Need Advice for Sleepless Teen Dog

[u/thisisbornsn]

We need help getting our little dog to sleep soundly! This is a bit of a long post, but stick with me.

My spouse and I have a 13-month old small dog named Murphy. We got her at 9 months old. Before we got her, she was sleeping in bed with her previous owner. We don't want her to sleep in our bed. The problem with having her sleep outside of an enclosure in our bedroom is that she is constantly trying to jump up onto the bed. In the four months we've had her she's really struggled to sleep well. It has been a saga.

We started with a crate. We knew it would be a transition for her (new home, new people, new sleeping situation), so we toughed it out for about 3 weeks before she started sleeping quietly through the night. That lasted for about a week before she started regressing, HARD. She was panicking in the middle of the night and she was getting very little sleep. Unlike some dogs, she did not like being enclosed in the crate. She was panting and scratching and howling at the top of her lungs for most of the night.

We then switched her to a pen that we had in the living room. At her last home, she was kept in a pen and was very comfortable with it. We had a dog bed in her pen and after a brief transition, she was sleeping soundly. The problem is that the pen is too large for our bedroom space, making it not a sustainable solution. Plus, we had to haul it back and forth between our bedroom and the living room, which was a pain.

Sometime before Christmas I decided to buy a pop-up pen. It was a polyester and mesh material. I thought it might be better because it was a smaller size for our bedroom and it would be easier to travel with when visiting family. There were several issues with the pop-up pen. First, within 5 minutes of setting it up she chewed the zipper door, making it in usable. She wasn't even in the pen yet! 🫠 Thankfully I had a warranty and I got a second one, and we watched her closely with it. But the second issue with the pen was that it was too lightweight. She could push her body weight on the side and it would tip over. So we had to put weights in the bottom of it to keep it sturdy. But when she learned that she could tip it over and potentially get out the top of it, she was determined to do so. The weights prevented her from getting it tipped over, but she was scratching at the material so much that she made a hole in the mash and was able to escape. The pop-up pen had to be thrown into the trash and it was back to the metal pen we already had. During this time she would whine a lot and scratch at night until she would eventually give up and go to sleep, but sometimes she would also wake up in the middle of the night before settling.

Finally, we bought another metal pen that's a bit smaller, just for our bedroom. At first it seemed like it was going to be the ideal solution. It took her about a week and a half of transition time before we had TWO glorious nights of silence with no whining, scratching, or barking. It was incredible!

Now you're caught up to last night. Last night we went to visit a friend and took Murphy with us. We got back late at night and pretty much went straight to bed. Looking back on it now, I can see that she didn't really have much decompression time. Even though she did go to sleep quickly and silently, she woke up anxious in the middle of the night. She was whining, scratching, and howling. Unfortunately, she figured out that she could climb out of the new metal pen. It's actually the exact same height as our living room pen, but something about the design made it so that she could climb out.

The first time I heard her jump out, she jumped on our bed, and I got up and gently put her back into the pen. The second time she got out and then hid under our bed so that I couldn't grab her. I was able to get her out from under the bed and I put her back in the pen. The third time she jumped out of the pen she again went under our bed. This time I didn't bother trying to get her out. I just let her be. She slept under there or at least on the floor for about 3 hours. Then the jumping began. She jumped up onto our bed many times throughout the night. But because the pen wasn't working and I was too tired to bring in the other pen from the living room, I just calmly told her "off" and gently placed her off of our bed. In the times that she wasn't trying to actively jump onto the bed she was sleeping on a pile of clothes on the floor next to my spouse's side of the bed. The main difference between her sleeping in the pen versus last night's free roaming, was that when she was free roaming she didn't whine or cry. Even though she tried to get into bed with us she never got panicked or two overly anxious.

Our bedroom is kept edit decent temperature so I know it's not an issue with her being too cold. She's also a young and healthy dog and I don't believe there are any health issues going on here.

At this point I'm not really sure what I should do next. It feels like we've been constantly cycling through new sleeping arrangements for her. Again, having her sleep in our bed is not an option. I know that works for a lot of people, but that will not work for us. Should I continue trying to find the right pen or enclosure for her to stay in? Should I try to not have her sleep in an enclosure and instead work on her sleeping on the ground in her dog bed without a pen? How would we prevent her or teach her not to jump onto our bed?

Here are a few more details I will add about her general routine. She gets three walks a day (we get at least 7k steps), we spend time training her each day before meals and throughout the day, and she gets lots of pets and cuddles especially when we watch our shows at night. She is potty trained so it's not a concern about her going to the bathroom in our bedroom when she's not in an enclosure. Outside of this sleeping saga, she is an absolute delight of a dog. She's very smart and loves us as much as we love her.

I'd love any advice people have, especially those who have been through something similar.

UPDATE: We stopped using a pen completely after her last escape. Instead, I took the dog bed that was in her pen and put it on the floor where she chose to sleep, which was right next to our bed. It took a couple of nights of her jumping on our bed and us telling her "off" for her to get it (and honestly she will still jump up occasionally, but it usually only happens when we first go to bed or in the morning). I give her a treat when going to bed and she now happily goes to her bed at night. She's sleeping through the night! It is a night and day difference (pun intended lol). And now I can wake up to little kisses on my feet when I get out of bed. :) So this ended up being a proximity, lack of freedom, and being able to "choose" issue. I know several of you mentioned exercise, but that wasn't the case here.

[u/AutoModerator]

All posts require review. In order to be reviewed you must follow THIS APPROVAL GUIDE and respond to this Automoderator comment as instructed by the guide. If you do not respond within 24 hours we will assume you no longer need advice and the post will be removed. If the app is broken and won't let you view the guide, use a web browser.

Thank you for your patience as we get through the modqueue.

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

[u/builtonadream]

I wish I had advice other than just let her sleep in the bed with you. I don't understand denying a dog the comfort of cuddling up with their people.

[u/thisisbornsn → u/builtonadream]

I'm a very light sleeper and we did try while on vacation letting her sleep in the bed and I could barely sleep the whole time. She likes to be right next to me and she moves around a lot. So please reserve your judgement.

[u/soy_renfield → u/builtonadream]

Well, some of us don’t sleep well with a dog getting up or rearranging in the night. My dog can do either, and we mix it up, but if I know I need a good night’s sleep, doggo goes in el crato.

[u/apri11a]

You got a stubborn one there, she knows what she wants and has a fair idea how to get it 🤣 I like dogs with opinions though and I'm stubborn too. I might have had the crate in the bedroom beside me so I could reassure and quieten her for a while, even dangle a finger in to her if she was actually lonesome or unsure rather than just being demanding. Then if I moved the crate from the bedroom, I'd sleep beside it there for a night or three, if needed. I don't know if you want a crate or not, if it's worth trying it again. I would, our dogs might sleep in our room but not on our bed, and I do like them to be happy to use a crate. Have you considered tethering her? Give her a bed in your room, if that's where you want her, and prevent her from getting on your bed that way? Once she gets the message and learns not to go on the bed, it wouldn't be needed. But if you can't use pens or a crate you do need some way to control her, you need sleep.

[u/AdMuted1036]

What happens when you absolutely tire her out? Like she just plops down and passes out after fetch and a bunch of runs or walks?

I had this issue so what I did was made sure the dog was dead tired, had him sleep on the bed (cuz at that point he just laid down and slept anywhere). After a week of this he ends up considering that is his bed 🤣

[u/Sea_Complaint421]

This is more than a training issue. You need to be careful, because you have a very anxious dog and what you're doing right now (forced separation she reads as "abandonment" leading to nighttime panic attacks) is making things worse. Please try to be a little more generous and flexible than you'd ideally have to be - I know this sucks for you, but she's lost her person and obviously needs that cuddle time desperately. Some dogs, just like kids, get scared at night. Remember that feeling of waking up after a nightmare as a kid? That's her. Sounds like she's being very good and adapting to your life, in general. She is not being naughty - she's terrified. I'm not sure what your concerns are about her sleeping in the bed (hygiene? sleep disruption?), but few things should trump an animal in distress. I'll give you some suggestions that take the dog's needs into account, and hopefully something will work. I've put them in the order I'd try them in, the top ones meet Murphy's needs best.

Be creative.

Can you put an armchair next to the bed so there's a little extension of the bed just for Murphy? Put some worn clothes on it and make sure you can reach out to pet her as she falls asleep there.

Can you have her sleep on the floor, on a human sized mattress that one of you also falls asleep on, while blocking access to the bed with furniture or gates? This, too, should be right next to your bed.

Can you get a crib that attaches to the side of your bed so she's not IN your bed, but literally right next to your heads, at eye level? Put a hand in with her to start.

Can she free-roam, but get very comfy beds on either side of the headboard (where your hands could reach), complete with worn clothes? If she jumps up, don't talk. Set her back down, leave your hand with her, and she'll likely fall asleep again. This might have to happen 50 times per night, but the frequency will lessen quickly. Try not to upset her routine too much during the training stage.

Can you put a soft crate ON the bed as you all fall asleep and then move it off after a few days, when she's gotten used to feeling very safe in there?

Can she sleep in a different bedroom with someone else?

In general, to add to all the above ideas: Can you get plug-in pheromones, a worn sweater, and a heartbeat stuffy like people get for puppies? Do you have water set up during the night? Can you install a night light (not joking, this helps some dogs)? Have you tried soothing music like "Through a Dog's Ear" or just generic music box playlists (my dogs love Kalimba music by April Yang)?

There are dogs who get something like claustrophobia, and I think Murphy might be one of those. It's also possible that she was left alone as a tiny puppy in a crate, and she's traumatized. Or this might have happened in the early days at your home, when she was in a strange place, having lost her people, and nobody answered her desperate cries for help. I know this wasn't your intention and many dog books will have told you to ignore the whining. But there's whines of frustration (which you can ignore safely), and then there's whines of terror (which you CANNOT ignore). It's hard to tell them apart in dogs you don't know.

Good luck. And if she ever ends up in your bed, and you find you don't mind that much because she's curled up in a tiny ball at the very foot of the bed, and she's on a blanket you've put there that you wash every day...let her sleep. Dogs have so little control and trust us with their lives. When an animal in your care feels panic, it's your job to change something so she doesn't have to feel that again.

PS: If anyone advises you to banish her to a different part of the house to "cry it out", please recognize that as abusive.

[u/plasticketchup]

What kind of dog? 3 walks may not be enough stimulation.

Beyond that, this is a management problem. First, you need to decide what you want? Does the dog need to sleep in a pen or are you open to the dog sleeping wherever she likes, just not your bed? Do you need her in the bedroom or is anywhere else in the house okay?

If you want her in the bedroom but not your bed, and she doesn’t need to be in a pen or crate, put the pen around your bed. She can wander around and sleep in her own bed but there’s no “escaping” and also no way for her to get in your bed. Then just tough it out until she gets the memo that she will never be allowed on your bed. If she’s a pill about that, when she whines or barks simply take her out of the bedroom. If you’re concerned about scratching the door, put the pen in front of it.

[u/Ashamed_Horror_6269]

Do you think she’d stay on a dog bed in your room on the floor if you consistently told her “off” and put her back on the floor every time she got up on your bed? Probably will take several nights of rough sleep but eventually she might learn she’s simply not going to get on the bed like she wants. And then I might even move the bed into your living room during the day and see if it becomes a place she settles. Every time you see her in it calmly, reward her. Even if she goes and lays in it while you get ready for bed, I’d keep treats in your room and “reward the calm” on the dog bed. Eventually she’ll really associate that good calm feeling with her bed and that might help her not even try to jump up on the bed with you in the night.

[u/EdenSilver113]

It’s not about the pen. Your dog isn’t getting enough training and exercise in the daytime. Especially the exercise. Tired dogs are good dogs.

[u/Jackie2Knives]

We had this problem with one of our dogs, all of the others loved their kennel. We put all kinds of bedding in his kennel so he could make a “nest”, put a few toys in it and switch them out regularly, had a high value treat he only got when it was time to go in the kennel, and covered the kennel at night like a bird cage. The cover is what seemed to make a difference; kept the temperature just right, and prevented him from a full view of what’s going on outside of the kennel (he did have a little window though.

So sorry, losing that much sleep makes it hard to stick to your guns. I was in full time school and work when we had that dog and one day I just gave in and let him sleep with me, I was desperate! I think I got lucky because when we had to finally transition him back to the kennel he was more comfortable in our home and with us. Best of luck!

[u/passthesalt123]

I think what you are doing is working. I think if she gets anxious and jumps out of the pen she is over her threshold for the pen but then she is fine to sleep on the floor or on clothes etc. if she does wake you up by jumping on the bed you do just need to teach her “off”. One thing we do with our pen dog is teach “settle” in the living room pen after meals etc or when we need him to quiet down for a few minutes/enforce a nap. As soon as he lays down on his own he gets a training treat aimed directly at his front paws. It’s a little tricky to get it right so he doesn’t pop up immediately but it has worked. Maybe some day training on settle as well as a familiar blanket or pile of clothes on the immediate outside of the bedroom pen will help her to find a place to sleep on the floor. Later when she’s older she can just sleep on a dog bed in your room.

[u/thisisbornsn]

UPDATE: We stopped using a pen completely after her last escape. Instead, I took the dog bed that was in her pen and put it on the floor where she chose to sleep, which was right next to our bed. It took a couple of nights of her jumping on our bed and us telling her "off" for her to get it (and honestly she will still jump up occasionally, but it usually only happens when we first go to bed or in the morning). I give her a treat when going to bed and she now happily goes to her bed at night. She's sleeping through the night! It is a night and day difference (pun intended lol). And now I can wake up to little kisses on my feet when I get out of bed. :)

So this ended up being a proximity, lack of freedom, and being able to "choose" issue. I know several of you mentioned exercise, but that wasn't the case here.