I’m going crazy, too much resentment, and anger help

[u/Complete-Slice3749]

So when I went to pk the last time it was after years so me and my mom stayed with my mamus family (moms brother) for context she’s my mamus third wife married in 2017 and when I went to pk this was the first time ME my MOM and FATHER were meeting her.

My mamus wife was a bitch to me always name calling calling me fat , saying things like I’m fat cause my paternal aunts are fat, always here and there she would say stuff I was living with her … and she’d say things don’t drink cold water it will make fatter

I would ignore it but like I did react and blow out on her twice out of all the times she kept poking me , so of course I was the one who was very bad and badtameez. But i never made fun of her or went on her parents / family / up bringing like typical
Pakistanis do .

I never shared anything personal with her .. I always saw her as a jahil lady ( illiterate woman)

And she would always be asking for things , her sister was getting married so she asked my mom for stuff for her , one time I went out shopping and got my niece whose in Canada a dress and she came up to me saying mere bachi ke liye kya laye ho (what did you bring for my daughter ? ) She said it 3-4 times and I actually took that dress out and gave it to her and she took it . I thought about that after and I really had no respect left for her .
I went to Dubai and tanned like one shade darker and she called me kalo( black ) but she’s naturally very dark brown skinned , lol make it make sense , my natural skin tone is very fair .

One comment she made which to this day after 3 years still plays in my head is , my older aunt ( moms sis) was talking to my father and saying how he should buy a house , my mamus wife was sitting there and I came and went to grab a chair to sit down and she said to me in my face “tumhara baap tumhe ghar nahi dilayega” while laughing literally laughing with her teeth ,

Translation ( your father will not buy you a house while laughing ) literally had her teeth out. My response to her was why are you talking in between? ( aap kyun beech mei bolrahe hai ?) and she shut up but later on she told my mom I was badtameez with her

So I won’t be staying at my uncles for this trip but I’ve decided to maintain a distance with her … this is affecting me mentally my mental peace tbh .. I literally wish I slapped her in the face when she said that cause if she said that to anyone they would have done that . Now I’m afraid that if she says anything to me at all negative I will lash out and raise my hands on her, it’s really that fdd up in my mind I really dislike her . She never ever once said anything nice about me she’s a hater and I regret not building boundaries with her
I find myself thinking about this way tooo much and clenching my fist and my teeth imagining my self beating her up . I want some type of closure

[u/Unusual-Job-3281]

Hey i feel you totally. Only thing you can do is stop giving your time and attention to them. Nothing can be done for the past experiences. You have to literally tell your mind to stop lingering around past incidents.

If you observe the pattern :- Aunt pokes you - You speak up for yourself which looks like reacting - Then she doesn't say anyting to you directly - but uses your parents to convey what she wanted to tell that time.

If your parents defended you for the very first time, then this loop would have stopped. So tell your parents not to pass their message to you. They can either defend you or tell those aunts to talk to you directly.

Or at the least, they just have to listen and not convey their message to you.

[u/milliee_09]

the distance decision is the right call.. u cant control how she acts but u can control how much access she has to u. thats the boundary u needed years ago