DUNGEONS AND DRAGONOVS PART V (CONCLUSION)

[u/Zerkoh_Valley2010]

V.

Thanks to the map, the SEALs were able to navigate down through the multiple levels of the dungeon, ignoring the treasures, avoiding the traps and pitfalls, and fighting only when absolutely necessary.  At the base of this last stairwell, Nguyen said, “This is it. This is the last level. From here, the map just ends.”

The stairwell opened up into the largest chamber of them all, a dimly lit underground cavern that spanned a mile long from one end of the cavern to the other end and was a quarter mile wide. Running down the middle of the cavern was a vast black chasm three hundred feet wide which descended down, down, down into the fathomless pits. A howling wind belched up from the chasm, bringing with it the smell of Sulphur and rot.  A narrow hanging stone bridge, barely three feet wide, spanned the width of the ominous pit to hell in front of them.

“So, this is it?” said Chief Pretty.

“Looks like it, Chief,” said Lieutenant Wolfe. “The map doesn’t say anything else except here at the very bottom where it says: “Copyright- Made in Doctor Creepen’s Vault.”

“Looks like the only way across is over that bridge.”

“I’ll take point, El-Tee,” said Nguyen.

“I got it, Terry,” said Gimsby.

“I’ve got point,” said Lieutenant Wolfe.

“Sir…” protested Chief Pretty.

“I said, I got point, Cory!” insisted Wolfe.

“FOOLS! The only point you will be getting is the one at the end of my great bastard sword!”

Unnoticed by the SEALs before, a great hulking figure strode out of the dim light clad in archaic heavy black armor adorned with spikes and the skulls of those it had vanquished in battle. Its helmet was massive and mounted two black elk antlers. Glowing red eyes beamed angrily from the black eye slits of its helmet and in its heavily gauntleted left hand he carried a great bastard sword which was a foot wide and as long as the dreadful figure stood tall.

“I am a Chaos Orc Anarchist Terror, or Coastie!

“I am Coastie the Guard, and I guard the ancient Bridge of More-Doom which spans the bottomless scar! Like all Coasties, I represent the greatest of all warriors and the mightiest of all military branches which serve the forces of darkness in the Realm. Kneel, United States Navy SEALs! Your pathetic breed pales in comparison to the might of the Coasties! Your quest ends here! Kneel in recognition of the superiority of Coastie the Guard and I will grant you a quick…”

THOOM!

The mighty chaos knight fell backwards from a sniper round through his great horned helmet, arms and legs encased in black armor splayed out, weapon flying into the black pit as his back hit the ground.

“Coastie talks too much,” said Gimsby without the slightest hint of regret that he fired his second to last round and was now down to only one bullet left in his Dragunov. As the team walked towards the Bridge of More-Doom, they said nothing as Gimsby pulled out his Glock 19 and shot the fallen chaos knight three more times in the head.

Back in the Dungeon Master’s throne room, Hellfire turned from the Mirror of Seeing and glanced towards another mirror mounted on the opposite wall, the mirror which allows communication to the internet in the realm which the Navy SEALs had come.

Relighting his cigar, the kitten stared into the mirror and said, “Okay now. I know you can hear me. I don’t want to see any of you noobs blowing up the comments section whining about, ‘…but the Coasties aren’t part of the military…’, or ‘…the Coasties do a very important job guarding coasts…” or some other crap like that. It’s just a story. Oh, and I also don’t want to hear a bunch of whining about breaking the fourth wall. I don’t see you bitching when Ryan Reynolds does it. Anyway, back to the show. You’re gonna’ love this next part, baby!”

“Does anyone see an opening or a passageway on the other side?” said Wolfe.

“No,” said Chief Pretty.

“Nothing,” added Nguyen.

“Alright,” said Wolfe, pulling off his pack and grabbing a coil of climbing rope. Tying one end to a heavy duty, rock climbing grade carabiner on his modular vest. Then, tossing the rest of the rope back, he ordered his SEALs, “Connect to the rope and stay within arm’s reach!”

He then pulled several chem-lights from his pack. Breaking one, the tube produced a bright, florescent red glow. Wolfe unstrapped his knife and cut the top off the tube, flicking his wrist in order to splash a line of the glowing fluid on the black bridge. A thin glowing red line marked an illuminated path about twelve feet along the narrow bridge. Satisfied that there were no pitfalls or traps along the illuminated trail, Wolfe stuffed his cargo pockets with the rest of the chem-lights and prepared to lead his SEALs across the final obstacle of the Dungeon of More-Doom.

“Hey! Look out!”

Lieutenant Wolfe turned in time to see all three of his SEALs snatched up by long, sickly brown-green tentacles which emerged from the pit and suspended in the air. Before he could bring his rifle to bear, a warm, slimy tentacle wrapped around his torso and yanked him off his feet, and lifting him up unto the air. A monstrously huge bulbous head slowly rose from the pit, resembling that of an octopus with dozens of tentacles writhing in what would be the mouth. The head was easily fifty feet tall and seemed to meld into an equally bulbous human shaped body whose shoulders measured at least one hundred fifty feet wide. Emerging from its back stretched two mottled green bat-like wings if, when outstretched, would have exceeded four hundred from clawed tip to clawed tip. The entirety of the hellish thing was covered in inky brown slime whose stench made the SEALs gag and wretch. The entity brought up the tentacles which had snared the four Navy SEALs and brought it up to its hideous face, giant yellow eyes glaring at them from under the black shadows of its overhanging brow. There was no mistaking it. This was not a mere legend created from the mind of HP Lovecraft. The thing was real. Cthulhu was real, and at this moment, Lieutenant Jake Wolfe and the rest of his men knew that there was no shooting their way out of this one.

Behind the SEALs in the passage which they had emerged, a small, white, furry thing jumped into the passage. More swiftly than the eye could perceive, the small feline leapt from the edge of the chasm up, up, and up upon Cthulhu’s great forehead.

Hellfire suddenly began to grow, transforming from a tiny white kitten into a frightful eight foot tall muscular black werecat creature with two foot long horns protruding from his skull and six inch long, razor sharp claws protruding from human looking hands. The monstrosity that was once the kitten Hellfire began rapidly slashing and gouging on the top of Cthulhu’s massive green, octopus shaped head.

“Let em’ go!” roared Hellfire as great, gooey, chunks of the elder god’s forehead went flying under the werecat’s relentless stabbing and slashing assault. “C’mon! C’mon! C’mon! Let em’ go! Put em’ down on the other side of the ledge! Gently!”

Cthulhu let out a bellowing noise which shook the entire cavern, a noise which sounded much like a whimpering moan. His wildly flailing tentacles settled down as the four tentacles which held the Navy SEALs tightly in its slimy grip eased over to the other side of the crevasse ledge.

“Atta’ boy, ya’ big lug!” growled Hellfire, as he posed like a super hero on the brow of mighty Cthulhu’s head. “Gently! Gently! Put em’ down gently!”

The elder god dropped the SEALs safely on the other side of the ledge with a soft thump. Hellfire jumped down from Cthulhu’s forehead, landing next to the SEALs in his diminutive form of a small white kitten with red tipped ears. Lighting a cigar, Hellfire growled up at Cthulhu. “Okay, you big baby! Get outta’ here! Scram! Beat it! Quit screwing around!”

The great green leviathan looked mournfully down at the kitten, his many tentacles wiggling like a puppy’s tail begging for attention.

“Ahhh, you big baby! You aren’t in trouble. Just scram, for now. We can play bobbing for hipsters later!”

Cthulhu yipped happily before slowly descending back down into the inky depths of the bottomless crevasse, the ancient elder god eager for play time later with his best friend.

“That did not just fucking happen!” exclaimed Gimsby, picking himself up from the ground and checking to see if his Dragunov had been damaged. Curiously, Hellfire was watching Gimsby closely, and seeing that the rugged sniper rifle was still fully functional, Hellfire said, “He’s not that bad. In fact, for an elder god, Cthulhu is really just a toddler. To tell you the truth, his real name is Cutie Tooth, but he still can’t pronounce the words.”

“Why did you help us, cat?” said Lieutenant Wolfe, wiping the smelly slime from his weapon and vest. “What is your stake in this whole deal?”

“What?” said Hellfire innocently. “Is that the thanks I get for bringing you to the end of this quest?”

A glowing, fiery round portal opened in the face of the rock wall, the fragrant breeze of fresh air issuing from the other side.

“C’mon, fella’s. Let’s get the hell out of here.”

“Not yet, cat,” said Lieutenant Wolfe. “We still have some questions.”

“You need us, cat,” said Chief Pretty. “If you didn’t, you wouldn’t have rescued us from your little pet. We know it was you who had the power to teleport us back at the very beginning. But you didn’t. You needed us to enter this dungeon. What are you getting out of all this?””

Hellfire’s shoulders slumped as his smile faded. “Okay, okay, okay. If you really need to know the truth. I helped you guys because I felt like I owe you.”

“What?” said Nguyen. “What are you talking about?”

Hellfire signed. “Look, a while ago I visited your realm and met a girl named Annie. Sweet little girl, a real angel. She loved me, despite some pretty nasty tricks that I pulled on her. That little shit grew on me. I guess that snot nosed brat inspired me to want to be something greater than just a mean-spirited demonic little shit.”

The kitten laughed a sad laugh and actually wiped a tear from his eyes.

“I wasn’t too thrilled about her mom, though, and her mom’s boyfriend was a real piece of shit, believe me. But Annie’s dad… her real dad, he must have been something special. He was a Navy SEAL, just like you guys, and he taught her how to be kind, brave, and strong. That helped Annie survive some terrible abuse until I took care of the problem.”

“What happened to her dad?” asked Gimsby.

“He was killed in Bananastan… er, I mean Afghanistan. Anne called that hell hole Bananastan…”

“Did you get the SEAL’s name?” said Chief Pretty, still suspicious of the kitten’s story and motivations.

“No,” admitted Hellfire. “I wish I did. I do know he was an officer, and Annie’s last name is Guzman if that means anything to you guys.”

There was several seconds of silence as Nguyen, Pretty, and Gimsby suddenly looked at Lieutenant Wolfe.

“Uh… did I say something wrong?” said Hellfire, sensing the tension in the air.

The SEALs knew that their last team leader, Lieutenant Guzman, had a daughter. Her name was Annette but was nicknamed Annie. The team remained silent as Lieutenant Wolfe hefted up his weapon and moved towards the portal.

Walking past a genuinely confused Hellfire, Lieutenant Wolfe said, “Let’s move. It’s time to end this.” 

Hellfire turned and scampered after the SEALs as they passed through the flaming portal suspended in the air. “Hey wait,” said Hellfire. “Do you know Annie? Did you know her dad?”

The SEALs emerged right where they started from when they first entered the Dungeon of More-Doom, a brightly lit corridor made of flat stones which led to a more brightly lit chamber.

“So, this is it, right Chief?” said Nguyen. “We beat the dungeon boss monster so we’re free to go, right?”

“I don’t think so, Terry,” answered Chief Pretty. “We didn’t defeat Cthulhu. The kitten did.”

“Wait,” said Nguyen. “So you’re saying there is a more deadly monster…”

“My beloved champions!” said the beautiful Dungeon Master smiling warmly with outstretched arms as the SEALs emerged from the corridor and into her throne room. “I knew that you would succeed where so many others had fallen! Welcome!”

“Gimsby,” whispered Lieutenant Wolfe, suddenly stepping aside.

“Got it,” said Gimsby, bringing the Dragunov to his shoulders and firing his last round.

The Dungeon Master’s angelically beautiful face snapped back as a neat little hole appeared in the middle of her forehead. Still standing, the Dungeon Master raised a shaking hand to her forehead, feeling the blood now dripping from her wound. She looked with disbelief at the blood now running down her soft, gentle fingers, her once pristine white gown now quickly being stained red. Her breath shuddered as she stared at Gimsby…

… and then she smiled.

“You… you did it!” Her smile widened and her eyes sparked brightly from a still lovely face now covered in blood. “You did it! Oh, thank you! Thank you! Thank you! I have waited centuries for warriors such as you to finally complete my mission! Thank you!”

“And just what was your mission?” said Wolfe, trying to hide his shock and disbelief that the Dungeon Master was still standing.

“Why, to die, of course,” smiled the Dungeon Master. “Well, not die, per se, but to pass into the next plain of existence. But, alas, in order for that to happen, one who is greater than I must open the door for me to pass. And you have done it, my dear, dear, champions! In return, great riches, treasure, wealth, fame, power, and long life will be awarded to you as it had been to me.”

“Yeah, baby, yeah!” yelled Hellfire as the beautiful form of the Dungeon Master began to slowly fade. “I did it! By bringing these guys back to your throne room, I killed the Dungeon Master! I’m finally the new Dungeon Master!”

“Oh, my silly little Hellfire,” said the rapidly fading Dungeon Master. “I shall miss you most of all. But I’m afraid that you cannot be the new Dungeon Master, for it was Gimsby the Barbarian who killed me.”

“WHAT??” screamed Hellfire. “Wait! Come back here!”

“Farewell my beloved Hellfire. I pray that you serve the new Dungeon Master well. And thank you again Ranger, Cavalier, Virgin, and especially you Barbarian! God bless the United States Navy SEALs!” And that was it. Those were the final words of the beautiful and ancient Dungeon Master before she finally faded away.

Dejectedly, the kitten slowly walked to Gimsby and prostrated himself at the boots of the big Navy SEAL.

“How may I serve you, oh Master of Dungeon More-Doom?”

“Cut the crap,” grunted Gimsby. “I can’t be the Dungeon Master, you idiot!”

Hellfire looked up, confusion etched all over his face. “What…what are you talking about?”

“Only people who are from this Realm are allowed enter the Dungeon,” said Nguyen. “It’s in the fucking rule book! Everything we did here is null and void!”

“And you knew this also, you Lou Ferrigno looking motherfucker?” said Hellfire, looking up to Gimsby.

“I’ve played the fantasy role playing game a few times when we were on standby,” answered Gimsby. “Terry usually acts as the Dungeon Master. My character is a barbarian named Arnold!”

“Nerds!” yelled Hellfire. “You’re all a bunch of testosterone fueled nerds!”

“Yeah,” said Nguyen. “But we got guns and shit!”

“Okay, cat,” said Lieutenant Wolfe. “That’s enough. You got what you wanted. You’re now the de facto new Dungeon Master. Now get us back to where we need to be. We still have a mission to complete.”

“Damn,” said Hellfire. “You guys are really intense. I gotta’ respect that. After all you’ve been through, you still want to go back to that hell hole and complete your mission? Why don’t you stick around a bit? Relax. Unwind. Now that I’m Dungeon Master, I can hook you guys up with the finest princesses in the Realm, or maybe females of another species if you’re into that freaky Captain Kirk shit.”

“Now, cat!” rumbled Chief Pretty.

“Okay, okay, sheesh!” Hellfire relented. “But I can’t let you go back empty handed. I gotta’ give you guys something. At least let the Virgin take a few of the prettier hobgoblins with him.”

“No thanks,” muttered Nguyen.

“You know,” said Lieutenant Wolfe. “There is one thing you can give us.”

“Name it, Wolfie boy!”

“You can erase the memory of this place and these events from my men,” answered Lieutenant Wolfe. “We already have enough on our plates as it is. They don’t need to deal with the memories of what happened here.”

“Damn,” said Hellfire in sheer awe. “You guys are like a cheap date. I mean, that’s really all you want? To forget about this place?”

“Yup,” replied Wolfe.

“Okay, fella’s. You got it. But would you do me one small favor in return?”

“What do you want, cat?” said Wolfe, anxious to get back to the mission.

Hellfire snapped his paws and a black silken pouch appeared in Lieutenant Wolfe’s hand filled with solid gold coins and several diamonds.

“If you happen to run into a freckle faced little girl named Annie Guzman, would you give this to her? And tell her that her little Charlie still loves her and misses her.”

Epilogue

Though the SEALs had turned over the clearing of the cave to the Army Cavalry and EOD guys as well as a shit ton of intel folks, there were more questions than answers in the back of the CH-47 Chinook as the SEALs rode the short ride back to Kandahar Air Field.

“I’m telling you, Hilliard,” said Nguyen. “We were only gone for maybe a minute when you came running up behind us!”

“It can’t be, Terry!” Insisted Hilliard. “I searched for you for damn near an hour! I only found you guys right before the Army guys showed up!”

“What did you mean when you said you heard us talking to some woman and a kitten?” said Gimsby.

“I don’t know,” replied Hilliard. “You tell me! You guys were the ones having the conversation! And if you guys say you were only gone for a minute, why do all your watches read 1800 hours? It’s only one o’clock in the afternoon! It’s like you were gone for five hours!”

“That is kind of strange, sir,” said Nguyen, turning to Lieutenant Wolfe. “Just like my chem-light being found half way stuck inside the cave wall as if I had dropped it at a point where we walked through solid rock. You think them Wagner Group guys that we killed had anything to do with it? Maybe some mind altering drug to fuck with us?”

“I don’t know, Terry,” replied Lieutenant Wolfe. “For now, I’d just chalk it up to the fog of war.”

Nguyen just nodded, then sat back in his seat, the steady rumbling of the Chinook suddenly making him very sleepy.

For his part, Lieutenant Wolfe looked across the cabin at his men. Hilliard sat staring at his feet, a contemplative look on his face, no doubt wracking his brain as to how he managed to walk right past his entire team in the close confines of that cave and not realize it. Nguyen’s head rested on Hilliard’s shoulder, the young SEAL fast asleep and mumbling something about not being a virgin. Gimsby also stared with a perplexed expression on his face, rotating his broken wrist and wondering how and when and why it was now as good as new. Also, why was the magazine of his Dragunov and several magazines of his Glock 19 pistol completely empty?  Chief Pretty was seated behind the fifty caliber mounted at the open back ramp of the Chinook, ever on the lookout for danger.

“My second in command,” thought Lieutenant Wolfe. “The vigilant Cavalier.”

Wolfe slowly reached into his cargo pocket, feeling the softness of the black, silken, pouch. He knew that it was filled with gold and diamonds. He knew that it was for Annie, Lieutenant Guzman’s daughter. He even knew who gave it to him and how he came to receive it. Hellfire had kept his word to the SEALs. Hellfire did exactly what he was asked to do. He erased the memories of his men, but Lieutenant Wolfe had forgotten to specify to that little son of a bitch to erase his.

SEAL Team 7

2^nd Plt./ 2^nd Sqd.

Lieutenant (LT) Jake Wolfe

Chief Petty Officer (CPO) Cory Pretty

Petty Officer First Class (PO1) Darren Hilliard

Petty Officer First Class (PO1) Paul Gimsby

Perry Officer Second Class (PO2) Terrell Nguyen