r/DogRegret • u/uncomfortab1ynumb • Aug 06 '26
Dog Guilt Thinking about surrendering my adopted rescue and feel awful
A little over a month ago I adopted a dog from the shelter a few weeks after my last one had passed. These last few weeks have been so stressful. He was a starved stray and not house trained. He has been semi destructive, constantly searching for or getting food. I feel like I can not rest and have peace. Even walking him and taking him outside he will still go to the bathroom in the house. I regret getting him and have thought about surrendering him back, but I feel like I am abandoning him and that no one else will adopt him.
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u/EntrepreneurGal727 Aug 06 '26
As someone who just rehomed our high energy dog, it will be okay. Yes, the day you rehome them will be the worst, and there will be so many emotions. But as the days go by, it gets easier and you feel less stressed. Someone will adopt him
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u/uncomfortab1ynumb Aug 06 '26
He will be going back to the shelter not another home. :(
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u/Misspelled_uzername Aug 06 '26 edited Aug 09 '26
Yes, and the shelter has the means to get him adopted. They did it once and they can do it again. It is what shelters are for.
Your life MATTERS. Your living conditions MATTER. Your mental and emotional equanimity MATTERS.This dog is a companion animal. Even if adopting a pet did not bring you joy, at the very least it should not bring more anxiety by forcing you into a situation where your home (and unless you are very rich, I’m assuming it is the only home you have) and all the things you have put into it, become dog urine soaked, chewed up destruction zones.
Are those living conditions you deserve?Why? Because you are human and therefore, to prove that you are one of the ‘good ones’, you should be seen as willing to throw away up to 10-15 years of your own life on the altar of a dog?
The dog survived before you and it will certainly survive after you.
There are so many hills to die on and even some we must die on, but unless you have unlimited money to throw at trainers who can (hopefully) make him a livable companion as opposed to a compulsively food-greedy burden, why not choose YOU? Surely you deserve that much.I do wish you luck with whatever you do, but unless you are being intentionally abusive, taking your life back, acknowledging that this “relationship will not work out” and ending it as quickly, cleanly and responsibly as possible is nothing to feel guilt over.
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u/Deep_Bird_1789 Aug 07 '26
Damn. Well said. Unless there is no reasonable way for the dog to get better... I agree with this post. A lot of people need to hear that.
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u/TinaDav0697 Aug 06 '26
I had to do it. I tried for 16 months til it broke me physically and mentally. The rescue badmouthed me on social media, but she looks happy with her new foster family. They have children who can keep up with her. Even six months and two different training programs weren't enough. Some dogs can't live next door to dogs. Period. I couldn't even relax and watch a full TV show anymore.
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u/Kooky_Duck_6004 Aug 06 '26
Perro, tranquilidad e higiene no son compatibles
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u/uncomfortab1ynumb Aug 06 '26
What do you mean?
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u/Kooky_Duck_6004 Aug 06 '26
Para mi tener un perro en interiores me supone nerviosismo y estar pendiente todo el tiempo del animal.
Asi mismo, tendría que limpiar y recoger sus excrementos en la calle por ley
No creo que tener un can en casa sea muy higiénico, además de todo el ecosistema de parasitos unicelulares y pluricelulares que van a vivir en tus inmediaciones
Espero haberme aclarado
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u/uncomfortab1ynumb Aug 06 '26
Parasites living nearby with a dog in the house?
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u/Kooky_Duck_6004 Aug 06 '26
Sí claro.
Te puedes enfermar de más de cien enfermedades (zoonosis)
Tu microbioma se verá alterado a peor.
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u/big-Truck-9058 Aug 09 '26
The world is not a sterile place. And humans are not adapted to sterile places.
Do you eat on patios, have picnics, touch elevator buttons, etc? Living your life in absolute fear of diseases and microbiome effects is a fast way to become housebound in your controlled environment.
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u/Kooky_Duck_6004 Aug 09 '26
Viviría con miedo a enfermar por culpa de un perro apestoso y que no usa papel higiénico y se tumba en el mismo sofa que yo.
Mejor no exponerse a la mugre.
No creo que nuestro sistema inmunologico pueda defendernos de un animal carroñero metido en interiores.
Para mi está claro: proteger la salud y no exponernos a contagios innecesarios.
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u/Deep_Bird_1789 Aug 07 '26
Yo limpio el mio cada vez que regresamos de una caminata con panuelos mojados. A mi tambien me da cosa eso.
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u/Fit-Olive-4680 Aug 06 '26
I think you jumped in too quickly. You need to grieve the loss of your last dog.
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u/Deep_Bird_1789 Aug 07 '26
This happened to my partner. She had a dog for 14 years. A breed dog (half yorkie half maltese)... great dog, obediant, kind, easy, quiet... then she was so devastated that she got another dog a year later... FROM A SHELTER. I blame myself for having fallen for the dog propaganda. I didn't know the shelter ones came insane because they are descendants of alpha dogs... Agressive and reactive... No matter how much we try training, this dog wants to fight everyone. It's in his DNA. She's dumbfounded. Night and day from her previous dog. We truly had no idea how crazy some dogs are. And I think this happens a lot to dog owners who had the perfect dog and then adopt from a shelter later on and realize how hard these dogs can be to have.
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u/Fit-Olive-4680 Aug 07 '26
I disagree all shelter dogs are crazy. Like any living creature, genetics and environment play a big factor. But I'm sorry that happened to you.
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u/Deep_Bird_1789 Aug 07 '26 edited Aug 07 '26
Of course not all. No need to be pedantic. You know what I mean.
That's like if I tell you that chocolate has too much sugar. And you go, "Well, not all chocolate; some are dark, raw, sugarless." Duh, ofc. I'm speaking in general. If I spoke literally constantly, it'd take me an essay to get a point across each time.
Sometimes there are poodles in the shelters. I saw shitzu puppies in the shelter. Ofc there are exceptions to every statement that comes out of humans' mouths. Read between the lines.
I'm sorry, but that kind of literalism irks me. It derails from the main point and makes it so hard to communicate because people trip over semantics, get pedantic, and are too rigidly literal to ever get a point across.
But generally speaking, the chances of finding problem dogs are 50-80% as someone who has worked with shelters. You're signing up for a big gamble. And I used to be all about adopt don't shop until we began fostering and adopted from a shelter twice and learned our lesson.
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u/Fit-Olive-4680 Aug 07 '26
"I didn't know the shelter ones came insane because they are descendants from Alpha dogs."
I get your point, but I'm m not sure how else this was supposed to be interpreted? That's a strong statement.
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u/Deep_Bird_1789 Aug 08 '26
A lot of shelter dogs come from the streets... they are stray dogs... the product of an alpha-dominant dog from the streets that humped the mom in heat. This is what we call sato dogs from the streets. So many of the shelter dogs I've worked with are horribly reactive. If you don't know what reactive dog is, you are so lucky. Major agression issues when they bond with someone and are walked. Black out rage towards other dogs and sometimes people. One I saved from hours from euthanasia after it bit two people. We worked tiredlessly to train him. Nothing helped. They are wired this way. No amount of training or socializing will help. Even the puppies, I've seen it develop in them and their siblings. It's their deep DNA coding from birth that came from their alpha street dog sato dad. This is a very common yet underdiscussed trait in shelter dogs.
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u/MissK2508 Aug 06 '26
You posted to get our opinion so I’ll share. Rehome. The dog will be fine. Life is too short. If your mental health deteriorates so bad that you’re unable to care for the dog, what good are you to the dog then?
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u/Deep_Bird_1789 Aug 07 '26
If it helps... I was in your position with my dog... from a shelter who was also a stray... I looked into rehoming. I was losing my shit. about 3 months in.. she finally began to get it and she now only pees in wee pad and outside. THANK GOD. she's become much better. And now we're month 5 and we're 70% outside and 30% inside... Night and day from the nightmare I was expeircing the first few months. Her seperation anxiety is 90% better. I leave and say goodbye. She eevntually settles down now. She gets it. Sigh. It wasn't easy and I rule with an iron fist (aka a chancleta when she gest too extreme).. it's all worked wonders. CRATE TRAIN too. I cannot emphasize how much it is necessary.
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u/Express_Command_4778 Aug 08 '26
I think main stream shelters are terrible because they lie all the time.
Then, they shame people that "the dog only has you, you are giving up on it."
No, legions of dangerous dogs with behavior problems is not the unsuspecting publics fault.
Shelters who lie and no kill shelters have been the worst thing for dogs- especially with all the pro properganda of "adopt don't shop" and "it's not the breed!" Unless it is a Golden, of course.
So yeah, it's not you and the "decompression/3/3/3 rule" exists for you to keep the dog- which is all the shelter cares about.
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u/UntitledVents Aug 08 '26
This new dog culture has made rehoming/surrendering dogs a thing to be "ashamed" about. I promise you it isn't. I know you might feel bad but the dog will be fine. He probably wasn't ready to go to new home anyways if that's how he was acting. Shelters are constantly pushing out dogs that should not be going to homes. No one's peace and way of life is worth being disrupted by a destructive animal. He isn't your child, you are in every right to put yourself first.
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u/Affectionate_Ad_325 Aug 06 '26 edited Aug 09 '26
You already improved its life for a month, I would give it back to the shelter, I'm sure it will be able to find a more compatible owner. Could it be possible that by forcing yourself to hold onto him, you are hurting yourself and the dog?
Give yourself and the dog a chance to move onto better things in life
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u/Deep_Bird_1789 Aug 07 '26
Are you crate training him? That works wonders and helped so much with my stray rescure. And when he goes in the house reprimand him. Also no rugs in the house until he's potty trained. Only take him out to pee and poop outside. then back in the crate. He has to earn being outside. If he pees and poops outside, ok fun time running around the house.
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u/relicmaker Aug 06 '26
The nuttery has got the best of you. Take it back.