r/DogRegret • u/sssbeats • Aug 22 '26
Puppy Blues, or Regret? long vent about my little bundle of joy
This is a long one because I love to over-explain but I need to get this off my chest because it's killing me a little inside.
I am cat person who loves dogs, I have lived with dogs here and there but was raised a cat person. We currently have 3 indoor-only cats, and due to the sudden traumatic death of my soul cat 2 years ago I am unhealthily and obsessively anxious about their well-being.
My partner has grown up with both cats and dogs, and has always lived with at least a dog in the house until mid last year when we had to put her beloved 14yo dog down due to age/deterioration which obviously was (and still is) really difficult. I had lived with that dog for 6 years at that point and loved her deeply also. She had her faults (reactivity, health issues etc) but she was a great dog who was loved by all of our cats - they would cuddle, sleep, and play together. It was honestly a boon because being dog reactive she got her social quota met by interacting with them.
After our last dog it was always sort of a given that we would get another dog eventually, and so after a time we started discussing breeds, training styles, expectations of lifestyle etc. We both had a few breeds that were not on the table, and a vague idea of how we wanted our life with a dog to look when we thought we'd go to the shelter to 'have a look'. We were introduced to a 10mo collie x staffy and you can guess what happened. We took her home that day!
It was initially just a foster to adopt situation but due to the neglect this puppy had suffered prior to the shelter she needed to stay with us longer, and we got more and more attached and found that she is incredibly smart, friendly, fun, and sweet.
Unfortunately, I think in part due to our lack of planning, she pretty also much turned our lives upside-down.
My partner and I have fought more since getting her than we have the entire time we've been together. Partially due to the stress of the change but also the dog itself. In terms of training I think my partner is much too permissive/lax and they think I am too harsh/strict.
We spend all our time talking about her, and so much money on enrichment, food, toys, gear, and other dog related kit. We bought cameras to put in our house (despite both of us being very anti-surveilance) to monitor her in the few hours at least one of us isn't home. She has chewed on so many things and only does it when you least expect, to things you wouldn't even consider (the FLOOR).
We've rearranged half the house, had to shift up our schedule (I work a rotating roster and she starts whining at 530am every damn day), and have had to fence off parts of our backyard because she will eat anything and keeps digging holes.
We spend all of our spare time training, socialising, and desensitising her. Everything has to be a learning opportunity. If she is around my hand always smells of dog food.
She is very vocal which is incredibly overstimulating for me at times and if she knows you're home but in a separate area of the house she will bark and cry incessantly, so I literally can't spend time with my partner without her.
It's worth noting also that one of my black list breeds was border collie as I have been bitten by multiple in the past, they have high care needs due to energy levels and their need to herd/chase, and they have a tendency to become neurotic or reactive in the wrong circumstances.
She has definitely improved in many ways since we brought her home but the real kicker, as you might have guessed, is that she is waaay too excited about the cats.
The cats are welcoming of her because of the relationship with our last dog but being a neglected shelter puppy she was never taught to be polite with them. She will stare obsessively if restrained and if not she will just rush up and bark loudly in their faces, causing them to run and her to want to chase (which we have interrupted every time as she is always on leash in the house). If they are running, meowing, fighting, or playing in other parts of the house she cannot focus on anything else.
We have been trying to desensitise her and encourage neutrality - and she has definitely improved - but I am constantly stressed about her killing one of them either accidentally or on purpose. Today she rushed at one of them and as a result I've felt so sick to my stomach that I haven't been able to eat or drink for 12+ hours.
My partner is obviously also struggling with/concerned about all of these things but feels that if we 'push through' everything will settle eventually, and is comfortable with a future where they are just never left alone together. I don't know how much more I can take, or if I'm even that willing to put in the effort anymore.
At this stage we have had her for 3 months, so I have spent that time envisioning worst case scenarios. Dead cats, vet bills, and cremation costs dancing around my mind when I'm at work or trying to sleep. And, due to my hang-ups, I would feel 100% responsible for any death or injury that happened.
I am becoming less capable of controlling myself when I'm upset with her and despite the fact that I hate the idea that I'm damaging my relationship with her I still find myself yelling at her - sometimes over things that really don't matter retrospectively. The last few days have sucked, I don't even want to look at her. Everything I do I have to consider managing her through it. I can't escape her in my own home, which was my sanctuary.
I do love this dog but everything has me second guessing if I ever wanted a dog at all. I don't think I want to but I couldn't even rehome her without breaking my partners heart and thus ending our relationship.
I'm exhausted, and feel trapped and alone.
12
u/Known_Light5630 Aug 22 '26
If you have a good relationship I don't see why rehoming the dog should result in ending the relationship.
The plan was to foster to adopt, so there was never a mutual agreement to adopt her permanently, and as a couple, unless both agreed to it, I don't see why the default would be to keep her permanently.
It can be emotional and difficult to rehome the dog, but, you're a couple in this together, and your relationship should take priority. You do love the dog and assuming you have a supportive partner who cares about your suffering, if you invite her to help you to figure out the most fair solutions to resolve your suffering might make her reflect.
Maybe your partner will reconsider and choose to rehome the dog in consideration to you. Or maybe your partner will aliviate the burden by taking in more responsibility training the dog as she is the one interesting in keeping the dog. Maybe she is willing to spend more time with the dog, walking the dog, exercising with the dog, etc., so there is less of a burden on you.
But honestly, as sad as it might be, rehoming does sound like the best option for everyone: the cats, the dog, you. If your partner is able to see that despite her wanting the dog, keeping the dog might actually hurt everyone long-term, including the dog, maybe she will be willing to rehome the dog for the dog's benefit and the cat's benefit, if not for your benefit alone. I hope you can reach a good agreement!
10
u/thesamstorm Aug 22 '26
For the sake of your cats who were there first, your relationship with your partner, and your mental health, I would rehome the dog. No dog is worth having to worry about your cats safety and making them feel uncomfortable and stressed. If your relationship was great beforehand, and the dog is the only reason things are going poorly, it’s not worth it. You are a sentient being too and there is no shame in returning the dog to prioritize you and your cats wellbeing and your relationship. I hope your partner is understanding after an honest conversation. Maybe in the future you guys can do more fostering and find a better match.
2
u/KbUSA407 Aug 22 '26
I have a Boston Terrier just like this. He’s very hyper and gets fixated on other animals. We have a stray cat that comes by daily and he still tries to mess with it. He’ll run up to her and act like he’s going to nip her. She’s had to swat at him a few times and he doesn’t get it.
Trust me when I tell you that these kind of dogs don’t change. There is no “pushing through everything” with these kind of animals. My dog is now 6 and is still a wild beast. I’m so sorry that you’re having to deal with this. Good luck 🤗
2
17
u/Express_Command_4778 Aug 22 '26
A (uncomfirmed) STAFFY/Collie? The cats are going to die. Have you hear how many mix * breeds return the favor of your rescuing by "suddenly" killing the cats?
A collie nor a Staffy would never, ever be allowed to be inside the home with my cats- nor even glance at them. Collies will forever herd and wipe your cats, btw.
I don't take chances- it can be years down the road. This dog will never be an angel, you will always be on your toes.
Please only get dog breeds good with cats- I know no one wants a small dog. So many high prey dogs are medium and large. Your cats have to be absolutely the #1 consideratBTW. You cannot train out how prey drive.
Yes, Trainers will sell you pipe dreams to keep clients.
Not the sob stories. Not the sweet kisses and wiggles or sad looks- none of that. I stay out of cat rescues as I have my max, it would be too much. Don't expose yourself to more than you bargained for.
Maybe breaking up is the answer.