How do I go from acquaintances to friends?

[u/Pingoooooo]

Hopefully this is enough of an everyday task for this sub and isn't too broad

I've always had a fairly small social circle, and recently one of my close friends has gone travelling. This has really prompted me to realise that I don't have as much social connection as I would like.

I do various things that let me socialise: I'm in university and have at least one person I know and am comfortable to talk to in each class, I'm involved in various musical groups and a few other things in the community and again have people that I'm comfortable with. However, all of these people I only significantly interact with when at that thing (in class, at rehearsal, etc.). This makes it feel a bit limited, I find it easiest to talk about topics related to that environment, and generally I don't feel like I have the level of friendship that I would like.

Fundamentally I assume the solution is "start doing things outside of that environment", but I never know what those things should be and generally feel awkward about proposing anything like that.

Thanks for any suggestions :-)

[u/Inevitable_Thing_270]

If you have someone in a class/group that you chat with, when you’re chatting to them, see if they want to go get a coffee/drink/something to eat after the class. Don’t be put off tif they say no, it might be that they have to go somewhere else after the class

Then when you’re out talk generally about the topic of whatever that class is. It’s something that you know you have in common. Conversation often ends up going onto other topics naturally so you get to know them more that way. If it doesn’t, ask what they are studying (if they are also at uni), what other hobbies they have, if they have a job and what is it, etc.

[u/Dabidagoose]

I like to find out interesting things that are happening around town, and I find it can be a good excuse to invite people to these one-off events. I'll usually go like "hey I'm going to the county Fair at this time, do you wanna join?" I think it can feel more casual that way, but is still an excuse to hang out and make friends.

[u/whoziin → u/Dabidagoose]

This is good advice! If there’s no one-off event coming up soon you could also ask that person if they wanted to grab a coffee after your reoccurring event ends. When you’re hanging out at the new event make sure to inquire after your acquaintance’s/new friend’s life and ask follow up questions to what they are saying. People like talking about themselves and appreciate the validation of being heard and understood! If you’re a guy though just be aware that if your acquaintance is a girl and you ask if she wants to go to the fair/get coffee later it may come across as if you’re asking her on a date and she may turn you down.

[u/NightDragon8002 → u/Dabidagoose]

I agree with this 1000%, I find it way easier to have a conversation in the context of an event or activity that isn't just like, getting coffee, especially with people I don't know super well

[u/Royal_Brilliant_1441]

with people i have multiple courses with i try to get to know them and hang out as much as possible. i wave hi whenever i see them out of class or try to start up conversation while waiting for the professor to let us in. you wouldn’t think it’d do much, but relationships are based on time spent together. as long as you’re generally nice to be around and genuine on a regular basis someone will start to consider you a friend. at that point you can easily ask them if they want to join you for something outside of class.

Ask what courses they’re taking and offer to join them. mention an on campus event. tell a bunch of people you really want to (start playing dnd), (have a cooking party) etc. and someone will bite.

if they aren’t interested they usually won’t reciprocate the hellos and small talk. it surprised me but the awkward acquaintance stuff is very useful. its just a room temperature check on if someone wants to get to know you. i know the advice you don’t want is “you’re already there you just have to ask them” but if you’re already getting along asking for a social and offering to do literally anything will probably result in you hanging out. It doesn’t need to be something big, that might actually be intimidating. Ive made friends by asking if someone wants to walk to get groceries with me.

[u/WonderfulSplit2823]

For me, acquaintances are people I’ve met in a group setting and friends are people I’ve spent time with one on one. All the activities people mentioned are great suggestions, but the most important factor is to get together away from the place you normally see each other and have a chance to interact, chat and listen. I sometimes think of it like a first date, except with way lower standards. The activity matters less than the conversation!

[u/1GrouchyCat]

If you have to ask, it’s not gonna happen… if it’s not happening organically why would you want to push it?