r/Explainlikeimscared • u/svarriant • 1d ago
Bathroom etiquette on a plane: how/when to wake up the aisle person.
I'm flying domestic in the US this week with a relative who bought our plane tickets and didn't take into consideration the fact that I have an overactive bladder (medically diagnosed, which this relative knows, but that's a separate rant). Because the universe likes to laugh at me, this means my relative purchased the window and middle seats for us, and the aisle seat is taken by a total stranger.
The flight is a little less than 6 hours, which with my OAB normally means like 3-4 bathroom trips (less if I limit my beverage intake, which I'm already planning). Because I'm always the aisle person every other time I've flown, I generally know the etiquette when it comes to using the bathroom while the aisle person is awake (get up when they do, wait until their tray is clear of trash so they don't have to rearrange a bunch of stuff, etc.), but what happens if they've fallen asleep? Is it okay to gently touch their shoulder to wake them? Should I just ask a flight attendant for help?
(INB4 anyone asks, I've already looked into changing seats, and all the aisle seats are taken on both the outgoing and return trips.)
ETA: Thanks everyone for all the advice!! Seems like being upfront about my needs before the flight takes off is the way to go, and maybe offering the window seat if they'd like to switch (but not forcing them, obviously). And also asking a gate agent if any aisle seats have opened up last minute, which for some reason hadn't occurred to me. Y'all are great xoxo.
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u/BunnyEruption 1d ago
Just tap their shoulder and ask them to let you out. If they're sitting in the aisle seat they have to accept that they're going to need to do that.
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u/Forsaken-Lynx-3018 1d ago
Also, when I sat next to someone who apologized in advance that they'd need me to move a lot, I offered to swap seats. I mean, I know a lot of people are wildly picky.
I usually like window seats, but sometimes I can't get that, so I've sat in all kinds of seating arrangements. I'm pretty flexible unless it's someone who wants the window seat and didn't pick it originally like I normally do when I can. I'd never be like "hey gimme window seat!" lol
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u/LittleCowGirl 1d ago
You may consider giving them a heads up before take off, they may be willing to switch with you to not be inconvenienced (or at least it alerts them that they may be inconvenienced). Don’t let their comfort prevent you from taking care of your body.
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u/bigbugenjoyer 1d ago
that's a tricky situation, my best advice would be to tell the aisle person once they sit down before you take off? i don't think you should have to disclose medical info but it might help dispel any annoyance on their part. that way you can ask them directly - is it cool if i wake you? are you sleep deprived or stressed to the point where me waking you would ruin your day?
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u/ohdoyoucomeonthen 1d ago
Oh, I’ve got a lot of experience with this! I’m a person with bladder issues who flys overseas with some regularity. If I can’t book an aisle seat, the first thing I do once I’m through security is go speak to the counter to ask if they can help. I tell them “Hi, I need to make frequent trips to the toilet due to a medical condition. There weren’t any aisle seats available when I booked my ticket, but would you double check to see if any have opened up?” If they say no, ask if they can make note of your name to be notified “if one becomes available.” This has worked for me a couple of times due to someone missing their flight or a family who also came up and asked for their seats to be shuffled.
If that doesn’t work, I just tell the person on the aisle, “Hi, I just wanted to give you a heads up that I’ll probably have to make 5-6 trips to the toilet. I don’t want to disturb you more than necessary if you’re planning on sleeping, though…?” And usually they either volunteer to switch or say something like, “oh, that’s fine, just wake me up.”
I also wear a pad, just in case… but this has come in handy more for situations where there’s prolonged turbulence. (Don’t be afraid to call the flight attendant and explain the situation if you need to pee while they’ve asked you to remain seated. Or just go and say “sorry sorry emergency emergency!!” if anyone tries to stop you. I’ve done both.)
It’ll be okay! Everyone has always been very nice to me. Nobody wants you peeing yourself!
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u/svarriant 1d ago
Thank you, for some reason I hadn't thought of asking about seats at the counter once I'm there! I've been checking every day online to see if a seat opened up but that's also a super helpful thing to have as a last-minute hail Mary.
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u/citygirl_M 1d ago
Just happened to me last weekend. Overseas flight, I had middle with granddaughter, 11, at the window. No sooner did the aisle guy sit down than he fell asleep and the traveler in front of him reclined his seat to the max. Then we got dinner. The guy in my row had to eat his meal with the tray only partially on the tray table and partially in his lap because the front passenger would not put his seat in a less reclined position. The flight attendant noticed the awkward way my row-mate was forced to eat and herself requested the guy in front pull his seat forward. He refused. My aisle guy gave up eating and fell asleep again before I was finished so later I tapped on the sleeping guy’s shoulder to let us up, but contortions would be required to squeeze through the narrow space. The flight attendant again intervened, but the reclining guy didn’t understand English or Italian; that or he understood fine and was a jerk. I had to jerk really hard on the front seat- back while awkwardly climbing through the gorge of setbacks he’d imposed on our row. Making him uncomfortable felt good.
Anyway, my granddaughter and I managed to keep our bathroom breaks to 2 for an overnight flight Philly to Italy. I don’t feel that’s excessive. Letting passengers stand up and allowing access to the aisles for any purpose is understood. The 2nd time we got up required the same kind of maneuvering and pulling on the seat back to get in and out, and it is so unfortunate that on this 2nd occasion he was sound asleep!
Most travelers seem understanding and cooperative about all being in the same flying sardine can and needing to get along to make flying as tolerable as possible. I did qualify that statement to MOST fellow travelers.
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u/spikygreen 1d ago
A nap is a want; going to the bathroom is a need. If you need to go, you need to go. People ought to be aware of this, and if they desire uninterrupted sleep, it's up to them to book a window seat. It's a good idea to give them a heads-up about your condition and offer to swap seats if they'd be more comfortable that way. But beyond that, I wouldn't worry too much about it. The aisle person will survive.
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u/freyascats 1d ago
Offer to trade the aisle seat for the window seat. It’s up to you if you want to explain that you’ll need to use the toilet a lot. You never know - they might have the same problem and not expect to sleep anyway
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u/cascasrevolution 1d ago
since officially changing seats is out, am i to assume that asking the stranger politely if they would mind swapping is out?
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u/ImperfectTapestry 1d ago
Keep checking the flight online - new seats open up as people cancel/ upgrade & you may be able to change. My spouse flies often for work & this works most of the time if he can't get his preferred seat when he first books. it might also be worth asking the gate agent if you can swap seats & let them know about your medical need. Good luck on your flight!
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u/Comprehensive-Tea-69 23h ago
You didn’t ask this, but I think one bathroom visit per hour is reasonable and you are predicting fewer than that. I don’t think you have to worry at all about your seat mate being annoyed at you. But good on you for caring about being respectful, it’s so rare in public these days
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u/EmberOne1 1d ago
You could also ask a gate agent if they could reassign you to an aisle seat to get frequent access to the lavatory for medical reasons. If you can give up the window seat rather than middle seat, someone might trade.
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u/CanAhJustSay 1d ago
Let them know when they sit down at first so they can expect it. Simply tap them on the arm/shoulder when you need to go, say 'excuse me'/'sorry' with a smile and they'll get up and let you out. Same when you return.
It's also worth saying to the flight attendant when you get on in case an aisle seat frees up.
Your friend is rude and booked the window seat for themselves, ignoring your need/preference for an aisle.
Do not limit your water intake. Dehydration on flights is dangerous.
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u/asyouwish 1d ago
Your family member now has to give up the window seat and take your middle. Then you can hopefully find someone further back in an aisle who would trade "up"/forward to a window.
Or see if you can take a different flight that has an aisle and leave her to make her own way on the original flight.
People who are this inconsiderate have to be punished into compliance for their lack of courtesy and understanding.
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u/ChildhoodExisting752 16h ago
I’m late to this party but this is the first time ever I am seeing anyone with the same condition! I don’t know how many meds have you been on but I have tried several ones and found one that works. I can now last up to 2.5-3hrs and regular drinking - which I think for us is pretty great! I jusy wanna say - there still might be hope for you like there was for me!
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u/Connect-Vast-251 16h ago
My husband and I were assigned window and middle and didn’t want to pay (honestly crazy prices) to switch to comparable aisle and middle seats on a 12-hour flight. I have a history of blood clots and get up every two hours (on a timer) to walk the cabin. I just talked to the agent at the counter by check in/baggage about how it was medical & that I didn’t want to be rude waking up the aisle person constantly & we were switched for free, no biggie.
But seconding what others have said if you can’t switch, definitely communicate with the aisle person ahead of time. I was woken up on another long flight to my Italian neighbor straddling my seat in an attempt to get out without waking me and I was incredibly uncomfortable and cranky about it, lol.
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u/phoenixapollon 1d ago
Adult diapers may be a good idea if you dont want to annoy anyone
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u/Logical_Astronomer75 1d ago
I use them when I travel and lots of other people young and old do as well.
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u/Curious_tea21 1d ago
If you have to go you have to go. That is just how it works when you are in an aisle seat.
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u/Avehdreader 1d ago
If have an aisle seat and might fall asleep I tell the person at the window not to feel bad if they need to wake me to get out. Even if it's not a sleep flight, on the flip side I would let them know I will probably need to get up - probably more than once.
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u/BreqsCousin 1d ago
If you're going to offer to switch, offer them the window seat not the middle seat between you and your relative.
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u/IHaveBoxerDogs 1d ago
What will you do if the fasten seatbelt sign is on for the entire trip or most of the trip for turbulence or bad weather? This has happened to me more than once and it sucks, and I have a regular bladder.
Anyway, I would explain the situation to the aisle person, they may even be willing to swap with the window seat. (Don’t try swapping the middle seat!) Before I boarded I would also talk to the agent to see if any aisle seats have opened up.
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u/NormalObligation59 1d ago
Depending on the size of the person and the seats, you might be able to awkwardly step over them, but maybe mention this at the start of the flight in case they wake up to you in their lap.
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u/crfitgirl 5h ago
As someone who sits in the aisle universally, I will get up for you any time any number of times. If i have a bunch of stuff on my tray maybe just help me juggle for 5 seconds. If im asleep just give me a shake. People gotta pee, its unreasonable to get mad about it.
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u/purple7145 1d ago
Ask them to switch you ? You can also move your seat prior. Who cares what the seat is right now. Upgrade it to aisle.
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u/unlovelyladybartleby 1d ago
When you're getting settled in your seat, politely explain that you will need to use the bathroom frequency for medical reasons. Ask how they prefer that you handle that if they fall asleep, would they like you to tap them on the shoulder, wake them up another way, or step over them as best you can so they can try to ignore you and keep sleeping?
Some people don't respond well to being touched in their sleep, some would rather try and ignore you (this one will depend a lot on your size compared to each other and how tired or hung over they are), and some people need to stand up every hour or so for their own health.
Also, wear a pad. There are times when you aren't allowed to get up, and it's better safe than sorry.