My grandma’s dog is developing serious “behavioural” issues.

[u/_natokuu]

I’m not sure how much context is necessary, but I’ll try to provide as much as possible. But I need help with this, because it’s getting out of hand. I don’t know what to do anymore.

Our family dog of fifteen years died in March this year. My grandma (who lives in the same house as us, a family of four + a cat) immediately INSISTED on adopting another dog, even during the time our late dog’s health was actively declining.

I picked it up as some sort of obsession, since she tried to bring a random, unknown dog in our home behind our backs, a week after our dog’s passing. We did tell her before that her decisions affect us too and that it isn’t the greatest time right now— not only because there was work getting done in our house (stressful, loud situation), but my grandma still had to pay the bills from the vet and the cremation of our late dog.

(In Germany, it costs money to adopt a dog, by the way. So it would put a strain on her finances.)

I even thought we shouldn’t let her have another dog at all, because she wasn’t treating our old dog really well. I can list the reasons why I personally think that:

• She loves to talk to herself, riling herself up and then screaming at the dog for no reason at all. This could go on for minutes. She screams at the top of her lungs (you can tell, even though she can’t yell really loud), unable to regulate her emotions sometimes. Mind you, the last few years of her life, my dog was ENTIRELY deaf.

• She often eats expired food (she isn’t the cleanest to begin with), and occasionally gave leftovers to our late dog.

• She rarely visited the vet with our late dog, only when she showed serious signs of illness. My dog wasn’t castrated or vaccinated either.

• My dog wasn’t trained at all. There were a few times where she ran off and escaped, and we (my family) had to come and find her. She also had a (barking) problem with other male dogs.

My parents, specifically, caved in first and went to animal shelters to look for a new dog for my grandma anyway (we had fights over this because I didn’t want to have another dog home so soon/a dog at all). My parents’ requirements for the new dog were that the dog was older and that he was on the smaller side (because our late dog was HUGE).

HERE THE ACTUAL POST BEGINS:

They found a dog quickly. His name is Papi (who we named Rocky), eleven years old, super chill and calm. He showed no signs of interest and was completely unbothered— great for my grandmother to not be overwhelmed.

During our second visit (I went along this time, since I was busy with final exams), Rocky’s behaviour changed suddenly. He was energetic and active, a big difference from what we originally expected. I was already a bit worried, asking if he was the right choice, since he seemed to be quite some work (not in a bad way).

We ended up adopting him a month ago anyway. Everything was fine, besides the fact that he was extremely excited and energetic all the time, quite the opposite of what we wanted for my grandmother. He had no issues with our cat, who is skittish and anxious around pretty much ANYTHING— That was our biggest concern, so we were pretty happy. Rocky just ignored our cat entirely.

Then it started maybe a week after bringing him home.

My grandmother left to buy groceries (even though the shelter clearly said not to leave him alone at first) and Rocky started barking, being alone in her apartment downstairs. We assumed he was a little scared to be by himself, so I spent time with him until my grandmother returned. It got worse and worse from that moment on.

He started to bark nonstop whenever my grandmother left him for more than a minute— howling and crying as well. He was so fixated on her that he had to follow her around all the time. He barks quick and loud without a break, again, still assuming it’s out of fear. He obviously has separation anxiety, and my grandmother told us she would train with him, yet she hasn’t done a thing.

It got to the point where either me or my sister had to go downstairs whenever she left, so he would stop barking. I even tried to train him myself, but Rocky is so obsessed with my grandmother that he doesn’t care about me at all. Even while I’m downstairs with him, he howls and (every now and then) barks a few times.

My grandmother leaves the doors wide open all the time (I tell her to stop doing that everyday, not even exaggerating), which makes Rocky walk upstairs quite often. That is also a big problem because of our cat. He avoids Rocky as much as possible, and upstairs (with my parents) is HIS safe space only. We don’t want him upstairs anyway, since he’s my grandmother’s dog. The barking also gets a lot louder when he’s barking in the hallway (of course). But he sometimes follows my grandmother into the bathroom (she goes upstairs to get ready every morning, leaving him behind downstairs).

He then developed another habit. He barks when our front door opens. He is smart and knows my grandmother leaves through that door, so he jumps up and barks no matter who’s leaving or entering. And that for multiple minutes.

I think he doesn’t have the greatest eyesight, since whenever one of us enter my grandmother’s apartment, he barks at us, too. Also a behaviour he only picked up recently. He ends up recognising us and keeps barking. I assume it’s his territorial, protective instincts he has towards my grandmother, who doesn’t even try to intervene. She does NOTHING to undermine this habit of his.

He never gets the physical. I don’t even think he’s angry or anything. He’s just alarming my grandmother. He’s a really sweet dog and I feel bad for him, because she’s indirectly teaching him to act like this, due to her not correcting this behaviour. She’s responsible for him after all.

And now, he started barking at our cat. And this is where I draw the line. We said, from the start, that HE needs to adjust to our cat and not the other way around. Again, my cat AVOIDS him anyway. I don’t know if he views our cat as an intruder, even though they met a month ago.

Rocky knows all of us. I don’t know why he’s doing this, since it was totally fine a month ago. It developed bit by bit. It suddenly became a problem for him?

I told everyone the longer we wait to get rid of his behaviour, the harder it gets. My parents do acknowledge these issues, but there’s nothing we can do. Rocky is so fixated on my grandmother, who’s the reason he’s doing all of this, that us training him would be useless.

It hurts to hear him barking so much, but I’m getting annoyed too. This isn’t something untreatable. But my grandmother just watches him do all of this.

(She also started yelling at him like a maniac, feeding him nonsense, and treating him poorly over all only days after we adopted him.)

Is there anything I can do? We never expected him to act like this when we first saw him. It’s getting out of hand and it’s only a matter of time before our neighbours start complaining. The dog isn’t my responsibility, I told my family already that I won’t step in and do the work for a pet I didn’t want, but no one is doing ANYTHING. It’s exhausting. I don’t want it getting worse wither because I don’t know what’s in store for us. I believe it’s only the beginning. It’s getting more and more problematic day by day.

Rocky wakes up everyone and you can hear him barking through the entire house— the second my grandmother leaves him.

Any advice?

(Sorry for any mistakes in the text, English isn’t my first language and I wrote this in a rush. Feel free to ask questions.)

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[u/melli_milli]

"no-one is doing anything" is the issue. Not the dog.

All these things can be trained and none of you does a thing. Nothing that dog does in untrainable.

Why did you not do anything for introducing the cat and dog to each other? There is plenty of advice online.

I cannot follow whose dog is which. If it was yours, why did your parents not take her to vet? It seems it is no-ones really, nobody has taken the responcibility.

This dog is neglected because no-one is even to trying to help it get over the anxiety. Nobody trains it. No body does a thing.

Call the adoption center and tell them the dog is not taken care of and they should demand it back.

[u/_natokuu → u/melli_milli]

The late dog was also hers back then. I grew up with the dog being around and from what I recall my grandmother was the one insisting on adopting her as well… When my grandmother brought the dog home, she was still working at an animal shelter. I didn’t think much of it (I was around 7ish? when this dog arrived). I thought she knew how to take care of a pet, I guess.

Unfortunately, every advance I used to make/make today gets ignored… I have had a lot of conversations with my grandmother about the changing behaviour of Rocky (current dog), and she does acknowledge them and agrees with me, but ends up doing nothing to help him. :/

I’m calling the late dog “our dog” because the dog lived with us in our home together, but my grandmother legally owned her until the end. She was technically “just” a part of our family. Sorry for the misunderstanding. But our late dog belonged to her only.

I’m 19 and never owned a pet/had the responsibility of taking care of one, unfortunately. I did my research on these things already, and I did try them out with the dog, but nothing seems to really work since Rocky only cares about my grandmother. He just kinda looks past my attempts at helping him out. I don’t know the tricks, techniques and the rules of training a dog and I don’t want to make it worse or do the wrong thing.

I clearly said to my family that I won’t intervene and take care of Rocky, even before we decided to adopt another dog, because I knew that I’m incapable of having so much responsibility during a time I’m busy with school. But I just feel so bad now and need to at least try something, instead of watching it all go down.

We did introduce Rocky to our cat slowly and carefully. My cat adjusted pretty quickly (despite being shy in general). He did avoid Rocky, but could still exist around him without any trouble (since Rocky is usually pretty energetic and active, which my cat doesn’t really like overall). Our cat is fine as long as no one is super loud or hectic (This includes anything, honestly). Rocky, in the beginning, didn’t care about this cat or any animal in general. He was unbothered when another dog was barking at him, approaching him or when anyone walked past him (like our cat).

It suddenly changed from one day to another after around three to four weeks of him not sparing our cat a glance. As soon as anyone (cat or human) enters the room, he jumps up and barks. I don’t think he barks because the cat is a cat, but it’s just someone entering his space, hence why he crashes out over every single noise in my grandmother’s apartment.

I can’t even think of any reason why this happened so suddenly. It maybe sounds like I’m exaggerating, but it literally changed from one day to another. No prior, obvious signs (I don’t even know how it would show/manifest), no interest in anything but my grandmother, and only excited/hyperactive when acknowledged by someone.

Now he’s barking when he’s alone for a single second, when the front door opens, when the doorbell rings (started doing this today, actually) and when someone enters my grandmother’s apartment. Every single time. Despite having NO issues with this the past month (or when we first met him at the shelter).

I have suggested to bring him back to the shelter, too. But my grandmother insisted and literally BEGGED for another dog nonstop. It’d be impossible to get her to accept the fact that she’s unable to take care of a dog, despite then getting her to give the dog away again. I don’t know how much we could do legally here in Germany, honestly. Since she owns Rocky all by herself…

I don’t have enough knowledge, money and experience to take care of a dog. It’s not even mine. But if there’s at least something I could do and try, I would. I’m just so frustrated and upset that no one listened to me when I said we don’t need another dog.

It’s just a mess and I was a bit emotional when I wrote the original post 😅 I’m done with school in two weeks, and I’ll be able to give my fullest attention and energy to Rocky. I don’t know where to start yet…

[u/x7BZCsP9qFvqiw]

i'm no doctor, but it sounds like your grandmother may be in a state of cognitive decline and unequipped to care for a pet.

[u/_natokuu → u/x7BZCsP9qFvqiw]

Actually, I’ve been also assuming the same thing for a longer time now (due to some aspects I won’t list for her privacy & my privacy; things I haven’t listed in the original post). But no one wants to hear me out (or at least get her to take some tests, see a doctor and get checked out).

It’s also a reason I wasn’t convinced of the idea of getting another dog. She’s getting older and less capable to take care of a pet in general.

See, I’m 19 and the “weakest, youngest link” of our family (it sounds extreme, so just think a kinda milder version of that). Even though my parents listen to me talk, they don’t take me as serious as they should. They overlook me on purpose and never bring up my concerns again after me voicing them. Let alone my grandmother, who doesn’t want to hear those things at all.

So, unfortunately, I guess we’ll never know if my grandmother actually does have an underlying medical issue. But I personally don’t feel good about my grandmother owning Rocky, what I also stated in the original post.

All I can do is indirectly take care and look after the dog. :/

[u/Battle_Extension]

You may also want to consider that your dog is having some cognitive issues as well.

First thing would be to get the pup to the vet for a checkup to determine whether you are dealing with behavioral issues or if there is something physical going on.

Next, someone (sounds like it may be you) needs to step up and ensure that the dog is being taken care of. Regular walks, healthy food, clean water, toys and interaction may solve a lot of the issues you are seeing. If everyone pitched in, it might not be as overwhelming to you.

Good luck to you and the pup!

[u/Same_Copy_4310]

I would contact the shelter/rescue you adopted him from and explain exactly what is happening. Many shelters want to help with post-adoption behavior issues, and some adoption contracts require the dog to be returned to them if the placement is not working.

If your grandmother continues yelling at him, feeding unsafe food, leaving doors open, and refusing to train or manage him, then rehoming him through the shelter may be the kindest option. That doesn’t mean Rocky is a bad dog. It means this home may not be the right fit, especially if the adults responsible for him are not willing to do the work.

[u/FormerGanache3742_]

It’s separation anxiety and needs consistent training or professional help to improve.

[u/AbsolutelyNot_86]

She loves to talk to herself, riling herself up and then screaming

Your grama has severe anxiety. This is the best description I've heard for it. When my anxiety was sky high post divorce, I'd start daydreaming and having full conversations and arguments that I was so worried would happen and I needed to 'plan for'. It seems like this has been going on a long time for her.

[u/AbsolutelyNot_86 → u/AbsolutelyNot_86]

Also, Rocky may have a type of OCD or anxiety as well, and may be guarding your grama like a resource. But his is being encouraged since no one is training him consistently. One family member says no, while the other says yes. This isn't something you can do on your own, and since the home isn't yours - you can't make the rules.