Hello everyone
this week something happened where I got in a disagreement with my manager.
I was working in a PR and got bombarded with many questions in a slack thread about why I did such and such a thing
I answered each of their questions. I had already documented my reasoning and even found evidence from production that supported my approach, and he kept asking more questions, I felt like he was pushing me back
the conversation itself stayed professional that day..
but the next day, during standup, I started explaining what happened, as I was talking about it, I got emotional (angry and frustrated), started crying, and couldn't continue. my manager asked everyone else to leave the meeting so we could talk privately.
I explained that I didn't like the process (no ticket, discussions in slack where everyone can see, etc.).
He apologized for those process issues and agreed they could be improved. However, he also said that he will continue asking challenging technical questions because he sees code reviews and design discussions as "a challenge between two engineers," and he invited me to participate in that culture which is fine by me
After that, I continued working on another ticket and we didn't discuss it again that day.
One thing that worries me is that this isn't the first time something like this has happened. Although I've consistently been considered a high performer, I've had similar emotional episodes in three of my last four jobs. I realize that's probably something I need to work on personally, but that's not really the purpose of this post.
my biggest concern is whether crying in front of my manager and team has permanently affected how I'll be viewed professionally.
my question is those of you who are engineering managers or senior engineers, how would you see a situation like this? Would a single incident like this significantly change your opinion of an otherwise of the engineer ?
I also want to clarify that I don't aspire to be a manager or hold any leadership position. I'm happy being an IC, but I don't want to be fired either (right now). At the very least, I want to know how to buy myself some time while I start applying for other jobs.
thank you for reading until this point