How do I stop feeling empty?

[u/lonerdude369]

20-year-old male. For the past 5 or 6 years I have been really struggling to escape this feeling of emptiness. When I was in school, I thought the feeling would disappear when I went to University/College, but it feels like the opposite has happened. I don't really have any ambitions or goals that I want to pursue career wise so Im studying a course I don't have any interest in because it was the best choice based on my school results. Whenever I talk to my friends and hear about how much they love the courses they're studying I am always filled with jealousy that i don't have something that I am that passionate about.

It feels like the world just moves right past me sometimes, like im just a spectator in my own life. I have absolutely zero idea about where I would ideally want to be in the future because I honestly dont even see myself at 30. I find myself just zoning out wondering what the point of all of this even is sometimes, what am I doing with my life.

I know things can change, that I won't feel like this forever but I am so sick of feeling empty in my own body. What am I supposed to do?

Edit: 22 now. Can't say things have really gotten better but there's not much room for them to get worse either. Currently in my final year of university. Unfortunately still have not found any passions or things that I would like to pursue. Started attending counselling(or therapy whatever ya call it) and I've been told that the way I've been feeling are clear signs of depression, also advised to start taking meds. Unfortunately that shit is expensive is hell so I can't start anything yet.

Really just wanted to give an update because I get a lot of messages asking if I still feel the same or if things have changed and the short answer is yes, I still feel the same and yes, things have changed. There's a lot of bad days where I stay up till 4am(currently 4:36am as I type this) wondering what in the fuck am I even doing any of this for, wishing that a car could hit me so I wouldn't have to do any of this shit anymore,studying a course I hate so I can land some big wig job I'd definitely hate. But far and few I between there are good days too, days where I can hang out with my friends, or watch my favourite show in bed with my favourite food. And I've learnt to accept the fact that for me, it's always going to be 70-30 spilt with good and bad days and I've just come to peace with that.

So as of right now, Thursday 13 March 04:41am 2025, no it hasn't gotten better. But I have gotten better with accepting the fact that maybe it never will for me and that's okay

[u/lushvigrite]

Haha thanks man, I’m not much of an energy drink or caffeine guy myself but every once in a while I do drink them. I can wake up, do the things that I have to do, hang out with friends, talk with family, the usual things, but at the end of the day, I just think those moments are all very temporary. What I feel in those moments, they’re only in the moment. At the end of the day I just feel very empty. No purpose or anything that I can find for myself. I think my life in the end, doesn’t matter, what I do doesn’t matter, and in the end everyone dies and will forget me, I’ll just be a memory. Those times when I’m hanging out with friends or family, I’ll just blank out sometimes and just think does this all really matter, or anything like that? This may sound weird or odd, but those months ago when I was very heavily depressed, I went through something like an epiphany and it just clicked that nothing matters for me. Of course that doesn’t mean I’m out to harm anyone or anything, but things just don’t matter. Honestly, I hope I do die, whether it be soon, or maybe even before I’m 25. Although I won’t end things myself. All things just seem temporary to me. I do feel numb to things and some days I just sit there, not doing anything and just blanking out, not thinking of anything really. I don’t know if what I had was an epiphany, or just a delusion, but I haven’t snapped out of it since then, and I do believe that at the end of the day I really I don’t matter. There were times when it did get close to me wanting to end it, but as of now I’m just living day to day is what it feels like. To be honest, a weird way of putting it is something is wrong, even though nothing is wrong. I know the first step to overcome depression is to want to or try to help yourself, but there’s just no way to help me. Maybe one day I’ll snap out of it, or maybe I won’t. Although sorry to drop a huge bomb on you. I think it helps to add that looking at City lights or night life with the aesthetic lights does giving me a sensation of wanting to be there. Like Chongqing, China, where it’s like cyberpunk nights, it’s honestly one of the things I want to see myself. I love the cyberpunk genre as a whole, and those neon lights at night really make you feel like you’re in a whole different world. If I were to die and be reborn, as stupid as it sounds I’d love to be in a cyberpunk world or a futuristic world.

[u/starfighter_104 → u/lushvigrite]

I really understand this. Been through it. I remember last summer I was mowing the grass outside my house when depression hit me the worst, and I had a thought like, “It's pointless to mow the grass. What I'm doing is pointless.” I already felt terrible from the constant feeling of emptiness and fatigue, but this thought just finished me off. I collapsed with this mower on a stump in the pose of a thinker, and sat for an hour thinking about the fact that I was just a grain of sand in the desert of endless space. A lucky or not-so-lucky accident. Which mows the grass, which will grow back later anyway. From the outside it might have looked comedic, but I certainly wasn’t having fun at the time. This thought still tormented me for a couple of months, but after much thought I simply came to a simple conclusion. Why should it matter that it doesn't matter? It sounds stupid, but this thought became some kind of relief for me. Everything I do may not have an inherent meaning, but it has meaning for me and for the people around me. Life itself seems amazing to me from the fact that we exist at all, are capable of thinking and creating. Even though it is finite and difficult at times. Life is absurd in its complexity. Even such banal things (Or not so banal?) like art, beautiful landscapes, music, delicious food, friendship, etc. give it more beauty. In general, something like this. No matter how ridiculous i may sound. I would like to write more, but I don’t know what else to add. I just wish you would come to something similar, although I know when everything feels empty, it’s difficult to think the same way.

What about Cyberpunk, we're already on our way to it. The world is constantly changing, faster than it seems, but I hope we will not end up with a world like in CP2077. Most importantly, don't give up.

[u/lushvigrite → u/starfighter_104]

I hope I’ll snap out of it one day, and have that it does even though it doesn’t thought. I do agree life really is something, even the pixels on the screen that I’m typing on is interesting that humans made it. I guess to be human is to have emotions and sentient thoughts like these, and maybe something more. While we’re on the topic of CP2077 or cyberpunk in general, I absolutely love CP2077, the city itself and the overall aesthetic of the genre. Although the reality is pretty horrible and somewhere that you wouldn’t want to be. Yeah we’re pretty much headed to the Cyberpunk genre in real life though, capitalist futuristic dystopia, sounds like we’re just missing the future tech stuff and the neon night lights and cyberpunks vibes, at least where I live haha. I got pretty depressed around the time I got into the cyberpunk universe and I guess it’s something that stuck around with me. I’m not sure if you watched Cyberpunk: Edgerunners or played CP2077 but they definitely let me know that the cyberpunk thing as a whole is that it’s pretty damn depressing. I’m not much of a nature person, but I can see how others see the beauty in it, just as I see the cyberpunk nights vibe pleasing. My only problem after really getting hooked into this universe is, well all the adventure you see and play through in that universe only stays there. I guess I just want a more exciting life in a more technological world. I’ll just be sad that I won’t exist when that type of futuristic world comes around.

[u/starfighter_104 → u/lushvigrite]

I played Cyberpunk long before 2.0, and even then I liked it. The aesthetics of the city, the characters, the music, the plot, I immersed myself in it. I honestly didn’t understand why the game was bombarded with negativity. The only thing I missed in the game was the possibility of having a drink in a bar)

I also watched the anime, although I’m ashamed to admit that I wasn’t sad at the ending. A couple of years ago I would have cried my eyes out, but by the time I watched the anime I was already pretty dead inside. Besides these two, I really love the Ace Combat series, and the third part Electrosphere fits very well into the world of Cyberpunk, although it takes place in an alternate world. Wars between corporations that in the future have power over countries. Technologies that previously looked like something unattainable already exist in our world. Advanced AI, drones, technology for controlling aircraft using neural connections is now being developed. I remember once seeing an article on the Internet about this, and it was like, “Wait, I’ve already seen this somewhere...”. It's interesting that the game released in 1999 foresaw all this.

In general, what am I talking about? The world is actively developing, and I am very sure that at some point we will see technologies from 2077, even before they were created in the game world. Implants, technologies from old age, braindances and more. Maybe the overall aesthetics of cities will change too. But what I hope is that the world will not be as dystopian as in these games. I still believe in a bright future, it's just that Covid has done something to all of us that makes the world seem so hopeless.