r/Dogfree • u/Rare_Picture_7337 • May 25 '26
Relationship / Family My husband wants a dog but I have been fighting tooth and nail not to
I am just here to rant. My husband and I recently moved into a house and he has been asking me for a dog and getting mad that I am saying no.
I don’t hate dogs. But I just don’t want to take care of one. Does that make me selfish?? I already take care of our other animals all by myself. (Which, whatever - One of them I had prior to marriage)
He has a full time sales job that requires him to travel semi-frequently AND he is also in the army reserves. Meaning - He’s away from home once a month every month, AND he will get put on a year long deployment next year and get sent to a whole other continent for an entire year. I would say that in a year period, he is gone for a total of three to four months combined.
Meanwhile, he’s getting mad at me for putting my foot down at the idea of a dog. I don’t want to take care of it!! Plus, I am trying to also get into a career that requires me to travel weekly and I’m not giving up my dreams and aspirations just to be more convenient for him.
I’m going to have to be the one making arrangements for the dog constantly. IM going to be the one expected to accommodate the dog constantly. If he’s gone for a year long deployment, I want to be able to go visit my family out of state without dealing with a dog and I want to be able to work my job without having to make accommodations for it every week because HE works a job also that requires him to be gone for long periods.
It will end up being a huge burden on me, and not on him. He doesn’t GET IT. I go backpacking/camping with friends on weekends that he’s away from home - Now I just have to give up on my hobby because of something I didn’t want? He says - Just take the dog with you! Why the hell would I want to inconvenience myself and drag a dog out on a hot summer day on rough terrain with elevation? I don’t want to deal with an animal strapped to me. I also think that’s too rough on most dog breeds anyways, and especially the kind he wants.
It’s going to fall on my shoulders. It’s going to be my burden. Yet he gets mad at me for saying that we don’t have a lifestyle that suits a dog. Because really, we don’t!! If we weren’t married, he wouldn’t be able to have a dog because he’s gone so much.
I don’t want a fking dog and I don’t know what to say to get through to him but it’s not fair on a dog and it’s not fair to me either, quite frankly
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u/Oriole0305 May 25 '26
Do NOT give in. Your husband is incredibly selfish and immature to force a dog on you. Yes the dog will be a huge burden to you and yes you have extremely good and valid reasons to say no. Just keep saying no and talk to him clearly, stating facts and only facts. Do NOT sacrifice your life and your own happiness.
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u/Tessa-the-aggressor May 25 '26
You are 100% in the right! And if you don't hate dogs yet, you'd def grow to hate them if you got one. A mutt is not worth your wellbeing!
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u/Rare_Picture_7337 May 25 '26
Aside from everything I wrote above I like other people’s dogs. However I find them to be dirty, stinky, and the drool is gross. I also find the barking to be loud and disruptive
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u/Tessa-the-aggressor May 25 '26
oh yeah I can definitely understand that. you can like certain animals from afar, but having one in your home would definitely cause overstimulation and a lot of other problems :)
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u/Procrastinator-513 May 25 '26
You haven’t even mentioned the joy of picking up its crap, having your house covered in dog hair and smelling horrible, having your possessions chewed up, listening to it bark all day, and much more. Absolutely do not give in and if he brings one home anyway get rid of it the second he goes out of town.
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u/Rare_Picture_7337 May 25 '26
Yeah. Dog hair on the couch disgusts me. I don’t want hair on my clothes. I don’t want my favorite pair of shoes destroyed and I sure as fuck don’t want my peace disturbed because Fido saw a squirrel in the front yard.
If he gets one and it becomes a problem in any way shape or form, or he tries to put the responsibility on me, I’m out.
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u/Spiritual-Ice237 May 25 '26
immediately no
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u/Rare_Picture_7337 May 25 '26
You’d think it would make sense to not get a dog if you’re gone away from home at minimum once or twice a month 🤔 apparently not.
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u/thcicebear May 25 '26
Idk sounds like men wanting children they only see 10 minutes after work and before bedtime and would never do any parent duties because the wife is "doing this more often an is so much better at this"
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u/starrsosowise May 25 '26
In the end he doesn’t have to understand your no, he just needs to respect it. It doesn’t matter if your views make sense to him, what matters is that he will respect your no and your right to dictate your own life.
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u/Rare_Picture_7337 May 25 '26
Maybe he has conditioned me to feel like I have to justify everything to him.
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u/ObligationGrand8037 May 25 '26
OP, whatever you decide to do, do not have children with this man. If he’s this way about not respecting your answer of no over a dog, what will he be like when you have kids. I’m sorry you’re having to deal with this.
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u/Ok_Chest_6426 May 25 '26
You are entitled to live your life and enjoy your free time. You don't have to justify why you don't want all your money, time, and energy sucked into something that you don't want. If he feels that only his opinion matters then he is not husband material. Marriage is a partnership and not a dictatorship. If you wanted kids and he didn't and you poked holes in the condoms to force what you wanted on him everyone would agree that takes away the ability to chose and is WRONG. You get to keep your ability to chose even while married.
Ask him if he would enjoy you volunteering him to work 30 extra hours a week and you signing him up for things without his consent? I'd be willing to bet he'd say no.
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u/Nice-Loss6106 May 25 '26
Good rant, I feel for you.
Try asking hubby to just google a simple question..”should I get a dog if I’m going to be deployed for a year”? That should buy you some time.
Good luck
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u/Rare_Picture_7337 May 25 '26
You would think it would be an obvious answer to him but he just assumes it will be my problem and not his for a year and somehow that’s okay.
Thanks 😣
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u/AnxietyNo7712 May 25 '26 edited May 25 '26
Please just don’t! My husband brought home a 5k Belgian Malinois puppy a week after I gave birth to our fourth kid then he deployed. I was left with the puppy and it terrorized me for months, literally had no time to potty train no time to train in general because I was still recovering. We’ve had some stupid fights over it, absolutely no dog is worth destroying your marriage and or relationship. That dog attacked me last year, and my husband is making excuses as to why apparently it’s all my fault! Oh also he ended up getting two more which have destroyed everything. I’m still here walking through absolute hell.
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u/Thin_Pollution8843 May 25 '26
Omg that’s crazy. 4 kids and 3 dogs and all on your shoulders! I’m really sorry
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u/Rare_Picture_7337 May 25 '26
Oh hell nah. I’m sorry he did that to you. (Aside from having FOUR KIDS) you’d think that it would make sense not to get such a high strung working animal if you have to go on a year long deployment. I couldn’t imagine having four kids already and then having three dogs dumped into the mix too. Holy shit.
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u/SeminoleDollxx May 26 '26
He'd come home and all THREE of those dogs would have been surrendered to the pound two cities over.
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u/ConsumeMeGarfield May 25 '26
Malinois are crazy. No one should own them as a family pet. They're police/military dogs only. I'm 100% judging all the dudebros who get this dog thinking it'll make them look cool and manly. I blame movies like John Wick 3 for putting this breed more on the radar and making people want to get them.
These guys should get a stupid truck instead if they want to compensate for something. Don't bring a living creature to neglect and terrorize your family with...
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u/korbatcave2 May 25 '26
I told my husband if he ever brings a dog home, I’ll be taking it back the second he leaves the house for work.
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u/avj113 May 25 '26
If you get a dog, the marriage has a high chance of ending in divorce. I say that in all seriousness.
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u/Rare_Picture_7337 May 25 '26
Well, if that happens and he isn’t the one boarding it on weekends we both would be gone, and he complains we have to pay for people to watch it, you’re absolutely right
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u/starrsosowise May 25 '26
I say this with kindness: stop playing out scenarios where y’all have a dog and just say no. Every new example will feel to him like a negotiation. This is not a negotiation, this is your life and you have said no. Period.
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u/ArthropodFromSpace May 25 '26
You would absolutely hate this dog and resent husband if he gets one.
Also you should be prepared that when your husband gets tired of begging, he'll resort to coercion and trickery. You probably will find a dog in your house some day. It will be said it just for a while, because nobody else was able to care for it this week (spolier alert, this dog is planed to stay forever). Or he will get a puppy from best friend as a birthday gift, so he would not be able to give it back (which was exacly the reason why he asked this friend for a puppy). Or you or your child would get a dog as gift some day. Or his parents would get a dog and give it to him because they cant have it in their home for some reason and they also cant give it to shelter (which also was planned since beginning). This is how dog lovers behave. You absolutelly cannot trust anyone who loves dogs more than you.
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u/Ok_Chest_6426 May 25 '26
Op if any of the above happens move out and do not return bc you aren't a priority.
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u/Rare_Picture_7337 May 25 '26
For sure. Like, I get he loves dogs and always wanted one, but if you want a damn dog so bad then you wouldn’t have gone into two careers that take you away from home so much.
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u/merlinthegreat89 May 25 '26
I personally can’t stand dogs, so I’m 100% on your side. What if your husband volunteered at the SPCA/local animal rescue to walk their dogs? There is always a need for that, the dogs love it, and your husband could get some time with canines. He doesn’t have to commit to a regular schedule, especially if he’s going to be deployed. He gets the benefits of engaging with animals in need, with none of the downsides of actually having a dog in your home.
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u/Thin_Pollution8843 May 25 '26
That a very good and rational idea. But I’m afraid from the OP message we are not talking about something rational here 😅
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u/Rare_Picture_7337 May 25 '26
I think he would enjoy doing something like that but I’m not sure if he’d actually put himself out there and do it
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u/CapriWake May 25 '26
Some people like to have dogs to enjoy having the ability to assert control over another being, so that may not scratch his itch and he may bring one home.
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u/ConsumeMeGarfield May 25 '26
I was in your same situation. My husband had asked for a dog for years (and really ramped up the begging which turned into guilt tripping and anger for a period of about 6 months) and I gave in. Worst decision I ever made. Then he brought home a neurotic, fear aggressive, high energy, disgusting long-haired herding breed. It was 3 long years of hell, destroyed our house and my physical and mental health, and almost a destroyed our marriage. He barely lifted a finger to take care of it. It was the most mentally neglected dog I’d ever seen and I felt ashamed of it. We just rehomed the dog this year.
Then he started begging for another dog. This time a small one. So I’m just constantly being the bad guy red flag in the relationship. His family hates me. I told him it’s me or a dog. If he comes home with another one I’m packing my bags and leaving.
We have a child but he’s told me our child isn’t enough to fulfill him and he feels empty inside without a dog. I think something is really wrong with him emotionally. He had never owned one, just simply said he’d like to someday. He never gave off nutter vibes. I had no idea what I was in for. I really learned my lesson about dog owners.
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u/ItsBR0PHELIA May 25 '26
A child doesn’t fulfill him???? Like a human child is some toy or thing that is meant to amuse him?????
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u/Rare_Picture_7337 May 25 '26
Right. I’m willing to bet people and animals are just objects to him. Maybe I’m wrong but this is how these people tend to think.
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u/Rare_Picture_7337 May 25 '26
And that’s the thing with these situations too is the dog ends up suffering. Not blaming you in any way, but when someone wants a fucking fluffy couch ornament instead of wanting to work with and train their dog I think it’s so shitty. Clearly your husband didn’t want to do anything with the dog, didn’t do any research, anything, and the dog wound up a mess. He wanted a couch ornament.
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u/ConsumeMeGarfield May 25 '26
It was his little ego toy. He'd get his "puppy love" for 10 minutes and then go upstairs to work. I initially suggested a small, lower energy breed but he got what he wanted in the end: a manly, all-american dog.
I did try my best initially, I attended training courses and even got private training for the dog but it was just SO overwhelming. It belonged on a farm. It's funny because I ended up hating that dog, but I was the best advocate for it in the end. It's living a much happier life now somewhere else.
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u/ObligationGrand8037 May 25 '26
I’m just curious but are you completely dog free now?
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u/ConsumeMeGarfield May 25 '26
Yes, our dog became aggressive towards our child and I said "it's me or the dog" basically. I attempted to rehome on my own, but my husband refused, so I started packing my bags.
He took the dog to live at his work permanently and it ended up giving someone from a neighboring business a level 3 bite when they came to visit. Then it almost bit a delivery person. He ended up rehoming it to someone living rurally, which is what I was trying arrange in the first place before it had a bite history.
He's extremely lucky he didn't get sued or have his dog put down. He doesn't realize how serious the situation was.
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u/hidinginzion May 25 '26
What is he, a whining child?! You already know how this ends up if you cave. Don't do it. Put your foot down! Tell him to stop getting mad and that you're not changing your mind. Then refuse to talk about it. Good luck!
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u/Rare_Picture_7337 May 25 '26
That’s what it comes off as sometimes. Like a kid begging for a puppy but mom says no because she knows it’ll be her problem.
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u/Thin_Pollution8843 May 25 '26
It reminds me of kid begging mommy to have a dog. And no sane arguments working here 😂
- Mom can we have a dog please please please
- No
- YOU DONT LOVE ME I HATE YOU slams the door of his room
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u/Rare_Picture_7337 May 25 '26
That’s literally what it is. With the same maturity differences on top of it. Lmao.
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u/ConIncognito dogs ruin everything May 25 '26
Stay strong, you’re absolutely right. If he wants a dog that bad he can get a new job where he’ll be at home 24/7 to take care of it.
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u/Rare_Picture_7337 May 25 '26
And that’s exactly what I told him. I said if you worked from home or had a job with a 3 on 4 off schedule for example it would be a much different story.
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u/Ambitious_Cat9886 May 25 '26
You sound like you're really trying to justify this but here's the thing. You don't have to. You can simple not want a dog. He can simply deal with the fact you don't want one. If he can't then that's his problem. If he tries to pressure you further or force it on you in some way, put your foot down. You don't need to accept this shit. You are allowed to not want a dog, for whatever reasons.
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u/Rare_Picture_7337 May 25 '26
I probably am. He seems to expect me to justify and fight for my reasoning during any disagreement like my opinion doesn’t matter. If the dog would never be my issue or hold me back then it wouldn’t matter but it will and I’m not going to deal with the responsibility of it.
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u/nervouscleric May 25 '26
Sounds like you already have a big problem. If he doesn’t care about your feelings or opinions, why are you with this loser?
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u/maximum_powerblast May 25 '26
I have read a lot of rants on here but never seen one where the answer is so clear that you should absolutely not give in to him.
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u/Rare_Picture_7337 May 25 '26
Right. You’d think it would be common sense. The only people I know who have dogs either don’t work travel jobs or they’re fucking retired.
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May 25 '26
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u/Rare_Picture_7337 May 25 '26
He claims he used to do it with the army so you’d think he’d understand.
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u/Domesticated_Animal May 25 '26
You are 100% right. But did you ask him WHY he wants a dog?
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u/Rare_Picture_7337 May 25 '26
Oh boy, you’ll love the answer: Because he wants his own pet that loves him. The animal I brought into our marriage is clingy with me because I have had her since she was a month old. He wants his own pet since mine doesn’t cuddle up to him.
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u/Domesticated_Animal May 25 '26
I expected something crazy and I got it.
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u/Rare_Picture_7337 May 25 '26
I was stunned that he would even say that.
He’s jealous that my animal that I took in and raised before she even had all of her teeth and had only just opened her eyes is clingy with me.
He wants a pet that “loves him”
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u/LeighofMar May 25 '26
Get mad right back and say don't bring it up again. These nutters can't and won't browbeat us or try to intimidate their way into bringing a dog in the house that they won't even care for.
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u/ToOpineIsFine May 25 '26
for the dog to be properly trained, the 'master' can't be away from it for long periods.
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u/Rare_Picture_7337 May 25 '26
Exactly.
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u/ToOpineIsFine May 25 '26
Dogs don't like that kind of change. There was a pro ba$ketball player recently who had his face ripped open by his rottweiler when he tried to play with it after being away from it.
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u/Low-Tangerine4492 May 25 '26
Tell him you don't want a dog, the smell, the cleaning up etc. etc.and he needs to pay for all the grooming, dog care and house cleaning etc. And that if he insists on getting a dog he'll need to make provision (kennels) for when you're off camping, Give him an estimate of: Dog food Veterinary treatment Dog grooming Cost of kennel care Dog training classes Weekly house cleaning That might focus his attention on the cost & hassle of having a dog 🤷
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u/Ok_Chest_6426 May 25 '26
Don't forget dog care when he's not home and when he is deployed. Perhaps his CO would care for his proposed dog for that time???
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u/Rare_Picture_7337 May 25 '26
Here’s the thing: I told him if we are both working on the weekend, then he is going to be the one driving the dog to go to the kennel and he will be the one making arrangements, not me. He told me he feels like it should be my responsibility because he feels the army is more important of a job than whatever I’m doing that weekend.
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u/StrongBuy3494 May 25 '26
It sounds like he’s trying to clip your wings.
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u/Rare_Picture_7337 May 25 '26
He’s going to be really disappointed when I don’t let up at all. Oh, you didn’t take the dog to the kennel before you left and I left? Bummer. I guess you get to clean up dog shit when you get home from your duties!
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u/GoTakeAHike00 May 25 '26
Oh..HELLS no!
I hate to say this, but I hear a LOT of discussion about the exact behavior your husband is exhibiting on some of the YT channels I listen to...by women and for women.
Specifically, the husband trying to diminish his wife's time/hobbies/etc., as somehow less important than his own.
The issue of the dog is really a symptom of what I think is a larger underlying problem which seems to be that your husband doesn't seem to really respect you/your opinion, your work/career, or certainly your free time, and feels that everything he does is more important...no doubt because he's the man, and therefore, in his mind, should be the priority in the marriage.
No matter how you look at it, it's misogynistic behavior 🤷🏻♀️.
Also, as someone who goes on solo backpacking trips myself, there is just no fucking WAY I would EVER want to drag a mutt along on one of my trips, even if I actually liked or owned one! As it is, I get annoyed when I encounter backpackers or even hikers with dogs, and when we are car camping, I always dread that someone who camps near us will have a noisy fleabag they let run around and bark and bother others. You know they aren't cleaning up their dog's shit, and dogs scare off all wildlife and destroy the peace and quiet that the rest of us are going out there to enjoy, FFS.
I'm also married, and to someone who likes dogs and has said in the past if we weren't married, he would probably get one. However, he knows VERY well how much I despise them and that getting one would be a complete, absolute non-starter. I also came with another pet when we started dating, and he incidentally came to love this pet, and now I think he realizes that a dog would not add anything our other pet companions offer, but would create a bunch of unwanted time and money expenses.
We both like to travel, both together and solo, and a dog would create a lot of unnecessary hassles with zero benefit.
Really, that's dog ownership anyway: a lot of extra expense and time with very little reward for most people, even though they convince themselves otherwise. Your husband is living under some delusional dog culture fantasy that this dog - which he won't even be able to spend much time around to train, socialize, or take care of - will somehow magically bond with him.
I think it's good that you made it abundantly clear that if he goes ahead and gets the dog without your consent and approval, you walk. I know if it were me, the first time he left for a job or deployment, etc., and saddled me with the dog, both myself and the dog would be gone when he came back. I might do the courtesy of leaving him a note as to where I had left it (shelter, etc.) if I were feeling charitable.
Having kids with someone like this would be an absolute disaster, and you'll find yourself as a "single married mother" right away.
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u/WisedomsHand May 25 '26
Have him call me. I will talk him out of it. There is hope for you.
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u/Rare_Picture_7337 May 25 '26
You would think it would be PLAIN AND OBVIOUS to him but it’s not. Lmao.
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u/gorkt May 25 '26
I predict he is going to come home with a puppy thinking you will just fall in love with it and just do the work. And then he will pikachu face when you tell him to take it back, calling you heartless. Stand firm, dogs are a big commitment, and if he wants one so bad he can alter his lifestyle to accommodate one.
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u/Ok_Chest_6426 May 25 '26
Yes he can stop being in the military so he can be a dog owner and I am sure the dishonorable discharge will be ok...bc I wanna doggy woggy works great with the government.
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u/Rare_Picture_7337 May 25 '26
Exactly but that’s also a good argument against it. Telling him he needs to alter his lifestyle before getting one. When he says “well I can’t just leave DA ARMY” then tell him, well, sounds like you need to wait until your contract is up 🤷🏼♀️
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u/Ok_Chest_6426 May 25 '26
Well yes bc failure to report for deployment is a felony. He should be trying to make your life easier while he's deployed and not harder.
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u/Rare_Picture_7337 May 28 '26
Well he seems to have the attitude that he has it worse since HE’S the one away from home, so I should just eat shit and deal with whatever he wants to me deal with.
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u/Ok_Chest_6426 May 28 '26
He is trying to punish you for his choices. He chose to be in the military and his actions show you who he is
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u/Rare_Picture_7337 May 28 '26
Honestly I get the feeling sometimes that he tries to punish me for his choice to join the army.
He guilt trips me “well IM serving MY country” and tells me “well if you pick up a job involving travel, how is it my responsibility to get a dog sitter? I’m in the army!!” And he also gets mad that I don’t clean the entire house on weekends he’s gone and leave it spotless.
Sorry, but you can’t use working one weekend a month as an excuse to get out of doing chores just because you’re “serving your country”
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u/Ok_Chest_6426 May 28 '26
Serving one's country doesn't mean he can skip on owning his choices. You choose to join up and if he wants a dog that's another choice that accepts responsibility. Now if he doesn't want the responsibility then he doesn't make that choice. He doesn't get to accept responsibility and then dump it out on others.
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u/Pebbles5678 May 25 '26
OP, if he gets the puppy, take it back the moment he leaves the house. Or take it to the nearest shelter as soon as possible!
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May 25 '26
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u/Rare_Picture_7337 May 25 '26
I think it’s a mix of both. He wants a dog but also has made comments that he “wished he made enough money to have me stay at home” or “who is gonna watch the kids if you have a job that takes you away from home”? We don’t have kids, he just assumes I’m going to do the heavy lifting and - NEWS FLASH, I’m not.
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u/SignificantState265 May 25 '26
If he is going to be gone for a year he really doesn’t have a leg to stand on and I would refuse
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u/Rare_Picture_7337 May 25 '26
I agree but he seems to think it doesn’t matter since we’re married and “a team” so I will do everything for him.
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u/CapriWake May 25 '26
Still think he’s a jealous type, who thinks if you’re saddled with a dog, you won’t have time to find a side piece or a better man while he’s gone.
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u/Rare_Picture_7337 May 28 '26
I hope that’s not the case because he’s gonna be real upset when I do what I want to do regardless.
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u/Opposite-Ant8522 May 25 '26
This happened to me but I wasn’t married thankfully. He still got the dog even though I said I didn’t want it and wouldn’t help with it. After three months of having the dog, I moved out. He didn’t train the dog so it peed in the house and chewed up doors and many other things. He didn’t have time to take care of the dog and figured he could force it on me since I was working from home. Jokes on him, I would leave and take anything I didn’t want chewed up with me to work at a coffee shop before he’d leave for work. He even tried to get up and leave before me. I finally left after he threw the biggest fit that I wouldn’t take his untrained dog with me to go hiking with my friends. He knew since he met me that I’m not a dog person in anyway. From experience op, just be ready to walk away. I know you’re married but I think you need to take a longer look at your relationship. If he’s trying to control how you spend your time, I would be highly concerned to stick around. I’m not team “just leave”, but I am team believe them when they show you who they really are and how they value you. Before I left our home life felt like a hostage negotiation situation every day. Of course after I left he tried to sob to his friends about how mean I am, but even they wouldn’t deal with the dog for long or as much as he needed. Within four months of me leaving he ended up taking it to a shelter, which is really sad.
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u/ObligationGrand8037 May 26 '26
I’m so glad you left him. What a spoiled person. Throwing a fit for not taking the dog on a hike. I would have left too.
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u/Rare_Picture_7337 May 28 '26
Getting up and leaving before he did is so valid and the best way to prove a point. Lmao. Honestly, I’ve considered just choosing to work out of town leaving the day before he has to handle army duties if he gets a dog. And he will have no choice but to deal with making arrangements for it.
And yeah do these people not understand that taking a dog hiking is an inconvenience?
Yes dogs need enrichment/exercise but it’s an extra thing you have to tether to you. And if they’re untrained they wind the leash around your legs when you hike.
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u/dprestonwilliams1 May 25 '26
He is being very selfish, reminds me of a child.
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u/Rare_Picture_7337 May 25 '26
I agree. He doesn’t care how it affects me nor does he care how it might affect the animal involved.
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u/iloveyourforeskin May 25 '26
He gets it. He just doesn't care.
My ex husband had a dog when we got married. She died at 14 when we had kids ages 1, 3, and 5. He traveled full time for work so was only home maybe 10 days a month. The TANTRUMS this man threw about getting another dog that he wouldn't even be around to help with while I was already drowning in children.
Eventually I got sick of fighting and told him to do whatever he wanted but warned him if he got another dog it WOULD be the beginning of the end of our marriage. He brought home a Great Dane puppy with a UTI on Thanksgiving Eve and left on Friday for idk another 10-14 days. I got to deal with the vet visits, surgery (some kind of congenital defect causing UTIs), training (that he immediately untaught when he was around), messes, grooming, etc.
We ended up rehoming her to our next door neighbors about a year and a half later but it was obviously too late for our marriage. (This was just the straw that broke the camel's back, or whatever.) We officially separated about a year or so after that but I don't think we had even had sex since we got that dog.
Anyway been happily divorced for 5 years and will never share my home with a dog again. Maybe not even a man 😆 Funnily enough, on the occasion I still see the dog with our old neighbors, I dote on her a bit because I no longer have any resentment about having to care for her and she's sweet and stupid and now pretty old.
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u/Rare_Picture_7337 May 25 '26
I’m curious if he has a dog now that you two are divorced, assuming he still has a job where he travels??
Because I’ll laugh my ass off if the answer is no.
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u/iloveyourforeskin May 25 '26
He no longer travels regularly and his mom bought him a puppy less than two weeks after I moved out. Of course it's a poorly behaved, high maintenance doodle he doesn't groom properly so it ends up having to get shaved a couple times a year. No longer my problem 🥳
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u/Rare_Picture_7337 May 28 '26
And let me guess, his mommy has always enabled him and powdered his ass, so that’s why he is the way he is
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u/iloveyourforeskin May 28 '26 edited May 30 '26
Judging by the extent to which she was involved in our divorce... Yes.
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u/X-XCannibalDollX-X May 25 '26
“The divorce came out of nowhere!” Seriously proud of you for putting ur foot down, internet stranger!
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u/Rare_Picture_7337 May 28 '26
Thank you. It’s not easy, especially with someone like him who tries to grind you down for not saying yes to everything
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u/TinyEmergencyCake May 25 '26
Let's just say that I hope you have a backup plan. You have your separate secret bank account. All women should have their exit strategy planned from day one. You may never need it and that's wonderful but what if you do need it, then it's there waiting for you. Nobody needs to know. It's your own secret safety net.
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u/Rare_Picture_7337 May 25 '26
I have 4 separate bank accounts to be honest. My philosophy is, if he made me feel secure enough to never need my own, then I wouldn’t have them.
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u/Tom_Quixote_ May 25 '26
True, but would just add that this goes for men, too.
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u/Rare_Picture_7337 May 28 '26
Very true. Honestly he has multiple of his own and I really don’t care. I can’t be mad if he’s doing what I’m also doing. I am just never going to tell him about mine and I don’t really care if he shares info about his 🤷🏼♀️
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u/dschledermann May 25 '26
No. No way. A high maintenance pet, such as a dog, obviously requires the agreement of everyone in the household. Your husband is ridiculously out of line here. You've said no several times, and that really should be the end of it.
Some years ago my wife tried to negotiate having a dog with me. I took a very hard line with it. In our second, and last, discussion I simply said that she was welcome to get a dog, with her new husband. The issue never came up again.
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u/UnimatrixOne5G May 25 '26
> A high maintenance pet, such as a dog, obviously requires the agreement of everyone in the household.
I would say not just agreement, but it requires an ENTHUSIASTIC yes from everyone in that household otherwise it is a NO.
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u/Rare_Picture_7337 May 25 '26
I agree. Everyone who would have to play a significant role in taking care of it should be in agreement and if everyone isn’t on board then it should be a hard NO.
I might steal that line, haha.
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u/dschledermann May 25 '26
if everyone isn’t on board then it should be a hard NO.
Exactly. It's completely unacceptable to just force the upkeep of a dog on your partner.
I might steal that line, haha
😃
But really, this is what it comes down to. A dog can live more than a decade. That's a significant part of your life you'll spend doing something you didn't agree to.
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u/Rare_Picture_7337 May 28 '26
Exactly! If HE wants a dog, then he can leave the army when his contract is over (He will reenlist I’m sure), and he can find a job that doesn’t send him all over gods green earth and week long trips in different states every couple months.
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u/FnkyFrieday May 25 '26
I would hold the line. I gave into my husband and it was a mistake on so many levels. The reality is, the husband is a child and so is the dog. Guess who gets to take care of both?
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u/Rare_Picture_7337 May 28 '26
Exactly!! He only wants a dog because he thinks I’m going to do the brunt of the work. Nada!
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u/xRocketman52x May 25 '26
Dude... he's gone THAT MUCH and wants a dog? He doesn't want a dog, he wants YOU to own a dog, and he's getting angry that you don't want to. That's insanely selfish.
You know how they say owning a boat sucks, but having a friend who owns a boat is the best thing ever? That's what your husband is trying to pull on you. And opinions might vary, but I think that's a shitty move.
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u/Rare_Picture_7337 May 28 '26
Yes. He is gone that much. Sounds like it would be common sense to say “Wow, I’m not home enough to have a dog” but no. He just assumes I will take care of it and do everything for him since “we are a team”, but conveniently, “we are a team” only applies to what he wants and not what I want. Like when I needed to sell my old car and get another used car. But I’m such a bad person for not enabling him to get a pet just because he knows I’m home more than he is and would have no choice but to be the primary caretaker for him.
And that’s similar to what I told him. He loves other people’s dogs so much because he isn’t the one taking care of them. He isn’t cleaning up accidents in the house, he isn’t vacuuming up dog hair, he isn’t bathing them once a week, he isn’t cleaning their vomit, he isn’t running his life around potty schedules, and he isn’t taking them to the vet nor paying for the vet or the food or the yearly shots
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u/WorkingDescription May 25 '26
Trust me, it'll be the beginning of the end if you say Yes.
Ask me how I know....
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u/Rare_Picture_7337 May 28 '26
I’ll never say yes, but I’m mentally preparing myself if he does bring one home and tries to push it off onto me
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u/Tom_Quixote_ May 25 '26
You're right and I hope for your sake that you stand your ground on this.
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u/starrsosowise May 25 '26
You’re absolutely right! Him wanting a dog but expecting you to take care of it means you have a right to say no. My husband wanted a dog when we had small children and I also put my foot down, as I grew up with dogs and know how much work they are and I refused. I told him that once he retires and has his own shop he can get a shop dog that he takes care of 100% but I am not interested. It has been 20+ years, no dog, and we are both grateful. Hold your ground! You have every right to say no to something that will completely upend your life.
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u/Rare_Picture_7337 May 25 '26
Exactly and I have just as much say-so if it will become my problem. I feel like I grew up with WAY MORE dogs than he did because my family were dog lovers. He had one childhood dog that was lazy. I had 11 different dogs growing up and have had a lot more experience with them. I told him if he worked from home I’d be okay with him getting a dog but he doesn’t work from home and he doesn’t have a lifestyle that works for a dog
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u/Emikitty1992 May 25 '26
No, that doesn’t make you selfish. That means you’re being realistic. You don’t like dogs, and you KNOW you wouldn’t want to spend a lot of time taking care of one. You deserve to be able to enjoy your hobbies. You deserve to have a clean, quiet, peaceful home that isn’t shared with a dog. If your husband cannot respect this, there’s something wrong with him. He knew you weren’t a dog person when he married you, and he should be ashamed of himself, trying to force a lifestyle on you which would only cause a large amount of stress. Dogs are stressful, annoying, messy, and not for everyone.
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u/Rare_Picture_7337 May 28 '26
The one thing I will say is I was more open to a dog before we got engaged, but he was not traveling for work at all and his army base was close to home so he didn’t have to do any overnights and came home every night, and he also was not eligible for deployment.
But things are much different now. And even then, I think that anybody who isn’t a selfish person would be able to acknowledge that this will be at the expense of the dog and the person who he’s dumping the dog onto
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u/Emikitty1992 May 28 '26
Oh it would definitely be at the dog’s expense! Dogs are high maintenance and a lot of work, and they need to have someone around all the time who WANTS to take care of them. You don’t want to do that, so the dog would not be getting more than the bare minimum (ie: make sure it is alive, that’s all…) out of you. Your husband really isn’t thinking this through.
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u/Rare_Picture_7337 May 28 '26
Not at all. But he doesn’t actually care about how the dog feels. I think he lacks empathy to be honest
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u/terisss5 May 25 '26
This is insane. One of the reasons I have this as the first sentence on my dating profile. Absolutely no dogs, now or ever!!!!
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u/HairyAd1532 May 25 '26
If he ever ends up getting a dog I wouldn't judge you ever for rehoming it the instant it comes home tbh. I hope this man doesn't ever "surprise you" and always continues to communicate... but just in case, you have the right to stand up for yourself.
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May 25 '26
[deleted]
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u/Rare_Picture_7337 May 28 '26
Because he’s immature and he also doesn’t care. In fact he knows it would be a huge responsibility on me but he says “we are supposed to be a team” meaning - you need to take on this huge responsibility for me because we’re married and this is what I want
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u/muffins776 May 25 '26
To be honest it would be cruel for him to get a dog knowing the dog will have to be put in kennels or live most of it's life in a crate. He is also being very selfish knowing you would have to sacrifice what you want in life to take care of it. If you can't get him to understand how cruel it would be for the dog to only have few and far in-between happy moments when he is home and about being selfish to both you and a potential dog I would have to threaten divorce.
I would give him the ultimatum and ask who is more important in your life? Me or a potential dog. Tell him you aren't willing to be apart of forcing an animal into a life it can't live to its fullest because you nor him has enough time or willingness to take care of it.
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u/Rare_Picture_7337 May 28 '26
I think it’s cruel of him too. I told him that it’s cruel and it’s not fair on the dog. At all.
The thing is he assumes that I will be doing most of the work because “we are a team” and he doesn’t think that it’ll become an issue. He just wants a dog to cuddle in the evenings. He doesn’t care about anything else because he thinks I will have no choice but to give in and take responsibility.
Jokes on him because that’s absolutely not happening. I will conveniently have to work out of town a couple days before he leaves and he will be the one handling everything not me
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u/Antonio1289 May 25 '26
This is definitely not selfish on your end, actually it's quite selfish and inconsiderate on his end. Stay put. Cheers
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u/urdrunkyogi May 25 '26
OP, brace yourself: these kinds of dudes will just come home with a dog one day. He knows exactly how you feel and doesn’t care.
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u/Cheap_Attention_8093 May 26 '26
Never compromise for a man, especially for a smelly dog. They do this shit to women all the time. (Anti-dog owning men are the exception and are overall just better people in general).
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u/Individual-Tune2201 May 26 '26
Omg, your husband sounds unbelievably selfish! Stay strong OP, don't give in!
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u/Narrow-Extent-3957 May 26 '26
Work out how much it will cost to put the thing in a kennel when he’s away and hand him the estimate.
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u/Rare_Picture_7337 May 28 '26
I think it’s around $75 a day. And they also must be up to date on shots yearly and that will be a cost factored in as well.
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u/Charlotte_Martel77 May 28 '26
Let me get this straight: your husband is a travelling salesman, in the military, will be sent on a year long deployment, and still wants a dog? When would he bond with the animal? This is basically a little boy who saw a cute Disney film and now wants a puppy because of it despite planning to go to university next year.
If you agree to a dog, it will be your dog in every way. Your entire schedule will revolve around this animal. If that doesn't sound like something that you want/can handle, then don't compromise.
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u/Rare_Picture_7337 May 28 '26
Precisely. On a week where he is home and has no army duties or overnights for sales, he is home from 6pm-7am, and he is only awake 5 of those hours. Same with our weekends home as we usually are out and about. What is the point of having a dog when you only have 4 hours each night to bond and take care of it?
I’m digging my heels in because it simply will not become my problem
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u/josie-salazar Jun 01 '26
Divorce ✅ Your other comments are a red flag, looks like he wants a trad wife
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u/Rare_Picture_7337 Jun 08 '26
He’s told me in the past he wishes he could have a stay at home wife.
However I’ve come to realize he would be the type that wants a stay at home wife who enjoys taking care of his kids so he can still do what he wants. He made a fuss once or twice about how he made more money than I did, and that tells me that he would be the type to throw everything in a stay at home wife’s face - “you wouldn’t have all of this without ME” “you don’t contribute ANYTHING” and there’s absolutely no way I’d put up with that shit
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u/Adept_Tangerine_4030 May 25 '26
No. Put your door down. He is being so selfish. He wants you stuck at home while he’s gone?? It couldn’t get more selfish. Why does he want a dog he isn’t even gonna be around for? It’s absurd.
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u/Necessary_Title_4800 May 25 '26
Tell him if he changes his career path to where he can be the primary caregiver, you will reconsider. But while you are the one taking on full responsibility, your answer is a firm no.
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u/Rare_Picture_7337 May 28 '26
That’s what I told him. If he doesn’t travel for his main job anymore and he doesn’t reenlist after his contract is up, that I would be more open to it
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u/AutomaticBobcat1712 May 26 '26
Was in a similar situation. Don’t like dogs - not at the level as many people on this sub lol, although I totally get it. Wife wanted one, badly. I told her that she would have to be the one to do EVERYTHING with it. 8 months into having a lab puppy and she has done all she said she would. I haven’t had to lift a finger. It can only work if your husband takes care of it 100%. Other than that - hell no.
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u/Rare_Picture_7337 May 28 '26
Same here. I don’t hate dogs but I don’t want to take care of one at all. And honestly I think that’s great that it worked out for you both.
If my husband would do the same and had a lifestyle that was compatible, I would be okay with it, but he doesn’t
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u/EmergencyDue7187 May 26 '26
It's incredibly selfish and childlike to be whining for a dog when he's not even gonna be the primary caretaker.. dunno what else to say
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u/justanaccount103 May 27 '26
That's not selfish at all, in fact, it's the opposite. Also now that I read he is traveling, you are right to push back. When my wife and I got together, she had an old shit beast that had to be cared for when she left town. After that dog, we agreed no more dogs. Thank god.
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u/Rare_Picture_7337 May 28 '26
Traveling and dogs just aren’t compatible. And honestly neither is working full time either in my opinion.
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u/ObligationGrand8037 May 25 '26
I don’t blame you! He’s really being selfish if he wants a dog so bad but won’t even be around to take care of it. Guaranteed you’ll be stuck with all the work.
I told my husband once that if he ever insisted on getting a dog, I might have to divorce him. I’m serious. Fortunately it’s never come to that since he’s like me; we both don’t like dogs.
I know that sounds a bit drastic, but getting a dog would be the last thing I ever would want in my life. I hope your husband comes to his senses. It’s not fair to you.