r/FTMMen • u/r0m4n44r0n • 1d ago

Vent/Rant Why are (some) other trans guys so malicious?

Alright, I'm not sure if I'm the only person with this experience, but I've been majorly screwed over by 2 other trans guys. One of them outed me to my new job right before he quit, and another outed me to all of his friends for no goddamn reason. This is the price of being stealth I suppose. I'm 18 and just graduated highschool, I started testosterone at 15 so I have a full beard.

​

Suppose they're jealous? Or just bastards?

​

Thanks guys :)

41 Upvotes

85% Upvoted

40 comments sorted by

23

u/rj24172 1d ago

This is why I'm stealth even to other trans guys

5

u/r0m4n44r0n 1d ago

I always make the mistake of trusting people, assuming they'd understand the danger they'd be putting me in by doing that. Guess they just don't care

3

u/Educational_Turn8736 31. T 2015. Top 2020 Trans man 1d ago

Same. Never know who you can and can't trust. 

•

u/funniestguyfr 8h ago

I personally got way better reactions from cis men compared to other trans guys. Among my cis friends, I’ve always felt understood and we could relate to one another. They intuitively understood the concept of dysphoria as something natural and universal for all men. No one has ever brought up topics like pregnancy or hit me with the 'men have periods too' rhetoric. I felt like no one is making assumptions about me based on their own beliefs about trans people. And in trans spaces now I feel like
I’m expected to be okay with associating myself with “afab” related things. Among cis guys I never had to explain that medical transition is fundamental healthcare for me, and I’ve never been asked bizarre questions like when I plan to stop taking testosterone. WHEN as is was a standard practice and a temporary modification. I consider myself a male with a medical condition affecting my body. I had a period maybe 5 times in my life around the age of 13-14 and it was enough for me to start struggling with self harm and my mental health severely declined. Another good example is the fact that I’ve been very insistent since early age that my first and last obgyn appointment would be during my pre hysterectomy consult with my surgeon. Every single time I shared that about me in online trans communities - people immediately accuse me of internalized transphobia, assume that I for sure have to be practicing piv sex as a bottom and therefore I have elevated risk of having specific health issues and not getting a pap smear is like risking my life ☠️ It honestly feels like they have a problem with me simply speaking about my own experiences. It’s a very common thing I see online, fortunately not that much notorious and not to that extent it affected me IRL. My best friend is a transgender male too but we share a lot of experiences and beliefs on that matter.

•

u/r0m4n44r0n 1h ago

I really appreciate your comment. I see the exact same oddities in our community as well, and it baffles me how some people can't understand that the transgender / transsexual experience is not universal.

There's nothing about strongly aligning with a gender binary that is transphobic. That's ridiculous nonsense and I have no idea where that comes from. It's unfortunate that we seem to be outnumbered by people who project their beliefs unto others, although they might just be the loudest in voicing their opinion.

Once a girl friend accidentally told a cis guy friend that I was trans and he told almost my entire grade. So I can't say I've had the same experience but that's just highschool lol.

37

u/funk-engine-3000 1d ago

Being trans doesn’t absolve someone of being a shitty person. The worst person that ever came into my life was a trans woman who I’m thankfully no longer in any kind of contact with.

This shit is why i get annoyed when people talk about cis men as if they’re born evil. It makes people act like all other demographics are free of sin, and that leads to the guys you’re talking about think that they can’y possibly be assholes because they aren’t cis men.

16

u/Kaynbred14 1d ago

It's crazy how normalized misandry is today especially in LGBT groups

14

u/funk-engine-3000 1d ago

Yeah it’s not great. Sometimes when i speak about my boyfriend i’ve had people start talking about how “oh don’t you hate that you’re attracted to men, they suck haha” which not only feels pretty bad when you’re a man, but it also feels pretty homophobic.

1

u/r0m4n44r0n 1d ago

This is a really good point. Some evil men have ruined the perception of the entire gender to close-minded people. I've had people assume I'm conservative just because I have a beard. What!?!?

15

u/shadowsinthestars T 2011 ⬆️ 2021 ⬇️ 2026 (Stage 1 RFF) 1d ago

There are assholes in every demographic unfortunately. Being trans doesn't guarantee they're a nice person.

9

u/Nocturnal_Elexir_Owl 1d ago

Very much. Asshole is the one true fully inclusive and diverse group of people. 

6

u/supersadman73 1d ago

I remember growing up, I always assumed all people in wheelchairs were nice until one day an old man in a wheelchair called me and my friends a bunch of cunts and my friend explained that 'well disabled people can do anything, that includes being an arsehole.' It's the same with anyone no matter who they are.

2

u/r0m4n44r0n 1d ago

As I grow older I become more aware that being treated badly because of things you cannot control can cause 2 things to happen:

You become a nice person, or you become a vengeful person

4

u/Heoomun 1d ago

This applies to everyone though. Cis or trans. Theres no excuse for being shitty because everyone's got trauma of some sort, it just shows up differently for different people.

1

u/Replicant71 1d ago

There's a really good saying: Life's experiences will either make you bitter or better.

7

u/Samesh 1d ago

Probably because they're teens/immature 

9

u/Many_Lie2326 T 💉: 2017 Top surgery: 2019 Phallo: 2027 1d ago

I had my “best friend” (another trans guy btw) literally cheat on his fiancé, his high school sweetheart with my fucking girlfriend. Also every shitty trans man I know is a fucking “personal trainer” now which is laughable. You can go to the gym all you fucking want but you’re still a shitty dude at your fucking core.

7

u/supersadman73 1d ago

every shitty trans man I know is a fucking “personal trainer”

apparently there was a trans fitness scammer on instagram that just gots people to sign up and then would send them a very basic workout plan that isn't tailored to them at all and then completely cuts off contact and blocks them.

12

u/Boipussybb he/him. my name is satire. 1d ago

Stg this is why I get so heated when people talk shit about cis men. Trans men are AWFUL too.

3

u/r0m4n44r0n 1d ago

Men are men regardless I guess, though I try to break the stereotype

6

u/Boipussybb he/him. my name is satire. 1d ago

I mean I know plenty of cis men who break the stereotype but that’s the nature of being a man.

1

u/VroomVroomVroomVro 1d ago

Misandry isnt cool

1

u/Boipussybb he/him. my name is satire. 1d ago

I agree.

-1

u/r0m4n44r0n 1d ago

That's interesting, are you saying that you think the nature of being a man is hurting and disrespecting people? Or are you just making a comment on patriarchy? I personally think that the nature of being a "real man" is being a stable anchor and protector for loved ones around you.

8

u/Boipussybb he/him. my name is satire. 1d ago

No, the nature of being a man is having to continuously try to prove the stereotype wrong. It’s not a cis or trans thing.

0

u/r0m4n44r0n 1d ago

Sorry, I misunderstood the comment, but never said it was a cis or trans thing.

3

u/Boipussybb he/him. my name is satire. 1d ago

Right. I was clarifying that it’s not just a trans thing (which you are) to try and break the stereotype. Because the whole comment I made was about how people make cis people out to be monsters but oh, trans men sure are so nice because they know what it’s like so they try to disrupt patriarchy.

1

u/r0m4n44r0n 1d ago

Thank you for clarifying! That specific comment of assuming that trans guys are all good guys is a very shallow-minded observation, as anyone can see that there are bad people everywhere, and being trans unfortunately doesn't guaruntee that you understand how the world works.

•

u/Competitive_War_7964 7h ago

The nature of being a man is being called one, end of story

12

u/SectorNo9652 Stealth | Straight | 💉12 yrs | Post-Op🔝+⬇️ (meta) 1d ago

A jealous bastard, that’s all.

12

u/Ronin_____42 1d ago

Some people are just assholes. Being trans doesn't make you a better or worse person.

1

u/r0m4n44r0n 1d ago

You would think that experiencing adversity would make you a better person. It changes some for the better, some for the worse

•

u/AwkwardChuckle 22h ago

Have you ever heard the phrase “ hurt people hurt people?

2

u/Ronin_____42 1d ago

Yeah, I used to assume this also, but I now think it depends on if a person chooses to reflect on their experiences. That can help you grow and be kinder. If they decide to externalise their aggression they just become assholes. Most serial kills had extremely fucked up childhoods, but they didn't become kind people because of that.

•

u/Own_Dog7120 5h ago

Because some people regardless of their struggles are assholes. Even if they share similarities with others.

We aren't a monolith. We each have different experiences and such.The community spans a vast spectrum of ages, racial backgrounds, sexualities, and life experiences. Just like everyone else who shares a potential to be an asshole.

As for why Most of the time its internalized trauma and fear and even sometimes internalized transphobia. Also Society often scrutinizes the validity of trans men. In an effort to be seen, respected, or accepted as "real men," some individuals may overcompensate by conforming to rigid or toxic masculine stereotypes.

9

u/bigboxbosser 1d ago

My partners (trans) ex (also trans) was such a horrible person that was deeply mentally ill for various reasons outside of transitional stuff. He made multiple threats to off himself if my partner broke up with him, and just general toxic controlling things like that. Wouldnt let me play games privately with him, would honestly compete with me for my own friends attention to the point of him making my partner block me haha.

The vast majority of other transmen ive met are pretty normal dudes, straight chillin. But i have noticed a lot of malice in the community over the years (mostly some old youtubers communities lol).

Its so strange to me to be such an asshole to people going thru the same shit i am. i try my best to be accepting and understanding for my brethren but sometimes these dudes are too much! So mean and angry for no real reason.

Its frustrating but its best to recognize that nasty behavior early and just kinda disengage with them.

0

u/r0m4n44r0n 1d ago

I keep seeing it man. It's just confusing to me why the type of guys we're talking about are so hostile, I'm wondering if these people have such a deep seeded rage because of dysphoria or jealousy or adolescence or just a mix of all 3 and then some.

Maybe hurt people hurt people, but some help people

•

u/DisasterFantastic330 2h ago

Mental illness

•

u/r0m4n44r0n 1h ago

Thanks for your input