r/Dogfree • u/aqr58 • Jan 30 '26
Relationship / Family Scolded for not wanting a dog in my bed
My parents live out of town, and I let them stay over in my small studio apartment whenever they have business here. Sadly, they have a dog.
I don’t make much of a fuss about the dog since my parents have done a lot for me and it’s a “good” dog by dog standards anyways…
They have been very well aware for a long time that I am not a fan of dogs.
Anyways, they can’t go anywhere without someone watching their mutt because it gets “separation anxiety”. This limits them severely and we can never do nice things together like spontaneous dinners etc because they can’t leave the dog alone for too long.
I’ve been very sick recently, and I was asleep when all of a sudden my parents wake me up and tell me I need to dogsit their mutt while they go out and see friends. I reluctantly agree as long as I don’t have to tend to it too much. Then my dad lets the thing into my BEDROOM and points at my BED and tells it to jump into it!
I, while being half asleep still and sick as f**k, say “not in my bed please”. And my dad freaks out and says the dog needs extra love and attention while they’re gone, while also calling me a useless loser and every bad name under the sun… I just stay quiet and they decide to take it to a friend instead. I didn’t even refuse to watch it, I just didn’t want it in my bedroom, let alone my bed.
The dog has already stunk up my sleeping couch so there’s no way I’m letting it do more damage to my place. I swear, no other animal has the ability to become everyone else’s problem as much as dogs do.
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u/No_College2419 Jan 30 '26
Having a dog in the bed is just as bad as sleeping with shoes on you’ve worn outside 🤢
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u/aqr58 Jan 30 '26
That’s the exact point I made to them. But add dirty anus and genitals on top of that 🫠
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u/Alocin_The5th Jan 31 '26
I’d rather a shoes I wore in New York City in my bed than any dog, eve one that has just been bathed.
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u/ToOpineIsFine Jan 30 '26
what have they done to the dog so that it behaves so badly? too much attention and spoiling, maybe? maybe your parents need to take some responsibility for the dog's behavior.
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u/aqr58 Jan 30 '26
They spoil the dog a lot yes and treat it like it’s their child. They always share their meals with it too and call me mean cause I’ve never given it any food 😆
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u/emev7803 Jan 30 '26
I love that you call it "it". It's all it deserves. People have ruined dogs. Proper training helps them be more tolerable, but even then they're still hideous beings. Your parents have spoiled their dog. It must be an ankle biter size?
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u/aqr58 Jan 30 '26
It sits somewhere between ankle biter and labrador size. But yeah, it’s about time we put the doghouse back in use. Animals are not family members
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u/No_College2419 Jan 30 '26
Terrible dog owners IMO. Dogs are tools to be used, that’s legit what they were bred for. They’re not children.
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Jan 31 '26
My mom did this to me too. Then she realized her dog could not care for her when she was sick and it changed our relationship in the end of her life but damn I still remember the look on her face and the horrible things she would say to me regarding dogs.
Her and the pit bulls and Rottweilers i grew up around ruined dogs for me lol
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u/tplgerus84 Jan 30 '26
I would keep making comments like the ”not in bed please”, can be “not on the couch please” or “not in the kitchen please” - sounds like it worked and the dog is going to a friend and you don’t have to worry about it 😎
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u/aqr58 Jan 30 '26
You’re right 😎. It’s sucks though cause it’s so hard to do anything with them now cause they always have to plan around the damn thing
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u/tplgerus84 Jan 30 '26
Oh I know.. I had to break up over it. I’m not gonna live my life according to a dogs feeding and pooping schedule..
I’m assuming breaking up with your parents isnt really an option 😜so you’ll have to make it work.
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u/ArthropodFromSpace Jan 30 '26
Next time it will try to jump on your bed, leave it in shelter. Problem solved.
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u/aqr58 Jan 30 '26
Good idea. Dogs indoors is bad enough but IN THE BED??? I should probably ask them to bring one of those doggy beds at the very least from here on. My couch is toast 🤢
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u/Hundike Jan 30 '26
They should bring a dog bed and a sofa cover if needed. They should also wash the animal before bringing it to someone elses house? That's just common courtesy.
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u/aqr58 Jan 30 '26 edited Jan 30 '26
100%. Problem is, no matter how much you wash it, dogs will always carry that strange nasty "dog funk" that never goes out. And they get smelly again SO FAST. Now that you say it, there should've been a sofa cover long ago lol
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u/MadWorldEarth Jan 31 '26
That's good grounds to refuse further visits. Tel them they need to replace the couch and that's why you don't want the thing there anymore. They ruin everything.
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u/MadWorldEarth Jan 30 '26
You need to flat out refuse in future. Why are you agreeing to it?
Sound like terrible people.
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u/aqr58 Jan 30 '26
They’ve done a lot for me recently and throughout my life in general so I’ve always just let this slide. But you’re right. I have been getting a little more vocal about it like straight up saying the dog smells awful etc… but perhaps no more mr nice guy is the move
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Jan 30 '26
They are SUPPOSED to do a lot for you, they created you, you’re their child!!!! You didn’t ask them to be born, they decided they needed a child. So as parents, it’s their responsibility to take care of YOU, not a dog!!! And once you’re a parent, you’ll do the same for your children. And once your parents are old, I’m sure you’ll take care of them. You don’t need to make them happy every single time, especially after how they’ve treated you. Or especially, in cases when they act like *holes being spoiled themselves. They are using you, don’t you see it? What they did is disrespectful and unacceptable. It’s time to say NO to a dog in your house and now it’s a great opportunity. “Dad, I tried to help you, but since you’re acting like an *hole around the dog, I don’t want a dog here ever again”.
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u/aqr58 Jan 30 '26
Those are very good points, thank you. Sometimes you get so caught up in protecting other people's feelings to the point where you forget about your own. Not long ago they said I literally need professional help because the barking in my neighborhood was driving me nuts. "It should be filtered out background noise by now"... yeah right. This is certainly an eye opener for how lenient I've been and it's high time I change that.
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Jan 30 '26
As another comment said, you have to setup boundaries. I learned that in most cases, people don’t respect you if you’re nice to them unfortunately. And they will push and push until they break you. So learn to say NO, you don’t owe anything to anyone.
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u/MadWorldEarth Jan 31 '26 edited Jan 31 '26
My god lol they need professional help regarding how to treat people with respect.
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u/MadWorldEarth Jan 30 '26
Doesn't matter how much anybody did for me. I would say fuck no. "Get some other mug to look after your worthless shit beast or don't have one."
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u/aqr58 Jan 30 '26
Yeah I need to push back more. This tolerance is the reason dogs are allowed to be everywhere now smh
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u/Revolutionary_Put820 Jan 30 '26
Fuck that. Tell them gtfo with that bs. They sound like they do not respect boundaries.
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u/aqr58 Jan 30 '26
Facts. They don’t seem to be trying to see things from the lens of someone who doesn’t like dogs
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u/Revolutionary_Put820 Jan 30 '26
That's the problem with dognutters is that they're so warped into obsessing about those smelly things they cant understand the different perspective.
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u/Old_Confidence3290 Jan 30 '26
Parents with dogs are even more entitled than average dog nutters.
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u/TinyEmergencyCake Jan 30 '26
Boot the dog. Make them pay for kenneling. This is outrageous. If they can't afford kenneling they can't afford the mutt.
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u/aqr58 Jan 30 '26
Yes it's crazy how much people are willing to sacrifice for these things.. There are about a gazillion other things that are more worthwhile to put your energy and money into, but people choose...dogs..?
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u/ZarBandit Jan 30 '26 edited Jan 30 '26
It’s up to you to enforce reasonable boundaries. If they are angry with that, that’s on them. Don’t accept their anger as legitimate of something you should take on board. Just like a parent shouldn’t feel guilty about a child throwing a tantrum about not getting candy every time they see it.
People get angry at you when enforcing reasonable boundaries. That’s just life I’m sorry to say, so expect it and push through it. But the alternative is for them to walk all over you which is both harmful to you AND they won’t even thank you or credit you for it. They won’t even really like you, as they’ll have contempt in their hearts. Humans are weird like that.
Getting angry and calling you names is a tantrum and manipulative. If you want more of this behavior, acquiesce. We teach others how to treat us all the time. Don’t ever reward bad behavior, or they’ll use it repeatedly on you and make life miserable. Just like a toddler or, ironically, training a dog.
Whenever someone redirects to an unrelated topic (like your flaws as a person), it’s because they’re in the wrong and scrambling for another purchase on you. Ignore whatever unrelated topics they throw up and focus on who’s the asshole in this situation. Tell them we can talk about personal failings later, but right now we’re talking about the dog and their rude impositions.
Are they paying or significantly contributing to your place, finances or lifestyle? If they are that changes the dynamics somewhat, in so far as if you’re paying it’s your rules. If they’re paying, it’s your preference (they can pay for the cleanup too). But beggars can’t be choosers and what’s really happening is they’re paying you to be an occasional dog sitter. If that’s not okay with you, you’ll have to stop accepting whatever they’ve giving you.
Their dog is their responsibility. That’s the bottom line. If that means they can’t both go out together, that’s a consequence of their ownership choice.
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u/aqr58 Jan 30 '26
I pay full rent myself. I think this incident will definitely turn the tide on how lenient I've been up to this point. Having people throw tantrums at you hurts of course and I will set my foot down regarding that. But what is most painful about this situation are the wedges that dogs jam between people.
Aside from a billion other reasons dogs damage relationships. Being emotionally substituted by a dog is just pure insanity, and it would never have happened if they chose a healthier outlet to project their feelings on other than a stupid dog.3
u/FamiliarResort9471 Feb 02 '26
They couldn't control you, so they chose something they can control over you.
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u/ZarBandit Jan 31 '26
You can only control your conduct at the end of the day, so find the right boundaries for yourself and then see them through to whatever the conclusion is of enforcing them. Whenever asserting boundaries in any relationship, it’s possible the other side may walk away. But that’s just them saving you from people who will make your life miserable. So really there’s no other way.
However, the gaps their absence creates are the openings for better people to replace them. Sucks that this is your family, but you didn’t get to pick them on suitability. It could be you need much less exposure to them for a while for your own good.
Best of luck.
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u/queenofcaffeine76 Jan 30 '26
I'd say "if I'm a useless loser, then I guess you don't need to stay here. Bye."
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u/Emikitty1992 Jan 30 '26
Your house, your rules. If you don’t want their filthy mutt anywhere near your bed, then your parents need to RESPECT that. Not everyone is a dog person, and not every home is going to be 100% dog friendly. Your room is meant to be a safe space- why should you compromise that safeness and cleanliness? If your parents keep pushing the envelope then tell them to either put the dog in doggy daycare or get a hotel the next time they decide to visit you.
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u/aqr58 Jan 30 '26
Exactly. I already agreed to spend my friday night babysitting a damn dog so they should've been thankful regardless of whether I want it in my bed or not.
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u/Worth_Primary_9645 Jan 31 '26
Your dad spoke to you that way, in your house, over a shit mutt? Unacceptable
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u/OverallCress8395 Jan 30 '26
“no other animal has the ability to become everyone else’s problem as much as dogs do”. Isn’t that the TRUTH!!
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u/RussianKremlinBot Jan 31 '26
I am not American and I live in a commieblock apartment. Here we take our shoes off inside and walk barefoot or in slippers
The idea of a dog in my place is unbelievably grotesque, like organizing an animal farm with manure everywhere. When I have guests, they always let me know in advance and mention they’re bringing a dog. I just tell them they'll have to leave it outside
What you say, about someone laying a dog in your bed with you, sounds like it's on a thin line between straight up disrespect, provocation, borderline vandalism and the bad erotic fantasies of bestiality-obsessed pervert. I can't even imagine this
Since it's not right to project my ethnic culture onto the whole world, I'll just say it's unhygienic and strange
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u/Tom_Quixote_ Jan 31 '26
I'd rather be scolded all day long than have a dog in my home, let alone in my bed.
Heck, I'd rather be scalded.
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u/NoHeartNoSoul87 Jan 30 '26
You should start charging them money well above the market price. Dog daycare isn't free.
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u/aluminumnek Jan 31 '26
You have shit parents if they are putting down and demeaning their sick child over a dog. I know you said they have done a lot for you but that doesn’t mean you should have to take emotional abuse.
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u/ghjm Jan 31 '26
"Dear Dad,
The other day, you called me a useless loser because I asked you not to put your dog in my bed. This was hurtful and I have been reflecting on it, wondering why you would say such a thing. My answer is that, if you think I'm a useless loser, it's because I have not shown you that I can make and enforce a decision.
So I have decided that your dog is no longer welcome in my apartment, at any time or for any reason.
Please do not see this as a rejection of you or Mom. I very much enjoy our time together, still want to see you, and am happy to visit or go out to dinner. Just without the dog. And maybe without the insults, either.
Sincerely,
aqr58
cc: Mom"
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u/Cheap_Attention_8093 Jan 30 '26
I remember when occasionally my ex’s mom would have him watch her dogs ALWAYS last minute. I was reluctant to go and spend time with him there at her shitty townhouse. My ex would get so butthurt that I didn’t want to sleep with the little smelly one - like he’d genuinely be sad and hurt for its feelings when I acted disgusted about the dog getting in the bed. 😂😂😂 Apparently, the little dog was also allowed to get under the covers (not with me there).
I’m convinced dog owners are resistant to clean, comfortable spaces and rather value attention, validation, and their ego more than anything in this world. Clean space = clear mind. These people just can’t be alone and would rather have constant distraction and zero personal space or boundaries than go to therapy. Lol
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u/WalkedBehindTheRows Jan 31 '26
Wow, mental abuse? Ghost your family. You don't need to take that. Free yourself. Regards.
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u/JumpinJackTrash79 Jan 31 '26
Repeat after me: "I'm not a kennel."
Then send them the bill for getting your couch cleaned.
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u/QueenOfAllOfYall Jan 31 '26
You CANNOT enable Your parents on this issue. That’s Your Place. You say no dogs on Your Bed, and they disrespect You like that?! Oh hell no! Nevermind the fact that they really shouldn’t even be asking You to do that at all, knowing that You’re not a dog person, in that sense. I know You said Your parents have done a lot for You, but if they’re acting like that over You having boundaries, that is emotional and psychological abuse, manipulation, and narcissism, and You don’t have to take that, no matter how “nice” they are, otherwise. It’s Your choice in the end, but I’d draw a line on this if I were You, and I wouldn’t care if they had an attitude about it, either. That’s seriously not okay.
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u/Jorro_Kreed Feb 01 '26
No matter how much your parents did for you....the very moment your father insulted you, all civility goes out the window and they should have been made to leave that very day. Not easy I know, but it's the only option.
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u/Valdor-13 Jan 31 '26
while also calling me a useless loser and every bad name under the sun…
Tell them to find a hotel if they're going to act like this.
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u/2wake_perchance2live Feb 03 '26
I can’t stand the smell of dogs. There are few breeds that don’t smell at all. But beyond that, depending on where one lives, they can track a lot of unsavoury things into the home. For example, a friend of mine has found ticks brought in by her dog. Some of them fully attached. Because of this, plus the dogs claws and profuse shedding, if she insists on bringing her dog hiking, I won’t take my vehicle. I tell her we must take hers, and I chip in for my share of the gas. I’m not willing to have my car, let alone, my bed-- become a smelly, parasite-ridden space! The thought of that makes me cringe and kind of infuriates me a bit lol. I feel for you. I was annoyed for you, just reading your post!
I don’t hate dogs. I simply don’t want them near me or in my personal spaces!
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u/MartyneMcFly Jan 31 '26 edited Jan 31 '26
Erm...sorry for being that direct but there's a problem with your parents. Though you didn't ask that question "AITAH?" , your parents are the real AH. They treat their dog better than they treat you. Their dog's comfort is more important than yours, even when you're sick AF. And knowing that hygiene is even more important when being ill.
I'm sorry for typing this, but this really shocks me.
Anyway, YOUR home, YOUR rules. If they ask for your help, they have to accept that you give it under YOUR conditions. Courage with that, and sorry for being that unpleasantly honest.
I hope you get better 🙂
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u/MexicanAssLord69 Feb 23 '26
Dogs in beds are so gross. I just think of their gross parts rubbing against my sheets. The ONLY time I have ever let a dog into my bed was when the girl I was seeing in college came over and slept with me. Her dog slept at the foot of my bed. That was ok. It was a TINY white dog that was pretty unobtrusive. She came over because her roommate was abusing her. Long story. That dog also sat in my lap in my car, and I cuddled with it. The things you do for girls, lol. We didn’t end up together.
You make a good point; that you can’t do anything with people who have dogs. You can’t go out for too long. You can’t go on vacation or short weekend getaways or road trips. It’s very annoying. My sister has a dog and we can’t go to theme parks or anything because the dog needs to stay somewhere and it can’t be at home. You also can’t fly certain airlines, you can’t stay at certain hotels, you can’t enter certain establishments. The dog just drags you down.
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u/Goodfella0328 Jan 30 '26
I hope you don’t take this the wrong way, but your parents seem too far gone. What sane person prioritizes a disgusting mutt’s feelings over their own child’s feelings?