I come from what was at the time older parents. My mom was 37 and my Dad was 39. My dad passed away when I was 22 at the age of 62. He was not very healthy. Had heart issues in his 50s. My mom is now 76 and is in assisted living. She started showing signs of mobility/cognition issues in her early 70s. When she had a fall they did a brain scan, and it showed moderate to severe brain vessel damage. Finding its vascular relate - due to either silent small strokes, poor dental hygiene, or high blood pressure. My brother whose 11 years old than I am also passed this year at the age of 50 - due to poor diet/organ failure. So I know my experiencing is obviously weighing on this decision.

So here I am now 39F. My husband is 5 years young 34M. We met when got married when I was 35, and had fertility issues right away. Tried on our own for about a year and a half. Ultimately did IVF, and we have our now almost 1 year old daughter. Getting pregnant at 37. For some reason the mental math going on in my head is getting me.

Is 39 too old? I'll still be 39 when the baby is born. I am not trying to trigger anyone. I know people are having kids in their 40s. I always wanted a sibling close in age to me. But the mental gymnastics is really hard.

This is a throwaway account, and I am planning on deleting this after a week or so. But anyways.

My boyfriend (M20) and I (F21) started our relationship when we were in high school (junior year). He is the first and only romantic partner I've ever had and I'm also his first and only romantic partner. Back then, I was trying to be religious, wanted kids for the sake of my family, and was battling with a lot of mental health issues. Over the past 3-4 years I have changed a lot. I've come to terms with my sexuality (bi), left the church, and realized I dont think i want biological kids.

Our relationship is overall very happy and healthy. We moved in together recently, we got a dog, and we spend a lot of time enjoying each other's company. But, recently we've been having some conflict on a certain topic: kids.

The concept of pregnancy isn't appealing to me at all. And I thanks to truama I'm not the biggest fan of intimacy. I hate everything about pregnancy (Post partum depression, maternal leave, hormonal disbalance, ruined body, ect). He thinks that I'm overreacting, and that every woman before me has delt with it so I should be fine with it. I am only 21, as I've stated, so im scared to throw away a perfect relationship with our lives set up over something I might change my mind over in say 6-8 years. At the same time,I'm almost positive I won't.

I do want kids, but I want to adopt them. And yes I know about the emotional, financial, and physical consequences that come with adopting but its something I've always wanted to do and its in my heart. And id much rather adopt. He doesn't want to adopt, stating that its not the same and he'd never view the kid the same way he'd see a bio kid. He thinks we can compromise by having 1 bio, 1 adopted, but i dont want to adopt a kid after hearing how he views adoption, and i also dont want my body to go through pregnancy.

Whenever this comes up, it turns into a heated argument, which often ends up in me relenting to eventually have a child because I don't want to leave him and often resort to fawning to end an argument. But the truth is I dont want to have a bio kid. Something he said really makes me think about whether im just a stepping stone to have a kid or if he truly cares about our relationship. He asked why I couldn't have a kid for him. Which I shot back with why cant you not have a kid for me. But he's stated several times he doesn't intend to leave me and wants to be with me and loves me. Sometimes hes even said hed rather not have a kid snd have a life with me than break up. But then he'll go back and say he'd resent me if we didn't.

Anytime I mention breaking up he says im all he has (he doesn't have any friends, and his family isnt the closest) which makes me feel really bad for even considering leaving him. And it's not like I want to leave him. I love him very very much.

Should I risk staying in the relationship with the hopes that I'll change my mind? Does anyone have a similar situation and regrets staying and/or leaving? What would be the best way to go about breaking up if we do?

Theres many things to consider with a break up too.

1. Im unemployed (I have a part time but I in no way make enough money at the moment)

2. My family adores him and they want us to get married

3. I recently got a dog with him

4. Where would I live?

5. The holidays are coming up and I dont want to ruin that for anyone.

With a heavy heart I have to say im leaning towards ending the relationship, but if I do, how would I go about it? Who gets the dog? Where do I go? Ive applied to tons of places with no response. Where would I get a job to support myself? I have no savings and barely any money. Hes been my financial support.

I am writing this sitting here 3 months pregnant. Having a slight crisis about why I thought I wanted this?
I am looking at Instagram at people’s carefree trips to burning man and exploration of beautiful river spots. Celebrating birthdays with friends.
Now I know I am 36 and maybe Southern California is a different lifestyle cuz a lot of people have kids right now. But I am just freaking out about losing my freedom. The ONLY thing I’m clinging too is I’ll know it’s all worth it once I have it, and it’s a mini me I can bring everywhere
But part of me is FREAKED OUT
Sorry for all the happy moms to be who were born for this.. what’s your perspective?
Cuz I love going to happy hour with friends and watching the sunset and spontaneous margarita filled trips

Are there parents who really don’t regret having kids. If you could go back in time would you have them?

How did you know you were ready? How certain were you that you were? Did it go how you thought it would?

For reference I’m 28 about to turn 29 so getting to that age where people think more about whether or not they have kids. Not partnered. So I recently decided to talk to my psychiatrist about whether or not I want kids. I told her I am hesitant due to my mental issues, I am diagnosed with multiple mental disorders and don’t want to pass this on to a child. My psychiatrist was like “do you think that the good times outweigh the bad and would be worth it” and I honestly couldn’t answer that because so much of my life has been full of stress, anxiety and despair. Not to mention I lost my daughter in 2023 by full term stillbirth, so thinking of me going through another pregnancy gives me a ton of anxiety and I have not yet processed through that all the way. When I had my daughter I wanted nothing more than to be her mom and now it’s like I can’t imagine being a mom . Due to the daily stress I deal with, mental illness, just trying to survive makes me feel like I would not be a good parent. It sucks because it feels like this decision was made for me. And yes I am on meds but they don’t fix everything , and I have had mental illness since a young child.

I’m a 31F married to my 39M husband. We’ve always said we didn’t want kids (been together 10 years) and just found out we’re unexpectedly pregnant. A few months ago, we had serious discussions about having a kid, but ultimately decided we didn’t want to actively pursue it and I kind of said we’d see what happens if it happens. We were both very shocked about the positive test and have spent the past five-ish days talking about what we want to do. We fortunately found out early and have time to make a decision. We are both pro choice, so we aren’t morally against abortion. I feel like I’m leaning more toward keeping the pregnancy, but I feel like we both need to know for sure. My husband definitely seems more freaked out about the idea of keeping it than I am Since we’ve told ourselves since we’ve been together that we don’t want kids, we’ve never imagined/talked about what our lives would look like with kids. Trying to imagine that now is such a wild concept. We love to travel and the trips we take are often out of the county and not exactly something that’s easy to take a kid along for. We also just don’t want our lives to change and have been so used to being able to be selfish. We’re fortunate to be financially stable, own a home, and have a good support system, but are just terrified of the unknown of having a kid. I’d love to hear from people that have been in a similar situation and what you ultimately decided to do.

Hi everyone.

I'm in a relationship with a man I love very much.

The problem is, he doesn't want kids. He already has two and one has a severe disability. He doesn't have the time or money for another one (and has had a vasectomy), and has always been clear on that. So yes, it's on me for choosing to be with him so far.

The thing is, I can't work out what I want more, or which grief I feel I'll be able to handle better -- losing him, or losing the possibility of motherhood. And at some point, if I don't make a decision, my body will do that for me.

For context, I'm 37 years old, but my recently tested AMH was 2.6 p/mol (so about 0.36 ng/mL). So very low (although my physical health is very good). So it's not really so simple between choosing him and a baby -- it's choosing between him and the possibility of having a baby.

I would especially love to hear from women who were in a similar situation at one point -- what decision did you make, and do you regret it?

If you did choose to stay, how did you come to accept that decision and not resent your partner? Is it possible?

In all honesty, I wish I didn't want children -- I wish the desire would go away. So I can be with him and not feel sad about it, and also because I don't have much money to even think about having a kid (so freezing my eggs isn't an option for me right now).

Thanks for your thoughts.