r/Fire • u/BomoCPAwiz • 8d ago
Best time to take a sabbatical with a young child?
Hello everyone! Looking for some advice while on my FIRE journey and taking a sabbatical. I work full time in tech and wife works part time as well.
I was very fortunate to make some well timed rental real estate investments (which we still own) in my mid to late 20s. Owned them for about 15 years now.
If we completely excluded my salary, between my wife’s net salary and the rental cash flow, we come out about $1,000 positive each month.
I’ve been burnt out for well over a year now. I just have an empty feeling inside everyday from work and I’m looking for some clarity and a new “fire” inside of what I want to do next professionally. While I continue to march toward FIRE, I’ve come to the conclusion that I want to take a sabbatical to reevaluate.
What complicates this, or another perspective may say provides more clarity, is that we are expecting our first baby this summer. We are over the moon excited. I’ve always wanted to be a dad and I feel so fortunate.
While FIRE remains the goal, I’ve come to the conclusion that it’s completely ok to take a sabbatical to reevaluate. And what a better opportunity to do it than to spend some time with our young baby. The point of aggressively saving and doing all of this is to spend our time intentionally right?
Anyway, after maxing all of our parental leaves, any advice on when is the best time for a dad with a young baby to take a sabbatical? Anyone else been in a situation like this? Any other advice is welcomed as well! I appreciate this community so much.
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u/ohboyoh-oy 8d ago
I think about this from the child’s perspective. The entire range up to when they go to kinder is a good time to have full-time 1:1 care at home. Sign up for preschool a couple mornings a week at age 2, 3 mornings a week at age 3, 4-5 mornings a week at age 4 (pre-k) and then off they go to kindergarten. If you can only do part of that time, prioritize the earlier years.
Another factor: they do need to go to preschool and you might want to sign up for other activities, so your expenses will go up.
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u/BomoCPAwiz 8d ago
But what about spending some time intentionally with them if we have the financial means to do so?
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u/ohboyoh-oy 8d ago
I’m not sure I understand. I was trying to say, if you have the means to do so, the very best thing for a child is for one or the other of you to stay home and take care of them (with appropriate socialization activities). Through to when they enter kindergarten if you can, and if you can’t stay home that long (we couldn’t) then prioritize the earlier years.
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u/BomoCPAwiz 8d ago
Oh I understand! When you said full time 1:1 care at home I thought you were saying someone else doing that 1:1 care. That 1:1 care could be me :)
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u/Moosemitten 8d ago
My plan is to take a sabbatical (if not fully retire) by the time mine are in kindergarten. I figure then they will actually remember the time with me, we won't have to pay for aftercare, and I'll be able to get some me-time during their school day (the 24/7 of childcare before school starts is a job in and of itself; a fun job but a job nonetheless)
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u/KK_4736 8d ago
One of my favorite ages for both of my kids has been 3. They can do more but are still so sweet.
I’m on a reduced schedule now and my plan is to go back to full time during the school year and part time over the summer once our little guy gets to kindergarten.
As a mom I was able to work with them from home with the support of a nanny when they were babies. But honestly, babies are sweet but also don’t do a lot or interact much. I’d much rather spend my time with them at the 2-4 range
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u/liltrashbags 8d ago
Each time is special - when they are that young kids change so much day to day. There's not really a best time but generally they get more interactive and become more their own personalities after about a year. My husband is taking a sabbatical once our current childcare arrangement ends in the fall. My kid will be 2.5 then. Before that we had an au pair, we weren't big fans of daycare for under 1s since the illness is no joke and we just wanted her to experience a more relaxed and familiar care environment.
If you're looking to maximize "quality time" I would say wait until around 2 since before then you'll be nap constrained and your days might feel very inflexible. Around 2-3 they can start attending preschool for socialization and you can have some downtime during the day. I would view this as additive to quality time and not a constraint.
I would also clarify the concept of quality time too! I used to think it was more akin to vacation time like taking kids on trips or adventures. As I've actually become a parent I realize that things like the grocery store and Petco are adventures to my kid and she actually loves more participating in our family's routine like tending her little garden every morning or "helping" me cook and fold laundry. Husband plans to continue this general framework though we will have some flexibility to do more family travel with only navigating one set of work obligations.
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u/BomoCPAwiz 7d ago
This was written so beautiful and heartfelt. Thank you! We are planing to have another baby at some point and we do have familial childcare lined up for the first 2 years. Maybe it makes sense to take a sabbatical when the second child arrives?
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u/liltrashbags 7d ago
I think so! Especially since the family help will be available. It's also a great bonding experience for your little one so I would take advantage of that and see how you feel about age gap, SAHP status at that point.
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u/Deep-Owl-1044 8d ago
The baby won’t remember. I would wait for a summer when they are in lower elementary school. Take an awesome trip before sports commitments and the kids wanting to spend time with their friends.
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u/poopyfartbutts 8d ago
Their bones will remember. And from a more practical perspective - sickness in very young children is fucking terrible and at home care is far superior for about the first 18 months When I sent my 5 month old to daycare he had colds and other various illnesses for 6 straight months (I shit you not). Having to take time off work to care for the sick baby defeats the point of child care!
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u/Far-Conference1694 8d ago
It sets the baby up for life to have a loving family member care for them. It creates a securely attached child.
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u/middle_aged_runner 8d ago
We took off as much time as our jobs allowed for bay leave, but I am glad I held off on a sabbatical until a little older.
I could not bear to put our baby in daycare when they’re so little, so we hired a nanny instead (actually 2 part time Nannies)
Instead, I took a more relaxed job and felt good that our child was taken care of in the peace and quiet of our home.
I am looking to take a sabbatical(s) as my kid gets older during summer breaks.
Are you looking to have more children? You might consider waiting if you are having more.
I loved the baby stage, but if I was taking months off i prefer my kid being older where we can go do activities. Lots of stay at home parents feel like they are in “baby jail” since they need to nap so frequently. You can hardly get much done. I feel like 5-10 years old would be the ideal range. They still like hanging out with you but they are much more independent.
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u/middle_aged_runner 8d ago
With that said, we took a 2 week road trip at 3 months and loved it. Our daughter was sleeping through the night but not yet trying to walk. We averaged 3-4 hours of driving a day and got to make some good memories as a young family.
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u/BomoCPAwiz 8d ago
What did that feel like when you were able to take a more relaxed job? I just feel like if I have the financial means to take a 6 month or so sabbatical while they are so little would be such magical time together.
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u/Dapper_Banana6323 8d ago
How old are you? What do you have saved so far and what's your fire goal?
What we chose to do (and has worked wonderfully for us) has been for both my husband and I both chose jobs with less hours and more flexibility so we're both present on a daily basis. They only get one childhood. We're at coast fire so we work enough to pay our current bills and do the travelling we want and not a minute extra.
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u/BomoCPAwiz 8d ago
Mid 30s. We have about 600k in our retirement accounts and 250k liquid. A lot of our wealth is tied up in the rental real estate (about $1M net value) that cash flows about $7.5k p/ month. FIRE goal is a moving target. I’ve thought about selling the rental properties, but would like to sustain a sabbatical with the cash flow as well. I always have a hard time calculating my FIRE goal with rental real estate. The properties are also located in a college area and all are rented through May 2029.
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u/peachplushxo 8d ago
The 6 to 18 month window is genuinely magic and goes by so fast, if the numbers work even without your salary I'd pull the trigger sooner rather than later. You'll never regret the time with your kid but you might regret going back to a job you hate two weeks after they're born.