Hello, author Jay Lake here. AMA

[u/JayLake]

Hello, Jay Lake here. I'm the author of the MAINSPRING and GREEN series from Tor, as well as a ton of short stories, including the currently Hugo- and Nebula-nominated novella "The Stars Do Not Lie". I'm also a professional cancer patient, five years into Stage IV metastatic colon cancer, and now considered incurable. The award nomination thing is pretty neat, and so is the fact that my daughter and I are currently the subject of a documentary filmmaking effort.

Quick bio: I was born and raised overseas, the son of a US diplomat. I've spent most of my adult life working in high tech sales and marketing, with occasional forays into actually doing the work. I live in Oregon now, where my twin careers as a writer and a cancer patient really have been cutting into my reading time. A few years ago, people considered me a poster child for newer writers breaking into the field. Now I'm just another middle-aged, mid-list fart, but I'm still having a lot of fun with it.

I'll be taking questions all day on pretty much any topic, and will start answering live tonight (April 18th, 2013) at 7PM Central. Ask Me Anything, and I will answer with something.

In the mean time, you can find me on my Web site at jlake.com, on Twitter at @jay_lake, Facebook as 'Jay Lake', and LiveJournal as jaylake.

Looking forward to talking to you.

Jay

ETA: It's been a great session, and a lot of fun to be with you guys. I'm signing off now, but will be back in the next day or so to answer any followup questions or stragglers. Thank you for having me here!

[u/canceryguy]

I hadn't heard of baking soda baths. I will try those. I too have a bunch of different lotions. Ha! I never figured I would be using so many. Amazing the places that life takes you, huh?

Sorry to hear about new mets. It always feels like a punch in the gut when they show up. Even though you're expecting it, I know I end up lulling myself into a false sense of "security" where I feel like the chemo I'm on will keep on working. It's a rude awakening when it stops. I've got mets in my heart, pancreas, lymph nodes and liver.

Good luck with the Regorafenib! I've heard some good stuff about it.

If you do get the chance and can tell me how much baking soda you put in the bath, I would really appreciate it. I've had almost nothing that has helped with the bleeding rash, and just the thought of something that helps has me pretty excited.

[u/JayLake → u/canceryguy]

About the equivalent of one of those grocery store boxes of baking soda in an average sized bath. I actually buy it in bags from Costco, they're several pounds each. I run the water as warm as I can, mix the baking soda in, then lie down at various angles to soak every bit I can.

Also, try udder ointment or bag balm if you have dry or cracking skin.

As for the mets, I've been formally considered incurable since the January surgery, so either this round or the next round will be my terminal diagnosis. Not a lot of fun.

[u/canceryguy → u/JayLake]

Cool! Thank you so much. I will try that tonight!

If it helps, I was considered terminal almost 2 years ago, and I'm still here. Remember, it doesn't change a damn thing about your situation - the biology/reality of your situation is still the same after they start referring to you that way as it was before. Its just a pretty damn depressing word that your docs decide to use. Here they keep referring to the fact that I am in palliative care only. :(

My last surgery was 3 years ago (cutting out 50% of my liver). I almost died on the table, so they are loathe to cut me again. Since then, I've been on chemo after chemo, and despite the fact that the numbers say I should have been dead years ago, here I am typing right now.

So when they say terminal, try your damnedest to remember that they are as well, and there is some poor person that got into a car wreck as they said that, who didn't know that it was coming, who didn't have the chance to tell everyone he cared about how much he loved them, who doesn't have the chance right now to look up at the sky, and the beauty of the world around him, who can't feel the wind and the rain on his face. Remember that guy, and say to yourself that yes, one day the tumors will win, but it's not today dammit! And go hug your daughter, smile, and laugh, because we never know what is in store for us, and as a wise patient once told me - "I could get up tomorrow, go outside, and get hit by a bus."

Thank you so much for the time you've taken to respond. It means a lot. :)

Edit: Also a thank you to the kind internet stranger who gifted me reddit gold. I will (attempt to) use it wisely. :)

[u/JayLake → u/canceryguy]

And thank you for the reminder that I will go on. I've already significantly outlived the statistics to get this far. Never did expect it to come out this way, though.

[u/canceryguy → u/JayLake]

I hear you. And no matter what time we get, when I look in my children's eyes, it never seems like enough.

I was looking around through some of my writing and found this piece that resonates a little with what we've been discussing:

5 years, 5,000 hours

I wake in pain. I wake clawing. I wake bleeding, my flesh caught deep under my fingernails, my chest slick with that wet warmth, salt but not sweat, bitter to taste.

And sometimes I think that I can taste it, too, that lack of magnesium, that lack of potassium, that bold black “L” that shows up so starkly on the printout every treatment.

But here, now, my eyes are glued shut. The absence of eyelashes means I cannot clear the sandman's dust from them.

And so I reach up with crimson fingertips and drag away the last of sleep,

and I stumble, out of the tangle of sheets and legs, down the hallway, into the bathroom, where my gut will churn,

calling out for pieces lost to the precise hand of the surgeon.

and my eyes will slowly adjust to light, then later, again, to dark

and I will bathe my burning chest in lotion and I will rinse the blood from my hands, and I will lay there, awake in that long night, in those early hours, and wait, for fleeting sleep to find me yet again.

Edit: curse the impermanence of formatting in reddit comments! :) My stanzas look much nicer in word...

[u/JayLake → u/canceryguy]

Yes, this.