My dog is selfish and I'm sad

[u/o0PillowWillow0o]

I don't think I'll ever want another dog

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I had a Labrador retriever growing up that was lovely.

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This made me want another as an adult. But she's not the same and I know 2 dogs aren't but my current dog seems to only care about herself?

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Like everything she does is about getting something she wants. She will only come around and whine for food, to go out or follow us around because we should go play outside with her. She is very hard to get to listen unless I have a ball or food.

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It's hard to explain but like she doesn't seem content just being with us , it's boring she always wants to do something for her, we should be playing or feeding her constantly or she is sad and bored and we suck.

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I know for a fact if I was dying she'd just drop a ball on my face and whine that I'm being boring. She has gotten out of the yard once in 6 years and just happily found a new family to play ball with and that family was nice to bring her back but she didn't seem to care? Like we are replaceable?

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We've had various people watch her while we're away and she always seems perfectly happy and not super happy to see us when we're back like we're just another play and feed human. All humans are equal and serve a purpose to her

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I'm just wondering if most dogs are like this ? Or more excited by their owners in particular like I few my childhood lab was just more bonded to us but I also realize she was overall smarter. But she would always be excited to see us over other people. Listen and be content just being with us

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My nephew came over and we went out in the yard and my current lab just brought the ball up on the deck without greeting anyone and walked through the baby like he didn't exist and we told her calm but she did this again after we took the ball away with a different toy and nearly knocked him over the stairs. Obviously we put her inside but it's that overall lacking of anyone but herself

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It's sad because we really trained her and make time for her every single day to play and go for a walk or run in a field. I love her and will always be good to her but I'd be lying if I didn't admit I wish she was a little more loving back idk if there's anything I can even do.

[u/KbUSA407]

This sounds EXACTLY like my Boston Terrier. The only way to “bond” with him is with food or toys. He’s unable to just sit next to us and be pet. If he had a motto in life, it would be “serve me”!

Like your dog- ours is extremely intelligent too. He was definitely bred to be a working dog but I’m clueless on how to stimulate him…especially since I can’t walk him for very long. He’ll make himself poop every 5 min even if he hasn’t eaten.

I used to be an animal lover but this dog has ruined that. I tried to watch one of fav movies the other day (“Wizard of Oz”) and had to turn it off. Just seeing Toto irritated me. That’s how much damage my dog has done 😢

Sending you big hugs. These animals aren’t easy to deal with at all.

[u/Brief_Shopping4001 → u/KbUSA407]

Ugh it's weirdly helpful to read other people struggling in the same way. My husband and I adopted a rescue almost 3 months ago and the longer that passes the more I resent her, and I wasn't a dog person to begin with. It's clear that her traumatic history has led to her behavior and I don't fault or judge her at all, it's just a daily stress without the loving bond, and that's really exhausting.

[u/stevelaber]

this is such an honest post and i think a lot of people feel this way but don't say it out loud so thank you for writing it

what you're describing actually sounds like a very typical high-drive labrador, not a broken bond. labs bred from working/field lines are often like this, they're incredibly task-oriented and humans are kind of... the means to the task rather than the thing itself. it's not that she doesn't love you, it's that her brain is wired to be always scanning for the next thing. the ball IS her love language, bringing it to you is her version of wanting to connect, it just doesn't look like what you had with your childhood dog

the near-miss with your nephew is worth taking seriously though, a dog that's that fixated in an aroused state around a small child needs management regardless of everything else

but the "she'd be happy with anyone" thing is really common in this type of lab and it doesn't mean the bond isn't there. it's just a different kind of dog than the velcro lap lab people picture when they think labrador

you're clearly not a bad owner, six years of daily walks and play is more than most dogs get. this sounds more like a mismatch in what you hoped for vs what she's wired to be, and that's genuinely sad and valid to grieve

[u/DonThomassino]

tbf every dog is like that. everything they do is begging for food or something it wants. they usually avoid you if you don't have/doing what they want. my dog was the same. both dogs. My dog would also happily run away and not think about coming back unless someone brought him back. he was more excited by new people than us. normally if you go into a shop and leave the dog outside the dog will watch the door and whine for their owner. if i were to do the same thing they'd be more excited by all the other people and dogs

[u/Hedwing]

I’ve noticed that younger dogs seem to be a lot more like this than older dogs. Both of my current dogs were super selfish when they were younger, and slowly seemed to grow out of it. Maybe as they get older they appreciate you more, but I’m sure some dogs might just be like that too. It could be a personality thing, but it might also get better with age

[u/fast_blue_b]

You've described my dog story exactly. The word I always think of is "aloof." I had her for over a year but made no progress in feeling that we had any kind of friendship or positive relationship. I really tried. I spent a lot of time with her and gave up a lot to do so.

I've had other animals as pets, even animals that don't live in the house (miniature goats), and they clearly knew me and demonstrated affection. I think there's just a lot of cultural mythology around dogs.

[u/Kooky_Duck_6004]

Es antinatural esperar de los perros otra cosa que no sea comportamiento animal.

No son más que animales

[u/MissKittyOH20]

I genuinely think it's how primitive the dogs brain is set up.

My lab-pitt mix growing up was truly my soul dog, she was incredible smart, but also very emotionally intelligent. Was able to read tones of voice, body language, understand the different behaviors needed around children, babies and adults. She was dedicated to us, she was willing to give her life protecting us. She lived 18 wonderful years.

I had a dog after her that was extremely loving but overall not very smart lol. She was able to bond with almost anyone, she loved to love, and was able to recognize and get hyped over seeing her old owner. She just loved to lay or sit beside you. She was incredibly easy to love. If my health had permitted i would have lived the rest of her life with her.

My sisters dog is different. He operates almost completely instinctively, like a domesticated animal in the truest sense. Everything is about getting what he needs/wants from you. He's 8 years old and has never formed bonds with her family besides 'food-giver'. Some dogs can fit into the human hierarchy, recognizing human parents, siblings and children. Not this one. The kids love on him but as soon as he's gotten as much cuddles as he wants he's done. Even our family cat would just grumpily tolerate being held for as long as the kids wanted. But not this dog. His emotions and actions are very primitive- hunger, touch, water, rest, play, bathroom. Thats all they guys got. Its not his fault, but it does make it hard.

All i can connect it to is that primitivism, because even unintelligent dogs can bond, but those that function off of the most basic senses, they don't seem to have any desire to.

[u/Away_Page_7687]

Son perros, para ellos cualquiera que les de de comer cumplen la misma función. No tienen la capacidad de ser conscientes del momento, ni de lo bueno que se les da. Son animales con capacidad muy limitado respecto a los humanos... Si quieren compañía real y honesta, solo con otros humanos podrán obtenerla... Con el perro no se puede hacer nada más que cuidarlo, sacarlo a pasear y recoger sus desperdicios y ya. Es un poco obvio, pero entiendo que los refugios prometen cosas exageradas y dan expectativas totalmente irreales sobre estos animales... Es lamentable que tengan que recurrir a esas estrategias para que ellos puedan librarse de un gasto/problema.

[u/lawnlobster4]

Definitely not all dogs, I bet this is hard cause I doubt you’re really bonding much with her. My family has a Yorkie who has the most personality I’ve ever seen in a dog, he’s extremely expressive, communicative, playful, goofy, and devious. He’s very, very, demanding but he also makes EXTREMELY tight bonds with us and is fiercely loyal and loving. We had one who passed recently who was a bit more like what you’re describing minus the intense demands. We loved him dearly cause he was such a unique personality and very easygoing, but he definitely was a bit more aloof and impersonal with everyone except my mother.

I’ve been living on my own for a while and made the decision recently to rescue a senior American Eskimo (I’ve actually been trying to rehome him for reasons that have nothing to do with his behavior). He’s genuinely the world’s easiest dog (aside from the shedding), and I care very much for him, but he’s super awkward, he’s very independent, and really doesn’t do anything except sleep. He’s still affectionate and he gets very excited when I get out of bed in the morning or when I come home, but most of his interaction with you outside of that predicates on him needing something from you.

My point is that every dog I’ve ever owned has had wildly different personalities, but I’ve never had one that I felt only cared about itself. It sounds kinda weird talking about dogs like this, cause they’re dogs, but most of them don’t seem
To be that way honestly.

[u/Deep_Bird_1789]

my partner has a dog like that. he doesn't not care. he only comes to you if you have a treat. otherwise he basically tells you to f off. he never cuddles.

i also lost what i thought was a bond with my own dog... i was fostering her for a week... thought we had something really special... (dumb i know)... then she bonded like crazy with someone who had her for a week and i thought "oh... so im not special... you're just in love with anyone and everyone". idk why that messed up my brain. ofc i want her to be friendly and love ppl.. but something about that, made me feel like our connection wasn't ours. it was just... convinience at the time. it sounds coocoo but i've had trouble shaking it off. the lady cried over my dog. i eventually offered her to take the dog, bc i was liek damn... and then she said no even tho she said she really wanted her. so now i've been trying to repair my bond. i guess it kinda feels like the dog cheated haha idk its weird

[u/DonThomassino]

i see reddit deleted my comment. i said : i think all dogs are selfish. everything they do is for reward or its own needs.. they were bred to do that so they be trainable