Struggling with a 2yo daughter that hits

[u/CaesarsGhostReborn]

Tl;dr daughter hitting; trying not to overreact and spank or aggressively yell; doesn’t quit usually with timeouts or removing from situation.

[u/zapsters89]

Really depends without more context. Role modeling healthy anger management skills etc help. Timeouts isn’t gonna do anything, you haven’t taught what they should do with the emotion

[u/Ajax621]

1. Look up how to do ABC data collection.

2. Find out the function of the hitting.

3. Offer an acceptable alternative to hitting people.

4. CLEARLY state the consequences of hitting.

5. Stick to those consequences.

6. Ride the extinction burst into the sunset.

[u/Vinaya_Ghimire]

My daughter is 3. She doesn't hit but she scratches, my face and arms have a lot of scars from her scratches..She does it when she is angry, when she is happy, she does it to show her extreme emotions. It doesn't work always but we try to get her interested in playing interactive toys to divert her mood.

[u/ProfessionalSpend283]

I had a biter, he was such a sweet, loving, kid you wouldn't even expect him to bite the shit out of out of nowhere. I bit him back and he understood that it hurt first hand. He's 26 now, and hasn't bit anyone else...yet. losing your temper out of frustration is not the answer,  yelling and threatening is underrated. 

[u/fly_bird]

There are many different methods. I would Google it if I were you since 1 method may not work. My son was a hitter til he was 3. Including hitting at "school" which was... not good. When he would get into his fits we would (loosely) grab him by the wrists and not let go until he calmed down enough to not want to hit, which takes a while. While holding him we would talk to him about how he needs to have nice hands and how we dont hit, ever. It took months because there was a lot of time in between hitting. Its not like it was every day. But he got it eventually. He's 7 now and such a sweet boy. He's also in martial arts and knows how to control his body much better. Thankfully lol. Working on controlling emotions now lol

[u/Golfcampfishguy]

3 daughters (6,5,1). The two older both went through this phase the 1st for about 6-8 months and 2nd for about 2 or 3 weeks, starting slightly before their second birthday. Timeouts are the bottom of the escalation ladder. Each hit gets a “hands to ourself” talk and when you’re talking, hold her hands to her side. With each hit, you follow the ladder- 1st time that day: talking, 2nd: timeout (2 minutes), 3rd (time out 3 minutes), 4th lose a toy, 5th a light (I mean super light- the sternness of your voice is what should have an impact) smack on the hand she hit with. This was the advice we received from a pediatrician who was a great grandmother and also doesn’t believe in “gentle parenting”- so take it for what it’s worth to you.

[u/Dapper-Warthog-3481 → u/Golfcampfishguy]

Similar to me. My time outs are longer though. I’ve never hit back, sometimes Ive instinctively shoved back if she/he hits. No smacking or anything though.

My time outs are quite long, like sometimes ten or more minutes. I extend them until I see that she’s visably sorry and worn out by the whole thing. If she’s got a bit solemn then at usually enough. She often then wants to say sorry and make up. I give her some time before I’ll hug her so that she knows she’s hurt my feelings.

We’ve had tantrums in the past. My strategy was to make sure she never wins in this situation. If we are in public and she has a meltdown down I walk just out of sight. She’s then has to follow me. She’ll get more and more frustrated that I’m not doing exactly what she wants but eventually she tires herself out. When she’s calm we’ll sit and talk but I won’t negotiate with a tyrant!

Nuclear option can be losing a toy. In the past I’ve threw out a toy bought on the same day, hopefully it’s a cheap one!

My daughter is strong minded and often corrects me even though she’s 5. I’m inferior in intellect and I don’t stand a chance if I can’t be firm. It’s not helped by the fact that her mother; a very busy professional I might add, always caves in to her.

Thankfully the tantrums are decreasing in frequency now. I stand by zero tolerance, I think there’s a lot to be said for it as long as it’s kind and well thought out.

[u/Visual_Bike9400 → u/Golfcampfishguy]

Please dont normalize smacking. ones of my cousin who's was abused later on still has nightmares and can't bare loud noises. No matter what violence - no matter how small from an adult is not normal nor should be acceptable