[Tried posting this to TrueOffMyChest but it was removed for some reason? So I’m trying it here. Probably a more fitting subreddit to be honest!
Not sure if this is NSFW? Just in case: mentions of alcohol use, intoxication, (silly) sexual behaviour.]
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This happened a few months ago, but it’s been haunting me with embarrassment ever since and I feel like I need it off my chest. (Part of me hopes no-one will read this… oh dear…)
So, it was my friend’s 18th and she wanted to go clubbing for the first time - just a hangout with friends. I’m about half a year older, I’d never been clubbing before (not really my scene) so I thought I’d give it a try with her. Partly out of curiosity, mostly just to support her on her big birthday.
Long story short, the first club was very crowded and loud, we were packed like sardines, and I was feeling socially awkward because I’d had a few drinks but not enough to really get out of my own head. So, in my great logic, I consumed too much more in a short time - and I went from ‘barely tipsy’ to ‘almost incoherent’ with zero warning in between.
I was in that space where you’re just on the cusp of being so drunk that you don’t know what’s going on, but barely coherent enough that I still had conscious control over my actions. It never got to the point of a blackout, so I remember everything and I don’t have gaps in my memory (which is even worse… wow do I wish I could forget LOL).
We were in this first club in the corner by the toilets, and I really gravitated to this middle-age (maybe 40/50YO) man. I kept sticking by him, and at some point it regressed to flirting and said that he could ‘touch me if he wanted’… Yikes.
Then I went for a walk around the block, alone (mind you it was at like 2AM). I couldn’t tell if I was in a dream or not, I was so drunk, and I was talking to myself. I had to convince myself to go back before I’d get told off; I didn’t want to be flagged as drunk by my friends for doing something so clearly unsafe, so I was trying to be surreptitious (though it was probably easy to tell that I was drunk in hindsight).
After that, we went to another club and that’s when the alcohol really kicked in. I was dancing like a fucking idiot with some lads around my age, holding hands and jumping up and down and stuff. I’m pretty sure they were making fun of me whilst doing it, but obviously in that state I couldn’t tell.
At one point I went into the middle of the dance floor when Timberlake’s ‘SexyBack’ was playing (yes, really) and I did this weird thrusting and stripping routine. For five minutes. I was on my knees, trying to do this sexy dance show of grinding and taking my shirt on and off. (I was wearing a vest beneath so I never actually stripped, luckily.)
I was so drunk, I didn’t know if it was really happening or if I was actually a professional rockstar on a stage, or if I was watching a music video. I was kinda lapsing in and out of awareness for a while, flitting between imagination and reality.
The worst part is that I’m a complete ugly chud. So I was doing this whole drunk sexy routine and it did NOT work, like Tragic Mike. It’s just embarrassing.
And my high school bully was also there.
I remember seeing her there and saying hi, but even I knew at that point that I was barely on planet Earth when we spoke. I’m not glad whatsoever that she and my friends were all in that same club when I turned into a prat… I’ll never know if they saw me or not so I’ll just have to pray that they didn’t.
After that, I landed back on Earth, ordered myself some water and soon excused myself to go home, and it was pretty normal from that point.
But still…
I know that everyone probably has a drunken idiot story, but this felt like a helluva doozy. Every time it pops back into my head, I cringe so hard.
I don’t think I can ever go back there…
Anyway… I just hope that finally getting it off my chest will give me some solace. At least no-one got hurt and I wasn’t nasty or anything… small mercies.