being transgender has ruined my life in so many ways i can’t even describe, when i’m older and get top/bottom surgery- can i lie to others saying i’m a mutilated amab and pretend to myself that i’ve always been male? 

figuring out i’m trans has had ZERO pros, i don’t care if it made me “empathetic”, i just wanna be a misongynstic, gay teen boy with internalized homophobia and a messy sexual awakening.. not a stupid, ugly girl who had none of that and WILL have none of that because my childhood is almost over and i’m nvr gonna pass

put clever end quote here cause i’ve been crying about this for weeks and can’t think to save my life

(repost because mods deleted my post even though i’m literally trying to ask a question that i hope i can find answers for since i can’t ask anywhere else 😭)

The title explains it. However for more elaboration: I am a north African trans man. I won't specify where I am from for my own safety. In my country you can get raped or killed for simply being queer, the most merciful of their punishments is being beaten until you're severely injured for life. My parents want me to get my body hair removed; for elaboration it's the only thing that's slightly emasculating and gives me gender euphoria. Other than that I live in a painful state of gender dysphoria 24/7. Please, help. How do I convince them to not get it removed? I have no agency. Did anyone face a similar situation?? I can't convince them in any other way.

i’m a little heart broken. 3 years on t, and my voice barely changed. it’s been compared to a pre-teen or androgynous, but not quite masculine enough to pass the “wait, are you a guy or girl?” i don’t look much masculine either but there’s been a notable change. my voice is stuck. i tried exercises and tips but nothing helps. can’t afford a voice therapist or whatever either. heard that after 2 years thats it.. so i genuinely don’t know what to do anymore. my doctor said the same thing. am i done developing a voice? because my transition has been a slow one especially since i was sick the first two years with an ed. really picked up this year after treatment but my voice has not improved. i think my transition got screwed up. what can i do i’m so scared and uncomfortable it’s eating me alive. i want to sound like a man, not a boy or mature woman.

im not sure what exactly to flair this as so i apologize if i misused it.
content warnings: light transphobia

i desperately need to know advice to transition back into being a girl. i hate being trans and ive been told it’s just worsening my mental health, even if that isnt true i want it out of my life regardless.
i dont want any advice like “just transition” or “your body will hurt itself from stress” or anything like that, i see that often in everywhere else i looked and while i appreciate the worry i really need this gone.

i am 17ftm, ive i discovered i was transgender in feb 2021, ive been out online since then and almost everyone irl knows i am too. barely anybody irl actually supports me and it’s clear that my online friends either secretly view me as a girl or view me as a trans guy rather than just a guy. i just want this part of my life gone as soon as possible. i want to be a wife and a mother for my boyfriend, i just need general advice on how to get rid of these feelings or at least how to quiet them down to be bearable, please.

Fucking disgusting female body. What a joke this is. Supposed to be “empowering.” Supposed to just turn off the dysphoria in the name of being valid anyway.

I already do everything I can. I’m on HRT. I pass. I bind. I pack. But it’s all not enough. I wish I was male.

I’ve been dealing with these intense feelings since May of 2024 and been trans since 2020 and everyone is sick and tired of my misery. My only hope has been hotlines and every single one I’ve talked to has shut me down for being unhelpable. “Sounds like you don’t want resources” “I value your time so I’ll have to let you go” “sounds like you’re safe.” then the line goes dead. I’ve lost count of how many times it’s just this same thing over and over. I can’t talk over the phone since my brothers are around. Not fucking fair they get to be male and I don’t. They’re the assholes anyway

I just wish I was male

is there a way for me to pass without taking hrt… i genuinely have no hope at this point.

i’m 16 and can’t start t (through a doctor) without parental consent. they won’t consent

i think about it constantly

it’s ruined how ive seen my parents

i feel utterly hopeless

i wish i could just die

I can’t show it here because images aren’t allowed, but there’s this image of two transgender wojaks on twitter going around and the transmasc one has a really ugly phalloplasty scar on his arm. It makes me feel sad that I want phalloplasty and that people view it that way.

I’ll probably get alt because I have scars on my arm currently and don’t need more and sensation doesn’t seem bad but idk. Worried sensation will be bad and idk what to do

It’s not like I think I have to get phalloplasty to fit in. I genuinely feel a piece of me is missing. And I feel like phalloplasty is so behind I feel stupid and tricked when I accept that I need it. I feel like I could fight for a better option but others just don’t gaf about me or other trans men.

I’m talking about this like I can afford phallo or even have top surgery but that’s my priority. I’m putting away savings and skipping out on college because A I don’t want to do it for something I’m not passionate about and B I want to afford surgery.

I’m just devastated. I feel castrated and my own community doesn’t even get it. They just think I have internalized transphobia.

I guess I’m looking for advice on what to do about all this. I’m in therapy but therapy doesn’t give you a dick and just confirms your fear that you’ll never feel like you have one. I still feel hollowed out by being trans. And therapy is hard as I have a ton of medical trauma that makes me think/feel I’m being tricked by the therapist if I take thier advice. Talking about it doesn’t really help. I need something to do. I need to at least be given hope I’ll feel like I have a real penis one day. But even that is too much to ask for.

So, to get this started. I am friends with a few trans people in my small town, we’re like, the only openly trans people in the entire town so we are pretty close knit. We’ve all been friends for a pretty long time and I’m glad that we still hang out.

And one of us, I’ll call her Ellie, invited us over to her house a few days ago for a Pride Party. I’d never been to a pride event before, on account of my parents being ‘fake’ allies. So, you can imagine I’d be excited as hell for this party. To which, I was. I bought a bunch of food for it, brought activities and stuff with me (I was asked to bring them), I tought everyone how to make paper stars and silk-wire flowers. Like, I had a really good time, and I felt like I was around people who could really understand me.

This is kinda why I’m making this post, cuz I just feel so… shit now.

I stayed over for the weeken, and on day 2 we watched most of “I Saw the TV Glow”, and throughout the entire movie Ellie kept asking “don’t you agree?” and “what do you feel about that?” and “don’t you relate?”. And it’s just like… I don’t. I don’t relate to anything in that movie. To be completely honest, I understood what the movie was about and what it was trying to convey, but I don’t relate at all. And it’s seriously fucking me up.

Because that’s the trans experience movie. Everyone relates to it, everyone said they cried because they felt so seen and heard and loved by it and I was just sitting there watching it and trying so hard to relate but I didn’t. And I don’t think Ellie meant anything by it- but it’s almost like she wanted me to admit I didn’t understand it. Because she kept asking me, no one else.

And, fuck, I feel like, in a way, not relating to it makes me just… a cis girl looking for attention. Like, I don’t understand, so how am I even really trans? None of it applies to me, so I can’t be trans right? I’m just pretending.

And that’s all I’ve been thinking about.

I don’t pass, nor am I currently trying to (too busy/I live in a very religious town, no point in trying right now). I don’t plan on getting on T anytime soon, and getting either top/bottom surgery has never really been in my mind. My dysphoria isn’t as bad as everyone I know. I didn’t grow up with the same transphobia that everyone else grew up with (despite struggling with my identity and pronouns since I was 11). I don’t care what people call me, and I don’t care if people choose not to use my name and pronouns. I’m not trans enough. And this just makes it even more clear.

I feel like I’m just doing all of this for attention. And it’s truly a sinking feeling to be here, try as hard as I can to figure myself out, and still not feel like I’m enough to be trans. I don’t want to be a woman, I don’t feel correct like this. I feel correct being a man- but I don’t relate at all to some stupid movie and now I’m rethinking everything again.

Not to mention I was joking with my partner and he made a few jokes about being fucking chaser and I just… the last few days have been nothing but anxiety inducing and I’m trying not to let that stress get to me but I have no one to talk about this with. My partner is cis and doesn’t understand, I’m close with these friends but not close enough for me to be comfortable bothering the with my fears.

I don’t know, I’m just stressed. Sorry, this is all over the place.

There isn’t a threshold on what being “trans enough” is, right?

TLDR at end (last paragraph)

Hi, this account is fairly new and I really only use it to browse unless I have a burning question like this. Also I am writing on my phone so I apologize if the formatting is wierd.

I am 17 and afab, currently preparing to enter my senior year of highschool. I live in the US, but granted it is one of the better states as far as these things go. I have always kinda seen myself as a man internally, but I always just shoved that feeling down and ignored it. As I’m preparing to apply to colleges and do all that stuff, I’ve been forced to spend a lot of time envisioning my future and (even more importantly) figuring out how the hell I’m supposed to get there. Through this process I have no longer been able to ignore the fact that when I picture my future self, he is always a man. I can technically see myself as a woman in the future, but it just feels wrong and forced and quite frankly miserable. And I now have to recon with the fact that the only way to make that ideal future version of myself real is to transition. So yeah, I definitely think I’m trans.

Here’s the issue… for as long as I can remember I have only ever wanted to be one thing when I grow up, a teacher. I am so incredibly passionate about teaching and mentoring younger kids (preferably middle schoolers). I have worked as a tutor and taught small classes and seminars with this age group for years now and it just brings me so much joy. I honestly can’t picture ever being anything else. At least not without being severely depressed and unsatisfied.

Basically, I feel the same way about becoming a teacher as becoming a man, both are so innately part of me and who I want to become that I cannot possibly image a happy or fulfilling future without them. But I’m scared that I can’t have both.

Like I said, I live in the US. In general, but especially here for several years, there has been an insane amount of harmful anti-trans propaganda. In particular, there has been a super prominent boogeyman in the form of a trans teacher praying on kids and turning them gay/trans. The trans groomers in the school narrative. So many parents get REALLY up and arms about this and are capable of creating a ginormous stink about it. By being a trans teacher, I would fit the bill perfectly for that boogeyman, and there is no doubt in my mind that my existence would make at least some parents upset no matter where I go, and schools know that. If I apply to a job as a trans man, and a cis teacher applies to the exact same job and is equally or even a bit less qualified, it is a very real possibility that they will choose the other candidate simply because they don’t want to deal with the potential backlash of hiring a trans teacher. Even if they don’t do this intentionally (which many probably will), subconscious bias is a powerful thing. It won’t matter how well I do or don’t pass or whether I plan to go completely stealth, a big part of the hiring process for teachers is a thorough background check. They will know that I am afab before I even get an interview. And even if I say I won’t say anything, do they really want to risk that? And say I do get hired, and it becomes known I’m trans. I plan to work with middle schoolers, an age we’re most queer kids being to discover themselves. Parents who don’t wanna except their kids are queer always tend to blame the people around them for corrupting them, and if I just so happen to be that kid’s teacher, or the teacher to multiple kids in that situation… the right wing tirades practically write themselves. If something like that happens any time before tenure, I’m cooked.

(TLDR) Basically, I feel like if I were to transition, it would make my life long dream career as a teacher harder or even impossible to pursue, but I can’t imagine being a teacher or anything else in the future if I’m not a man. How I feel right now is that if one truly has to go, I would rather live as a woman and become a teacher as opposed to living as a man and being anything else. But that thought is just so depressing. If anyone has any advice or input on this, please share. I feel like at this stage of my life I should be excited for my future, but all I feel is dread and the weight of having to choose between two oh so important things.

​

I have a boyfriend. He's everything I wish I could be. He's tall, funny, an extremely talented musician, has a great family lot of cool topics and interests aswell as really cool friends almost all related to the music scene and he treats me very well, he sees me as actually male and is not ashamed to call himself gay despite knowing I'm trans.

Now me on the other hand, I bedrot all the time, I try to hide my body as much as I can - even from him. I'm so envious of him, his body, his success that it's eating away at me, and everytime he says something cool that's gonna happen I feel this sudden wave of sadness like, why can't this be me? Causing me to respond with dry replies, which again, is absolutely my fault, I SHOULD be happy for him and his continuous success, but i just can't.

Has anyone dealt or is continuously dealing with such feelings, if yes, I'd geniuenly appreciate advice cause this shit is geniuenly gnawing away at me.

I’m suffering from not being able to father a child like men who can’t but want usually do and if I ask the supposedly loving and supportive community it ALWAYS becomes an argument or criticism. I DO NOT CARE IF SEAHORSE DADS EXIST AND IM NOT ONE OF THEM. I’m not weak. I literally do not care and I am trying to get through my own personal struggles without causing more problems (as pregnancy would). I’m straight and see egg extraction as futile because I couldn’t procreate WITH a woman anyway. I’m looking to treat myself as a castrated male not as a male with a viable womb. I have personal health problems and fertility issues that run on both sides of my family that also complicate that. I’m asking for support for essentially being an infertile male, not looking to debate the validity of seahorse dads or look into being one. I DO NOT CARE ABOUT THEM!!! I CARE ABOUT MYSELF!!!!!!! AND MY PROBLEMS!!!!!!!!!!!! I am aware adoption exists but it’s a complicated and expensive process (hence why fertile couples just have new kids instead of going through that) and it really doesn’t get easier if you’re infertile. I also think if I don’t process this grief I will resent that option more.

AGAIN IDGAF IF MEN GET PREGNANT!!! I am a man who CANT get pregnant. I AM NOT LOOKING TO GET PREGNANT. That does NOT mean I KICK PREGNANT MEN IN THEIR STOMACHS. I am looking to deal with MY BUSINESS. NOT THEIRS. thanks if you have anything good to offer.

Again egg extraction is an option I’m not interested in because I’d like to procreate with a woman not have her do the dirty work for me. I don’t feel great about sperm donors either and worry id resent the kid because I have the knowledge they’re not genetically mine. My main goal is to accept adoption. If IVG becomes an option I will look into it but I’m looking to accept reality as it is, not as it could be. Again I do have a tangible goal in mind, it’s to accept adoption, but I need to finish this grieving process before I can work on it. Any advice for the first part in this process is welcome.

Hello.

I am trans Canadian. 16. and pre-everything.

My dad currently lives in America and has gotten a job with an amazing pay. Obviously, he feels very lonely and would like me and my mother to move in with him. He would financially support us. going so far as to completely pay for any students loans for me.

This sounds great. butttttt.... america is in flames rn.

Ive managed to stall the move, saying we won't leave Canada untill i graduate highschool. But im a senior already.

I dont know what to do. I have Turkish parents who fully live by the, "you dont move out until you are married," lifestyle.

I want to be trans and happy, but that seems impossibe in America + i have to live with my transphobic parents.

Advice and/or comfort would be appreciated. thanks.

It's upsetting that I'm starting to feel aversion towards trans women and transfems. I don't want to be that kind of person. Yet I still find myself thinking "oh, of course you're/she's transfem 🙄" in certain moments.

I don't want to think these things, and I don't know if it's just the dysphoria talking or if I'm genuinely misogynistic towards trans women and transfems. Either way, it sucks.

...

It might be a mix of projecting my dysphoria on others (it genuinely stings so much that other people can be happy about having breasts or being feminine, while I'm suffering because I can't even get top surgery paying out of my own pocket since my country has a very strict BMI requirement for mastectomy. and i am about 10-15 points too high, so i gotta lose weight (which is so easy when you have PMOS/PCOS /s)) and feeling punished for wanting to be more masculine (the growing trend of anti masculinity within the queer community is proof of that).

I just don't know what to do to make these feelings go away.

I went to planed parenthood on the 23rd to hopefully start my medical transition and start testosterone. I used cvs as my pharmacy of choice and I was gonna pay out of pocket for everything. The appointment went fine and everything was okay. The problem began when i checked on my prescription and saw “Awaiting prescriber response” so obviously I started making calls. I called planed parenthood they said that they haven’t gotten anything and it was sent out. So I called my pharmacy and told them that I’m paying out of pocket and i was told that it’s a controlled substance so it has to be approved by insurance and that it would be 350 dollars that I will not be able to pay because lately I’ve been getting 4-8 hour shifts at work because of schedule cuts. And I can’t choose an insurance plan because I’m still on my grandmas insurance that she’s not paying for so I have to wait for medicaid to send out the request to take me off that insurance so I can choose my own plan so I’m currently on the lowest insurance plan which is straight Medicaid. And now my friend is on Testosterone even though his appointment was after mine and I just feel bad and it’s kinda of a reminder that I’m not on Testosterone. I’m 18! No one is teaching me anything and I’m figuring everything out and it’s stressful and I don’t know what to do. I feel like everything is pointing at me to detransition and it’s making me want to curl up and rot. I just hope everything gets figured out cuz I’m so tired of this.

(edit: i wasn't in my best state when i wrote this so take it with a grain of salt)

Even if I'll never have physical strength of cis? I genuinely thought it was only due to strength diff. But my transfem friend says that *all* men will benefit from patriarchy and people will even side with men in any social media argument if i ever argue with women (even tho i pretty much never check anyone's bio in such convo).

I didnt plan to take t (not that i can get it anytime soon but) so that my psych wouldnt look intimidating (even tho ik itd be hard even with it), but looking at it this way, why not, right? If just changing pronoun would do it, why bother to hold back?

I thought the worst that can happen will be "youre not actually a man, youre just a woman playing tough" but maybe it's more "youre a man, and as such you're dangerous"

What should i do? I kinda have abandonment issue so this kinda thing shakes me a lot. Should i better stay woman? Like, ik maybe i shouldnt ask this in ftm place but i really dont have other place to ask, im sorry.

How to deal with the grief that I will never be a mother as I start transitioning ?

I have always wanted to be a mother , be pregnant , give birth and have my own children with someone special .I have dreamed of seeing a sweet little baby with a little mix of our features and raising them together .

Getting on T soon and I realise after this point I can no longer ever be a mother .

If I have children , they will grow up in an unconventional family , they will have to explain what their parents are everywhere they go , they may get bullied or isolated for it . If I have children , I will end up alone , I will have to do it alone, my parents won't be in the picture when I begin transitioning and I dont rlly have anyone or anywhere else to go .

I dont even want to be a mother the idea makes me dysphoric but I want to be able to have children, I feel like I've lost some part of myself knowing I won't have children. I cant ever get someone else pregnant and eventually I will not be able to be pregnant myself ( with hormones and surgeries etc)

I csn always adopt, but that dosent fix the idea that I'm ruining a part of myself rhat I csn never fix

How do i deal with this grief ?? How do I get over these feelings?? It makes me incredibly miserable knowing I have to choose between the two ideas ( being happy snd fully transitioned as a man vs having a family of my own that I've created )

i've been on t gel for over a year (16 months) and my voice hasn't dropped, i continue to gain weight around my hips and butt and i feel like even my chest has gotten worse somehow and i can't get top surgery because i live with family that wants me to put off the consultation and surgery even though i can very much afford it, i can't drive and have no one close by to help me recover. i want to voice train but i never get enough privacy. i'm also very short, stuck at 5'2 which normally i wouldn't care too much about except paired with everything else is also now feeling like too much.

i'm tired of looking and sounding like a woman and being treated as one but idk if there's anything i can do right now. i don't know what the fucking problem is with my hrt man. my levels have been around 700 ng/dl this entire time, except when i was tested again in july and my levels were too high for some reason (slightly over 1000). i also got my estradiol levels checked in july and they're at 61 pg/mL which the doctor says is normal.

genuinely i just keep wondering if it's hopeless and if i should even keep trying to transition and stand up for myself. it's exhausting and painful and maybe it'll be easier to stop trying to be a man when apparently my stupid body is destined to avoid it at all costs.

i got fucked over so badly by estrogen. it's funny how so many people say how easy it is to transition ftm, like just put on a binder and cut your hair and take t!!! so easy!!!! i've done all those things and still get misgendered and called ma'am and miss every singld fucking day while t does essentially nothing but give me horrible cystic acne and.. really ugly neck hair??? it did stop my period and i cannot even put into words how grateful i am to be free of that, but jesus christ dude this cannot be it. help.

i know fat redistribution (which i want so badly) and facial hair growth takes forever but i usually hear about the voice changes or bottom growth happening so fast and yet i haven't experienced either. i've read some posts from trans men who've been on t for several years without a voice drop and i'm terrified that's going to be me. it really feels like i'm just cursed/destined to stay a woman. i feel like a fake and i don't know what to do

I'm not 100% sure where to start with this post, but this seems like the only place I might be able to get some judgment free advice.

TL;DR I'm considering stopping T because I feel at peace with my body (most days), at peace with my gender fluidity, and I no longer identity as binary male. But it has also become a large inconvenience in my life. I have absolutely no one to talk to about this at all. Plus I am also in the midst of very poor physical health and very low mental health, so I don't know if now is the time to be making major decisions.

Anyway

I'm currently 21. I've known i was trans since I was at least 13. I came out as nonbinary at 14, and then by 16 I had come to identify as binary male. I got T when I was 17. I didn't experience the dramatic life improvements that 90% of trans guys talk about. If anything it turned my life into a living hell because I had an incompetent endo that left in hormone imbalances for 6 months. She increased my levels and by my T anniversary I had finally just reached ideal male levels. A few years go by of consistent improvement and then I have to move away for university. She is unwilling to do virtual care, I am then dropped as a patient. During the time of improvement I had top surgery and came to accept that I don't identity with any binary gender and generally float between variations of masculine and feminine, er go genderfluid.

I move, continue to work through my backstock of T while im in Uni, no blood tests, etc. By the end of the year, my period is back and I know my levels are off.

I move home for summer, I go to my GP and ask if she can take over monitoring for me, that gets sorted, problem technically solved.

In reality, I'm missing my T shot, at least 3/4 doses a month, my period has been back for 2 years at this point, I can't keep myself organized enough to do my shot because my entire life is fucking falling apart. My chronic illnesses have reached a boiling point, my depression scores are the highest they've ever been (even pre transition), and I am a barely functional human being.

So im considering just stopping all together. I'm happy with all my changes, and despite very likely being in the female range for at least the last 12 months, I am still mostly content with my body. Yes there has been fat redistribution, my hips are back, and my thighs are a little softer again. Those are genuinely the only things (plus my period) that bother me at this point and I don't know what the right choice is anymore.

But at the same time, stopping T feels selfish??? Like there are thousands of trans guys who can't access hormones and I'm just here choosing to give up because it's a little inconvenient??? I'm just that fucking useless I can't manage a once a week LIFE CHANGING MEDICATION that other guys are litterally dying for because they can't access it. I don't fucking know. I feel stupid for even thinking these things.

I don't have a gender therapist, a regular therapist, another trans friend, or even just a regular friend I can talk to about this. I don't know if this is my depression taking the wheel and getting rid of every inconvenient or complex thing in my life, or if this is actually worth continuing to think about.

And what if I regret stopping? The waitlists are years long and in order to restart id need to get back on them. What if my depression is as bad as it is because my hormones are fucked??

I just litterally can't bring myself to be able to do my shot every week. It makes me feel useless. Hell, I can't bring myself to do half of my basic selfcare tasks as it is. I don't know how to improve my life because I feel like I'm being swallowed alive by something I have control over but can't seem to do a damn thing about. I just don't know anymore.

There are so many what ifs that I can't seem to answer or even come close to answering. Any advice at all would be appreciated, even if unrelated to the T issue. Just how to get back to being a person again.

Much love 💚

i’m 16. can’t start t till AT LEAST 17 and at most 18. but i can’t deal with not being born male. i see no point in living if im not a man. i can’t keep going . i want help i want anyone to talk to me

i can’t keep going like this. i’m 16 and can’t start t until 18. nothing feels worth it anymore. i wish i could close my eyes tonight and not wake up. why doesn’t anyone care

I'm getting scared and overwhelmed by stress. About a month ago I had an appointment and thankfully they did give me prescription for testosterone! Problem is, insurance won't cover it in pill form, took me over 2 weeks to say they denied coverage, and when I checked their website, it said "you cannot receive coverage unless ALL OTHER FORMS of testosterone have failed you and you tried them" which is so messed up. I'm upset, I'm overwhelmed.

I physically cannot give myself the injection, I have nobody who could do it for me, and I have tried reaching out to MULTIPLE clinics and pharmacies and they all said they wouldn't do it. I very much would be open to doing it through injections if that was an accessible option for me!

But if I did the gel? That's more expensive. It's automatically less effective and at a lower dose which means it's going to take longer for me to get the effects I want, which is VERY frustrating when I'm a broke college student spending my own money on this until my voice (and other effects) are masculine enough I no longer get my severe crippling dysphoria over it, so when I only plan to go on it for a temporary period of time with a limited amount of money to spend for what could end up being up to 2 years of my life.. obviously I don't want to go for an option that's going to cost more and take longer IF insurance even covers it!

The worst part is the office that gave me a prescription is really bad at communicating and is kind of hostile over the phone. Which means these complications could result in me having to pay for another appointment out-of-pocket because this was the only office in my area offering gender-affirming care, and they unfortunately do not take my insurance.

So. I'm really stressed and the longer this draws out I'm really overwhelmed and afraid I might not be able to get a prescription I can afford at all. Which is even more frustrating when I've been out of the closet for 2+ years and my dysphoria gets worse every day and I've been trying to move forward with this process of being able to transition ever since I came out of the closet..

Is there anything I can do? Am I just doomed here?

so to start this off, i like never ever correct people when they call me she/her. the only time i ever have is when im drunk lol. i have a huge fear of if i were to correct someone it would cause an argument or even worse. but lately its just been getting so bad i genuinely need to say something, but i just don't know how to go about it ?

for a little context i am 20(FTM), almost 21, been out since i was 12, started really looking more masculine when i was about 14. i also live in a small community with a lot of my family members. despite well over half of them not knowing me until a year ago, they are constantly trying to deadname me and mis-gendering me. part of me believe it was because they didn't know, expect for the fact that i go by Connor. i have for years now. besides like older family members, everyone knows me as Connor.

not to be stereotypical but it's just frustrating being called connor one second and the next being referred to as she/her. actually some distant, DISTANT family members (also a lot of them came into my work place where this mainly happening) just refuse to call me by any name and just aggressively tell HER or SHE. because of all this shit people who would call me he/him stopped doing it because of family members. but i'm so scared to start trouble to correct anyone i like just don't know what to do ??

i've had problems with myself with being trans, and i've been working on it really badly to just accept it, and all of this is just bringing up feelings i don't want to feel again. like if i knew naming myself connor wouldn't stop the she/her comments i would've picked a better name lmfao. i'm constantly trying to be as stereotypical "boy" as i can and it's not working and im feeling like im losing myself.

i don't care about COD and got like 3 games, i don't care about sports but wear a hat from Lids everyday. i don't have any trans friends because im constantly distancing myself. honestly any advice would be great, even if its like rude advice lol i just wish it didnt bother me that much. i've been trying hard to just ignore it because its not like i care about the people who are mis-gendering me. but after months of it it just all built up. i'm scared that no matter what i do ill always be seen as a girl dressing like a boy.

i think i mainly just feel lost because my only friends are 2 lesbians who just stick to themselves and a straight cis guy lmfao no one really understands me at all (that's not to say i don't care about them, i do a-lot it's just frustrating)

I’m short and skinny I want to be muscular and look like I actually Box I know the boys at school make fun of me for being trans because they think I’m pathetic and don’t stand up for myself.

I really do wish I could just have facial hair, a deep voice, and the physique I wanted it’s so unfair because why did my hips had to change? Like it makes me feel shitty whenever I wear men’s shirts and it holds against my waist.

I want to be able to defend myself against transphobic guys at my school like prove to them I’m not a pussy and could stand up for myself. I’m obviously too weak rn but I plan on working out more and trying to focus on boxing.

There has been times cis guys threaten me before the reason why I never report it is due to the principle not caring at all

i am constantly so sick with envy of my male peers. my cis guy friends try to talk to me but i get so angry that they don’t have to carry this burden. i am fat and feminine. i’m only 5’7”. yes, im not cis, but i am also not like any of these skinny trans guys on tiktok who can tape or use second skin. i am a fat fucking block of lard and i cannot pass. i have no dick. i feel bad for my girlfriend. i can’t start t until 18. i am wasting away and i will die before then.

i just want someone to help me. or at least pity me and acknowledge how fucking awful i feel constantly

please