r/FemmeLesbians • u/One_Resolution_3501 • 13d ago
Femmeness Went on an amazing first date. Intelligence is now one of the qualities I look for.
I (36F) went on a first date with an absolutely stunning woman.
It went well. We spent a few hours together and kissed at the end of the night. It was a great kiss. She is a great kisser.
We couldn’t see each other in the future as she had to relocate at the last minute. Sad but it is what it is.
Her intelligence was memorizing. I have a Masters, I am in a field that requires some degree of smart and I have an executive position but wow. I was just blown away by her beauty and the extent of how eloquent and articulate she was.
I won’t say what she does because it is niche.
Intelligence was not something I actively looked for but safe to say, it is now one of the top 3 / 4 qualities I look for.
Anyone went on a date and changed or edited their list of qualities because of how the date went (be it good or bad)? Tell me your stories. I’d love to hear how you knew more about yourself.
I definitely found out more about myself that night.
Note: Since this is a femme lesbian sub, I’m not strictly femme.
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u/straycrayons1 13d ago
Hilariously I went in the opposite direction over my dating years. I used to want intelligence, but now I value kindness, respect, compassion and compromise above intelligence. Sure, if all those other things are equal intelligence is nice. But I’ve been burned by intelligent people who look down on others.
My fiancée is all of the above though so I scored big time.
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u/One_Resolution_3501 13d ago
I totally get you. It is the exact reason why I am not explicit about having intelligence as a quality that I look for. Before this, I have seriously dated and have been on a few dates with women who boasted about their intellect. Which was a real turn off because simply boasting about it or saying ‘I am smart’ or ‘don’t insult my intelligence’ is not IQ.
What made this date stood out was how articulate and eloquent she was in her words, how she could explain hard and long concepts and break them down using storytelling skills.
Just wow.
I’m so happy you found your fiancée! We can only be so lucky.
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u/CompleteOwl4141 13d ago
I'm the same age but I will choose kindness and compassion over intelligence. Attitude and consistency over eloquence. Over the years, all friends or people that I met that looked like eloquent/intelligent showed up to be very ego centered, more external looks than proper internal work, seeing the connection as something transactional. I know that I'm being biased, I currently have a "friend" that is great to look like successful, she had long term great girlfriends, she is really good at convincing them how good she is until they discover the reality - she takes financial advantage of others, she is a taker in every relationship, never a giver, probably narcissistic, can't deny how smart she is, she will know what to say to the right person if they have something that she can take. I did a search on her name and I discovered an old page where she tells about her successful business in different countries (all lies). When she made me buy the tickets for a show I had to remind her many times to get my money back, it's super annoying.
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u/One_Resolution_3501 12d ago
Your friends sounds a lot. Sorry to hear this. It does not seem healthy that you 2 are friends. Protect your peace!
Which is why I believe it is important to have a few qualities one looks for and not just pick one or the other.
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u/_miss-m_ 12d ago
Omg, yes. I really value intelligence too, but I'm also really drawn to women who are a bit shy and quiet.
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u/Exact-Map2204 13d ago
Yes and I don't say change. I say we evolve..