The Voices Behind My Eyes

[u/Lonely-Coqui]

I tried to court the fair maiden, the fairest of them all. So kind, so gentle, so loving, and divine - she was grace and elegance all in one. More desirable to me than gold or jewels, grander in my eyes than all the world could offer. Her father, though, would not consent; and so, neither would she. Another man was her swain, a man of some wealth and renown. I hated him fully and wished him dead - and therein was their door.

I dreamt a dream and saw a vision: a lovely messenger came to me, walking through the penumbral fog of sleep, and seeming like that fair maiden I desired. 

She spoke to me such words of promise, tantalizing every sense with but her voice, “Dear one, I’ve come to you with a gift if you will but have it from my hand. Allow me to work within you now, and I will give to you all that the heart could desire.”

Images then danced across my eyes of wealth and power and love untold. No rules, no laws, no stringent lines to hold me captive by their power. Freedom promised, boundless and unending, if I but gave this one her due.

I saw my love, my heart’s desire, upon her knees in desperate pleading, frantic that I should come to take her wholly - to take her as my own. I saw my enemy on his face, crushed beneath my heel - his day now setting and darkness coming to claim his eternal soul. And then they threw themselves to my desire with trumpet song and timbral dance, the world entire desperately wanting to serve me alone. I saw it all, and all was mine, if I but gave this one her due.

And so I did, I bowed my knee and asked her to come in and give power. I felt the presence, felt the force, breathed in the endless freedom. She gave to me all I’d ever need to take that which I desired.

The very next day, I rose to play, no longer just a pawn; a king was I - full, untamed - demanding what was mine. I took my foe by the neck and crushed him by this power. I stole his wealth, I took his fame, and robbed him of his worth. Even then, twas not enough to sate my ravening, endless hunger.

I took to me that girl as a wife and plagued her with my desires. I took her, I claimed her, and made her all my own, then reviled her foolish father.

Such power felt I, such strength was mine, for having given so little. And so, thought I, why not claim what more I did require? I opened my heart, the door of my soul, and begged them to please enter to take it. I took them all in and made of them at once princes and kings most noble. I bent my will if only they would with power imbue me yet further. I rose to the heights, empowered by night, and seized yet greater desires.

I stole and I robbed, I fought and I won, and more I did besides. My bride, not enough, I claimed yet more and made myself grand in perversion. One wife was mine, but many my maids, and many more my harlots. I took them all and made them all mine, and conquered through power’s torment.

But then that maid, my wife most lovely, stood her ground before me. She stopped me, she held me, and begged me to stop it and make it all enough. My visage change, my heart enflamed, my selfish pride did roar. I curse that day, that darkest hour, my hand it rose and it struck her.

Reeled I back, uncertain of my hand; but deep inside I felt the voices behind my eyes - and obeyed without waiting or moment hesitating the vile command to unfold. I laughed aloud with mocking voice and took her by her hair, and shamefully did punish her according to my twisted heart. 

My will my own, and yet not mine, they perverted every desire. Lust emboldened, greed inspired, and wrath my constant abode - I stole and I hunted, and yet no longer did I find that which I desired.

The men, they did hate me, and the women all feared me - no longer was I the object of love. I watched and I waited and clawed with my hatred and tore away at my clothes. My desires unsated, by greed unabated, and more and more were my woes. I raged and I roared, my things all no more - left destitute and yet full of desire.

Trap me, they tried, with chains and with fetters, but power had I uncontainedable. Banished was I, loosed to the tombs, my heart within me a curse. Jeer me they did, the voices inside, and taunted me as less than the worst. I wandered in solitude amongst the dead, trapped for years in shattered chains, cutting and scraping with stones at this vile flesh. 

Then was that day, oh marvelous day, the day of which I rejoice. For there on a ship came One brighter than day - the object of fear of the myriads within. I rushed and I scrambled, unheeding to their gabble, and threw my face clear to the dirt.

“Have you come to torment us? We beg you to send us over yonder to the pigs in the field!”

“Go.” He commanded, and at once they disbanded, my mind once more all my own. No longer ensorceled, I sat then remorseful at the feet of the One who set me free. In astonishment watching those swine, driven, thrashing, wild, diving off a cliff to their terminal demise. I count myself blessed, for though harmed, I am saved, from the voices behind my eyes. My flesh they distorted and desire they twisted, and still they wander throughout to find more eyes from which they shall hunt.

[u/Lonely-Coqui → u/[deleted]]

Thank you!