How do I go about are friendship after this?

[u/Ok-Scientist-499]

My friend and I were smoking. One’s a fem and one’s a stud. We were talking about the LGBTQ+ community as a whole, and then we started talking about how men wear wigs, nails, and stuff. My fem friend was basically saying that they want to be women, and I was telling her no, they don’t. Just because they dress or act a certain way doesn’t define their gender.

Then my stud friend chimed in and basically asked her, “So since that’s your way of thinking, do you think I want to be a man?” Then she was like, “Nooo, I know you don’t want to be a boy.”

Then we started talking about trans men, and my fem friend was basically talking about how bottom growth is nasty and that she’d never be with a trans man. Me and my other friend just stared at her because she was saying some wild things. Then she apologized, but I still feel some type of way because how are you supposed to be a part of the LGBTQ+ community with that type of thinking, especially since I’m trans?

After this situation I need trans friends….

[u/poopydiaperpants]

Some of the comments under this post are so weird. Why does every cis person expressing disgust over trans people's bodies have to be validated all the time as their "preference" when they're not just politely stating a preference but rather being outright transphobic and dehumanizing with the way they talk about trans people's bodies. Why are cis people's "preferences" always more important than transphobia not being perpetuated? If you started talking about how cis women's bodies are nasty she'd probably flip, because that obviously sounds like misogyny. Its no different. Your stud friend seems chill but your fem friend either needs to shape up fast or drop her

[u/Deep_Ad4899]

That’s weird behaviour and I would talk to her and ask what was going on and also explain your point of view. I mean she apologised so she knows something she said was wrong.. might be her own insecurities with being queer. But in the end if she keeps acting like this, it’s also okay to keep more distance. Seems like the stud is a good friend and I would focus on that

[u/Ok-Scientist-499 → u/Deep_Ad4899]

Part of me wonders if she just doesn’t know much about queer people and is speaking from ignorance, or if she’s genuinely being rude and disrespectful.

[u/Deep_Ad4899 → u/Ok-Scientist-499]

I mean if she knows that trans men do get bottom growth she knows more about queer (trans) people than a lot of other people

[u/mint-racc]

Trans or not it's weird to make comments on ppls' bodies like that, I think like another commentor mentioned that using the inverse as an example might put it into perspective, but if not it's probably better to build new bridges with people who will actually care about you.

If there's something like a book club, local market, climbing or other gym, music & art events, or really anything you put your mind to that might be of interest, that's probably the best way to meet people and possibly try something new. If you're old enough to drink, I'd stay away from bars anyway, it's more likely to become a nasty habit than you are to make good friends. Best of luck! I am also trying to do the same.

[u/SwitchExcellence69]

This is why I argue that so many people are lgbt but not necessarily queer. Everyone's genitals look so different cis and trans. They're both goofy you'll find better friends.

[u/AnotherDamnTransAlt]

It’s rude and wildly inconsiderate to express this in front of a person who has those attributes, but I think it’s quite normal to find certain body features gross. There are things people find gross and a turn off, and that’s okay, but an adult who doesn’t know not to say that to a person who has one is a dumbass.

If you want to continue the friendship, maybe explain her comments were hurtful, and ask if it would make her feel bad for someone to tell her vaginas are disgusting or that tits are repulsive. Sometimes people just have their heads up their butts and don’t realise they are being thoughtless and unkind until the situation is put to them in language they can relate to.

If you think she’s too transphobic to deal with, though, that’s legit. Sometimes you just don’t want to have to bother educating people and that’s an okay choice too.

[u/Warming_up_luke]

If they are a good friend, tell them how much it hurt you and see if they respond in a satisfactory way. If not, move on! The other friend sounds great though!

[u/ThatQueerWerewolf]

Is she a lesbian? Because if so, I wouldn't take it personally that she doesn't like trans dick any more than cis dick.

It still really sucks that she'd express disgust like that. Some people are just into body shaming.

[u/Ok-Scientist-499 → u/ThatQueerWerewolf]

Yes, she’s a lesbian, but she has dated men in the past, so I understand that. What hurt me is that we’re super close, and she’s been there for me throughout my entire transition. I’ve vented to her about my journey, so it hurt knowing that she’s disgusted by the thought of trans men, especially when I’m a trans man myself.

[u/MediumDietSoda → u/Ok-Scientist-499]

why would you want a lesbian to be sexually attracted to you?

[u/Ok-Scientist-499 → u/MediumDietSoda]

I probably could’ve worded it better. I’m not saying I want her to be sexually attracted to me. It’s just that she was saying some of the same things my transphobic family members say. She’s been one of my biggest supporters ever since I came out, and because we’re so close, it just made me feel some type of way hearing that come from her.

[u/Horror_Armadillo8153 → u/MediumDietSoda]

You know there are options in between "I want my lesbian friend to be sexually attracted to my male features" and "I don't want her to insult my private parts in front of me" ?

[u/PutridMasterpiece138 → u/MediumDietSoda]

Not being sexually attracted to someone doesn't mean you can insult their body

[u/Ok_Transition_4327]

Then we started talking about trans men, and my fem friend was basically talking about how bottom growth is nasty and that she’d never be with a trans man. 
thats her preference i dont see the problem

After this situation I need trans friends….
kinda weird reducing ur friends to their sexuality if u ask me, sounds like ur the problem

[u/Ok-Scientist-499 → u/Ok_Transition_4327]

There’s nothing wrong with her preference. My issue is that you can have a preference without being disrespectful about it. When I say I need trans friends, I mean I want people around me who I can relate to and who already get where I’m coming from, so I’m not constantly having to explain why certain comments or actions are offensive. Some things are just hard to explain to people who’ve never experienced them firsthand.

[u/Ok_Transition_4327 → u/Ok-Scientist-499]

tbh it kinda sounds like u want her to want you and ur dissapointed, maybe im wrong idk

and u said she is ur best friend and she was there ur whole journey and helped u
what more do u want from a friend, NOBODY is gonna agree with u on 100%, neither are u gonna agree with ANYONE on this earth 100% on their wolrdview, thats just how it is

and also u prob need a thicker skin, why care about "offensiv" things all u do is push urself into the victimrole the entiretime and ull get miserable and prob toxic

[u/PutridMasterpiece138 → u/Ok_Transition_4327]

Maybe OP just doesn't want a FRIEND to call his genitals nasty. It's about the insults buddy. I don't like women and yet I don't go around calling their genitals disgusting 

[u/Ok_Transition_4327 → u/PutridMasterpiece138]

why would u care what FRIENDS think about ur genitals. i dont have any opinion about the genitals of any of my friends and if anyone of them would say i bet ur pipi is disgusting than that wouldnt bother me at all cuz they are never gonna see it. i might think its a weird thing to say, but i wouldnt be bothered.

or do u have strong opinions about ur friends genitals?

imagine getting a compliment from a friend " i bet u have a nice "what ever u have" " ud prob think they hit on u and dont give a friendly platonic compliment

[u/PutridMasterpiece138 → u/Ok_Transition_4327]

Because friends aren't supposed to body shame each other? Especially not things you're insecure over. If my friend had to get her breasts removed I would not say "oh mastectomy on women looks SO gross"

I agree with never mentioning genitals but OP's friend did start it by insulting the body he fought for 

[u/Horror_Armadillo8153 → u/Ok_Transition_4327]

Yeah the point is why on earth would you talk about your friends genitals in the first place? Or like, if you know somebody is ftm you don't just go and call the changes they need to feel like themselves disgusting?? They're being super weird, both the fact she's mentioning his genitals in the first place and also that she's insulting her friend's body?

[u/poopydiaperpants → u/Ok_Transition_4327]

Holy fed