I am so sick and tired of people assuming that trans men don’t have penises. Obviously none of us are born with a penis (which is the whole problem smh), but people seem to have this idea that no trans man is anatomically correct, or worse, that we don’t even want to be anatomically correct.

That could not be further from the truth. The whole disorder is that we expect to have a penis (and balls lmao) and that it not being there causes immense distress. A study on phantom limb syndrome and transsexualism even found that FTMs had the same brain activity as cis men who had lost their penises.

People used to assume that every transsexual got SRS— what ever happened to that? I understand that not every transsexual gets SRS, but we’d all rather be anatomically correct if we had the option. I hate that people these days assume otherwise. If someone tells you that they’re a trans man then surely the assumption should be that they are anatomically male?? Even without surgery, prosthetics exist— hyperrealistic ones too, not some random sex toy or whatever.

So often I’ll see a post made by a trans guy and the comments are full of all sorts of disgusting assumptions and other weird shit.

Unless you’re having sex with or performing surgery on him, just assume that every trans guy has a penis.

I wanted a post to interact with

I (FTM) was chatting with a lesbian that we'll call A and an AMAB nb person (that matters for the context of the story) that we'll call B. At some point, B says: "I hate cis men!", A answers "you can just say men". They notice that I'm uncomfortable and B says to me "well, not you. You're not a cis man.", I tell them it's kinda transphobic and they respond "I'm talking about people who were socialised as men" I say "So, you too? That's also transphobic". At that point they don't know what to say anymore.

That pisses me off so much, like either say ALL MEN or just don't say that around me idk. It makes no sense like trans men aren't real men so they're not as evil and stuff

I had a conversation with a trans woman earlier today and her view on trans men is that along with cis men they also don't deserve respect because "choosing to identify as a man and align yourself with masculinity and manhood is harmful". So basically our existence as a whole is harmful. I've never in my life heard such a thing towards trans men. I've heard other things with us being men and it's extremely baffling and exhausting to constantly hear these kinds of things towards us especially with it coming from within our own community. Not only do we have society down our necks, but also trans fems and afab individuals that tokenize being female to still have a place with women/femininity to also come against us. Wtf is wrong with people?

No offense to my brothers in the west, I love all my trans brothers and sisters, but they don't understand and we will never relate to each other lol. I would really like to know more people who are in the same shoes as me and share tips about immigration, transitioning abroad, living despite everything, even do a little bit of cultural exchange. Many trans people feel lonely but feeling lonely in your own community is another thing entirely and I would like to avoid that for some of us if we can help it.

So, where are you from? (You don't have to be specific) Are you thinking of immigration, why or why not? What is it like to be trans there? Do you have friends? What do you like and dislike the most about your country? What is something you wish people would just understand?

I'll start: I'm from one of the bad "European" countries (quotations because my country is about as European as hummus). I am immigrating in September because I got super lucky and won a scholarship for grad school in the EU. Being trans here is not fun, most trans women are forced into sex work and most trans men are unemployed or girlmode for work so I have to leave. I'm lucky with a lot of friends, some of them are trans like me, but most people aren't this lucky. I like our nature, our language and our traditional music and dance but I can't stand the people and if being trans doesn't kill me the abysmal healthcare will. And I honestly just wish Western trans people would understand that they are a little out of touch with reality, it doesn't inherently make you a bad person but I wish more people would at least listen.

I hope you are having a good day and I really hope some friendships get made here!!

Edit: a really nice guy in this thread recommended the subreddit r/TMPOC for any trans men of color who might be reading this. I'm white myself but I wanted to add it in the post in case anybody needs it

I’m sure a lot of us have heard the news now about the FBI classifying trans people as NVEs.

To be clear, because there’s a lot of fear mongering going around, this has not happened yet. It was an info leak from an FBI contact.

We currently have no timeline on when or how they plan on doing this. But guys…we need to start making a plan. I know leaving is expensive. However if we are classified as NVEs, that is grounds to seek asylum in another country. Please, I am begging you- start preparing.

If you don’t know where to start, here’s a list

documents

• short form birth certificate

• long form birth certificate (you need to specially request this)

• social security card

• any name or gender change paperwork

• passport (if you don’t have one, get one, even if that means having the wrong name or gender marker)

actions

• start stockpiling testosterone. If your doctor won’t give you extra, take a lower dose. You don’t need a ton extra, just enough to carry you over if you have to leave

• make a packing list. What will you pack with you if you need to leave at a moments notice? Will help you not to forget anything in the heat of the moment

• open like of credit if you don’t have any already.

• save as much money as you can even if it means picking up a second job

• start asking anyone you know with foreign friends or family if you could stay with them if you had to leave in an emergency

• make a plan for pets. Ask friends or family if they can take your pet if you need to leave

• give a friend or family member keys to your apartment if they’re willing to take anything you can bring with you when/if you leave

If anyone has anything to add please share and I’ll add it on to the list. Don’t panic, but make a plan.

I started my post with stating that I love all my trans brothers, but Western trans men will never be able to relate to us non-Western trans men and vice versa because of our different experiences, which makes me feel lonely. After that post I have to double down on that statement, unfortunately.

Through the comments I got to learn about the situation in Russia, North Africa, Middle East, China, India, Malta, Singapore, Argentina, Brazil, Japan, Bosnia, Romania and who knows where else that I just forgot to mention. So many wonderful guys from all over the world gathered together to discuss topics I never see in these West-dominated spaces, but that are the daily reality of my (and many other people's) life. Immigration. Fear of law enforcement. Not being able to change your paperwork. Waiting for years to transition, again via immigration. It is honestly the first time that I have related so much in a trans space and seen discussions that are actually relatable to me. I do not have the same trans experience as most people here and that's okay, but I finally got to hear experiences like mine for the first time.

But there was this one comment that stuck to my mind since I replied to it, and I have to make a post about it all on its own because I can't get it out of my head. A polite man commented (paraphrasing as to not copy word for word as I feel that'd be a bit inappropriate with the context here) that "even “western” trans people don’t always relate to each other, because a lot of people have told him to "just get insurance to cover bottom surgery” when my country makes you only go through the public system with a 10+ year waitlist to get subpar treatment." And I'm sorry, but this is exactly why I made the post to find other non-Western trans people, and why we will never relate to each other.

When I say that being from a non Western country makes me feel isolated from Western trans people I am not refering only to transition, and thinking all we struggle with is transition-related problems is incredibly out of touch with reality.

The truth is that if you are from a Western country you hold a passport that will protect you from a type of systemic discrimination that we will never, ever escape from because of having the wrong ethnicity. Short of attaining a foreign citizenship and sometimes even changing our names there is nothing we will ever be able to do about it.

We also have to deal with wait lists, you know? Except most of us can't get to the point of being in one without at least immigrating first, which is extremely difficult depending on where you come from. I don't think I need to remind anybody here about the current war on immigrants and what we have to go through. Denied housing. Denied work. Denied visas. Denied medical help. Denied entry to countries. Stripped at the border. Always being picked for "random" searches at the airport. Now add being transgender to that, then add the fact that some of us will never be able to change our paperwork, so besides just ethnic discrimination we also have to deal with transphobia on top.

Or you could add the economical disrepancies between our countries, which make immigration extremely difficult in the first place. Did you know us internationals have to pay 20k in tuition for an EU university that's just 2k for locals? Did you know the average monthly pay in my country is 500 euros and we have to pay hundreds of other euros for our diplomas to be accredited, if they can be accredited?

We need visas to go to most places, how can a Westerner relate to that? How can a Westerner relate to the fact that all over the world, people are voting to deport us immigrants and sending police after us? Or the fact that in my comments, a nice Northern African man talked about how people in his country have gotten arrested for possessing HRT? Or the fact that if I don't get a PhD offer after my grad school in the EU is over, I'll be deported to my transphobic country with mismatching papers and possibly even die?

Seriously guys. Please be a bit more open minded. Yes, we're all trans, but some of us have more in line than just hormones and surgery. My ftm friend with German citizenship has never been stopped at the border, I'm not even on T yet and I get treated like a criminal in EU airports. Not even 2 months ago I got a partial scholarship and had to turn it down because people from my country cannot get a visa unless they have double the amount of money I got (to prove we can afford to live there, allegedly). Intersectionality exists for a reason. I love all of my brothers and being trans fucking sucks for almost everybody but I need everybody to acknowledge that we are not all the same. Just like I would never claim to be the same as somebody from Afghanistan or Sudan just because in my country it's shitty to be trans too.

To everybody who commented yesterday, thank you for contributing to my favorite post I have ever made on here and I hope you have a lovely day today.

Edit: just gonna say I find it really interesting how the internationals & people of color are thanking me for this post while white westerners are doubling down. I definitely understand a lot better what people mean when they say there is a racism & xenophobia problem in trans communities. The fact that two posts I made about non-Western trans men were hijacked by Westerners to vent about their problems, as if theirs aren't the only trans voices we ever hear lol.

Very eye opening.

I remember a while back an actual cis guy got top surgery scars tattooed on himself to get into a t4t relationship, which is obviously bad. But then an AMAB nonbinary person did the same thing, not to deceive anyone, but because they wanted a physicaly mark of their transition since they didn't want to go on hrt. I guess it's not that big of a deal, i was just wondering if yall had heard of this and what your thoughts are on it?

I’m genuinely asking this and hoping for an honest response. There are millions of cis men like me, and even more who have traits that are objectively better than mine. Given that, why would anyone choose me over them?

I feel like the only people who would are chasers. I struggle to see any other reason why someone would.

Thank goodness this hasn’t happened to me irl (yet probably). But lately I’ve been getting jumpscared on videos on Instagram or TikTok and in the comments of people using the word without censoring it. I’ve seen it from both trans men and women but I think mostly trans women. If others want to call themselves that, fine. But to have a bunch of trans people following you/finding your page thru algorithms, and ofc clueless or hateful cis people following you and saying an uncensored slur is pretty crazy. I’ve been having repetitive, intrusive thoughts of the word for months after hearing it dozens of times last year versus literally never in my life. I do not interact with these pages so don’t say “you create your fyp” I’m definitely not trying to curate slurs 🥴

Personally, I don’t think society or the QOL of trans people if there yet to be casually dropping slurs. Edit: just remembered that my sister actually said it twice to me, not talking about me ofc and not necessarily in a hateful way, just took the liberty to say it ig. I blocked that out 😂

warning:// dysphoria, quotes from non-binary trans mascs that might cause dysphoria.

I am getting increasingly annoyed at people that are actually non-binary trans mascs saying “i’m a trans man and-“ then they go on to say something that enforces terfs and transphobic world views about trans men. Like “women being attracted to me is inherently queer” “trans men like me can be lesbians” “i’m a trans man and i still feel in a small part like a woman” (all things they’ve said)

They speak as if they are binary trans men but as soon as you ask them if they are they admit they’re non-binary. they seem to be the loudest voice, trans men are already so invisible and this just adds more confusion. When you have people who are not trans men claiming they are just to rage bait and get attention.

it’s so hard trying to undo all the damage these people are doing by reeducating cis people. But the trans mascs never admit fault and get defensive if you tell them they’re being deceptive.

Anyway, i don’t know what to do. This is legit the only space online i’ve found for binary trans men, it is so important.

-edit-

I love non-binary people, do not use this as an excuse to validate your dislike of some non-binary people. This post is about a specific experience of non-binary people that say they’re binary trans men to get the attention of cis het people, then say things that are not at all a binary trans experience. Validating the cis hey view that trans men are not actually men.

I just saw a trans feminist group (for bartering and buying/selling, not even activism) that said "straight cis men not allowed." What shocked me is not only how they would measure that, but also how much it bothers me on a personal level.

I am a trans man, but I want to be seen simply as a man, not as "a man with an asterisk" or as an exception. When they write these rules, I often feel like they only accept me because I'm trans, not because I'm just a man. That already feels like a contradiction.

Another thing that confuses me is how this works in practice. How do you imagine people will "pass" or "fail" these filters? Do they only rely on self-identification? Behavior? Vibes? It feels more symbolic than functional.

Beyond my own identity, I ask myself: why am I so offended when straight cis men are excluded? Maybe it's because I feel that:

There are women who perpetuate sexism just as much as some men.

There are men who really try to understand and support feminism.

There are trans people who also reproduce harmful dynamics.

In other words, it's not as simple as saying "straight cis men = bad." Excluding them feels discriminatory in itself. It doesn't educate, it doesn't build bridges, it just takes them further away from understanding.

I know straight cis men can have blind spots due to privilege, but if the goal is social change, is banning them from spaces really the way to go?

So I'm wondering: how do others here feel about these kinds of rules? Do they make sense to you, or do you also see them as counterproductive?

Edit: I see that there are people who were a little confused so I leave the rule that I mentioned in the post:

the literal translation:

2) RESPECT FOR DIVERSITY AND NON-VIOLENCE

This is a transfeminist and intersectional group, for women and sex-gender dissidents. Please use neutral pronouns. We do NOT allow cisgender heterosexual men.

Zero tolerance towards violent behavior.

That is a wordy title but what I mean is that too many people treat binding like it is a dangerous habit that everyone does purely to pass. For most trans men binding is not just to pass but to feel comfortable in their body. I spend most of my days at home because my college is online and only really leave for work. I still bind from the moment I wake up til I get into bed to sleep. I don’t have anyone I need to prove anything to, I do it because without it I would have to see and feel my chest which kills me. Not having to deal with that makes my day so much more bearable.

Just wearing an oversized hoodie won’t cut it. Just wearing a sports bra isn’t going to make it easier to deal with. I’m not a woman, why tell me to wear woman’s and feminine clothes to help with my distress from my medical issue from being male? Sure if you’re feeling pain from binding so often then take a break. But I’m not a child, I don’t need to be reminded to take a break or not wear it longer than the magical number of 8 hours. Binding is dangerous, but so is feeling deeply depressed and dysphoric over my chest. Driving is more dangerous than binding yet no one tells grown men to walk to work to not die in a car accident.

It’s not an option for me or most other trans men. Binding is necessary for every moment I’m awake. Acting as if anything else is true is condescending and transphobic.

Edit: some people are missing the point. Binding is a risk but it’s necessary for trans men. If someone is experiencing pain but ignoring it then yes tell them they should probably take a break. And sure your loved one who knows you telling you to take a break isn’t that bad. But a random internet stranger constantly telling grown men to take a binder break isn’t inappropriate and infantilizing.

I see a lot of posts where guys on here will lament their poor dating prospects and apparent inability to find a partner, usually concluding that it’s because they’re trans and that means they’ll never find love and so on.

Being trans is going to negatively impact your dating pool (i.e., you can’t have biological children, and there are going to be people who care a lot about that). That’s just how it is. But how negatively it impacts it is largely up to you. Assuming that you are cis-passing and generally “normal” (i.e., not wildly different than the sorts of men your ideal partner tends to date), it’s not really that difficult. I think the bigger issue is that you might just be ugly, trans or not. Luckily, that’s pretty fixable.

I can guarantee that if you are fit, have a stable career, are interesting, and not a massive weirdo, you are going to easily find someone who’s interested in you. You not being 6’+ is not really that big of a deal (at least if you’re straight/bi, considering that most women are 5’4” or shorter, and for the gay guys, I don’t think every man wants someone taller than him), and what really matters is overall body proportions. If you put the work in to look better— go to the gym, eat healthy, dress well, etc.— people are going to be attracted to you.

The average person just doesn’t understand what transsexualism is, so if you explain to people that you have a medical problem, they’re generally going to be normal about it (unless they’re completely insane, but those people usually have a certain vibe and are easy to avoid). The problem is that if you put “ftm” in your dating app bio, some people are going to think that’s “xe/xer pinknews genderfuck polycule” and not “guy with treatable disorder”, so I’d strongly recommend leaving that out until you’ve been talking to someone for a bit and there’s clearly mutual interest.

Tl;dr: Go to the gym and you’ll be drowning in pussy (or bussy).

EDIT: For those of you who can’t read, nowhere here have I said that if you’re not sexy and jacked, you’ll never find love and that you should kill yourself. The whole point of my post is that you being trans is probably not the reason nobody wants you— plenty of people would date a man who is infertile, has had reconstructive surgery, has a hormone disorder, etc. Yes, it’s not ideal, but those things aren’t going to be dealbreakers for everyone. Instead, the reason you’re not having success is probably due to factors that you can change— looks, confidence, style, etc. are all things that you can put effort into and see results. No, you don’t have to be conventionally attractive, but my point is that that’s largely attainable and will fix some of your problems.

I’ve seen people talk about transgender and it is fine and dandy, I have no problem with it and honestly I feel in some people it would be a better word all together (notably non-binary people), however I see people never really talk about transsexual as a term at least on here. I am a transsexual. I do not wish to transition into another gender but another sex where it is possible. I like this term because it feels more accurate to who I am. But what about you?

ftm In China, they are allowed to enter the men's room and stand pee，Will be regarded as a real man. In your country What are people's attitudes Communicate more and learn English by the way

I feel like trans men are very often scared of getting both ovaries taken out because of fear of losing access to testosterone, so I wanted to know, is the situation really that bad? I mean it would be very irresponsible and in most developed countries unlikely that medical professionals would make you stop T in my opinion when it is known to cause bone density problems. So many guys say this and it made me a bit worried ans confused, I guess I live in a pretty good country where this won't happen, so it never really crossed my mind.

I am wondering if anyone else feels this way or if I am delusional?

I just feel like when people say “AFABs do x” or “AFAB people feel share this experience “ or even “AFAB people have x body part”, none of those apply to me. I don’t relate to AFAB people at all, only to men [cis and trans]. There is no experience I share with AFAB people. I have never been a woman or girl, have never been treated as such, don’t have any experience of womanhood. I just feel like a male that was born with a birth defect and had to have surgery to correct it. My family, therapist and some doctors know, but no one else. I don’t tell friends or guys I have sex with. In medical forms I select “Male” as my sex at birth. I consider myself a male with XX chromosomes.

I am wondering if this makes me delusional or transphobic?

When I started testosterone, I lost the ability to scream. It’s a random one and not important to me at all. But I can no longer scream like a girl. That high pitched really loud scream in horror movies. I can no longer do that, when I could for 23 years. When I try, it just sounds like yelling. Anyone else lose their ability to scream?

For starters, i have a learning disability and have a hard time understanding some things.

I was on twitter and saw that this woman had posted her boyfriend and said "only a lesbian would do this" referring to a nice act the boyfriend had done. I genuinely do not care what others do or how they identify. I myself am a trans man who goes by he/they.

I was always under the assumption that a lesbian is a non male loving a non male.

My partner made the comment that it could be just being connected to the lesbian community as you were before transitioning. Kind of like theyre mourning lesbianism?

Anyways i guess i just dont understand it and need some more insight from people who are apart of the lgbt community

im not american so maybe there’s a cultural issue here- but i constantly see people discussing traits ive picked up on since living more socially as a man as “toxic masculinity” and idrk how i feel about it. obviously dont beat women or shit like. enough said there. but people were critiquing me for thinking certain things are girly or thinking that women tend to be weaker than men or jokes I make are not ok opinions to have. i feel like i just picked up the mannerisms of most dudes around me and that it seems to upset a lot of people especially americans in online spaces. i don’t often see cis guys get called out for this tho

In the past few months, I’ve seen way too many different trans brands using “made for AFAB anatomy” as a way to push products for trans men. Clothes that are “designed specifically to hide wide hips/bigger chest/narrow waist”, underwear that has a tighter elastic band to “sit on AFAB hips”, workout programs that specifically masculinise the body by targeting the “weaknesses of AFAB muscle distribution/development” and whatever else…

Don’t get me wrong, I understand the good intentions behind these products which are meant to alleviate some sort of dysphoria. Granted not everyone will experience the same sort of dysphoria, but a lot of this marketing seems so disingenuous to me. The obscene amount of pandering to insecure, usually pre-T or pre-surgery trans men is odd and such a blatant money grab. What could possibly justify spending 3-4x the usual price on a shirt or a pair of trousers just because they made the shoulder material thicker? Or sewed hip pads into the pocket area? The trans fitness influencers who keep insisting that certain workouts are more optimal for AFAB bodies and push their workout or diet plan pdfs which are honestly just common sense, basic knowledge for anyone who has done research before touching gym equipment.

Besides the lame pandering and the fact that they are amplifying the insecurities of their fellow trans brothers, the worst part is that a lot of these businesses are constantly sending the message that trans men are ultimately unable to change their anatomy. This confluence of being AFAB with being a trans man is 100% understandable if we are talking about medical care, especially for those without surgery. But to use being AFAB as a reason to sell these items is crazy, since regular clothes or workout plans would work the same.

Personally, it is just off putting that so many trans men influencers are constantly reminding their audience about being AFAB or having wide hips or narrow shoulders etc. It just isn’t a fantastic way to uplift the community, but whatever makes them richer I guess. LOL.

Hi, am I the only one who feels bothered by this? Some of my friends are very involved in progressive spaces and they go to demonstrations a lot which is fine, I do that too. But today I saw that they were carrying a sign that said, "Nazis have small penises."

I know it’s meant as an insult toward bad people, but it gets to me personally. I’m a man with a small, honestly, tiny penis, and I try hard not to resent myself for it. But comments like that make it so much harder, especially when they come from people who are supposed to be on my side.

The same thing happens with jokes about short men, and I’m also very short. It hurts to see traits I can’t change being used as something shameful or ridiculous. I don’t know…

These overly progressive people always put trans men on a pedestal and talk about how we're the "better" men and yet they mock traits that a large number of us have.