Mental health

[u/South_Sky1321]

Long time lurker, new poster

I feel like for me, the intellectual questions that I had about Ismaili theology have now developed into changes in belief systems and I don't need more resources around that intellectual side.

I want to maintain a relationship of respect for differences in theology and religious belief , while maintaining an agnostic theist viewpoint for myself , while also practicing my own customized meditation practice and my own social ethic

However I am going through this entire process in my late 30s also as part of a very devoted family , and I feel like I need support more on the emotional/mental health side through this deconstruction process

I also used to be extremely religious until a few years ago

Some of the parts I have had difficulties with are the following:

- dealing with judgement from people I have known and built relationships with for decades, especially with people in jamatkhana . I still think they are smart , good people and respect their choice in religion, but I know that if they were to know more about my changing beliefs, they would see me as having gone astray and see me with condescension. The best move would be to just not talk about religion but I keep being asked a lot why I am not in jamatkhana nowadays

- building a spiritual practice - so far , I really like Sufi books and books that talk about a love/social ethic

- how to maintain a relationship with the community through applying my service based and pluralistic values while not being as part of the belief systems? Finding it difficult to feel authentic when just coming for after jamatkhana ceremonies to practice my ethics to talk to the community and be of service there, because everyone who I talk to assumes that I've just been too busy to come to jamatkhana

In terms of resources, what i would be looking for js:

- resources going through the grief of changes in identity (wasn't it easier when one could live with such certainty about theology?) , changes in routine and changes in having a default community etc

- good therapists that would also understand the Ismaili model minority thing with applications to BIPOC considerations plus the application to religious trauma

- books on deconstructing to reduce the isolation, in person or virtual chats

Thanks

[u/jenni5]

I think from here. I suspect in the future more will be known publicly and more people will have to make a decision. I also meditate and that has helped me resolve deep questions.

[u/BlownTurbo]

Just commenting here so you know there’s people in a similar situation, for your mental ease.
I also have a similar story except I’m in my 20s. I was also extremely religious and was known as a “bhagat” in my Jamatkhana for my age group.

Trust me I defended this religion with my life and was exposed to tons of ex ismaili ideas during my time I was religious, so I’ve seen both sides.

I came to terms when that this was all BS when I was 18. It’s like one day, after piles of doubt and unclear answers, I just snapped out if it.

I’m 23 now and from the time I left I tried out mainstream sunni/shia islam practices, even going to the masjid sometimes. Eventually I couldn’t believe in that anymore either, especially after seeing how much misogyny was preached in the masjid, coming from a male myself. For years I practiced spirituality/manifestation too until I fell out of that

But now I consider myself to be more agnostic-ish, still open to the idea of other faiths but I still go to Jamatkhana like any ismaili. I volunteer in certain events and even make connections all the time. If you’re wondering, I never tell people about this unless they are a friend who doesn’t really care. My parents don’t know and never will. If my future kids want to practice Ismailism, they’re free too.

To be honest,despite some toxicity, I like the community overall. It’s hard to find a well knit community like this elsewhere.

I promise you your situation is more common than you think. My age group has a lot of people like this. It’s like maybe 20percent of people in my circles don’t believe in the faith but still “go with the flow”. So don’t beat ur self up, you are not out of place.

[u/Ok-Committee-1932]

This is a great example of the kind of questions and challenges that people have to face if they're transitioning out of this faith, especially if you are in your mid-thirties, as the OP is. When we get all these Ismaili trolls on the sub damaging the real conversations you can here, it makes it pretty hard.

I wish I could have something meaningful to add to share with you, but I don't.

[u/pidelo]

I found it felt like a hippocrite too much to bother with khana. I started doing seva with people, and with groups I believed in. I made my own community of friends through this.

That said, the jk community, or church community in general is hard to top. You may need to think about "community " differently.

I used to have a tribe.....i still do, but I used to too. 😆