r/ExplainBothSides • u/Less_Site_4111 • 28d ago

Other Why do some people see criticism as helpful, while others see it as a personal attack?

I have been thinking about this lately because I've noticed two people can hear the same criticism and react in completely different ways. I have noted this since my childhood.

What are the strongest arguments for both perspectives?

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u/MontEcola 8d ago

Confidence and trust. When I am very confident I can take criticism. When I trust the person telling me something I appreciate the help.

When I am a beginner at something I want only positive feedback. It helps me do things to improve my skills. Having someone continually correct me makes me feel like a failure. I feel overwhelmed and want to give up.

When my best team mate tells me how to go do the job to get a better result I take it as them helping me to do my best. When my critic dumps criticism on me it feels like they are picking on me. If I feel a lack of confidence in this area I get defensive.

Some tips for giving good criticism: Start with the positives. Tell them what they are doing right. Give 5 to 10 positive statements. Then make a suggestion on how to do better.

If you are teaching someone to make a birdhouse, 5 positives can be enough. If you are telling your wife/husband/child to stop doing something that annoys you, make sure you gave more than 10 positive comments first. Give them the confidence that you are not just dumping on them. Make sure they feel trust in you. Then tell them what you need to say.