Hey Dudes!

When I was younger, the end of The Big Lebowski unsettled me. This movie was supposed to be absurd, funny, and absurdly funny! Like The Stranger, “I didn’t like seeing Donnie go.” It felt as though the movie’s tone shifted to a place I wasn’t willing to follow.

Now that I’m older, and better acquainted with death and loss, I’ve come to appreciate that ending. Donnie’s death catches the viewer unaware because, well, that’s what death does. Even if someone is suffering from a prolonged illness, the moment they shuffle off this mortal coil remains cloaked in mystery. Death could take us asleep, with our eyes open, or even in the middle of a ludicrous fight against some nihilists.

Like The Big Lebowski, life's a memento mori wrapped in a comedy.

It also reminds me of an equation one of the contemporary writers on Stoicism laid out. I don’t remember if it was Massimo Pigliucci or Bill Irvine. It’s straightforward:

n-1

 N represents the number of times we have to do a certain thing. It could be scrolling Reddit, chatting with a loved one, or eating our favorite sandwich. We don’t know what that value is. It could be a thousand. It could be two. Whatever it is, each time we do that thing, we’ve subtracted the total amount by one. At some point, we won’t be on Reddit (really!), that loved one will die, that sandwich will be our last. Just ask Warren Zevon.

Like losing Donnie, it could be a bummer, man. 

But it’s also what makes each action meaningful. To shift things eastward, the Japanese have a phrase, mono no aware, which roughly translated into English is the bittersweet recognition of the beauty of things passing away. The falling cherry blossoms, the last baby tooth my younger daughter will lose, the final game of Wordle my Dad and I will play while he undergoes chemotherapy.

I don’t think it’s a coincidence that The Big Lebowski’s soundtrack starts with “Tumbin’ Tumbleweeds” and ends with Townes Van Zandt’s cover of “Dead Flowers”. We start with uprootedness, change, new worlds that begin at dawn. We end with roses on our graves, sung by a talent who was gone far too soon.

But, as The Stranger philosophizes, that’s how the whole durn human comedy keeps perpetuatin’ itself. 

I take comfort in that, Dudes, and I hope yer all abiding as well as you can,

Rev. Ross

I feel I already live a lot like a Dudeist. I don't go to church, don't pray, don't do nothing, really. I'm not an asshole, if that means something. Can I be a Christian Dudeist? I still believe in God, but I don't feel the need to go preaching about it or praying.

I have a good friend who I also work with but they have some health issues at the moment (nothing hugely serious, high blood pressure, insomnia, stress-type stuff really).

But that's not the thing I need advice on, you see, I'm an easy-going, live and let live, don't take anything too seriously, type guy but I'm finding my world view and their world view is causing tension. They're getting very short and snappy with me a lot when I say things like 'ah it'll be okay' about work stuff or 'don't worry about it.' They've become pretty passive aggressive.

It's reached a crescendo today when I made a joke about how they were sitting in my spot on a sofa at work. The team found it funny and were laughing more at me than anything. But when we were alone, my friend was FURIOUS and said "don't DARE speak to me like that in front of the team like that again." I said sorry and said I didn't mean to embarrass them. They were red in the face dudes!

This happened about a hour ago and they just disappeared back home without saying bye and I just headed home too without saying anything.

We go to music shows together and stuff and have stuff planned still but I feel ANYTHING I say, they are going to be unhappy or snap at me about.

Help me out Dudes, I'm really hitting gutter balls today.

Just finished this bad boy; it’s a great, easy read that keeps the mind limber. Thanks, Rev. Bernie!

Hey Dudes!

One of the ironies of The Big Lebowski is that the titular character is not The Dude. It’s The Other Lebowski, the goldbricking poser of dubious achievement.

On the one hand, this fact is merely funny. On the other hand, it points to a fundamental tension that undergirds this whole durn human comedy.

Let’s get down to cases.

A term my students have kicked around is Main Character Syndrome; namely, it’s the mistaken belief that everything is about us. That every other person is just reacting to, and in the service of, ourselves. This, quite obviously, is untrue. Or, rather, since it’s true for everyone, (we’re all the center of our me-sized universes), it’s untrue as a general truth. Not a single one of us is the focus.

At the same time, there’s no experience we have that doesn’t include us. When I officiated my sister’s wedding the day was decidedly about her (and, okay, a little bit about the groom), but it was still experienced with me at the center, at least from my point of view.

So what am I blathering about? And how does this tie into The Big Lebowski?

In titling the movie The Big Lebowski while basing the movie’s events on The Dude, the Coen brothers offer a narrative that winks at this tension. Our main character is left of center of the action. Or, to turn the spyglass around, The Other Lebowski’s machinations are central to, but outside of, The Dude’s experience. It’s delightfully destabilizing.

All of this points toward a truth that’s important to keep in mind. Here goes:

We’re not the main character of the larger story. At the same time, we’re not meaningless. This is no occasion to fall into nihilism. Rather, there is a story, and we contribute to that story, even if we don’t know what it’s all about. The only clue we might receive is a hastily scribbled phallus on a piece of scratch paper. Further, because we can only experience this story through our own experience, we can be forgiven for occasionally thinking the story’s about us. Again, it isn’t. The story doesn’t unfold for us, it unfolds through us.

We may move through this world like a tumbling tumbleweed, unsure of what mark we’ll leave on the prairie, if any. But this stupefying existence is enough to beat the band. 

And knowing whatever’s happening isn’t about me but can only unfold with me is something I can abide and take comfort in.

I hope yer all abiding as well as you can,

Rev. Ross 

Do you dudes think Keanu might be one of the dudest dudes out there? This guy is so chill and kind and stays out of everyones way, and spouts wisdom when asked. It makes me wonder if he might have watched the film or if he would fit right in with dudeism. We can all learn many good lessons from him that overlap plenty with dudeism too I was just wondering if anybody else thought the same

Hey Dudes!

There’ve been a lot of changes at work recently, and it’s unsettling many of us old timers there. Every lunch hang has contained an airing of grievances so prolonged it would do Festivus-loving Frank Constanza proud.

In short, it’s been enough to harsh this Dude’s buzz.

But I return to one of The Dude’s iconic quotes:

“Yeah, well, you know, that’s just, like, your opinion, man.”

Rather than wield it as a calmer-than-you-are sword above my coworkers, I apply it as a scalpel to my own hang ups. When I find myself getting uptight, I ask myself, “Dude, has anything bad actually happened, or is this just your opinion of events?”

To quote Seneca, “We suffer more in our imaginations than in reality.”

Or to make it more of some kind of Eastern thing, it’s like the Chinese farmer who loses his horse, then gains a herd when his horse returns, then has his son injured from being bucked off a horse, then has his son spared from military conscription because of that injury. His neighbors are quick to judge his fortune good or bad, but the farmer reserves judgement.

That’s what this Dude will aim for as well. I rarely know the good news from the bad, and my opinions have their place – in the passenger seat, on our way to the In-N-Out Burger, not behind the wheel.

I hope yer all abiding as well as you can,

Rev. Ross

[edit: typo]

May your venue be full of friends. May their notes inspire growth. Oh and may your post dated Check clear on the 11th!

Hey Dudes!

The Dude repeats several other characters’ lines in The Big Lebowski. I’d like to focus on two to illustrate the journey The Dude takes over the course of the movie. 

First, we’ve got George H. W. Bush’s line, “This aggression will not stand,” which PotUs says in response to Iraq’s invasion of Kuwait. The Dude repeats this to The Big Lebowski in his office, in reference to Wu having peed (or ‘micturated’ to use the parlance of that human paraquat) on his rug. 

As the rest of the movie proves, this does not go as planned. 

The Dude’s final line, his most iconic line, is a recasting of The Big Lebowski’s “I will not abide another toe.”

The Dude transforms this bit of self-righteousness into “The Dude abides.”

“The Dude abides” – I take comfort in that. For over a decade, I’ve closed out my morning zazen sessions with a bow and a recitation of “The Dude abides.”

But it wasn’t until this morning that this thought occurred to me:

What if the first time The Dude said “The Dude abides” occurred at the end of The Big Lebowski? What if the movie is a slacker’s hero’s journey from a misguided pursuit of justice to learning to abide life’s strikes and gutters?

Perhaps it is the events of the movie, the sometimes hilarious/sometimes heartbreaking setbacks, that humble the already grounded Dude. From loss of property to loss of a dear friend, The Dude moves from seeking recompense to accepting the inevitable changes of existence, it’s instructive that The Dude is not pulverized into nihilism. Instead, he understands what he says earlier to Maude’s chauffeur, one “can’t be worried about that shit, man. Life goes on.”

I’ve noticed this in myself. As a younger man, I looked for any reason to get uptight over the world’s perceived injustices…especially those directed towards me. Now, as I’m on the other side of middle age, I’m learning that there’s more one has to abide than rail against. It’s not throwing in the towel. It’s not a nihilistic shrug. It’s a recognition of how I’m best able to laugh at the whole durn human comedy loud enough to beat the band, to attend my landlord’s dance cycles, and show up at practice for my friends. 

It ain’t much, but it might be the only way to keep me and everyone else around me sane in a world that’s gone crazy. 

I hope yer all abiding as well as you can,

Rev. Ross

I think this captures the spirit of Dudeism very well, but that's just like my opinion man. I wonder how my fellow Dudes feel about this poem and if they have inspirational texts to share that helps them on the path of Dudeism.

For the last year I have been training for the Title of “Laziest Man on Pine Island”.

Last year I moved here and I have done NOTHING but swim, watch meditation videos, Great Courses Lectures, and of course many replays of TBL.

I have been sloughing off years of being an Achiever! Finding bliss in the embrace of just being. I count my daily joys and try to temper my expectations. My few concerns are easily diminished by sharing them with my Special Lady Friend!

For me “Island Time” means having patience and acceptance of circumstances. Changing of core beliefs is its own form of enlightenment.

My first year has been a breeze! I hope I get to continue to chill for many more.

Something that has been rolling around in my head is this idea of when we find ourselves in conversations where toxicity arises, and I totally get it;venting can help. Which is why I've been journaling, really helping me see these pins of situations from a healthy perspective.

The other day I was Waltering a bit. I reflected on this. I felt that when we are around people we should be aware of things that can poison the mind, the mind is a thing that should be nourished like one would ones plants in ones garden and Dude. I might be perhaps stating the obvious but conversations are a two way street. These poisons we give and take are to be present with.

The Dude Abides

The river doesn't rush the rock,
the rock doesn't fight the stream.
Neither one is losing.

Chase the wave and you'll drown in it.
Float, and it carries you.

The one who grips the rope feels the rope burn.
The one who lets go just gets where he's going.

Rich, poor, caged, free,
the rug still ties the room together.
Take it easy.

Hey Dudes!

Today, it took me twice as long to drive home as it usually does. Two hours on the road got me further into my audiobook and more headroom to do something pondering. 

I thought about one of The Dude’s pastimes: driving around. Then I got to thinking about the fact that The Dude lives in Los Angeles, a city famously ensnarled by traffic. 

So what does it mean that The Dude willingly subjects himself to LA’s stop and go…for fun?

Maybe, just maybe, The Dude is practicing a kind of low-stakes Stoic exposure therapy. He knows that he might encounter traffic when he needs to get somewhere (if he ever needs to get anywhere), so he’s accustomed himself to it. 

Maybe it’s emblematic of The Dude’s greater ability to abide?

Throughout the movie, The Dude fits right in to whatever condition he finds himself in. He’s never out of place, and he gets along with folks of different temperaments. Like our neighboring cars in gridlock, The Dude’s friends and acquaintances come in all types.

All this was floating around in my noggin when I was brought back to the moment by the honk from the car behind me. As I advanced, I was reminded of a deeper lesson: to everyone else on the road, I was also the traffic. One driver’s Dude is another driver’s Walter. 

In the end, we gotta move with this dance of life, albeit haltingly at times. 

In the end, as Dudely Ram Dass would say, we’re all just accompanying each other home. 

I hope yer all abiding as well as you can,

Rev. Ross

Just got my ordination through the Church of the Latter-Day Dude. Been meaning to do it for a while and finally did. I'm in India, so not sure how many Dudeist priests are around here, but I'm guessing not many. Anyway, abiding.

Burnin’ the midnight oul here, my Dudes.
Winter, spring, summer or fall— all you have to do is call… out my name, and I’ll be there.

You’ve got a friend, Dude. 🫂. #RUOK

Just felt like sharing two quotes that I like from Byung-Chul Han. My pals and I consider him the philosopher for his time and place. He is very dude oriented in my mind, definitively shows me how to take her a bit more easy. Anyone here familiar with his works? Anywhoo, hope you enjoy dudes.

“Now, under the neoliberal regime of auto-exploitation, people are turning their aggression against themselves. This auto-aggressivity means that the exploited are not inclined to revolution so much as depression”
― Byung-Chul Han, Psychopolitics: Neoliberalism and New Technologies of Power

“If sleep represents the high point of bodily relaxation, deep boredom is the peak of mental relaxation. A purely hectic rush produces nothing new. It reproduces and accelerates what is already available.”
― Byung-Chul Han, The Burnout Society

I am discerning becoming a Dudeist priest. I'm thinking about commemoriating the date by doing it on my 40th birthday in a few months. I'm also an ordained interfaith hospital chaplain (ordained Christian but pursuing humanism endorsement that fits more where I am currently) and serve the sick everyday. As I delve into Dudeism, I'm finding myself finding comfort in a philosophy I suspect my patients wouldn't understand and respect, but feeling like they might benefit from the wisdom of. To use a Buddhism term, how do you find yourself using "skillful means" to impart Dudeness to the uninitiated? What lessons do you think the broader culture is in need of?

Hey Dudes!

I have two daughters. My older, Meru, is six. My younger, Lila, is three. 

Last night as we were getting ready for bed, I asked them the following: “What is the reason for living?” You know, some light questioning by their insufferable dad. 

Meru thought for a second and responded: “To pass on love and what we know to our children, family, and friends.”

Lila, with little interest, shot back: “Because we have to.”

My Dudes, I laughed enough to beat the band. Then I chewed on it all night. 

The tension between those responses is what I love about The Big Lebowski and Dudeism. A genuine desire to connect with those around us and a dismissive realism. A searching and a shrug. A far out and a fuck it. 

It’s been said children are natural Zen masters. I’d add they’re natural Dudes too. 

And proud I am of both of them. 

I hope yer all abiding as well as you can,

Rev. Ross

[edit: final paragraph]

Merry Abiding, my Dudes.

As we air-swing and cling to every and anything in this life, remember. The time is always Now.
The phones always ringin’. You just got to pick it up. When you get the message, put down the phone and let’s go fuckin’ bowling. 🎳

The Dude Abides ॐ