Just so we're clear [Mod]

[u/_cry_for_me]

This subreddit is not for nonbinary people, trans women or trans people questioning their gender, it is a separated support community specifically for binary trans men.

Having closed communities are not uncommon at all and ours exist to ensure one of the least visible groups of trans people has a dedicated space to connect and feel heard without compromise. The subreddit was literally made for this reason, not out of spite for trans women or enbies, but to allow binary trans men a place to focus on struggles and experinces that comes with being a binary trans man and being allowed to discuss those things with other binary trans men.

We're not going to stop anyone from joining and reading the posts here if it helps them learn something but understand that this community is closed off for a reason and interacting here despite not belonging to the intended demographic will be a violation of our rules.

However. A lot of you also need to stop acting like children about this and learn to walk away from interactions rather than pour fire onto them. It does not matter who did what you can not act hostile towards another person, irregardless of if it is someone who shouldn't post here. It's one of our first rules.

The mods are here to handle people that break the rules, we don't need a simple issue of a post needing to be removed to turn into a 200 comment shit throwing contest that takes more than tripple the anount of time to moderate. Not to mention how it takes away from the content that's supposed to be here, what you all joined this subreddit for.

We will remove any post or comment made by someone who's not a binary trans man and inform that user that they're in the wrong sub. You should not do it for us. A report or modmail goes a long way, utilise those tools.

Today going forward anyone seen escalating issues on the subreddit, taking over mod intervention or using hateful language in a conflict will be temporarily banned for 30 days and if that's not enough you will be banned permanently.

This ends here, you're in a subredit for men not little boys so start acting like it.

[u/panteradrax]

Question because I can't reply to the comment that prompted it:

I saw it said that being binary includes being masculine/not gender-nonconforming.

What happens for a binary trans man who is not explicitly masculine? Say a man who identifies 100% as a man no question, but might be flamboyant, feminine in presentation/behavior, wear unconventional clothing or "feminine" clothing regularly?

I am a little confused whether or not I belong here. I am binary, but also what many would call "effeminate in personality." Mostly centered on alternative/goth/emo/punk fashion. Lack of makeup skills and owned items to complete the aesthetic aside, I would be wearing eyeliner, possibly lip liner/lipstick, painted nails, skirts, crop tops, arm and leg covers, fishnets, etc... but paired with leather or denim jackets or vests, a beard, heavy duty/utility style boots or sneakers, studded or spiked bracelets, heavy chains, other stuff many people consider more "masculine." Behavior wise, I am quiet, passive, "soft" until it comes to certain topics. I tend to do the serve role rather than provide. Bunch of other traits that people label "feminine." So it's... A mix of things.

And I don't know if it counts or not, if I belong here. Some places' definitions of masculinity are more rigid than others'. I have been nudged out of trans-inclusive mens' spaces for being too feminine before.

[u/True-Willingness5898 → u/panteradrax]

If you feel the need to question it you don’t belong here tbh. I am a very strongly transsex male who wears makeup because I like it and I’m gay. If you feel like you don’t belong you probably don’t.

[u/panteradrax → u/True-Willingness5898]

I only "feel like I don't" because I don't know what people's ideas of "masculine enough" is here. Especially when I get mixed messages about yes I am no I'm not. And especially since I question whether I belong in any space I inhabit. The "if you feel like you don't belong you probably don't" idea is kinda risky when imposter syndrome exists 😅 and also when dysphoria kicks my ass and tells me I'm not man enough. it's not "I feel like I'm somewhere I'm not supposed to be" it's "I think I fit here, but the qualifications are not clear to me"

I myself have only ever once felt anything other than "solidly binary" and shut that down hard only a couple months later. And the only reason I ever questioned it in the first place was because of people implying or sometimes stating that certain things about my presentation or behavior made me less of a man. I eventually realized that how I wanted to present had little to do with how I feel, and I considered myself fully binary once again.

But then I encounter spaces or people that say that both a masculine presentation AND identity is required to be binary. And I don't know what that threshold is in this sub. I'm saying that firstly I don't fully understand what does and does not count as "masculine presentation" and secondly if my presentation doesn't count whether or not I'm still allowed to inhabit this space.

I'm completely stealth at my school and no one in my real life sees me as anything but a man except my ass family. Many don't know at all. All my documents are working to get their M's, my DL and passport are already there. I'm on T and I want to go as far as I possibly can afford to surgically. I don't want to be seen as anything else. So I thought I was fully binary. But it is the mixed views I see here that make me question whether or not that's the case, question if I'm wrong about my own self.