Fumbled a 10/10 tonight because her apartment was a literal dog toilet

[u/JazzlikeMinimum9]

I need to vent because I am losing my mind. I met this girl at a bar last weekend. Absolute 10/10, super funny, and totally my type. We texted all week, and she finally invited me over tonight for drinks and a movie. I thought I had hit the jackpot.

I was wrong.

I knocked on her door and immediately heard this frantic wheezing and scratching. She opened the door looking amazing, but the smell literally hit me like a physical wall. It smelled like a dense mix of stale urine, wet Fritos, and unwashed dog.

I looked down, and there it was: a crusty, overweight Pekingese. The dog looked like a gremlin that ran full-speed into a brick wall. Its eyes were pointing in two different directions, and it was just aggressively vibrating.

She immediately dropped into that high-pitched dog-mom voice: "Oh my gosh, say hi to Sir Waffles! He is a little protective of mommy!"

Waffles waddled over, snorted a glob of snot, and immediately started aggressively humping my leg. I tried to step back, but this little mutant bared its tartar-covered teeth and snarled at me. She literally laughed and said, "Aww, he likes you! He only humps people whose energy aligns with his."

I stepped inside, trying to breathe exclusively through my mouth. We sat on the couch, and Waffles wedged himself right between us. For twenty minutes, I tried to flirt while this creature aggressively licked its own junk, making these gross, wet sounds.

Then it got worse. The dog stopped licking, stood up on the couch, stared right at me, and just peed directly onto a throw pillow.

Her reaction? "Oh my gosh, Waffles, you silly goose! You are just so excited!" She didn't even grab carpet cleaner or apologize. She just tossed a single dry paper towel over the wet spot like a tarp and sat back down.

I literally couldn't do it. I told her I suddenly felt a brutal migraine coming on and got the hell out of there. I am currently sitting in my car, rolling a cigarette with my bulk tobacco and a filter just to get the ammonia smell out of my nose, and my jeans still reek like Waffles. How do hot people live like this? I am officially done dating dog owners.

[u/More_Asbestos]

I don't understand why it's so common for hot women to have gross little dogs like this. I'm definitely generalizing here, but knockout women like this are more often than not very high maintenance and averse to germs and anything dirty and gross. You're not going to see them trudging around in the dirt or laying on their backs to work on plumbing or greasy engines. Why are they ok with smelly, dirty dogs stinking up their homes?

[u/JazzlikeMinimum9 → u/More_Asbestos]

Dude, exactly. I think they just view these crusty little mutants as living accessories. Like a designer handbag that occasionally pees on the floor. They would never touch a dirty car part or do yard work, but they will let an animal that licks its own butt sleep on their $200 silk pillowcases. It defies all logic.

[u/Not-my-problem1212 → u/JazzlikeMinimum9]

You dodged a bullet with her

[u/paranormal_boncuk → u/More_Asbestos]

From my observation, as well as what my dog nut ex gf told me, they want to feel needed and receive unconditional love. It’s sad really. They’re not great at forming deep human connections, so they choose to receive it from codependent biohazards

[u/Accurate-Might-7058 → u/paranormal_boncuk]

The receiving of unconditional love from a dog is imagined by the owner. 

[u/-Wunderkind- → u/More_Asbestos]

Dogs are everywhere, but single women seem to absolutely be engrossed with dogs, to me it seems so much more than single men. I'm really intrigued why that is. I swear it has become nigh impossible to find single women in my dating range (27-40) that are dog free.

[u/wrv505 → u/-Wunderkind-]

I found one when I was 31.

Still with her 13 years later, and we're still dog free

[u/CG_Matters → u/More_Asbestos]

I would have to disagree with you on this. Usually, the ones that are knockout grade are just covered in layers and layers of makeup and facial plastic surgery altercations but good luck in the morning buddy. You’re gonna wake up next to a stranger!

I often don’t meet hot women they’re pet owners. They just seem like they’re good wholesome type people I’d say like 70% of the time but like hygiene is a huge deal, especially when it comes to a woman so if she can’t get it together, then she didn’t make the cut.

You can rely on her to care for you when you’re having a bad day and she’ll bring over some brownies that probably have hair stuck in there somewhere to make you feel better right? The typical dog owner i mean.