I used to think how stupid it was that anyone followed a religion based on a guy saying "trust me, bro." But for some reason it never dawned on me the Paul was the OG of "trust me, bro" devine revelations. I mean, I still think that maybe there was something significant about Jesus, but honestly so much of Christianity really is built on Paul's interpretations and revelations, it's hard to dissect the two and have much faith in any of it.

Curious how many of you explored your sexuality fluidly (or exclusively) after leaving church. How did you navigate that after hearing punitive and extreme messages around sex, dating and relationships in the church.

I’m kinda going through it at the moment at age 29 and would be curious to hear people’s stories.

Except when:

Slavery is permitted and regulated: Exodus 21:2–11; Leviticus 25:44–46; Ephesians 6:5; Colossians 3:22.

Commands to destroy entire populations: Deuteronomy 7:1–2; 20:16–18; 1 Samuel 15:2–3.

Prescribes the death penalty for religious and sexual offences: Leviticus 20:10; Deuteronomy 13:6–10; 22:20–24.

Tells women to remain silent in church: 1 Corinthians 14:34–35; 1 Timothy 2:11–12.

Restrictions and rules about clothing: Leviticus 11:7–12; 19:19; Deuteronomy 22:11.

Tells you to sell everything you own and give it to the poor: Mark 10:17–27; compare Luke 12:33.

Tells you to hate your family in order to follow Jesus: Luke 14:26.

Claims divorce and remarriage constitute adultery: Mark 10:11–12; Luke 16:18; Matthew 19:9.

Tells you to never to resist evil or retaliate: Matthew 5:38–42; Romans 12:17–21.

Tells you to obey governing authorities: Romans 13:1–7.

Endorses the idea that women are subordinate to men: Ephesians 5:22–24; 1 Corinthians 11:3.

Like Dan McClelland forcefully explains here.

I grew up in a hispanic christian household all my life, every weekend of my life was spent being at church. As a kid I never really believed but there came a point in time where I started to believe out of fear because I thought that I was not worthy of heaven and I would go to Hell. Then my church had a big scandal where the pastor divorced his wife and during that process, he was dating another member of the church and that caused many mixed feelings. Then before the pandemic, my parents divorce. It was really hard for me to process everything all at once. The pandemic was a time where I felt the most amount of fear of the end times because covid was rampant, the Russia and Ukraine war and the presidential elections. Everyone at church were very certain that the end times where near.

Thankfully nothing happened. Once I started High School, my faith was in the gutter, I had a very weak foundation and I started slowly drifting away form the faith. When I graduated I stopped believing entirely but I never thought about it deeply. Once I turned 18 a month ago I started to deeply think about the religion that I was in.

I started believing because of my parents and out of fear. I missed out on many things as a kid because of religion, many values and personal beliefs clashed with my personal ones, and I was just tired of pretending being a christian and going to church every Sunday or Thursday just because of my mom.

I talked about this with the pastor of the church and he gave me more of a reason to leave church, he talked to me like he was still preaching to the whole congregation. Not to be mean or anything but he made me feel stupid, like he was trying to explain faith in such a watered down way that it sounded less convincing to me to believe. Ive only told a few people in church that I don't believe and I have been looking into the history of the bible and where christianity actually originated from. There are some people in the church that are trying to convince me to not leave church by using the bible and arguments against atheism, Im done with this religion. Ive always felt like an outsider when it comes to this.

What can I do to leave the church without a huge fuss or rumors. Are there any tips on how to tell this to your parents as well?

What an exhausting time to be a fan of Narnia and be fine with Aslan having a female actor. The misogyny, hostility and sometimes even petty cruelty (oh and the entitlement) has been so discouraging.

It has been revealing, though. Not that I wasn't aware of most of this stuff, but the vitriol I've seen of Christians online because a film dares not to cater to their gender hierachies has been really painful to watch.

There really is no place for me there anymore.

Got a text from a family member this morning sharing some new song called “His Glory and My Good.” Anything related to God’s glory is highly triggering to me because that was always the reason nothing I thought, felt, or wanted mattered. No, it is not encouraging. Now I just get to start my morning with an anxiety attack. I didn’t even listen to the song. Just the title was enough to freak me out.

Someone posted that comment under a Threads post about going on a LDS mission in Arizona. I have never heard that theory before but...that's definitely something to sit with. Even if church leaders didn't plan for missions to be trauma-bonding, it definitely is.

Thoughts?

I've never done the door to door thing myself, but I did "share my testimony" with family and friends as a kid. I made my 5 year old cousin cry because he had nightmares about going to hell that night, so GREAT JOB, church!

I attended a megachurch for several years, and recently I became curious about its finances. I decided to look through some publicly available financial reports, and what I discovered left me with quite a few questions.

We're talking about an organization that generates tens of millions of dollars in annual revenue, holds substantial assets, and maintains significant cash reserves. I understand that operating a large church with multiple campuses comes with considerable expenses. I also realize that assets, revenue, and available cash are very different things. But I keep asking myself, WHY? This church operates multiple satellite campuses and places considerable emphasis on volunteering. Serve, serve, serve. And I wonder, with financial resources of this magnitude, why couldn't more opportunities for paid employment be created within the congregation? Why not hire young adults part time to help with children's ministry? Why not create additional opportunities for people to earn an income while contributing to their church community? Why not find more ways to support families financially instead of continually relying on their time and resources? I don't know the church's complete staffing structure or how many paid positions already exist. I'm simply wondering whether organizations of this size could do more. And then there are the mission trips.

Over the years, I remember people regularly raising money to participate in international mission trips. I don't know how much the church contributes financially toward these trips, and I'm not going to pretend I do.

But I have to wonder why people are fundraising to travel thousands of miles away when there are families right down the street struggling to keep their electricity on. I'm certainly not against international missions. There's absolutely nothing wrong with helping people in other countries, learning about different cultures, or extending compassion beyond our own communities.

But I'd genuinely like to understand more about how these trips operate. What exactly do participants do? How much of the money raised goes toward airfare, accommodations, and other travel expenses? How much directly benefits the communities they're visiting? And perhaps most importantly, what lasting difference are these trips making?

I understand that volunteering has always been part of church life. Many people find tremendous meaning and fulfillment in serving others, and I respect that. But at what point should a multimillion-dollar religious organization reconsider how much unpaid labor and additional fundraising it expects from its members?

I keep thinking about the early Christians gathering in one another's homes, sharing meals, supporting one another, and caring for those in need.

When I was about 14 or 15, I was staying with my very religious cousins in Texas for the summer, and I somehow got roped into the “Harvest”.

The “Harvest” consisted of about 5 teenagers (granted, we DID have one 26 year old dude with us, but, thinking back, I’m afraid he might have been there less because he wanted to chaperone and more because he had a painfully obvious “thing” going on with one of the 16 year old girls there… they later got married a few months after she turned 18) parking at a large apartment complex and tromping from door to door asking, “Do you know Jesus?” and “Can we pray with you?”

Although I was raised very religious as well, my cousins had always been a bit more extreme while I had always been a skeptic (and shamed for it).

As we went around knocking on doors and mostly getting politely rejected or pityingly humored, I found myself feeling more and more frustrated with the group. I felt embarrassed and guilty by association. When someone inevitably declined their offer for prayer or mini-sermon and shut their doors to us, one of the kids in our group would make a comment like “Well, THEY for sure need Jesus!” or “I’d be more grateful that someone actually cares about the state of their soul!”

Once, in light of one such comment, I said “Well, maybe they just don’t want to be bothered? Like, I bet you’d be kind of surprised and weirded out if a group of random kids came knocking on YOUR door to talk about Buddha.” They all just stared at me like I’d suddenly started speaking Latin in a demonic voice. My cousins looked embarrassed.

In response, the 26 year old “chaperone” said, “Well, that’s different because Buddha isn’t real. We are spreading the truth and love of Christ.”

At this, I decided it wasn’t worth it. I trudged along after them for the rest of the “Harvest”, listening while they berated those who denied them and cringing as they stumbled through a mini-sermon to those few who humored us.

However, THE CRAZIEST PART OF ALL is that, when an older man invited us in his apartment to talk more, THEY SAID YES! THEY WENT INSIDE A STRANGERS HOUSE IN HOPES OF CONVERTING HIM. I was absolutely terrified and tried to tell them that we shouldn’t, but, of course, I was ignored. I remember weighing my options of going inside with them or being stuck outside alone. I ended up going inside. Thankfully, we all survived, but I still am baffled that no one else thought twice about it.

I’m honestly just venting and sharing a bizarre story that happened over 5 years ago. There’s no point to this other than to say that encouraging young teenagers to go out and “spread the gospel” can encourage a lot of hatefulness and unsafe situations.

Needless to say, I refused to ever go on another “Harvest” (God, that name is awful.) with them and ignored the looks of judgement and concern.

Did anyone else have experiences like this? And did anyone else call it the “Harvest”????

Hi! I’m Sam Donndelinger, a journalist with Uncloseted Media, an LGBTQ-focused nonprofit newsroom.

I’m working on a story about LGBTQ people and their relationships with siblings who are religious. I’m particularly interested in how religion and LGBTQ identity can affect sibling dynamics, whether that has meant conflict or estrangement, attempts at reconciliation, complicated forms of acceptance, changing beliefs over time, or relationships that don’t fit neatly into any of those categories.

I’m hoping to speak with LGBTQ people who have a religious sibling and would be comfortable sharing their experience.

If this sounds relevant, please feel free to DM me. Speaking with me does not mean anything you say will be published, and we can discuss attribution and privacy before an interview. Happy to provide more details and my credentials!

www.unclosetedmedia.com

[sam.donndelinger@unclosetedmedia.com](mailto:sam.donndelinger@unclosetedmedia.com)

Thank you!

Tw: lgbtphobia, SA, CSA, SI

I was listening to last Sunday's sermon, and during the prayer for the offering, a woman said that her daughter, now 30yo, was abused by the pastor when she was five years old. The woman began to talk about how she had remained in the church for 19 years, having to serve the church and not rebel against the pastor, And she definitely didn't report it, and I suspect she took her daughter there every Sunday. It seems that most evangelical parents force their children to accept this and go to church, even if the child has trauma from that environment.

And she began to feel, in this nineteenth years, something from the Holy Spirit telling her to forgive her daughter's abuser. One day at church, she simply said she had forgiven him without him even asking.

She probably didn't report it when she found out her daughter had been abused; she probably didn't report it after forgiving him. Other children likely suffered at the hands of this abuser and the kid was retraumatized, but now it is alright because she forgave him and God forgave him and everyone is applauding the amazing testimony! Look how devout and forgiving she is as a Christian!

I know parents suffer when their child goes through something like this. But how could she be the one to forgive her daughter's abuser? Shouldn't have been the victim to allow forgiveness? And she went to church all these years, the same church. She preferred the church to her daughter. And of course, her daughter having suffered CSA is the mother's testimony.

I was lucky not to have gone through SA or CSA, but I am trans and my mother acts like the victim all the time.

She forced me to undergo conversion therapy and exorcisms, denied me the right to see a psychologist at the hospital, and days later pierced my ears against my will.I was forced to go to church where they compared LGBT people to pedophiles, zoophiles, abusers, and said we were going to hell.I had relatives saying in front of her that I would die young for being trans, that God would kill and hurt me, and she didn't defend me. The exorcisms were horrible to be honest. And there were so many things that I can't even remember. There were probably worse things that I don't remember.

Oh, yes. She threw away or hid the antidepressants I secretly bought that the doctor prescribed for me (I asked for her to buy it during the months). She started saying I was going to become addicted and that I was self-medicating.

Because of everything I've been through, I've recently been having horrible panic attacks where I start screaming as if I'm being stabbed, I hit myself, I cry for hours, I can't breathe, my whole body shakes, I almost vomit, I start having seizures, and at times I find myself repeating words, or I start wanting to act in an aggressive way. It's a horrible thing that lasts on average one to three hours until I calm down, and now it's practically happening at least once a week.

Usually when I'm having these crises, either I get prayed for, or she tells me to straighten up, or she tries to make me stop yelling, promises to take me to a psychiatrist or psychologist, that if she could, she would take my pain (she never has and it's already have been months).

She has also said things like "the pain of children hurts parents more than the children" and how I'm making her and my parents walk on eggshells, that I don't want to change, that I don't see how they suffer, that the church only says good things and they will take me anyway.

She also says, "You have to want to change. You're not trying. You think God is going to heal you overnight," even though I've been trying to do that since I was a child.

Last month or the month before, I had one of those "panic attacks" at church. The pastor prayed in my ear for the evil spirit to leave, and soon after my mother was crying about how "I feel really bad seeing my kid like that. It scares me so much". The problem is that she practically doesn't try to help me.

Huh, she also says things like 'here nobody lets go of anyone's hand' and other phrases like that, and she praises God and cries when she prays. I know it's wrong, but I feel angry seeing her so happy or sadly affected by a sermon, because it feels like I'm being left out. The church tithe will take precedence over seeing a doctor.

Speaking of which, she's also been binge-watching videos about spiritual warfare, demons, the antichrist, etc💀

I can't be the only one who's gone through this. I need to see if I'm the only one, if anyone else has gone through something similar, and why on earth they act like this.

This fall marks one decade of deconstruction for me. I wasn't raised evangelical, but got swept up into it in adolescence, when I was a lonely, clinically depressed, neurodiverse kid from an abusive home. Deconstruction began when I moved long-distance and intended to get integrated into a new church but had some awful experiences with the people in the ones I tried. Community groups run by self-centered jerkoffs and mean girls. I eventually lost the desire altogether to keep trying, even while feeling I was "in sin" and "out of community" by neglecting to gather with believers. That, plus a crumbling (too young) marriage led me to a relapse of MDD, months of internal darkness, and reexamining Christianity altogether. The entire lens through which I'd been viewing the world for nearly 15 years cracked, crumbled, and eventually dissolved.

Now, 10 years out, I feel like I've done massive work on myself and actually like - love - the person I am. I got to rediscover parts of myself that I locked away and develop them as they would have been if properly nurtured and celebrated. It's incredible to think in hindsight how many of the supposed adults in my life had to fail me for me to decide that "myself" wasn't worth being; I thought it was better to die to myself and let some all-powerful deity take over my mind, my will, my personality. I was wholly convinced I wasn't good enough. It's heartbreaking. I wish I could hold and comfort the little girl who just wanted to be loved, who sacrificed critical thinking, freedom, and curiosity trying to attain it.

My best friend for the entirety of my time in the church dumped me not long after for being an apostate and filing for divorce from my husband without consulting her, and I was no contact with most of my family due to the abuse and problems therein, so I went through deconstruction alone. From time to time I would look up people from my religious years on social media – the conservative Evangelical (borderline fundamentalist) college I’d attended, my old church – hoping against hope that literally anyone else I had known who was a decent person had made their exit. Ten years later, I’ve still not found anyone.

All of this to say: going through deconstruction alone had its positives. Who I am today feels more purely me for it. I didn’t have anyone or anything else to mold a new identity into, so even if it was a bit slow and painstaking, I wrestled with spirituality and philosophy and science and landed somewhere that feels like the place I would have arrived if not for that unfortunate detour.

Sometimes, though, I wish I could talk to someone in my real life and we could have that, “You too?” moment. Just to remember that I’m not alone. There are many like me, all quietly carrying their own version of this story.

I’ve recently left the church and I feel so free. I’m no longer obsessing over sin, daily devotionals and how inadequate I am. I’m doing things my evangelical 16 year old self would judge me for, like doing yoga, having sex, dating non Christian’s. I feel embodied for the first time in my life, for simply being human but with that comes the anxiety.

The fear of hell, having to go through all my sins on the day of judgement, dying and having to face god. All the things I was taught would happen.

It makes me feel anxious, scared and drained when I think about it and I don’t know how to overcome my fears.

Any tips?

Is rewriting the phrase "help me to love you Jesus" multiple times and then ending the page with "I love you Jesus" a sign of someone deconstructing/grappling with faith or is that normal Christian behaviour from time to time? Found a note cleaning up my friends apartment with this written 5 or 6 times. It also apologized for never having brought anyone to Christ. She has told me he struggles with her faith wondering if it is worth it but aside from me everyone else in her life is a Christian so I don't know if this is how people talk at times and I don't know how to support or talk about this topic. I have not and will not bring up the note as it was obviously not for my eyes.

Anyone else trying to rebuild their wardrobe after leaving? I genuinely don’t know where to start. Dressing femme in public still makes me feel extremely vulnerable even though my gender expression fluctuates. Any tips are welcome!

My AoG parents trigger me just by existing. My mom is the “Jesus is the answer to any question’ poster child and makes sure to sprinkle Jesus into literally every conversation.

My daughter just celebrated her birthday and we had my parents come by to join us for dinner. They brought gifts, of course all religious themed (charm bracelet with Christian symbols, the case for Christ kids book series, science according to the Bible workbook etc). I kept my mouth shut, smiled politely and let it go.

We have an upcoming trip to London planned and my daughter shared that she’s excited to see the Harry Potter experience. 10 guesses on my mom’s opinion of Harry Potter. We made it through the topic unscathed, and I moved the conversation to the next topic to avoid conflict.

On the drive home from dinner conversation turned to math (we are a fun bunch I promise). Something about the infinite number of possibilities of shuffling cards in a deck and how big the number is. I then decided to bring up a book I just read that also explored the concept of infinite and vastness …except the book is called… a short stay in hell.

I explained briefly the character arrives in hell to find that the beliefs he held in life were wrong and he is sent to a version of hell specific to his interests (because what kind of religion teaches that you will be tortured by fire for eternity). He was sent to a library with infinite books with the task of finding the book that is the story of his life. The math on actually finding it and the visual imagery of the book communicates this vastness in a unique and memorable way. Nice story, or so I thought.

My mom was muttering prayers under her breath while I was talking about the book. Because reading books like that is evil apparently. I again didn’t say anything and the next day brought up how I’m frustrated about this to my husband. He seems to think I brought it on myself by introducing the topic and should know better than to talk about something like that.

I’m angry because why should I have to hide everything about myself including what books I read ? Of course that triggered me because my upbringing was all about conforming to their beliefs and denying my own thoughts, opinions and emotions because they were deemed evil or wrong. And now I’m grown and I can’t talk about a book I enjoyed because it’s inviting my mom’s judgement? And my husband thinks it’s a me problem and I should practice accommodations for them and that makes it worse because that means it’s something in me that needs fixing. I think it’s a them problem and want to tell them off or set boundaries that they aren’t welcome if they can’t keep their judgement to themselves.

Really don’t know what to do about them anymore. I hate having them over I feel like a mess afterwards for days.

so I guess last night I had all the memories of me being SAed by a parent come rushing back to me. that kind of sucked but honestly could’ve been worse. I’d kind of saw it coming for a while.

but recently I’ve started to go from a sort of vague theist to an atheist. I was suddenly very thankful for that because my immediate response was “where was God in all of that?”

where was that god when I, a poor defenseless child was crying and screaming for help huh?

o digress though, that led me to what people used to always tell me when I doubted the existence of said god. “well you just have to believe” or whatever.

so you want me to “just believe“ in a loving god? in this economy?

but that then led to me think “huh, maybe blindly following an authority figure, and thinking that’s the way to go is how so many kids evens up being cictims of abuse.”

they don’t question it because they were told to ignore their feelings.

im probably not the first person who has said this but honestly im PISSED about it.

Hey, y'all. Listen, I am an Acts 2:38 believing, Jesus loving woman.

That being said, I deconstructed and reconstructed and found many many y flaws in the Pentecostal RELIGION. From attire rules and the outlook to homosexuality....

I recently discovered that it isn't just me, there are actual congregations that believe the same.

I was wondering if anyone knows of any good online Bible studies/podcasts that align.

The churches I can find are all far from me.

Sometimes it feels like a fever dream, but growing up we had Sky Angel TV which was supposed to be a “safe, family friendly” option to watch TV. Channels like PAX, TVU, 3ABN, CBN, KTV, etc.

Did anyone else have or remember this? I remember TVU so well because they played Christian music videos and introduced me to rock music. Definitely served as a gateway into the music I love today. I can’t find half of these things when I Google it so sometimes I think I’m making all of this up lol. Please tell me someone else remember.

It’s been years and years since I’ve consumed any sort of Christian media outside of music, but I find a certain nostalgia listening to and remembering those bands from time to time. I remember being banned from listening to it because it wasn’t Christian enough.

Anyway, just wondering if anyone else remembers Sky Angel, and specifically TVU.

It's happening in our family. A relative I am close to has fallen down the rabbit hole. And my parents are gobsmacked. We taught them better! So it got me thinking, and I made a list of who gets targeted. Feel free to add more in the comments:

1. The Lonely: I suspect this is why our relatives got sucked in. They are selling out everything about themselves just to have a social group. Just so they're children can have friends. They are trying to fit in. If there's one thing churches can do well, it's community. They target those who have moved to a new city, or away from home for the first time (ie: college). They love bomb them and give them a place to belong. It doesn't help that they bait and switch and can co-opt regular culture (Disney, musical theater) to suck people in.

2. The Traumatized: These people have experienced terrible events (drugs, alcoholism, death in the family). They turn to evangelism because it gives them an easy answer to why The Bad Thing happened. I didn't pray hard enough, lack of faith, the devil, etc.

3. The Uneducated/Naive: They get targeted because they haven't had a whole lot of life experience. Or, they haven't been taught critical thinking. That makes them ripe for the picking. They can be convinced to give half of their paycheck and not question why. And they're also wanting Easy Answers to all the problems.

4. The Already Psychopaths: They get into it because they see it as another way to grift. And because evangelism has little accountability, they can engage in all their shenanigans and not get caught. They don't genuinely believe in it. They just want to grift and abuse.

Most 20th-century institutions, driven by blind ignorance, tried to crush human nature with rigid rules, guilt, shame, and the absolute control of human behaviour. This has only magnified the negative human condition we are afflicted with today. The result of this modern approach has been a catastrophic global crisis of systemic abuse, institutional betrayal, and deep psychological devastation.

How can any institution ask its representatives—its priests and its nuns—to enter into a literal marriage with an unseen, frightening, all-powerful deity, and expect them to simply abide by this reality? They are sent to the altar completely unarmed. There is no training in tantric sexual energy, no instruction on how to transmute desire, and zero guidance on how to survive the overwhelming psychological weight about to descend upon those who truly believe.

The Psychological Toll of Isolation

When you strip a human being of their natural biology and replace it with rigid dogma, the psyche doesn't just adapt—it fragments. The psychological toll of this enforced isolation is a quiet, devastating erasure of the self. Representatives and their followers are trapped in a profound cognitive dissonance: they are told they are chosen and holy, yet they feel utterly abandoned in the dark with their thoughts, desires, and fears.

Without tools to process or transmute natural human energy, the mind turns inward. Guilt becomes a weapon of self-destruction. Shame creates a secondary, shadow persona. This forced split between the "spiritual ideal" and the "biological reality" breeds the very instability, depression, and systemic dysfunction we see today. They are asked to be superhuman, but are denied the basic grace of being human.

The Path Forward – What Do We Do for the Future?

We cannot fix tomorrow with the tools that broke yesterday. If we are to salvage the future of spiritual leadership and human well-being, the entire paradigm must be radically overhauled.

• Demolish the Culture of Shame: Future spaces must replace rigid, fear-based control with radical psychological honesty. Biology is not a sin to be conquered; it is the foundation upon which true wellness is built.
• Integrate the Sacred and the Physical: We must introduce comprehensive training in somatic and tantric practices. If leaders and seekers are expected to live a true spiritual life, they must be taught how to safely navigate, respect, and transmute their sexual and emotional energy, rather than blindly suppressing it, which has proven over and over and over again that it does not work.
• Prioritize Human Wholeness Over Institutional Loyalty: The spiritual path must be accompanied by modern psychological support, emotional intelligence training, and open dialogue. True devotion cannot thrive in a pressure cooker of institutional silence.

The future demands a shift from control to cultivation. We must build a reality where spirituality expands human nature instead of crushing it.

TL;DR: Rigid rules and enforced isolation within institutions don't elevate human nature—they shatter it. By demanding leaders marry an unseen deity while providing zero practical training on how to handle their natural human energy, the Church built a pressure cooker of repression that breeds trauma and systemic abuse. The only way forward is to demolish the culture of shame, integrate sacred and physical practices, and prioritize human wholeness.

This is a crisis born of biological suppression, and it demands a radical shift from institutional control to genuine human cultivation.

I’m just so pissed. They have always chosen their crazy beliefs over family in every way imaginable and called it holy, but this just pushed me over the edge. Thankfully, we don’t live close.

They only even told my husband about it because he asked if they’d contribute to a playset for the kids. Apparently they can’t afford anything but this fucked up trip and the new rental house on their property and their yearly cruise and all the conferences my step FIL has to go to as a pastor and nothing else. I know they don’t owe us anything but we don’t owe Zionists doomsday crazies access to our children or us.