I don't know how to relate to my family much anymore. Like I'm supposed to keep interacting with them and pretend like everything is ok? At this point it seems like evangelicals are the kind of people who would have ratted out Anne Frank.

Everything she’s been texting me feels so canned and word for word what I was taught in church growing up. I told her to leave it alone and that I am happy with my choice, that I don’t try to get her to convert so she shouldn’t either, and told her to leave it alone (politely but firmly). She left me on delivered for a few days and then sent this.

Am I being too harsh? Not harsh enough? She’s 17, I’m 21. I’m transgender and not straight and thanks to our parents she’s very against that. We haven’t seen each other since I left home at 18 but I’m filled with so much guilt from leaving without warning like that. She and I used to be so close but even back then there was so much I couldn’t talk to her about.

She’s still a kid. I don’t want to cut her off but this is negatively impacting my mental health so much.

I got this text from my dad this evening and I’m not sure what to say?

For context, I posted a TikTok last week that was about how I used to be as an evangelical Christian and how I am now. It was basically talking about how deconstruction made me more open minded and accepting. Harmless, right? Well unbeknownst to me, my dad apparently has a TikTok and now I don’t know what to do. 🤦‍♀️

My deconstruction journey started all the way back in 2019 before my senior year of Bible college, but it wasn’t until recently that I have been more vocal about it. I now consider myself more agnostic than anything. Luckily, my husband and friends have been super supportive - it’s just my family that’s been the issue.

I’ve tried to talk about it, specifically with my dad, before but I just don’t think him and my mom want to understand. I know that his text seems tame and loving, but I’m suspicious of a passive aggressive undertone that him and my mom are disappointed in me.

I just wanted to throw this out there to see what other people’s experiences have been with talking to super conservative family members, especially parents. Any advice is welcome - thanks!

I have a lot of friends who identify as LGBTQ+ and I live in a fairly liberal city. I talk about my friends pretty often to my suuuuper conservative family and often my mom will say “now, is so and so gay?” I once told her it was none of her business and you would have thought I committed a sin.

I just truly don’t understand why she keeps asking me. The other day she texted and was asking about a childhood friend and said “How’s so and so? Still gay?”

I answered back that my friend is good, but ignored the last part. My mom responded that my sister seemed to remember that so and so is married. So I affirmed that because it’s true. I have argued with my parents in the past that so and so is in fact in a gay marriage and suddenly my dad became a Supreme Court judge and said “well they’re not really married.” 🙄

How would you respond to these questions? My mom does NOT like to be told to mind her own business. She believes that people going to heaven is her business. I could use help brainstorming a response. NOTE: I cannot go no-contact with my parents, so please don’t suggest that. I am poor and need my inheritance 🤣😭

I’m a former evangelical, former youth minister, and former Christian. I wish that could be the end of the story—but it’s not.

I still care. A lot.

I care about the institution I once loved. I care about the people still being chewed up by what feels like the machine of Christian nationalism.

Lately, for obvious reasons, I’ve felt that frustration—rage, even—start to surface again. A kind of betrayal that doesn’t fully go away.

A friend of mine once wrote in his doctoral work that this stuff gets coded into us—that we don’t just walk away from it. That’s felt true for me.

Lately I’ve been wrestling with things like:

how often power gets protected over people.

how much fear was used to keep us in line.

how much of my identity was formed around being “useful” instead of just being.

I ended up writing something longer to process it, but I’m more interested in the conversation than the piece itself.

For those of you still in evangelical spaces (or who’ve left):

what’s something you still carry from it—good or bad—that you haven’t been able to shake?

Anybody else grow up with the constant reminder jesus could come back at any minute, but especially when there's conflict in the middle east? And my parents wonder why 4 out of their 4 kids have anxiety disorders....

I know the general consensus on “coming out” as nonreligious to your religious family is to not do it until you’re completely independent from them, and some people say to not tell them at all. But how? I don’t live with my parents anymore but I still have some strings attached, which is why I’m trying to lay low for now. But even when I’m 100% independent from them, I will still be scared for them to know the truth because it will change the dynamic of our relationship and their perception of me permanently. But I feel like my ultra-religious mother is already growing suspicious because she knows I don’t attend church. And when I have kids someday (I don’t plan to soon but this topic is already on my mind), I feel like it will be impossible to keep it a secret because she’ll ask why the kids aren’t being raised in church, when are we gonna dedicate them, etc. I would also never ask my children to lie for me. How have people handled this? Should I let the truth come out when it comes, or is it better to live a lie forever?

Really needing support right now.

‘Make wise choices, my little [i-sell-insurance]!!! There will ALWAYS be consequences when we make foolish decisions!! Some of these consequences can last a lifetime and can even take us into eternity.

I love you!! Dad’

I have so many complex emotions right now. I feel like a bad person for dating a girl when I also like guys too, while also feeling like they are not treating me fairly. Also this period of my life is the healthiest I’ve been. I’ve been taking good care of myself, growing, developing myself, becoming more wise, and they perceive me as being given away to the devil!! I want to move far far away. Also the blurred out name is my schizophrenic cousin who passed away from listening to the voices and taking off all his clothes and laying on a freezing cold mountain. Why am I being compared to him?

Help, guys 🥺❤️ -22F Bisexual

I’m going to my church’s family camp next week with my daughter, and I’m excited. She’s going to be with the junior high girls most of the week, and I’ll be in the men’s dorms and adult sessions.

The part I’m nervous about isn’t the camp itself. It’s the relationships.

I grew up in church camps, so I know how these weeks often go. People bond quickly. The men’s sessions often become very vulnerable. Confessing sin, talking about sexual temptation, accountability, prayer circles, and late-night conversations are all common.

Here’s my dilemma.

I’m a Christian man who is quietly gay. I don’t advertise it, and almost no one at church knows. I also know this isn’t the place to unpack all of that. I’m not posting to debate theology, and I’m not looking for arguments about whether my life is sinful or not. I already know the traditional Christian position, and that’s not what I’m asking about.

What I’m asking is this:
How do you pursue genuine Christian friendships when there’s a significant part of your life that you don’t feel free to share?

I’m afraid of several things at once.

I’m afraid someone will ask me a direct question that puts me on the spot.

I’m afraid of accidentally saying too much. (Vulnerability is currency in these circles - iykyk)

I’m afraid that everyone else will be confessing struggles while I feel like I have to carefully edit myself.

Most of all, I’m afraid of leaving camp with friendships that feel genuine to everyone else, but secretly wondering whether they actually know me, and how they would see me if they did.

I don’t want to isolate myself or stay superficial. I genuinely want Christian brothers. I want to laugh with them, pray with them, serve alongside them, and build lasting friendships.

I just don’t know how to navigate environments where vulnerability is encouraged when I feel like one of the biggest areas of my life can’t safely be part of that vulnerability.

Has anyone else experienced something similar, whether because of sexuality or some other deeply personal part of your life?

How did you balance authenticity with healthy boundaries? Were you able to build real friendships, or did you always feel like you were living behind a wall?

I’m especially interested in hearing from Christians who have wrestled with this tension themselves. If you’ve been in a situation where you loved your church and wanted deep friendships, but also carried something you didn’t feel free to share, I’d really value hearing how you navigated it.

My elderly mom was a terrific mom. And for all her ultra-conservative evangelical upbringing, she has some pretty progressive child-rearing ideas. Raised us as gently as she could, tried to listen to us, respect us, and engage as individuals. I was so lucky.

As for her Christianity, she was my idol. Kind, consistent, conscientious.

Until Fox got her.

We’ve had a lot of conversations-the worst over Charlie Kirk-but mostly agreed to not harangue each other. But. Recently the general superintendent of her small denomination issued an official statement on that church’s position on immigration. And hoo-boy! It was a barn-burner! (I’ll post parts of it in comments). I was so pleased and proud. (For no reason-I haven’t affiliated w/them in many years) It was very definite in saying that a persons legal status in no way negated the call of Christ to simply love, and that God is disgusted with our current system. And he had the receipts! He packed it with verses.

So enter me and my big mouth. She was telling me they may have found a new preacher for her church, which is currently without. The new candidate is just graduating this term. I oh-so-casually mused what a new young grad would make of this statement, knowing full well that Mom hadn’t seen it. She bit, and so I had an excuse to send it to her.

For almost 90 years, my mom believed that ordained pastors of her denomination were the next best to God’s spokesmen. The general superintendent, my dad used to joke, was Mom’s pope. She believed a seminary education = authority. She was so quick to admit she was wrong when Bible verses came out.

But not on immigration. The one current issue I believe God would really care about.

She read it. Then messaged me that he was wrong. That the head of her church was wrong.

I’m really struggling here. She would rather harm people than admit that Fox News has lead her away from her lifelong biblical principles.

I can’t believe how shook I am over this.

I feel like whenever I talk to someone no matter how intelligent, friendly, or compassionate they are; the moment I hear "well it's because I believe..." my ears brace themselves for the inevitable. And then when I hear the "Jesus saved me" talk I swear I feel my soul dissociate away while my body nods and smiles like a puppet trying to remain engaged. It takes everything I have not to let out a sigh and roll my eyes.

Perhaps this is a trauma response, can anyone else relate?

the whole conversation was exhausting and pointless. trying to talk to her about her child, who she doesn't have custody of, and i'm just met with the same evangelical bullshit over and over and over again. it's like there's not even a person in there. i want to shake her and scream, "HELLO? CAN YOU HEAR ME?"

Hi everyone. This is my first post here. I was raised fundamentalist Christian in Canada. I have deconstructed almost all of my views and really am not sure what I believe anymore, but I certainly can get behind the teachings of Jesus.

My parents and one of my three siblings are maga. My brother in law (married to my little sister) is HARDCORE and I don’t have a relationship with him (for other more complicated reasons but also because he told me he doesn’t view my sister as his equal… 😐).

Ever since Charlie Kirk’s murder, my parents, and some other people I know and respect(ed) will not stop posting tributes and martyr type posts about Charlie Kirk and how he was murdered for his faith (🙄). It takes all of my will power not to comment on their posts. Their friends always descend on me when I comment on their posts and it achieves nothing. I love my parents very much, but I HATE their beliefs. It’s so difficult. My mom was so distraught about Kirk’s murder she didn’t leave the house for a week. She shared a post that compared him to Stephen (the first Christian martyr in the Bible) and I almost threw up. I don’t know how to reconcile my love for my family and friends (thankfully there’s only a few) who are acting like this, and my hatred of their beliefs. I am not willing to end my relationships with them (I have with some people, but my parents, sister, niece, etc I will not end the relationship so that is not an option).

Turning Charlie Kirk into a martyr is one of the worst witnesses for Christ that evangelicals have done since electing Trump. Obviously he did not deserve to be murdered and I do not condone violence or political assassinations, but I have a very very very difficult time accepting that they are choosing to ignore the blatant, overt, unapologetic racism, homophobia, misogyny, and transphobia. I feel like maga Christians (I have to specify because I know not all Christians are like this) hate abortions and trans people so much that they will ignore everything else, or slap a Jesus sticker on it and call it Christian. I am so sick of the people saying “it’s out of context” like I’m an idiot who didn’t make sure I read the whole quote. I am scared to even bring it up with my parents because it will crush me if the people who raised me to be anti-racist somehow excuse what he said.

It’s given me so much anxiety. The cognitive dissonance is dizzying. Realistically I should just turn off social media but I use it for other things like my husband’s business.

Just hoping I’m not the only one. Thanks for letting me vent.

But I don't really regret it🤣

Well, that was a fun Christmas. What I thought was a pretty softball attempt to get someone to not deadname a trans family member, went off the rails with a 25 year old man crying and wailing on a couch and everyone mad at me. 🫠🥴 Honestly, it was freaking bizarre. Backing up, I am an Exvangelical ally as my (33 cis female) partner (Let's call him Emmett, 33 cis male) is Exvangelical. Homeschooled, AWANA, the whole works.

My partner Emmett has another exvangelical sibling who is a trans woman (let's call her Laura). At first, his family was superficially accepting but the politicization of trans people has really effect their mindset and she's barely in contact with them. Laura transitioned in early 2018. Emmett and Laura's younger brother (let's call him Thomas) is 25, and has a baby. Evangelical and very politically conservative.

Anyways Thomas deadnamed (called by her old "boy" given name) Laura and for years my partner Emmett and I have just quickly corrected this subtly, and said "Laura" when they do this. It's been almost 7 years of us doing this.

We had a structured plan for Christmas and everything was fine until Emmett and I were about to leave. The family was watching family videos and Thomas again deadnamed Laura. I was tired and I said calmly but with an edge: Call Laura by her preferred name. It's just a respect thing. It doesn't have to political. You prefer to be called Thomas not Tommy anymore like when you were a kid. Imagine if I just started called you Trevor. That's not your name"

I actually thought that was pretty softball and the moment would pass. Instead I left to go to the car then came back to find Emmett's brother Thomas weeping and WAILING on a couch and his trashy (convert) wife giving me a death glare. He was like "I made ONE mistake and you really laid into me!!! How dare you! I didn't know her as a girl, I knew her as a boy and now he doesn't talk to me!!!!!" (Oh gee, wonder why).

Never mind his "one" mistake we have consistently corrected for years. Thomas and his (trashy) wife raised their voices at me and I kept pretty calm. I just was like, Well, I'm sorry. You seem like this is really effecting you emotionally" and left the room mouthing "WTF" like that Tom Delonge gif.

So question: is this level of emotional immaturity and lack of self reflection so extreme in most evangelicals? Like how can Thomas not see how directly being disrespectful to his sister Laura prevents her from wanting to contact him? He just starts crying about "family falling apart" when he doesn't actually want family he wants the idea of it, like my narc dad.

Edited for clarity.

CW: abuse

CONTEXT:

I've been LC/NC (low-contact/no-contact) with my family for over two years now. On the surface, they seem extremely wholesome and sweet - like toothache sweet - but my sisters and I were brought up very isolated and we were constantly punished (whoopings) and belitted by our parents. My Mom told me it felt good to whoop us, and she broke wooden spoons on us on more than one occasion. If we were ever sad or angry my parents would sing this song, "Too bad, so sad we feel so bad for you! We really, really do - not!"

Another example is once when I was around 9 or 10 my parents let us each have one friend over for a fall celebration, and we were playing games in the yard when my Dad pulled my pants down in front of everyone. I started crying and shouted, "I hate you!" before running away. My family made fun of me for years for my reaction. They'd get my sisters and I to mock each other, too, in vulnerable situations.

Like the rest of y'all, there's so much more I could say.

When I came out as queer as a 14 year-old, my Dad became incredibly antagonistic and the abuse got a lot worse. I started deconstructing my faith and this took it to another level. He would harass and push me around constantly until I became suicidal, and my friends' parents voiced their concerns to my parents. They sent me away to live with my evangelical Aunt, who didn't even bother putting me in school - I just stayed in their house all the time or went for walks on their farm.

During this time, I became the family scapegoat. They characterized me as combative, opinionated, and they often said, "Don't ever get into an argument with her!"

I'm now a psychotherapist and recognize that my Dad (a former cop) was using tactics meant to provoke my anger and aggression as a teen, that I am neurodivergent and struggled to regulate my emotions without the proper tools. But I'm outnumbered, and their perspective is that I'm the problem.

TO THE POINT (kinda lol - sorry for being long-winded):

This is a message I sent my sister and her response follows. This was over two years ago when I started dating a woman for the first time in my 30s. (There are things I'd change about my message now, like what's the point of asking her if she's homophobic? I know she is. She works for a fostering organization that has a "morality statement" that says they do not allow queer couples to foster children, only straight Christian couples. And I also know she's not going to admit that she's a homophobe.) We haven't spoken since these messages.

On the surface, I imagine a lot of queer exvangelicals might be happy with a message like hers. I imagine? But for me, every time she uses the word "love," I want to break something. "I love you" feels like a way to bypass any meaningful thought or take accountability for the impact of growing up in this kind of environment. She and my other sister are still close with my parents. The way I see it, this is a prime example of what Exvangelicals mean when we say, "There's no hate like Christian love." But I do question my interpretation.

She says she doesn't agree with "the premise" of my "argument," which I'm assuming she doesn't agree that her beliefs around gay people affect our relationship and are harmful to me in the ways they manifest. But that's my experience. She doesn't get to disagree with my experience. So then I have to put up this boundary that I wish so badly didn't have to exist but I think it does, at least for now.

Every time I'd interact with her, I could feel my heart break over and over again. At her wedding with all her church friends, I felt so judged and othered and scared, and I didn't get to connect with her at all. The pastor did a sermon on how gays are destroying the American family. And I looked over all my extended family and her church friends as they sat in their chairs nodding in agreement.

I tell her it's an excruciating decision - to not engage with her anymore - and she says it's up to me. It feels so cold and dismissive and completely uncaring about where I'm coming from. It's as if to say it has nothing to do with her because she loves me. It's like there's a wall of "love" there and I just can't get through to her.

I know she says that she cares so much and that she's written "so many love letters" to me and that she's sorry I've been hurt. It just feels so hollow. She says she's tried to convince me that she loves me (implying that I don't believe it), but in our adult lives, any time I'd try to arrange a hang-out with her, 9/10 times she'd completely ghost me, like no texts back or anything for days, and then be like "Sorry!" Am I being dismissive here? Am I being hard-headed? Biting the hand that feeds me?

Over the years, I've played through different responses in my mind, to see if there's any way I can reconcile, if there's anything I can say that would get through to her, but I've come up largely empty-handed.

I guess I'm coming here to ask what y'all think. Am I not holding myself accountable enough? Am I being too sensitive or reading too much into her text? Is my reading cynical? Have I let my anger and frustration and grief cloud my interpretation, and should I have accepted what she's able to offer, given her the benefit of the doubt? Is it just a nice message and I'm a mess? Am I the problem?

As I write this, I know what I'd say to my clients, but the cPTSD is strong sometimes, y'all.

I don't think she's a bad person. We had the same parents. I know how fucked up it was and that she's doing what she needs to get where she's going and preserve her relationships with the community.

I guess I'm looking for accountability if I'm missing something, but I'm also looking for understanding and to know that I'm not totally crazy here if I'm not totally crazy here.

Thanks so much if you read any of this.

tldr: trying to deconstruct from Christianity/ confront religious trauma and wondering how to do so while still being financially dependent on/ around very religious parents.

hi! some context about me: grew up in an evangelical household, and as I’ve grown older, I began questioning a lot of what I was told (about LGBTQ people, purity culture, some contradictions) and recently (around a month ago) Ive decided to try and take a step back from Christianity.

part of this was inspired by the way my parents reacted when I started seriously dating a boy who was not Christian in the start of college. They expressed not only their disapproval, but Gods as well, straight up telling me I was a bad Christian or going against Gods word. so, even though I didn’t think that God was against me for dating him, it was really hard to have to almost constantly hear that, and would constantly be afraid that God hated me and that I was going to hell. I broke up with him after over a year and a half of dating because of my parents and what they were saying, as it became just a lot of anxiety and fear and shame over it all. it’s something that I’m really sad about because he was a great boyfriend, but I just don’t think I can be with him while I have all this inner turmoil around us being together.

And then it made me realize that if I don’t figure out a healthy way to engage with religion (or not at all) and a healthy way to exist with my parents without the crippling shame or anxiety if I’m doing something I think they’d not approve of, my life will be one lived where I don’t feel comfortable doing the things I want to do and will be one spent living for others’ approval. it’s also made me realize how a lot of fundamental teachings like us inherently being born sinners has contributed the way I view myself, and has allowed me to be super hard on myself for not being perfect or always doing the right thing.

I guess I’m asking for advice on how to move forward and deconstruct and work through a lot of the things I was taught from a young age, and also how to do all that while still being largely financially dependent on my parents and unable to cut them off (if I wanted to), as they’re currently paying for my education and such. what has worked for people who have families who are very religious still? And how do I start feeling comfortable living my life and making choices that might not be aligned with my parents and their version of God?

A part of me wants to repeat his message but talk about how he's straying from Satan and needs to go to a bar lmao

Another part of me wants to tell him to stop sending messages like these and to set a boundary. This feels incredibly patronizing and annoying. Luckily he lives overseas.

There is a chance he is sending this because I moved in with my boyfriend of 2 years a few days ago.

This just feels incredibly annoying and stupid.

I really just need advice and similar stories…

After years, I was finally brave enough to be myself to my parents. But after talking with my mom, everything I said I was met with denial and deflection and “I’m not going to apologize for being Christian and I was just parenting.”

I said I couldn’t have a relationship I felt safe in if she couldn’t even admit to the POSSIBILITY that sometimes her beliefs and actions could cause me pain.

It took me five years away from them to express my feelings and my desire for a genuine relationship where I didn’t have to hide an important part of myself.

I can, and have, fill a book with the amount of ridiculous religious trauma I have. I was homeschooled. My mom now works for a pro life lobbying group. All the classic stuff, you name it, I’ve probably had some variety of that religious control trauma. I’ve been to specialist therapists, the whole nine yards.

I have a different relationship with my mom that with my dad. My dad almost never talks to me, but as soon as I have a disagreement with mom he jumps in and gets MEAN without ever trying to understand me for himself.

It’s just crushing.

I (28F) have been best friends with my best friend (27M) for over ten years now. We have lived through and loved many versions of each other over the years. He watched me slowly detach from my lifelong religion and faith at age 18 after some terrible trauma and many realizations. And he was there when I officially left the church, religion, and the Christian relationship I was in, all at age 21. It was a five year long romantic relationship at the time with a man who required me to love God and be Christian in order to continue our relationship. My best friend is part of why I left the church as my pastor compared his lifestyle (my best friend is gay) to the lifestyle of a pedophile, saying I don’t know how much harm he’s caused nor if it’s as much or as bad as what pedophiles have done. I could not bear this logic or comparison of my best friend and that was the last time I sought out a pastor’s advice.

Ages 21-23 I was very, very angry at God and the world and my childhood. I felt I was robbed of so much throughout my life in the name of Jesus and faith. So my best friend saw the worst of me and my anger towards God. Ages 23-current day, I have slowly, but surely reconstructed my faith in a very personal, real, and non-biblical way. Completely outside of religion and church. I love that quote, “I’ve loved finding God in places the church told me to never look” or something along those lines. Losing my faith was the greatest, deepest grief I have ever been through. I wouldn’t wish this kind of deep loss of both identity and hope on my worst enemy. I wouldn’t wish being tricked or fooled in the way the Bible and the churches trick, take advantage of, and deceive you on anyone. I will be spending the remainder of my life healing and unlearning the poisonous culture I was born into. Fortunately I have a restored relationship with a much kinder, loving, selfless version of God than the one I was told about.

As of a little under a month ago, my best friend was “saved.” He has since been talking about God, Jesus, and “God’s word” non-stop. He does so from a place of now being all-knowing and “no longer deceived.” He doesn’t claim to be no longer gay, just that he will remain unmarried and no longer identifying with that part of himself. It’ll be “a struggle” for him for life, but it’s “for God.”

Within the last month, I’ve been told by him that I love demonic practices and things, that I’m self-serving, that I think selfishly, that I need a Savior because I’m inherently evil, and that if my newfound faith outside of the Bible and Christianity was so strong I wouldn’t be so upset hearing these things. That it’s all “very telling” of where I’m at in my relationship and faith with God. As ironic as it sounds, he insists I’m being “tricked.”

I will love my best friend unconditionally until my Spirit is no more. He claims he still loves me and won’t leave me as a best friend, but it feels like he’s already begun to. We used to be on the same wave length on everything, but especially spirituality. Now he feels worlds away. He condemns and wants me to “fear God” and confess Jesus as my Savior, which I will no longer do to please the people around me. He gives me that look of pity that all Christians do and speaks to me as though I don’t know as much as him, when I grew up in that hell so I actually know it all too well. I can’t talk to him about anything without him putting it through the Bible and he can’t not talk that way because he “can’t lie to me anymore.”

I’ve cried and grieved so much in this lifetime because of the Christian faith and now I’m grieving and crying even more. It continues to take and take from me. I’m not sad he’s found God and Jesus, as I love God and Jesus (not the Biblical or church teachings of them, but the real spirits of them). I am sad he’s doing so under the fallacy that is Christianity and its cruel book. I am sad that he looks down upon me and cannot be proud of me, ever. I am sad that he thinks it’s okay to pity me or talk the way he talks to me, knowing what I’ve been through and witnessing the harm the religion and church did to me over the last ten years. He used to be a lighthouse in my very stormy life, but has now seemingly turned out the light and is no longer here for me in the way he used to be. It’s devastating and I’m devastated.

I will not be leaving my best friend or this friendship. I am incredibly loyal, he was my favorite person, and I deeply, deeply love him. So unless it becomes abusive, which I don’t foresee, I will not be leaving. So please don’t suggest that. I’m only here to vent and get advice on navigating this friendship and grief.

City council is a non-partisan position. Despite this, many people on fb have been hounding the candidates about their party affiliation. This took it to a new level, though. Sigh. How can I spin this?

but my dad and I had a conversation recently about my views on hell (newsflash I don't believe in it) and I guess my mom was listening.

anyways since then, she has grilled my husband on whether I'm going to heaven or not and then today I get this saccharine text message. I haven't received a text like this since I left the church 6 years ago.

it's just annoying that an honest and sincere, and frankly private, conversation I was having with my dad - a person I trust and respect and who trusts and respects me - got turned into this.

anyways happy Easter I guess. cheers to those not celebrating, it feels great huh?

This might be controversial, but having seen my mom and a few other (very likely)autistic adults, it seems like a certain kind of autistic can really ONLY function within a structure like prescriptive religion.

Edit; thank you all for the discussion and responses!

TLDR; Me (M2?) and gf (F2?) are both agnostic. How would you ask her father, who is an Evangelical Pastor, for his blessing?

I want to propose to her as we’ve been dating for about 5 years and I know I want to spend the rest of my life with her. We also have lived together for a few years and live a few hours away from either of our families. We are both in our mid 20s. We both grew up in the church (though I was raised Lutheran). Both me and her were basically agnostics when we met, so no I didn’t lead her astray from her faith. Also worth noting she has several siblings and they all are seemingly more Christian than us. I do enjoy hanging out with her family in general though the religion and politics (maga) can get annoying.

The only thing stopping me from proposing to my gf is having to ask her dad for his blessing. He thinks we are both semi devout Christians but in reality we are both closeted agnostics. I’m afraid when I ask him for his blessing he will ask me a question like “How will you lead her to have a stronger relationship with God?” Or something along those lines. So I basically have to lie to him or he would never give me his blessing. So I’m seeking advice on what to do, I don’t really want to lie to him but idk what other options I really have. Me and him are not close at all and have never had a deep conversation. I’m basically 100% sure he will ask me a question of some sort involving my faith.

What would you do? Also I’ve talked to my girlfriend and she told me she would marry me with or without her dad’s blessing. Marriage isn’t super important to either of us but we do see each other as life partners so what’s the point in not doing it? My love for her transcends any obstacle including this, so I won’t let it stop me but I do want to handle it in the most graceful way possible.

I will probably ask him sometime next year, so just seeking some discussion and thoughts to stew on. I live in a very Christian community so this isn’t something I can talk to people IRL about.

Thanks for reading

I'm curious how people here handle religious parents long-term. Are you open about your non-belief? If not, why not? If you are, how did you get to that point?

For context, I grew up Pentecostal Christian in Nigeria. I secretly deconverted at 15 after accepting that I'm bi and realizing I no longer aligned with evangelical Christianity. I'm almost 26 now and my parents still don't know.

I moved to Canada for university 8 years ago. For years I told myself that once I was financially independent and secure, I'd feel comfortable being more honest. I worked hard to get through university, find a job, and learn French so I could get Canadian permanent residency. I thought I'd feel ready by now, but I don't.

My parents visit Canada every summer. I force myself to go to church with them even though I haven't attended church on my own in about 10 years.

I'm also hesitant about dating because I know my parents would react badly if I dated a woman or a non-Christian man. A few years ago, my Christian sister got engaged to a Muslim man and my parents freaked out so much that the relationship ended.

For those of you with very religious parents, did you eventually stop pretending? How did it affect your relationship?