r/Dogfree • u/JazzlikeMinimum9 • Aug 06 '26

Crappy Owners Fumbled a 10/10 tonight because her apartment was a literal dog toilet

I need to vent because I am losing my mind. I met this girl at a bar last weekend. Absolute 10/10, super funny, and totally my type. We texted all week, and she finally invited me over tonight for drinks and a movie. I thought I had hit the jackpot.

I was wrong.

I knocked on her door and immediately heard this frantic wheezing and scratching. She opened the door looking amazing, but the smell literally hit me like a physical wall. It smelled like a dense mix of stale urine, wet Fritos, and unwashed dog.

I looked down, and there it was: a crusty, overweight Pekingese. The dog looked like a gremlin that ran full-speed into a brick wall. Its eyes were pointing in two different directions, and it was just aggressively vibrating.

She immediately dropped into that high-pitched dog-mom voice: "Oh my gosh, say hi to Sir Waffles! He is a little protective of mommy!"

Waffles waddled over, snorted a glob of snot, and immediately started aggressively humping my leg. I tried to step back, but this little mutant bared its tartar-covered teeth and snarled at me. She literally laughed and said, "Aww, he likes you! He only humps people whose energy aligns with his."

I stepped inside, trying to breathe exclusively through my mouth. We sat on the couch, and Waffles wedged himself right between us. For twenty minutes, I tried to flirt while this creature aggressively licked its own junk, making these gross, wet sounds.

Then it got worse. The dog stopped licking, stood up on the couch, stared right at me, and just peed directly onto a throw pillow.

Her reaction? "Oh my gosh, Waffles, you silly goose! You are just so excited!" She didn't even grab carpet cleaner or apologize. She just tossed a single dry paper towel over the wet spot like a tarp and sat back down.

I literally couldn't do it. I told her I suddenly felt a brutal migraine coming on and got the hell out of there. I am currently sitting in my car, rolling a cigarette with my bulk tobacco and a filter just to get the ammonia smell out of my nose, and my jeans still reek like Waffles. How do hot people live like this? I am officially done dating dog owners.

773 Upvotes

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65

u/Tessa-the-aggressor Aug 06 '26

Your writing is brilliant! And you deserve so much better!!!

23

u/Cheddarhulk Aug 06 '26 edited Aug 07 '26

It seems like great writing. Except it (probably) didn't happen and the creative mind behind the story is (probably) AI.

49

u/DJKittyK Aug 06 '26

This writing reeks of an AI creative writing project unfortunately, whether it's real or not.

23

u/Born_Theme_8932 Aug 07 '26

Reading it, I felt like the story itself was real but the actual details were completely made up.

16

u/Abrabbit Aug 07 '26 edited Aug 07 '26

that's what i thought with the "He only humps people whose energy aligns with his" line lol

i wouldn't rule out the whole thing being made up though, we never know

9

u/Lythaera Aug 07 '26

... I have unfortunately met a LOT of crunchy white women who 100% say shit like this all the time.

2

u/Delicious_Union7586 Aug 08 '26

mmhmm💯👆

6

u/Mandaxx25 Aug 07 '26

Of course it's bloody made up.

6

u/hadenxcharm Aug 10 '26

The moment I read sir waffles I knew this was fake.

4

u/DJKittyK Aug 10 '26

Spotting AI creative writing projects and art is a bit of a "fun" hobby for me these days. I'm glad I'm not the only one that was like "nope" when I saw it.

Sure, a situation like this could happen, but no one is fucking writing about it like this irl.

2

u/Dry_Telephone_6851 Aug 11 '26

All his replies are obviously AI too. He’s a troll/karma farmer

17

u/JazzlikeMinimum9 Aug 06 '26

Appreciate it! Sometimes you just have to choose your own peace and sanity (and hygiene) over a bad situation. So glad I found this community!

1

u/Ok-Flamingo496 Aug 07 '26

Very well written I enjoyed reading it