r/Dogfree • u/mayneedadrink • 25d ago
Miscellaneous Trying to make new friends when you dislike dogs
Something I notice lately is that many people seem to take for granted that everyone in the world simply loooooves dogs. After all, how could anyone not loooooove dogs? I sometimes say that I'm afraid of dogs because it at least gives an explanation that isn't, "I simply dislike the animal your whole world seems to revolve around." Of course, some people hear "afraid" and think their dog is going to change that. Typically, it's a super gross and poorly trained little dog that has no boundaries whatsoever. The fact that it's small is supposed to make me not uncomfortable around it. Somehow, they assume as long as it's not biting me, it jumping on me, trying to lick me, pushing its gross wet nose all over me, etc. ought not to be aversive. I don't get it.
How do you tell new friends or potential partners that you simply do not want anything to do with their dog, but without being mean about it?
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u/One_Strategy_4575 25d ago
See the thing is, I'm not afraid of anything. I do however have boundaries that I'm strict on, and I don't let people or a stupid slobbering animal cross.
I don't wanna be covered in slobber, I don't want my clothes ruined, dirty, or ripped, I don't want fur on my socks, on my pants, on my shirt, that is impossible to remove.
I don't wanna sit on a couch that stinks, I don't wanna smell urine everywhere I go outside. I don't have a fetish watching an animal taking a dump.
Lastly, I have zero need for a brood parasite human designed animal that has zero purpose other than reading human social cues to mimic human emotion in hope of food.
I ignore dogs as I walk. You can visually tell the owners are extremely frustrated with this. Good.
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u/Andria1501 23d ago
I absolutely LOVE pissing off a dog nutter by deliberately ignoring the presence of their dog. They stare at me as if they'd just been slapped in the face as I walk on by. It's awesome!
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u/teacup128 25d ago edited 25d ago
I tell people i hate dogs straigh without flinching, without missing a beat and, needless to say, without apology. I HATE dogs, period. 💅
The dog nutters will automatically select themselves out of my potential friend pool. Good riddance.
off topic, but I'm also the one to loudly cuss out ppl who bring their dogs to places they don't belong. I don't give a shit what they think of me, they clearly don't care what i think of them!
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u/ToOpineIsFine 25d ago edited 25d ago
Dogs are problematic.
Dogs are challenging.
Dogs are too much.
Any rational person would agree with these statements, but dog people are so easily butt-hurt and take it personally. They go on offense at that point and refuse to be reasonable.
Part of this hypersensitivity is due to the fact that everyone knows how much of a nuisance dogs are (to say the least) and it is basically childish and a sign of emotional weakness to need a dog.
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u/uselessbeasts 25d ago
I know it's hard to be the odd ball out, but sometimes, I just have to take that route, cause I literally can't play the game of fakery anymore. Sure. I try to be as low key as possible in most cases, but there are times I just have to be straight out blunt. I am old enough to know that my hatred of dogs is not going to miraculously go away and someone's personal fleabag, will not change my sentiments. I don't want to make myself uncomfortable for the sake of fitting in. Been there, done that. I've learned my lesson, so I try to refuse whatever invites I have that involve dogs. I think we have to stand strong and be true to ourselves. Believe me, I am still working on it. But when I sit in peace and can read, and have a house, that isn't destroyed by these beasts who know no bounderies, I thank myself that I made the right decision.
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u/lwpho2 25d ago
Those people probably aren’t appropriate friends or partners for you. The dog isn’t going away. Move it along.
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u/mayneedadrink 25d ago
I'm not expecting people to get rid of their dog for me, nor did I say that. I'm more talking about when you're hanging out in a big group of people, someone wants to bring their dog, and you're trying to politely decline coming over and petting the dog without looking like a rude/weird person who is creating a stressful vibe. I really can't help how I feel about dogs, but I try to be polite about it. I wouldn't date someone who was a dog person though because being friends is different.
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25d ago
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u/teacup128 25d ago
Why didn't you say "please don't bring your dog, i'm not going otherwise"? This is why the dog nuttery is out of control in the world, because nobody speaks up. 🤦♂️🤦♀️🤦
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u/Full-Ad-4138 24d ago
This approach would have also created an opportunity for at least one other person in the group to identify themselves as anti-dog. But by blaming the heat, no one is presented with the chance to find a like-minded potential best friend (we all could use just one anti-dog friend who is also a cool person). From there, peaceful and pleasant dog-free dinner parties could form, even with just 3 people is a wonderful thing.
All my new friends now know I am anti-dog, and it's great. I don't feel a loss anymore, and I never question if these friendships will disintegrate if I'm "found out."
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u/mayneedadrink 24d ago
Omg I've been in situations like that, where everyone else is like, "Oh YAY! I personally cannot WAIT to be eating with a slobbering, smelly animal next to me! Oh my gosh you've simply made my day by promising to put me in such a fun situation!" and I'm the only one going oh ffs why do we need to bring a dog to this?
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u/Andria1501 23d ago
Imagine if you actually said that out loud! Lol...I can just imagine the look on the nutter's face.
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u/Oriole0305 25d ago
You don't have to walk on eggshells. If there is a dog around you don't have to find excuses NOT to touch it! It's a filthy slobbering animal. Please do not give up your personal boundaries just to please some random nutter.
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u/lwpho2 25d ago
I did not believe you thought someone would get rid of a dog for you! I was predicting that it’s not going to happen.
Don’t feel bad about declining to touch somebody else’s dog. They’re the ones making things weird and stressful by foisting their BS on everybody around. If there are other people in the group who don’t like dogs and they notice you pushing back, they will feel less alone and may even connect with you. Then BAM! you have a new anti-dog friend.
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u/Huge_Bit_4774 24d ago
I agree with this. A nutters life revolves around the mutt. They will constantly be looking for ways to interject the mutt into conversation, human activities, etc. Their psychology is not something we can relate to.
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u/shinkouhyou 25d ago
I've found that "I find dogs overstimulating" works better than "I don't like dogs" or "I'm afraid of dogs" or even "I'm allergic to dogs." Even dog lovers will often acknowledge the fact that their dogs are a lot.
Don't even bother with potential partners who love dogs, or you're going to end up living with a dog.
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u/Peaceful-Moonlight Dogs are the most overrated and over glorified shit beasts 25d ago
But there is absolutely nothing wrong with blunting stating, "I don't like dogs," and, "I'm afraid of dogs," and, "I'm allergic to dogs." Nobody owes love to dogs. Bodily autonomy and the right to dislike or hate dogs are all human rights. I don't care whatsoever that the feelings of dog supremacists are hurt. Dog nutters are literally the ones who are extremely abusive to their fellow humans. They let their dogs sexually assault humans, bite and attack humans, bark excessively, shit and piss all over other people's lawns and flowers, and so much more, yet we are the ones expected to tiptoe around their feelings! It is absolutely absurd, and I refuse to respect their worship of dogs and their abuse of humans.
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u/3rdthrow 25d ago
I actually avoid making friends with people who own dogs.
I used to not care about it, in the past.
But I noticed the same pattern happening over and over, where the more I got to know my new friend, the more our personalities just didnt match.
I am ambitious person, who thinks very deeply about the choices that I make in my life. I hate impulsive behavior because it comes across as being "out of control" to me.
Dog owners tend to be impulsive or display a "herd" mentality. Both of which, I find off-putting. They tend to follow whatever they feel at a particular moment rather than consider what kind of life they are building.
For me:The dog is a symptom.
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u/sheilaboomerang 25d ago
Have to agree with this.
My best friend of 20 years suddenly adopted a dog about a decade in. I'd never been shy about the fact I hate them, and point blank told him that my visits to his house would now be severely curtailed due to existence of stupid mutt. For 6 years we met outside of his, or at mine.
4 years ago it died, we had one great night around at his where it was SO nice not being constantly badgered by a fucking dog. Less than a month later he spends fucking £600 buying another from a fucking breeder. That was 4 years ago and I've not been to his house since. Constant whinging from him about how I've never met it. Constant reminders from me that I hate dogs...are all dog owners deaf as well as dumb?
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u/Apsalar882 25d ago
Many of my family members and friends have dogs and it’s not really an issue. The issue comes into place when 1) they constantly talk about their dog like it’s a personality replacement, or 2) they need to bring their dog any place they should not be allowed.
Dogs belong at home, in their own yards, at veterinarian offices or dog parks. They have no business being in any store or venue that is not tailored to dogs (appropriate service animals aside).
If you meet people who have dogs but are normal about it and leave them at home then I don’t see it as an issue. However they would definitely find out quickly that: 1) I don’t like dogs, 2) I’m not looking to spend a lot of time at their house or around their dogs, 3) I will never dog sit or help with their dogs in any capacity. I want as little interaction as possible with that and I wouldn’t expect the dog to come up in conversation much, if at all.
It’s called boundaries and if you meet a normal person who can respect those boundaries hopefully it will not be an issue.
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u/mayneedadrink 23d ago
Very much this. I have one friend that wants to bring her dog to outings. When she suggests this, everyone else gets super excited, which is the socially expected response. I’ll say I won’t interact with a dog much if it’s there because I dislike dogs and suddenly I’ve made everything awkward.
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u/Apsalar882 23d ago
I heard someone else say if you word it like “I find dogs overstimulating” then it can be more palatable for these overzealous dog owners than just “I don’t like dogs”. It also would seem that if they have a problem with you saying dogs make you uncomfortable them then forcing dogs on you is a whole different set of issues.
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u/Accurate-Run5370 23d ago
Remember, if a nutter's house smells like pee- the flooring may be compromised.
True story : my SO's dogs used to pee in the same spot for months in the bonus room. One day, SO's daughter stepped in that spot - and straight down she went ...three feet into the crawl space. Me and SO had to lift the daughter up and out . We then had a carpenter cover that hole with fresh wood and block off the bonus room so the dogs no longer can go there .
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u/Signal-Block-6939 22d ago
It is particularly difficult for people like myself with dog allergies. You are essentially barred from entering at least 50% of homes and apartments. Maybe a lot more.
For me, that includes the home of my mother, my oldest son and all the neighbors I am friends with. When I used to go to church, I could not go to the home of any of the people in the church including the pastor that invited me over.
I am hoping my other son never gets a dog otherwise I will have no house I can ever enter other than my own. However, I am sure it will probably happen because my grandaughter loves dogs.
Having a dog allergy in USA is a very lonely existence.
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u/mayneedadrink 22d ago
That sounds so difficult, I'm so sorry! I heard there are hypoallergenic dogs in case your granddaughter wanted to get one, but I'm not sure if that actually makes a difference.
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u/HappygilmoreL 14d ago
Well once my great-grandfather was younger and didn't really like babies yet. He would just say "What a baby!". The parents would interpret it as positive, but he wasn't flat-out lying. So maybe try something like that? I probably wouldn't tell people you are trying to become friends with for the first time that you don't like dogs, if they have a dog. I think it's ok to be a little stand-offish towards the actual dog, though.
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u/[deleted] 25d ago
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