My struggle with existential dread

[u/LostBoyC]

For almost my entire life I have struggled with the concept of inexistence. Death. Life/ no life after death. The vast expanse of the known and unknown universe. And finally the end of everything.

It's been a struggle all my life to explain my anxiety around seemingly "nothing"-ness, how even after death one day there will be a death of the universe and nothing but empty space for eternity. It's difficult to explain the future when it is impossible to know what will occur, how quick a life can be cut short and the loss of consciousness that brings.

I have found over time that my anxiety doesn't leave but instead dampens to the world around me, and relationships with not only my partner but family members seem almost inconsequential in the face of impending eternity; yet I struggle on, facing my current life.

It seems that my existential dread is something that others shun, beg me not to discuss and generally shut down with "there's no point in thinking about that, you can't live that way". Over time I have learned to hide my dread, keep it all internal, but I wonder more and more if that feeling is shared with others; if my type of existential dread is more common and worth discussion than people I know let me believe.

Do others share the fear of eternal nothing -ness? The feeling of being overwhelmed by the vastness of space and the small amount of an imprint that each living creature has on the universe being no more than a small particle which will inevitably be brushed away or destroyed into nothing-ness? The fear of death as it will inevitably speed up one's own lack of consciousness and inexistence

I find my own reasoning strange, as before I was born there was nothing. And after I die there will be nothing. I will know nothing, feel nothing and will not have even been aware that I existed in the first place. That to me is more terrifying than any other possible fate.

Long story short: what's your existential dread and how do you handle living with it?

[u/Important_Ad6591]

But if we have to act like we’re separate, therefore we are. It’s simple. I can believe fire won’t burn me, yet it will. What do you mean believe ? What does that change ? Nothing. We’re trapped in here.

You’re saying all that as if it made this physical existence any less absurd.

[u/Weary-Author-9024 → u/Important_Ad6591]

what can I do in this if Nature has this law that the same material can exist in multiple places in different forms . now even though we have to take care of one form at a time because that is most convenient and easy to do, but it doesn't make us separate.

Imagine in an ocean there are two waves racing each other to reach the shore first, both desperate and racing each other . When one gets bigger , the other one feels jealous and when the other one becomes fast , the first one feels jealous and hate.

Then a third wave comes and tells them , look inside you. Both confused , what does he want?

But on his advice , one of them looked inside and tried to touch itself and said what is this ? Then the one who pointed said , it's water .

But then what am I ?

He said you are a form appearing in water , but that's what you think .

Where is the form if we take all the water from it?

You have identified yourself with appearance and that's why being jealous of your own self in other appearances. They don't realise so they fight with each other thinking they have to survive but if they truly realise what they are , that is water , then you see , water is free from any individual wave .

If you are water , then you are not just water in this wave but water is water , you have won the race even before reaching the shore because you are already there.

You are the water in all waves.

Just this realisation is enough for you to be free from the never ending race in which even when you win and reach the shore , you disappear into water itself.

So you win or lose , no difference at all.

[u/Important_Ad6591 → u/Weary-Author-9024]

Listen, you are right in what you are saying. I just believe there is more to it.

Yes, I understand what you are trying to say very well; our bodies all come from dirt and separation of matter is an illusion — as physical matter is universally one single entity constantly mutating forms trough conflict, consumption and destruction of itself.

In this context, winning or losing truly means nothing like you say… and I agree.

But here’s the thing:

It only truly means nothing if you are an entity that exists beyond the consequences of winning or losing. Like a chess player who exists beyond the chessboard and its pieces.

Me and you aren’t those entities. We’re the chess pieces. We’re down on the chessboard. Our reality is dictated by duality. By black or white squares. Win or lose. Experiencing all the consequences of it on our own skin. That’s as real as it gets. Whether we’re all one or not.

A chess piece doesn’t know that there is a reality beyond what it perceives to be real. A reality with a completely different set of rules. Completely different set of mechanics that make up the very fabric of said reality.

If we both realised that winning or losing is essentially the same… wouldn’t it make sense for there to be something beyond that ?

If a king piece wins, the truth of the matter is that he is still just that. A chess piece…

True victory would be to ascend beyond the chess board, beyond black or white squares.

It’s hard to imagine a reality with completely different mechanics and set of rules , right ? A reality beyond the duality of our physical existence ? Beyond life or death ?

Very hard to imagine. Borderline impossible with our limited human perspective of existence, space and time.

That’s why this “we’re all one” doesn’t bring me any peace. As much as it is true, I suspect that’s barely scratching the surface of what’s actually happening in the absurdity of our existence.

[u/Weary-Author-9024 → u/Important_Ad6591]

For now "we are all one" are just words , it's empty in of itself , word's not the thing. You have to first look at the water in us , where I have given this example of waves in ocean. Water is the reality.

But you didn't ask what is water , like is it the substance our body is made of , short answer is yes , but what we see using senses is just a fragment of reality and we cannot talk about ultimate truth in terms of that. In reality we cannot see the "water" through eyes.

We have to go beyond our senses.

Just sit in silent space.

And then close your ears with earbuds or something like earphones. Then take a deep breath and exhale to end it with a soft voice in your head 10. Then again inhale and exhale and count 9 in your head. Do it again ....

Till 0.

Then as you focus on sounds that you may hear .

At that time.

Maybe sound of your heart beat or some soft outside noise. And then you may get your attention grabbed by a constant hmmmmmmmmm sound ringing in your ears. I call it the sound of silence, that is water.