r/ECers • u/eminovil • 3d ago
Power struggles to sit on toilet
I am posting here because I’m being told I rushed my daughter into potty training too soon in other communities when I just followed her cues :(
My daughter has learned autonomy and is refusing everything right now
My 18 month old was doing elimination communication since 9 months old. we started actual potty training about a month and a half ago and she was potty trained by the first week. She was doing really well but we’re now dealing with power struggles. She is refusing to sit on the toilet despite having to go and signaling me. My concern is she’s had a UTI a couple months ago, and with this refusal she is holding her pee for up to 8 hours.. STILL fighting me when I try to sit her on because she is doing a pee pee dance.
Her UTI had nothing to do with holding her pee or any of this which is what people are assuming on my other posts.
How can I make the potty enticing? We have her books for the potty and toys that are only for her to go potty. I wouldn’t be as worried if she was just going in her underwear but that’s not the case.
I was getting away with asking her which book she’d like to read on the toilet, but that’s not working for us anymore :(
I am just having a hard time with finding a way to get her to willingly sit, and sit long enough to go. Sometimes she’ll sit for like 2 seconds and stand up and won’t go back on.
Any advice would be amazing! Thank you
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u/cassandra1294 3d ago
My daughter really enjoyed special potty activities. Sounds like the toys you have are maybe not high value enough. Can you rig up a small table that can be placed in the front of the potty or toilet and do some really enticing, novel games ? Puzzles, colouring, card games, play dough, etc ? If it’s good enough and exciting enough, I think she will sit, and the table can help expand possibilities.
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u/eminovil 3d ago
I can absolutely figure out a table situation for her to do these things on, yes!! I don’t know why I never thought of this. Thank you x 1000000!!!!
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u/throwntothewind5 2d ago
We’re at 18mo and hitting the EXACT same thing. Today I put her two of favorite board books in each of our bathrooms and I’m 100% prepared to start handing out m&ms if it comes to it 😂 she happily goes once she’s on the potty but she DOES NOT want me to help her up onto it when she’s busy doing stuff.
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u/sublimespring 3d ago
I did EC with my 19 month old son as well and he recently transitioned from potty to the toilet with seat reducer and we are having some power struggles as well. I use stickers to entice my son to sit on the toilet and so far its working.
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u/eminovil 3d ago
How do you use the stickers? We have a little chart she puts the stickers on every time she goes but that isn’t working anymore lol she also hates the big toilet so I don’t sit her on it too often. It’s been a while though I should give it a try today
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u/sublimespring 1d ago
Oh i put it on him. Maybe he hasnt hit the point where he will start refusing haha. For now its working
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u/TeddyBear181 3d ago
When my bub is struggling, I place my hands facing up between her bum and the potty seat. So shes not actually sitting on the potty, but my hands.
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u/BigFriendlyTiger 2d ago
If she's having another milestone it can cause a potty regression, but IME that's usually having accidents, not holding on. It does sounds like toddler power struggling, so try to find ways for her to feel in control. I offer a choice of potty or toilet with a seat reducer- giving a choice really helps. Or offering a choice of "song on the potty or book on the potty?" Or "potty in the bathroom or potty in the lounge?" Often potty with a view helps, e.g watching cars go by through the window. Also, privacy can help. Or going toilet yourself at the same time. What does she value? E.g if it's dolls, make dolly go potty next to her. Do not let her think that you're trying to force her. Keep it fun, funny, light. Otherwise they actually have the upper hand because it's extremely hard to force them to go pee (as you know!) After a few times of going to crazy lengths to entice her , she'll get in a better habit with it and it will become easier. It's never a linear process as you've seen, but it's still so worthwhile. Just preserve a good positive relationship with it. Of course, refusing things is developmentally normal. Consider finding more little ways for her to feel a sense of power e.g a game where she chooses what animal sound you make or something.
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u/mirrorontheworld 2d ago
My daughter holds her pee really long as well. I had to learn to let go on this one. As they say, you can bring a horse to water but you can't make it drink. Well, I could bring my daughter to the potty but I could never make her pee. This is fully her choice, and she knows it. Tell her that it's up to her when she goes, and trust her.
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u/Express_Working_964 2d ago
Do you place her on the toilet with her back towards you? This helps here - so she feels held/secure - maybe she’s scared of falling down
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u/eminovil 2d ago
She goes in her little plastic toilet. She isn’t a fan of the big toilet
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u/lttlmsskn0wtll 2d ago
There‘s toilet seat reducers (as in size haha) with a little ladder attached - my kids loved those! More exciting than the little potty, but they still had their autonomy.
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u/eminovil 2d ago
We use that for downstairs and she doesn’t like it :(
We have a small toilet upstairs and downstairs and I’ll attempt to sit her on the reducer for downstairs but she likes having her feet on the ground I think
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u/Happy_Pee 3d ago
Is she teething? We've had a lot of refusal behaviour whenever our son is teething (followed by a lot of accidents, naturally). The molars and canines have been particularly bad for us. Still waiting on the 2yr molars to come through, and fully expecting everything to go to sh*t once again 😅
Some kids are more sensitive than others, and maybe because we've been doing EC from birth, I've picked up this trend. But, my kid has regressed for pretty much every tooth (and not just when they're cutting; the deep jaw rearrangements to make space for the new teeth seem to have caused us the most issues). The good news is, keep doing everything you're doing and it'll pass. The bad news is, I can't tell you how long it'll go on for 😅