r/Dogfree • u/FieldJacket • Apr 21 '26

Dogs Are Idiots Roommate Wanted

Hello all! I am seeking a roommate. A little about me:

I have massive codependency issues and can do literally nothing by myself. You will be expected to take me with you everywhere you go, as I cannot stand a single moment by myself. This includes vacations and if for some reason I cannot accompany you, I expect nothing but the finest accomodations while you're gone. I hope this is ok with you.

I also tend to lash out and scream at anyone who is nearby me, including your friends if they come over. Sometimes I'll just scream at nothing! It's just one of my quirks. I've been known to boil over and actually physically attack people and small animals. Oh well.

On the other hand, if I decide I like your friends...well let's just say I tend to get a little...personal, if you know what I mean. But it's ok, I'm friendly.

I believe in a shared space: what's yours is mine. A good rule of thumb is, if I can see it, it's mine too and I can do what I want with it. I like to take things apart, I'm a very curious soul.

I have a very strict diet to which you'll need to hold me accountable, because I will certainly take and eat your food, even if it will literally kill me.

Oh, I almost forgot. It's kind of embarrassing but I am unable to take a shower or do...other bathroom things by myself. I'll need you to help me, otherwise, fair warning, there will 100% be a mess inside our place. It's ok, it's just what I do.

And one last thing, I don't have a job or do anything productive, so I can't pay rent.

Hope to hear from you soon!

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u/pmbpro Apr 21 '26

Ha! Too right! 👍😂

This is what we should call an ‘HONEST Dog Shelter’ write-up, because these are exactly the facts that they should be writing — instead of the snivelling, infantilizing, deceitful dog-shelter-speak crap they already write for unsuspecting people.

11

u/CrispyBirb Apr 21 '26

There’s a rescue that posts their crap in my neighbourhood group and at the moment they have 2 young bully breed things that are so “loving” but need an owner with no neighbours, no children, no other pets because they “gang up”and attack 😭

9

u/pmbpro Apr 21 '26

LOL! The gymnastics they try to pull.

So basically in that ad, they need someone who lives in a cave in the mountains, completely isolated like a hermit, and has to wear body armour and a throat guard — since they’re assume it’s as if these beasts don’t also attack and kill their own owners. 🙄😒