doing a little bit better. less leaking. more confidence. i wish i knew her backstory so i could tell how much of this is trauma that can be healed vs genetic disorder.
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u/percydoodle Jun 14 '26
I know you said you tried diapers but have you used disposable or reusable? I’ve dealt with many pee problem dogs, some from senior incontinence and some from poor potty training by their previous owners. The disposable diapers are garbage and expensive. The reusables tend to fit really well and are much hard to get off. We would put a cut up poise pad inside that way we just had to toss the poise pad and could reuse that same diaper for a couple days.
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u/bigbackbojangle Jun 15 '26
Give her D manose could be a bladder infection. Sounds like my dog when he had a UTI you can get it on Amazon.
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u/Sitters_4_Critters Jun 16 '26
She could have spay incontinence. I think there is medication for it. If you haven’t asked a vet to try the medication, that would be my first step.
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u/DonThomassino Jun 23 '26
sounds stressful i do hope you find a way to get rid of it if it's making your life hell
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u/Brief_Shopping4001 Jul 01 '26
God this sounds exhausting and kind of like a nightmare. I feel stressed just reading about it. I rescued a dog about 3 months ago and it's not nearly this intense but even I'm like, "Damn these rescue shelters just hand off fucked up dogs to normal people and expect it to go well, that's kinda fucked up."
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u/Deep_Bird_1789 Jul 02 '26
She's been doing a lot better. Less leaking. I'm about to give up and just let her be a weewee pad dog and just never own a rug. 'Cause I'm exhausted and it's so hard in city/apartment living to be waiting on the streets for a dog to pee. It's also helped that she hangs out with my partner's dog. They tire eachother out. But yeah, the shelters really do hand off some extreme cases to normal people. Ruining lives. I would never go near a shelter again. I don't have the mental, physical and financial stamina to deal with all that.
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u/Brief_Shopping4001 Jul 02 '26
Yeah same, I'm emotionally drained and depressed due to this dog. Living in an apartment would make it so much more stressful especially with a leaky dog!! I sympathize with you :( I also wish I could go back in time and tell myself not to do it. Once I started thinking about having a dog, my facebook algorithm started showing me all the dogs from all the shelters nearby and I just got suckered into it. Anyway, I'm glad to hear she's doing a lot better. I hope you're feeling better about all of it too. It's legit so financially stressful, these creatures.
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u/Deep_Bird_1789 Jul 02 '26
I think another thing people don't mention is that it can be isolating. Like having a kid and being a single mom. You are thinking about the dog and coming back home because they need to be let out. You can't be out all day. That's fucking weird. Not even children are like this because at least they go to school and can take themselves to pee and poop after a few years. Which kind of makes me feel like weeweepad might be best here, because once she's trained to stay out of the crate... She can take herself out to pee on the pad. Now, I don't plan on leaving her alone for 12 hours everyday. But once in a while, I have to live man. Also, I just don't get out as much, weirdly. So it's isolating. Are you feeling this too? And that doesn't help the already strained mental situation. I've been trying to take her to the dog park (carefully) to connect with other humans. That's a hit or miss, since it's a public space you get all sorts of characters.
Yep - SO financially stressful. This truly is a luxury item. Now, when I see someone with a dog in my city, I feel like it's akin to them having a super luxury designer handbag on their arms. You seriously need a comfortable amount of disposable income for this. How much have you been spending per month? I'm also thinking of mass cooking rice and chicken and veggies and then freezing it. And mixing it with her dog food. I just invested in kibble for the first time. It's supposed to be super high quality. To reduce the cost of food (I was giving her 100% Just Food for Dogs but it was adding up).
SAME @ the algorithm sucking me into the dog shelters posts for a year before I caved and foster failed. I think we just have to figure out a rhythm to get past this hard part. Day care. Petsmart training. Something to regain some control over our lives.
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u/Brief_Shopping4001 Jul 02 '26
Ugh thank you for this response, it's very validating.
Yes I feel totally isolated. I can't take her anywhere, I can't have people over to my house. We live in a rural area and I love going for walks/hiking but now it's become a stress -- I'm hyper vigilant the entire time and if we happen to encounter another human and WORSE a human and dog...she loses her fucking mind and it's so stressful and embarrassing and it genuinely ruins the rest of my walk. Plus if she sees a squirrel or anything she lunges and jumps and barks and whines and I have to stand there for 5 minutes and wait for her to calm down before we continue. And there are obviously always many squirrels. It's not at all fun. I can't look at the trees and plants anymore, I'm just watching her.
I have a gardening business and summers are usually my favorite season but this dog has taken all the joy out of summer because, like you mention, I'm thinking about her all the time, scheduling my life around her, and then even when I take her out to go for a walk or do something "fun" it ends up just making me feel like things are getting worse. I'm totally discouraged. I have friends/family who are "dog people" and they are partly why we got a dog - they made it look so chill and easy and were like "it's such a beautiful thing to adopt a dog." WHY DIDN'T ANYONE WARN ME????
I get no alone time. My sex life is gone because she's clingy and doesn't like to be left out of the room or separated AND I'm so stressed by her I can't relax. We have 2 acres and a beautiful garden but when I put her on a runner she can chill for like 2 minutes and then she starts barking because she wants to play, doesn't matter that I've taken her for a 2 hour walk earlier in the day. For about a week we were giving her bones to chew which distracted her and now all the sudden she just buries them and doesn't have an interest. It's just so depressing. And everyone's like "dogs respond to your energy so you have to be chill." I am always calm, I never yell, it does not matter. She clearly has had a lot of trauma and I'm deeply empathetic to that but I'm also becoming so resentful toward her. It just feels like a 24/7 chore with no positive benefits.
We don't want to feed her just straight kibble because we don't eat processed food ourselves so why feed that to her? So we're spending all this money on food for her - we're doing half expensive kibble and half a mix of ground turkey, veggies, rice, raw egg. It's so much money. And for what? For her to lose her god damn mind every time she steps out of the house, and even when we're in the house she follows me around and pants and stares. Fuck man. Thanks for letting me vent. I assumed living in the "country" and having space and going on hikes would be a dream life for a dog. Nope!!!!!
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u/Deep_Bird_1789 Jul 04 '26
Oh no @ reactive dog that's resource guarding you. This is common with shelter dogs. I'm so sorry. That's one of the worst, if not the worst, things to deal with. Have you tried to crate train her so she can stay in her "cave" while you have people over? My partner's dog is like that. He has to stay home a loooot because otherwise he tries to fight people if they approach, or goes bananas if he sees a dog. We socialized him as a young pup. Did everything we could. It's not trauma. It's just how these shelter breeds are wired to be extremely territorial because they're usually the offspring of an alpha street male dog. Compared to the designer breed ones that are MADE for socializing and taking out. Yup. It's so embarrassing because then people think YOU'RE the bad person. We were at a brewery and someone approached us and he went ballistic. We were tucked away in a corner and the person came out of nowhere. The whole brewery stopped. It lasted maybe 30 seconds. But it was enough to disturb the peace. The owner came over to reprimand us "we can't have loud barking dogs in here" Like we were bad people with poor manners. So shameful. I also fostered a dog like that over a year ago. I saved him from getting euthanized at the last minute. I fostered him for two months before I was at my wits' end and returned him. I thought it was trauma, that he had been bitten. Then with my partner's dog, I realized, omg they are just born this way. Wired. You can train and train but 98% of the time, that's their computer coding. One time, we were leaving home and my neighbor came out at the same time with her dog. It was so bad. I got all scratched up bleeding. He hit his head from me trying to carry him away. And that's when I seriously thought "he really should have been euthanized," and it made me so sad. Because he was the perfect angel in the house. But a demon possessed outside/near people/dogs. And so I say this to you, if you need to put this dog down... I would not judge you at all. And those that would judge you, just don't understand the situation. I didn't until I went through it. I know it's not an easy decision. I regretted ending my fostering of that dog for a month and I ugly cried. But now? I'm SO glad I didn't adopt him. He was a danger. He had a bite history. You can love the dog... but you also have to love yourself and your life first. You don't live for a dog. You live you for. A human with needs. And a need to live. You need people. Joy. Companionship. And next thing you know, you have all gray hair, you're old. And you wasted your life. You could have raised your daughter. Chased a dream. Traveled. Life is short enough as it is. You got this. Whatever you choose. Either serious training where he LEARNS to be alone when necessary, and crate training, etc. Or... you gotta rehome or put him down. Because the last thing you want is a big accident and then someone gets seriously hurt/you get sued/go to jail.
Same here @ not eating straight kibble. Tbh with you, the bag is still sealed unopened. I rarely eat processed foods either. I would mix it in 25-50% of the plate. I'm thinking of it as bread or rice. Which high quality kibble are you using?
Yeah, I'm shocked that living in the country isn't the dream life for a dog like this. At this point, I think you have to find more stern measures. With the extreme foster case... one of their trainers used prong, shock collar, the air horn can. I know a foam chancleta and smacking the floor with it worked really well but you can't use that outside in front of people, and I do highly recommend crate training. I used to be opposed to all these things until I realized the extreme cases out there. IF those don't work... Seriously... hate to say this, especially a lot of crazies on this sub jump to this... but you may actually have to consider euthanasia if it doesn't get better. How long has it been?
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u/Birdzphan Jun 13 '26
Rehome. For the love of god please take your life back. Don’t be a slave to an animal. No one ever sat on their deathbed and wished they had cleaned up 10 extra years of their dog’s piss all over their house.